by Robin Roseau
“They messed with you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think it was just because they could.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah.”
“Are we all right?”
“Totally all right.”
“Even though…”
“Even though,” she said. “I think it’s pretty shitty of you if you don’t sleep with Anne and Pandora, though, so I’m not a liar.”
“Brat.”
“Go on. Invite me to other events. Okay? Just not this kind.”
“Sure.”
We clasped hands for a minute, and then I climbed from her car. But then I leaned down and looked at her. “Gail.”
“I don’t believe in telling people something, but lying, and then getting mad because they do what I said. But if you don’t close that door and walk back into your house, I’m going to use your trigger and order you into the house.”
“You know I can resist.”
“Say ‘good night’, Selena.”
“Good night, Gail. Please be all right.”
“I’m fine. I’m going to go home and think of you while putting fresh batteries in one of my toys.”
I laughed. “I bet you are.”
“Damned right I am.”
I started to close the door, then paused. “Gail.”
“Would you go already?”
“Are you really?”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Do you do that often?”
“Why do you think I know I need new batteries?”
“You could call me.”
“Not as often as I can whip out a toy.”
“Ever think about guys?”
“Not in about a year.”
“Fuck.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s nice. It’s fine, Selena. Does it bother you?”
“I think it’s sexy.”
“Good. Sometimes I look at photos of you.”
I shook my head and closed the door. As I backed away, she tooted her horn and then drove off. I watched after her before walking back into the house. Everyone grew quiet as I sat down. I leaned over and kissed Mary’s cheek. “That’s from Gail.”
“I’ll cherish it,” she said.
“She says she’s fine. She wants to be invited to other events, but this one doesn’t interest her.”
“Is she all right?”
“No, I don’t think she is, but she’ll figure it out.” I sighed. “Am I a bitch?”
“Not normally,” Mary replied. “Why are you asking?”
“Because she’s right. I’m sleeping with most of the people here.”
“You’re not sneaking around, and none of us has tried to make a stronger claim. I’m pretty sure Evie and Joy are just in it for the fun.”
“We are,” Joy said.
“I knew we weren’t exclusive when I asked you out,” Mary added.
“Yeah, but that’s not the same thing as inviting all of you here.”
“Do I look upset?” she asked.
I looked into her eyes. “No.”
“Nan?” Mary prompted.
“I’m pretty sure if I could get my shit together, Selena would have been off the market by now,” Nan said. “But if I’m not going to commit to her, I have no right to expect her to commit to me.”
I turned to her. “You’re in the room with several other people who share my bed.”
“Euphemism much?” she asked with a smile. “The only part of any of this that upsets me is that I’m a coward with my family. Well, and that you’re worried.”
“Tara?” Mary prompted.
“Most of what Nan just said applies to me,” Tara said. “The reason Selena isn’t exclusive with one of us is our fault, not hers.”
“Not fault,” Mary said. “Fault implies something wrong and blame.”
“You’re right,” Tara agreed. “But frankly, I consider myself kind of screwed up. Selena, makes me a little less screwed up.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Tara said.
“This is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever watched,” Anne said.
“Consider it from my perspective,” Pandora suggested. “I see images of my 15-year-old daughter.”
They chuckled. “At least I’m not wearing Hello Kitty,” I said.
“Hey!” Mary complained. “That was not my fault.”
“I bet you secretly wanted to be 7,” I said. “A total Hello Kitty fan.”
We sat quietly and then I asked, “Do we still want to do this?”
“I do,” Mary said. “And I know you do. Fresh raise of hands.” We all lifted her hands. “All right. Let’s talk about themes.”
“Can we do something with fun clothes?” I asked. I turned to Evie and Joy. “Does that make it more expensive?”
“It’s not like they use real period costumes. They only make you think you’re seeing what they want you to think.”
“I want something with fun clothes,” I declared. “So no safaris or anything like that. Unless that’s what everyone else wants.”
“Fun clothes sounds good,” Nan said. “We could do something… ethnic.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” Tara said carefully, “That we have one Chinese woman in the room and one Dutch woman.”
“Nan, do you speak Chinese?”
“Mandarin,” she said. “Yes. But I was born in the US. My parents are first generation immigrants.”
“And Mary speaks four languages,” I said.
“But not Chinese. I think Nan wasn’t suggesting something generic. I think she was suggesting that China has a rich cultural history, and it might be fun to immerse ourselves in it.”
“I wasn’t necessarily,” Nan said. “I’d rather we didn’t do any of the other Asian regions, though. So if we’re doing something with an ethnic theme, I’d prefer Chinese or something that is distinctly not Asian.”
“Are you voting for an ethnic theme,” Evie asked, “Or only tossing out an idea.”
“I thought we were brainstorming,” Nan replied. “I wouldn’t want us to narrow the conversation yet.”
“Well, let’s pursue this a little further,” Evie suggested. “We could do something based on Chinese history. That would certainly also fit the category of fun clothing. Or we could do something more modern. Joy rocks a cheongsam.”
