AMNESIA

by Canada Jackson

  Amber laughed too, and she and Wrexel exchanged looks before turning back to the proceedings. Since they had arrived home, very few words had passed between them as they watched the service in silence.

  The Thromians chose different locations for each full moon ceremony. This one was close to the castle, in a large, open auditorium. The setting reminded Amber of the Olympics opening ceremony, except with a projection of events filling the sky above her.

  All of Throm could watch the formalities from miles away.

  “You looked lovely tonight, Amber.” Wrexel no longer watched the ceremony and his strange silence had ended.

  “Thank you.” She avoided his eyes, knowing that if she looked at him again, she would respond to him in ways she would regret. Once again, the night had been about churning feelings of anger versus melting at his touch.

  “Thank you for putting up with Shihlo today,” he said softly.

  “I didn’t put up with him, Wrexel. Shihlo is honest and direct about his feelings. I know he likes me and respects me. I also know he is counting the days to my being set free and therefore we have a lot in common.”

  Truthfully, she adored Shihlo… and Staede, Rix, Inndra, and Whyle. They had crept into her heart and the idea that one day they would be nothing but a memory hurt. She turned and searched his eyes for understanding. “How much longer will you keep me? How many times do you have to have me before it’s enough, before you tire of this game?” She hated that it sounded emotional. She used to look forward to the day when he would set her free. Now it felt bitter and sad to think of never seeing them again. Why did the thought of leaving his family and her new life… the idea of leaving him… seem wrong?

  How had this happened so quickly?

  “I’ve had you twice, both times under duress.” His eyes narrowed. “I have yet to have all that I want from you. There are so many ways I want you, so many other… things I need. It’s not a fair question right now.”

  She stared up at him sadly, struggling with the torrent of feelings he always churned up inside of her. He moved closer, caught her head gently between his hands, and stared down at her earnestly before he lowered his mouth and kissed her. Amber didn’t want to respond but within seconds she had wound her arms about his neck. She didn’t stop him when his lips went to her throat, his thumbs stroking nipples, firing her body as he always did.

  When she felt his hand on her thigh, however, she pulled away and he moaned in disappointment. “Why do you fight this, Amber? I know that you want me as much as I want you. Do you think I will become impatient and set you free? Do you think you're proving something?” He sighed heavily. “Keeping me at bay doesn’t change the fact that you are slowly forgetting your fiancé. It doesn’t matter how much you fight me; I know you never had this with Travis and never will. Why don’t you own your power over me and enjoy that you have me so off kilter I can’t think straight?”

  His eyes glowed as he leaned forward. He caught her chin and forced her to look at him.

  “You’ve already won this battle, Amber, I can’t walk past you without touching you, I can’t go to sleep every night without holding you, I can’t bear the thought of you sharing anything with Staede that I can’t offer you. I am your captive just as much as you are mine.”

  His tortured look unnerved her. His words both thrilled and saddened her.

  She needed to get away from Wrexel before he destroyed her mind, and her current stance only lengthened the torture. It wasn’t just his touch, it was everything alongside it. Feeling coveted, adored… loved. He had her in his control and yet she felt more alive than she ever had with Travis. Wrexel wanted her with him but he didn’t want to change anything about her. Everything she had to hide from Travis was admired by him. Everything she had desperately wanted from Travis was hers to revel in every day. Wrexel made her feel things she should not, and this was dangerous.

  She spoke with bravery that she did not possess as she made up her mind. “I am no longer going to do that.”

  When his eyes flared with triumph, she quickly added, “I’ll admit that I want you as much as you want me, but I will never forget how this started. I will never touch you, never ask you to be with me… I will keep this for the man I love one day, one who will love me in return.”

  His gaze narrowed at her words and she felt a small measure of achievement. No matter how silly, it was one small thing she could withhold that would be hers to give away one day.

  “Hopefully, once you have satisfied your curiosity you can move on.” She threw the last insult at him but it hurt her more.

  Amber fought the tirade of emotions within her. She rebelled against the taunting voice inside her head that told her if he tired of her that night or within a year, it would still hurt when he set her free. Somehow, in the time that she had been with him, she had begun to want things that he would never give her.

  Things she could not even give a name.

  With Travis, she had a commitment, but she was miserable. She had none of the passion she shared with Wrexel, none of the admiration and attention.

  She had no love.

  Not then, and not now.

  Love, it seemed, was the one thing she would truly never have.

  * * *

  Wrexel was still watching her intently, summing up her words. He searched her gaze as she mentally steeled herself to be strong, to enjoy this as a brief affair and to keep her feelings and her real needs locked away.

  No matter how he made her feel, no matter what he did, it was temporary.

  She watched him carefully, certain he looked mildly perplexed until the gaze faded into one that was calculating. “What about Staede. No more of your time will be spent with my brother?”

  “No, Staede is not part of this… this deal. He’s going to start teaching me to fight and get fit.”

  “He is using that as an excuse,” Wrexel growled.

