AMNESIA

by Canada Jackson

  She remembered the day she asked Staede about the beatings and how long they lasted.

  “Until Wrexel was old enough to fight back,” he answered. “When he fought the guards off us and killed them.”

  The story after that was well-known. The Monarch’s swift action to force them to take a bonded vow forged with magic he had somehow stolen. He ensured they could not break it, no matter how deplorable he became.

  Amber struggled with the rise of feeling for Wrexel when she considered his cruel past. Then she berated herself for feeling anything for him at all, even pity for his upbringing. It would not help her to survive when this was finally over.

  Life continued uneventfully on Throm. Amber saw Staede, but less for adventure and more for the strength and training he gave her on an almost-daily basis. Though Staede’s intention was to grope her inappropriately, Amber was surprised at how hard he pushed her and how he relished training her. As her ability grew, so did her self-worth.

  The rest of her time was spent combing the catacombs in secret with confidence and free time that astounded her every day. She tracked and traced her steps, marking down each room that she entered on a map she drew on her monitor. She unpacked boxes in the dim light of wall lamps and wrestled with wooden chests. Sadly, she found nothing that resembled the image of the orb the Sanbara had shown her. There was a part of her that worried her search would lead her closer and closer to the Monarch’s wing. The idea of him catching her was terrifying but the thought of not being able to help the ancient and noble creatures that were captives like herself was more upsetting.

  She blinked back many tears of frustration when each day of searching turned up futile. She hadn’t seen them again, but she heard them often, bellowing in pain somewhere in the castle. Their agony had become her own. She wanted to give the Sanbara what she needed. Freedom from a contract that was destroying her soul. The more Wrexel made love to her, the more she wanted him, the more she longed to give herself to him completely. His looks of disappointment when she snatched her wayward hands back in moments of weakness pained her. Wrexel made love to her in ways that consumed her; he also said things in vulnerable moments that made her heart both soar and ache.

  * * *

  Days turned into weeks and then into months. The count for the political houses remained unchanged and Amber’s map had grown so large she had to project it onto the wall of her bedroom when she was alone to track her last steps in the catacombs. She was sure she covered all the crypts beneath Wrexel’s wing and her latest search had probably led her under Staede’s wing.

  Most of the rooms and passageways were empty and her hunt moved a lot quicker but her excitement at finding a trunk or a pile of discarded items was always short-lived when she found nothing. She wished the Sanbara would come down, give her more information, but it had been months since she had seen them and she lost hope that they would find a chance to see her.

  One morning when her search left her with raw fingers, she sat on a box she had opened and stared down at the contents she had removed.

  They were strange books and scrolls that had dirtied her hands and sliced open one of her fingers as she clawed them out of the chest. She ran her tongue over the cut, thinking up an excuse to give Wrexel, who took exception to every bruise she got fighting with Staede. He had given up trying to persuade her to stop her training, almost pretending it wasn’t taking place unless she was marked or hurt. Then his face would fade into a scowl as he tended to her.

  Amber both loved and hated those moments the most. The ones when he showed care that had nothing to do with sex. There were way too many of these moments when he played with her emotions by doing things that were loving.

  Although he completely denied the existence of love.

  “It’s hormones and pheromones, pure biology,” he told her one day when she spoke of love. “You come to me when I ask because you desire me. It’s simple cause and effect, action and reaction.”

  More and more, she realized that Wrexel rejected love because he was clueless about it. Probably always would be, too.

  She suddenly felt tired.

  Tired of all the emotional torment of her relationship with him.

  Tired of hiding her catacomb searches that came up with nothing. Her emotional state was frail, her hope dwindling fast and the mental insecurity that had always plagued her began to increase in earnest.

  She experienced a rise of panic and wondered if the Sanbara weren’t looking for something that didn’t exist anymore. Perhaps he had returned to the catacombs to retrieve it and it was in a place far away, never to be found. Her thoughts churned and anxiety rose. She whispered, “Help me,” not sure to whom she directed the plea, only that it had to leave her lips and heart. As she closed her eyes, the air changed. She could no longer smell the musty underground. It was replaced by the faint scent of burning as a sense of peace settled upon her, like an encouraging hug that her searches were not in vain.

  * * *

  The crack of electricity made her swing around in excitement and she cried out with joy when the lone Sanbara entered the small alcove. She dropped to one knee and extended her hands, so overjoyed at the sight of the beast that she wanted to embrace it.

  “Keeper.” Its voice of many rippled over her and the Sanbara ran its prickly head along the hand she held out. She shivered, feeling and sensing its power deep within her once again.

  “I can’t find it,” she confessed and begged for forgiveness. “I’ve looked everywhere.”

  The sadness from the creature reached out to her like the crackling magic that burnt her hand and the wail gripped her heart once again.

  “I will keep looking,” she promised. “If it is down here, I will find it.”

  The Sanbara circled her, sniffing at her hair and rubbing its burning fur against her shoulder.

  “Keeper of the Keys, worthy kin of the Father.”

  “I’m not the Keeper of the Keys,” she told it sadly. “But I will help you if I can.”