“In Mandarin, we would say qípáo,” Nan said. “But I bet you’re right.”
“Then what’s a cheongsam?”
“The Cantonese word for the same garment. Chinese is not one language.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “I’m not sure I knew that.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Nan replied.
“Well, I don’t want to do a Dutch theme,” Mary said. “But I’d do Ancient Greek.”
“That would be fun,” Anne said. “Or Chinese.” She nodded to Nan.
“Hey. Really,” Nan said. “I said ‘ethnic’. I wasn’t implying China. I was just tossing out an idea.”
“Well, I think both would be fun,” Anne said. “For fashion, though, Renaissance Italy would also rock.”
“Not if we have to bring religion into it,” I said. “I’m vetoing anything that involves religion.”
“What if it’s mythology?” Pandora asked.
“Isn’t all religion mythology?” I said with a smile.
“Oh, I’m not getting into that particular conversation,” Pandora replied. “I think you know I meant one of the ancient religions.”
“Okay, I’d do something like that. Mom and Aunt Barb got to be Greek Goddesses. That would be fun.”
“I’d do that,” Pandora said. “I’d do anything we’ve talked about.”
“Are you committing now?”
“No, but I’m also not leaving.”
“Okay,” Evie said. “Let’s come back to this. Does anyone feel strongly about other aspects of the theme?”
“What do you mean?” I asked when no one
spoke.
“Some people love murder mysteries or some other form of whodunit. Some people hate them.”
Again, no one spoke until I said, “You know, if someone else were hosting this as a form of whodunit, I’d go, but I think we can do better. Comments?”
“I think I agree,” Mary said.
“You know, we have a lot of geeks,” Tara said. “It could be a first contact story.”
“With aliens?” Mary clarified. “I bet we can get Gail to turn around if we tell her we’re doing that?” She turned to me. “Call her.”
“Really?”
“Call her.”
I pulled out my phone. “How far away are you?” I asked when she answered.
“Just pulling onto the freeway.”
“It has been suggested we might do an alien first contact theme.”
“Fuck you, Selena,” she said. “Just… Fuck you!”
“Hey!”
“God damn it. Now I have to turn around. Where’s the next exit. Are you just teasing me?”
“Tara threw the idea out, and Mary told me to call you. That’s as far as we’ve discussed.”
“I’m going to pull over,” she said. “Just a sec.” It took a minute, but the road noise reduced. “Okay, what does everyone else think?”
“Putting you on speaker.” I did that and set the phone on the table. “She pulled over and wants to know how serious an idea that is.”
“It’s a serious idea,” Tara said. “But we’ve also talked about being ancient Greek goddesses.”
“God damn it. Really?”
“Yeah.”
“You know,” Evie said. “We can make this event whatever we want.”
“That’s right,” Mary said. “We can. And if Gail wants to be Artemis, I think we should let her.”
“What if I want to be a space alien?”
“Or that,” Mary said. “Gail, I think you should come back. I think everyone here would rather have an event you can enjoy, too, than one you can’t. We can do that, can’t we, Evie?”
“We can,” Evie said.
“But…” countered Gail. “I think Selena was hoping for some sort of sex fest, or something. I can see why that might be fun, but…”
“Gail,” Joy said. “The Own or Be Owned events can be like that, but they aren’t necessarily. It depends on a combination of the organizer and the participants.”
“We’ve helped run co-ed Own or Be Owned events,” Evie added. “But neither Joy or I are interested in being participants for them. But every all-female event we’ve experienced has been a mix of straight and gay women. And the keenest indicator of whether everyone has fun has been based on who is participating. That’s why we’re building our own.”
“If you guys do some sort of first contact event without me, I’m going to be upset,” Gail replied.
“I think you should come back,” Mary said. “Right now, we’re just brainstorming, but as soon as first contact was mentioned, I knew you would want to know.”
There was another pause, and then Gail said, “All right. I’m going to turn around. It will take me a few minutes.”
“Come on in when you get here,” I said.
“All right.”
She clicked off. I turned to look at Mary. I couldn’t really describe my emotions, but I was really impressed with her. That’s not the right word, either. I had a mix of “oh, wow” emotions, I think.
She felt me watching her. She turned and asked, “What? She’s my friend, too, or at least I hope she is. And I think this will be a lot more fun if she’s there. Don’t you?”
“Absolutely.”
“And I’m the one who has said the loudest we should do this,” Mary added.
“You are.”
“So, we need to make this work for people with disparate desires. We can do that, right?”
“Absolutely,” Evie and Joy said together.
“We should be taking notes,” I said.
“I can do that,” Tara said.
“I’ll get paper.” I got up and ran to my home office. I brought back a few pads and pens, setting them on the table. Tara grabbed a pad and began making notes.
Then Pandora grabbed a second pad. When I looked over, she was writing names. She looked up. “Will the two of you participate, or will you be too busy running it?”
“We’ll help get people settled,” Joy answered. “But we don’t run events at Altered Events. We’re hosts and guides, and then we’re inserted into events as necessary to help them run smoothly. We’ll participate.”