  “I am not going to give myself to Staede.” She wanted to do strength training. She needed to be powerful in some way.

  She expected him to fight her, and memories of Travis and her father’s control began to surface, but he surprised her by acceding. “No sneaking off. I don’t want to come home to find my wife has left for a party to grind with my brother.”

  “Just the exercise,” she agreed.

  Slowly, the calculating gaze softened and then a small smile crossed his lips as if he realized he had her exactly where he wanted her. He moved a little closer, smoothing her hair back from her face. “You will touch me one day,” he whispered confidently.

  Amber merely looked at him. He hovered close to her mouth, already challenging her to close the gap, take the kiss she was swaying toward, but she steeled herself, no matter how much she wanted his mouth on hers. Eventually, she moaned with both relief and triumph when he began to kiss her urgently. She left the tormenting voice behind her and dissolved into the embrace that robbed her of her all strength. No more holding back. No more pretending. When he looked at her with need and reached for her, she would take the pleasure he offered without guilt.

  When he had kissed her enough to have her moaning beneath him, her hands clasping his shoulders, her back arching for more contact, he gently laid her down, his eyes moving over her like a wrapped gift.

  His fingers moved down the front of her dress, slowly undoing each one of Leyahanna’s pearl buttons to reveal her silk underwear. She lay mesmerized by his reaction, the way his mouth fell open and his breath quickened, violet tinges swirling within his eyes. As always, his hand was unsteady as if he fought for control. The words that tumbled from his lips incited her and the soft moan when the last of her lace lay on the floor unnerved her; the worshiping reverence of his hands on her body shook her. She closed her eyes. The intensity of his gaze was too much, but then his tongue ran beneath her belly and she cried out with shock as she began to drown with the same lust he had exhibited earlier.

  His long hair fanned across her body and she clutched handf
uls with a strangled moan when his mouth reached the apex of her thighs. “God, Amber. What are you doing to me?” he choked out before he grasped her backside and deepened his caress. Amber’s desire rocked her to her soul. The feel of his tongue as he gently teased her urged her to rise up to meet his mouth. Her sobs of pleasure echoed across the balcony as the ceremony exploded to life in the distance.

  * * *

  As the moon reached its peak in the sky and the crowd roared when the cadets came forward to make their pledge, Amber screamed Wrexel’s name. His insistent tongue caused her to climax violently over and over again and she broke her vow, begging him to come to her, to take her.

  House of Green 19, House of White 15, House of Blue 17, House of Red 49.

  The Monarch gained two percent and was closer to destroying their hopes for Throm. All Wrexel cared about was Amber’s softness under his mouth, the way her body shuddered and convulsed and the fact that she had welcomed him sliding into her, throwing her head back to cry out again.

  29

  Dreams And Visions

  Later that night Amber could not sleep. She glanced at Wrexel sprawled across the bed and slipped into the lounging area to watch the reruns of the night’s full moon ceremony. She watched the Monarch tugging the Sanbara cruelly by their chains, heard their bellows of agony, proud beasts forced to obey. She couldn’t alter the situation with Wrexel, but she would change theirs. She would find what they sought and free them. Anxiety plagued her. She was frightened to go into the catacombs alone, worried she wouldn’t be able to escape those who surrounded her for periods long enough to search. Terrified that she would be caught by Gilroth or any other member of the family who would put an end to her adventures. The desire to help them burned within her and she began to whisper into the wind that she needed strength, guidance, and a lot of luck.

  Oblivious to the green haze that settled upon her as she stood vowing to the Sanbara, she padded to the elevator and went down to the park Wrexel built for her. She hummed the tune Lilith had taught her and even smiled at her mother drifting beside her. Her eyes were glazed over and her skin glowed in emerald as the threads of electricity wound around her. Amber walked across the grass and knelt in the garden, singing of his return and the Great Cloud as she carved a symbol that filled her mind. Seven points, just as it had been shown to her. The circle had to be perfect. Once it was done, she sat in the middle and opened her arms to the sky. She was vaguely aware of who she was, but the calling was stronger and it kept her locked in the desire to speak with the one she wanted free.

  “Give me bravery, my brother,

  help me, great father of magic,

  guide me to the orb,

  let me set your proud warrior beasts free.”

  She wept when his green eyes floated above her and the emerald light of his being streamed down and bathed her in the resilience she needed and the bravery she required.

  Here was the love she sought and never found; in his presence it all made sense and nothing mattered but his return.

  She held up her hands to the emerald gaze she had loved for eons, the Father of All Magic, her beloved brother.

  “I ache for your return, Suaimhneas, I long for the Key to your prison.”

  She swayed to the sound of the lyrics that Lilith sang, pronouncing the coming freedom of the beloved Wraith who was awaited by all who bore magic.

  The light flowed from her body and ran along the lines of the seven-pointed circle she had dug around her. When the Grand Wraith gave her what she needed, she slumped to the ground, not feeling the cold night air upon her skin.