  Questions began to tumble from her lips. Was the Sanbara certain it was in the catacombs?

  Perhaps the Monarch had collected and hidden it elsewhere? What was the orb? The beast did not respond as it continued to purr and rub against her. Then suddenly it stopped and came around to face her, pressing its nose against hers.

  Amber’s mind reeled as the creature penetrated her conscious and at once, she was filled with the vision of the orb again. The Sanbara showed it floating in space as stars and the Milky Way passed it in a timeless swirl. Amber watched the globe growing toward her and then it exploded in front of her in a display of fireworks that faded away, leaving a set of green eyes that stared at her intently.

  She pulled her head back in alarm.

  “Father,” the Sanbara said and pressed its nose to hers. “Father’s life orb. Father’s life orb is in the catacombs.” It moved away from her then and scampered off. “Keeper of the Keys, Worthy Kin.”

  Amber frowned in the darkness with more unanswered questions.

  Why did those green eyes seem so familiar? Why did she long to see them again?

  She heard a “tsk” behind her and swung around.

  “Are you cheating on me? Do you have another Thromian down here who wants to feel you up in the dark?” Staede shone his flashlight at her.

  Amber laughed as her mind scrambled for a lie, but she came up with nothing.

  “How often do you come down here without me, Amber?” His smile faded slightly.

  “Not regularly,” she lied with ease.

  “You’ve been hanging around with me for months and you have learnt a lot, but not how to lie.

  Have you seen the Sanbara again?” He shone the light in her face and she swatted it away.

  “We’re leaving.” He grasped her elbow and propelled her toward one of the exits. She pulled her arm from his.

  “I need to search for the orb.”

  “What does that even mean?” he asked in frustrati
on. “You’re scrambling around in the dark looking for something you can’t even describe.”

  “I don’t care; I made a promise.”

  It was a small ball of flowing colors and it was in the catacombs; what else did she need?

  Staede cursed under his breath. “Does the fact that they are magical not bother you in the slightest?”

  “No, I know they won’t hurt me.”

  “For God’s sake, Amber, I didn’t think magic could hurt me either, but these beings are powerful and dual-minded.”

  “The Sanbara?”

  “All creatures of sorcery.” Staede forced her to stand in front of him as he unbuttoned his shirt. “What are you doing?” she asked nervously.

  “I thought a quickie in the catacombs seemed like a good idea.”

  When her eyes widened, he laughed. “I wanted to show you my scar.”

  “I’ve seen it.”

  “Yes, but have you touched it or asked me about it?” He placed her palm upon the jagged line that ran from his chest down his ribcage. Amber jerked when the scar burnt beneath her fingers, first hot and then cold, sending a prickling sensation down her fingers.

  She looked up at him, expecting him to tease her because her hand remained upon his naked chest, but his face was grave.

  “I knew she was a creature of magic, but I didn’t care… I wanted her,” he whispered.

  “She did this to you?” Amber took her hand from his scar.

  “No, her father did. He said I had taken something infinitely precious from her, and he would take something that meant everything to me.”

  Amber watched as he re-buttoned his shirt. “What is the curse, Staede?”

  “One I try not to worry about, one I take great measures to avoid.”

  “Now who’s being vague?”

  “The curse will work on me only if I love somebody more than I love myself.” He laughed. “So, I’m pretty safe. You covet nothing that you have in abundance.”

  Amber stared up at him in understanding.

  Meaningless sex with hundreds of women ensured no attachment.

  “Staede…” She couldn’t stop herself from hugging him.

  She loved being with him; he was fun and exciting and when he wasn’t being lecherous, he was a decent friend. Knowing that he hurt, hurt her too. She wished she could change his curse. Stop him from running away from a real relationship that she believed he deserved.

  He dropped his head against hers and wrapped his arms about her, accepting her embrace as a friend. He held on longer than necessary and for once, she did not pull away. They stood in the darkness without saying a word, for none were required to express what they had. Eventually, she stepped back, sighing with sadness when he stared down at her lovingly and ran his thumbs over her cheeks.

  He looked as if he wanted to say something to her, but he struggled to formulate words. She clasped his hands in her own and dropped a kiss to the thumb that had stroked her.

  She adored her brother-in-law, saw something in him that others did not, but her action made his eyes flicker with violet and she sighed in regret that even her friendly gesture had his eyes changing color.

  “Staede.” She wanted to berate him, but she saw through the violet to the sadness beneath, to the genuine affection that he expressed in only one way. Wrexel scorned love, Staede ran from it, Whyle kept himself busy enough to avoid it and Shihlo had lost so deeply that he told her he would never love again.

  Love was the Thromian royal curse and she, as their newest member, was suffering from it too.

  Staede swayed ever so slightly toward her. Then he seemed to change his mind and the gentle hands that he rested upon her shoulders suddenly held her tightly.

  “You need to get upstairs,” he said gruffly.

  “But…”

  “Amber, it’s not the Sanbara I’m worried about. If you don’t go upstairs now, I’m going to kiss you and I’m not going to stop.”

  * * *

  She got into the living area just in time for Wrexel to enter moments after her. He eyed her suspiciously.