“On the same footing as the rest of us? Altered along with us?”
“Yes, although we’ll go into it knowing the details. That tends to give us an advantage, but we can take a handicap of some sort.”
“Okay,” Pandora said. “That’s not my decision. I’m only writing down names for a count. We’re at eight. How many total do we want?”
“Twenty is sort of a minimum for a full event,” Evie said. “We can run it with less than that, but twenty is good.”
“You can find another twelve people?”
“In a heartbeat,” Evie said. “Anne can probably list eight of them without thinking about it.”
“Is it max twenty?”
“No, no.”
“So if you line up twelve, but I bring in two more, that’s okay?”
“That’s absolutely fine.”
“Calypso and Aurora?” Mary asked.
“I’m thinking about it,” Pandora replied.
“I liked them. Calypso was a great mom.”
“So. What if I want a sex fest,” Pandora said, “But Gail doesn’t?”
“Let’s take that a little further,” Evie said. “Let’s assume the first case. You become an owner. You wouldn't end up owning Gail. If it were the other way around, you might find her owning you. But that’s the risk if you’re owned.”
“Just so you know, Pandora,” Tara said. “If I catch you, total sex fest.”
We all laughed.
“You’ll like it,” Tara added. “I promise.” She dragged out the last word.
“I have little doubt,” Pandora said, fanning herself.
We talked a little more about that, and then Gail was there. We turned. I stood, and she walked to me. We hugged tightly, but then she pulled away and grabbed Mary, pulling her from her chair and hugging her, too. I smiled at both of them, and I saw Gail kiss Mary’s cheek. The two whispered. When they separated, Mary said, loudly enough for all of us to hear, “I think we should talk about that. Don’t you?”
“Yes, I suppose,” Gail said. She returned to her chair. “Is there alcohol in this house?”
“Sure. Hand over your keys,” I said.
“I’m not drinking alone.”
“I can open a couple of bottles of wine,” I said.
“That would be nice.”
“Hold the important conversation.”
* * * *
“All right,” Gail said. “I’m sorry for freaking out.”
“You didn’t freak out,” Mary said. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Well, I think I freaked out. The thing is… I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I can’t tear myself from Selena. I’ve never been like this. And I’m straight. I know I am.”
“Everyone is a little gay,” Pandora said.
“Okay, fine, but if it’s a scale, I’m somewhere near the three-quarters-straight point.”
“Or you think so.”
“Selena, when you see a hot guy, do you feel anything?”
“I recognize he has a decent body,” I said. “For the guys who are obvious, I can recognize that most women would find him attractive. But no, I don’t feel a thing. If he’s particularly pretty, I might recognize him like I might a piece of art. But no, I don’t feel attraction.”
“Tara? Mary?”
“Not a glimmer,” Tara said.
“I recognize the women here are all attractive. Tara, I have no e
nd of respect for you, and I can’t imagine working anywhere else, because of you. But other than wondering what I’m doing, I’ve never thought about it as anything but professional. If I’m not mistaken, most of the women at this table would be considered somewhere in the general neighborhood of fucking hot. Right?”
“Definitely,” Tara said. “Well…”
“Not most,” Evie said. “All. That includes you, Gail.” Then she turned. “And in case you’re wondering, Pandora, you as well.”
“I’m old.”
“You’re not old. You’re mature. I bet you were a total heartthrob.”
“I turned a few heads, but not the way a lot of women do.” She gestured to her chest. “I’ve never waved these around, and there isn’t that much to wave.”
“It’s not about chest size,” Evie said. “It’s about the way you carry yourself.”
“My point,” Gail said, “Is that while I recognize everyone at the table qualifies as hot, and if I were gay, I’d probably be attracted to all of you. I’m not. Not at all. So why Selena?” She settled her gaze on Evie.
“We weren’t involved in that decision,” Evie said. “But I can tell you this. To the best of our knowledge, anyone who has come out of an Altered Events experience a changed woman has done so because she asked for it.”
“That sounds bad,” Joy said. “Not asked for it as in, oh, she’s really asking for it. Made a request.”
“I requested having the hots for my coworker? That’s what you’re saying?”
“Maybe you asked to have a repression un-repressed,” Evie suggested. “Maybe you already felt something for Selena and asked for the opportunity to experience it. Maybe you were responding to her obvious sacrifice to be a team player, even when it appeared to cost her.” She turned to Tara. “You were the client.”
“There are no RealSoft secrets you need to protect,” Tara said.
“RealSoft came to us to help solve a problem. There are several things we do. Some of it is simple team building, like you could get in a more mundane fashion. But some of it is to let people’s true colors show.”
“Everyone remembers Ida,” Tara said. “She was our top sales performer. I fired her.”
“Why did you do that?” Pandora asked.
“Because she’s toxic,” Tara said.
“One of the things we did was showed her what teamwork looks like,” Joy said. “And we used Selena to do it.” She turned to me. “You volunteered to help.”