  Only then did Wrexel move from the shadows and drop at her side; he whispered her name but she did not respond, her slumber calm and deep.

  He shrugged off his jacket and wrapped her in it, carefully placing her next to the circle before he covered the signs of her magical trance.

  Then he lifted her into his arms, kissing her forehead as he carried her back to bed.

  While Amber slept, he bathed her hands and removed the dirt from her fingers.

  Once she was clean, he lay beside her and clutched her to his chest.

  He knew when the sun rose that neither of them would clearly recall what happened that night. He would see glimmers of her magic and set it aside, as he did more and more of late.

  He could record it on his monitor or call Whyle, but all of these possibilities led to Amber being taken from him and he would never allow that.

  “I don’t care what you are,” he said as she curled into his chest.

  Days later, Amber awoke and stared at the sleeping lover beside her. His dark, straight hair fanned out on the pillow, one hand clasping the corner of her nightgown. He looked younger when he was resting, and she found herself staring openly at him for a long time, trying to make sense of her feelings. There were moments of late when she felt more cherished by him than coveted. Moments when his tortured gaze was about more than his need to be inside of her.

  He had taken her so many times, she was sure her body would never be the same and his ability to make her weep with pleasure never failed. But the other moments with him steadily rose in intensity too and these were the ones she feared the most. Those nights when he held her to him, when he fell asleep. His fingers wound in her hair, pressing her firmly to him. When she moved from his grasp, he moaned and dragged her back.

  Dangerous moments that would hurt her the most when he finally said goodbye.

  She allowed her eyes to roam down his chest. With him asleep, she could take in the perfect lines of his body with open admiration. He went out of his way to make her touch him, asking her openly at times to put her hands on him, but she refrained even when she wanted to run her fingers feverishly over his body. She longed to touch the parts of him that had her curious, wondering how he would react if she ran her hands over his silken length. But then he would win completely and she would have nothing left to keep from him. Nothing left to torment him with and he did deserve her torture. So Amber fought the urge to touch him with everything she possessed, betraying herself only sometimes by clawing his back when she screamed with pleasure – or, to her embarrassment, sinking her fingernails into his buttocks when he stilled his rhythm to tease her.

  Now, with him asleep, she gazed at the body that drove her to lust. She found herself wishing things were different. Wishing she could wake him up by sliding over him, touching him with hands that ached to feel him quiver beneath her.

  Every inch of him was defined. It was as if a sculptor had designed and constructed him to perfection and she hungered to run her fingers over him.

  * * *

  Hunger.

  She had long since admitted that she would never look at another the way she looked at Wrexel. Everything she had with Travis had faded into insignificance, paling in comparison in every way.

  Amber moved the sheet, exposing the line that ran down his ribs and that gave him the ability to breathe underwater.

  She touched the flap of skin, her eyes wide with curiosity that she could slide the tip of her finger underneath it.

  He shifted slightly, and she snatched back her hand, terrified he would catch her in a moment of weakness. He sighed but his slumber was deep.

  She heard a rustle and lifted her head to see Banjo sleeping on the comforter that lay on the floor. Wrexel had placed him there before they slept, thinking she was asleep. She had watched him cradle the dog tenderly in his arms and lay him down when Banjo began to whine in the lounging area, longing for his mistress.

  So much for withholding affection.

  There were levels to Wrexel that confounded her.

  Levels that increased her longing to touch him.

  Amber reached forward again and ran her fingers over the skin at Wrexel’s abdomen. His stomach clenched, and she looked up to see his eyes wide open and flaring with purple.

  He looked confused, glancing at her as if he had never seen her before. Then he glanced down at her hand. Amber thou
ght she knew his eyes and all the colors of his emotions, but the violet explosions in their depths now held her completely spellbound.

  She couldn’t help herself.

  She touched him again, just to see the reaction. Once again, she was awed. Amber slowly drew away her hand and disappointment flared across his features.

  “Why did you stop?” he demanded gruffly.

  “I was merely curious.”

  “Curious about how I would respond if you finally touched me?” He sounded pained.

  “Curious about your gills,” she lied. “I told you I will never touch you. I will only touch a man I love.”

  His look was mocking for a few moments. A cocky, knowing smile of confidence that her resolve wouldn’t last lingered on his face as she glared at him.

  “You will touch me, Amber… I will have everything you have to give.” He stood up and walked to the bathroom.

  Amber knew deep inside that when she did put her hands on him in the way he wanted, what they had would end. Wrexel’s victory over her would be complete and he would shift his eyes to the next. It saddened her that her motivation had a dual agenda.

  As the door closed behind him, she looked at the scars that ran down his legs. From beneath his buttocks all the way down to the backs of his knees were a hundred – or a thousand – crisscrossing each other in harsh definition. Amber tried to ignore the idea of a young and cruelly abused Wrexel trying to survive in his father’s vicious world. The years that had gone into making the cruel, calculated man who took what he wanted and forced others to bow to his will.