  “Were you with Staede?” he demanded, for it was not her regular exercise day.

  “Just briefly. Bumped into him,” she said casually.

  Wrexel scowled as he moved closer to her and then his eyes widened in anger. “I can scent him on you.”

  She stepped back in shock. She knew Thromian royals had a heightened sense of smell but she had hugged Staede for such a short time.

  “It’s different, not sweat from a work out, but his cologne.” He sounded strangled.

  Amber felt her cheeks grow hot as he grasped her by the wrist. “You promised me, no sneaking around with him.”

  “It was a chance meeting,” she began but then broke off, afraid more talking would reveal where she had been, and that would be disastrous.

  His gaze twisted in anger.

  “Really, Wrexel, it's nothing.” She needed a reprieve from his penetrating stare so she ran her hand down his arm twice, unconsciously placating him before she realized what she was doing.

  The snarl from Wrexel chilled her.

  His eyes went fully black, and he tore her hand from his bicep, holding her wrist tightly in his own. His breathing increased and his face contorted in a way that terrified her. Something changed in the air and Amber’s throat constricted with the thick, burning, acrid smell of magic. Green glimmered over Wrexel as she gasped in confusion, wondering where it had come from, wanting to ask him if he felt it too, but anger and possession raged across his features. He seethed and visibly struggled for control as he clutched her wrist.

  “I am the one summoned to protect you; no other will do for the Keeper of the Keys.” His voice did not sound like his own and his eyes seemed to stare through her.

  “Wrexel,” she cried in horror, “you’re hurting me.”

  He blinked and then jerked as if her words surprised him. He stared at her hand within his own and dropped it like he were holding a snake.

  “I’m sorry,” he choked, shocked at his own actions and his face slowly returned to normal.

  For a few seconds he looked confused but then he touched his arm where she had inadvertently given him the first free-willed sign of affection.

  “Don’t ever touch me out of guilt because my brother has stirred you.” His voice lowered ominously. “I won't tolerate another man’s hands on you now or...”

  He reeled at his own words, leaving them hanging and left her staring after him as he moved swiftly from the room.

  Amber went to her bedroom and closed the door, summoning Leyahanna as her heart raced. Was she losing her mind?

  Why would Wrexel be affected with the same magic she felt around the Sanbara?

  Why would he call her the Keeper of the Keys when he knew nothing of her meetings?

  Why did he light up the same way Lilith did? She agonized over the mind she could not trust. What was real? What had her insanity conjured? Finding the orb for the Sanbara gave her a purpose and now, with Wrexel saying the same things they did, she wondered if she had created it all. Emotions piled on top of new and old fears and Amber began to sob as her fevered brain struggled to make sense of everything she had seen, everything she may have imagined.

  * * *

  It was too much to bear. Years of having her innermost feelings set aside or made out to be a part of her mental condition wrestled within her and she frowned in confusion, equal parts of her mind believing it was her impaired brain whilst other parts told her she could not deny what she had seen. The Sanbara had come to her, Staede would attest to that, but had her crazed mind added the rest? Did she perhaps turn events that were shocking to her into fantasy? She had ten years of therapy telling her she couldn’t trust her own mind. That she was seeing and hearing things that were not real. Making up an alternative reality to cope with stress. Maybe this was what she had done once again.

  “I just want to be normal,” she sobbed, speaking to herself as Leyahanna
came into the room. “Yes, my lady.”

  “Leyahanna, where are my tablets?” She scrounged through her bedside drawer.

  “You have had no need for them, my lady,” Leyahanna said sadly. “Why do you want them now?”

  “I have to have them.” Her tears blinded her as she searched through the cupboard until eventually she lay on the bed and curled into a ball, sobbing.

  Her eyes fell on the wrist that Wrexel had clutched as the magic coursed over him. Was she finding excuses for his behavior, looking for something else to blame?

  She had spent all of her life finding justifications for Travis and her father. Instead of calling them the sons of bitches that they truly were.

  She clasped her mouth in horror as dual voices rose up in her mind.

  No, they loved you; they wanted what was best for you.

  No, Travis wanted a trophy wife and James was constantly disappointed that his daughter was insane like his wife.

  They guided and helped you cope.

  They dominated and subdued every single rise of independence or eccentricity within you.

  Wrexel is the one who has taken you against your will.

  He has also loved you in ways you will never forget.

  But you have to because one day he will set you free.

  She moaned when it all became too much.

  Leyahanna stared at her in horror. Amber was slowly becoming confident and strong, owning her power as a woman. The frightened girl before her reminded Leyahanna of the day Wrexel told her to come and serve the Earthling who was to be his “guest.”

  “I think you’re tired.” She ran a gentle hand over Amber’s brow. “I will get you more medication, my lady. You have been working so hard with Staede, and Wrexel is... relentless.” She had given up being embarrassed by the encounters she had inadvertently witnessed. “Please try to sleep a while, I will get to Rheese; I will find a doctor.” Leyahanna knew it was a half-truth for Rheesians relied on Yimmyrd healing and Diogel medication now.