Healing Minds (The Shifter Chronicles 5)

by M. D. Grimm

  He couldn’t get over how gangly Josh was. Josh was only about an inch shorter than Xavier himself but far skinnier. It was natural, not because he starved himself. Xavier knew this because when they did finally eat, Josh packed in as much food as a football team.

  Xavier was amused.

  He traded cars and could literally feel Josh’s disapproval weighing him down. Neither of them said anything. Xavier got his second wind once they were on the road, but he noticed Josh’s drooping eyes. Fear suddenly clutched his heart, and the voice grew louder, demanding that he fulfill his purpose.

  Kill!

  “Josh,” Xavier barked.

  Josh jumped in his seat. “What! What? Huh?”

  Xavier shoved aside his guilt. “Talk to me, please.”

  “Um, about what?”

  Xavier gritted his teeth. “I don’t care. Just talk! Please.”

  “Well, um,” Josh stumbled. “Er… did you know there are werewolf legends all over the world?”

  Xavier glanced at Josh. “I’m not a werewolf.”

  “Well—” Josh hesitated. “—technically, you are. I mean, were is German for man and wolf, well, you know what that means. So, essentially, that word means man-wolf. You’re a man-wolf. Sort of.”

  “I’m not human.”

  He felt Josh’s gaze on him. “I’d call that semantics, really. You look like a man. And people were ignorant back then.”

  And they aren’t now? Xavier said nothing, however. Josh was talking, and the voice was receding. His adrenaline and panic drained away. Relief made him slightly giddy.

  “Anyway,” Josh continued, curling more into the corner created by the door and the seat. He crossed his arms over his chest, and Xavier wondered if he was cold. He turned on the heater. “Men turning into wolves were featured in one of the Icelandic sagas, and the first recorded werewolf trial was in 1591 in Germany….”

  Xavier shook his head slightly. How much information could a head hold before it exploded? Where did Josh learn this stuff?

  Josh yawned. “… and the whole ‘shifting with the full moon and being bitten by a werewolf means you are one’ is just Hollywood horseshit.”

  Xavier snorted.

  “It’s true!” Josh insisted. “The real European legends center around a man making a pact with Satan. Satan gives him an enchanted wolf’s pelt, and then the man puts it on at night and runs around slaughtering people. Being a werewolf wasn’t often seen as a good thing in most legends. But the ones created in the Scandinavian legends were more ambivalent.”

  “Where they?” Xavier asked, amused, when Josh paused.

  “Hm? Oh, well, the Norse didn’t demonize those who became the wolf. But—considering the fact that both humans and wolves were essentially fighting for the same territory and food, humans saw them as their enemy. I personally think that wolves are gorgeous, and we should make more room for them….”

  Xavier felt an unexpected and pleasant warming sensation in his gut. Josh’s words had been so matter-of-fact, he knew the aide was speaking the truth. At least the truth the way he saw it.

  “Hey, that reminds me. Before, in the substation, you said Fenris a couple of times.”

  Xavier frowned.

  “You said it like I might say oh God or Jesus Christ, you know, an explicative.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Just curious. You don’t have to tell me.”

  Xavier shook his head. “I don’t know. Just one of those things I just do and don’t remember learning.”

  “Oh.” Pause. “Anyway, the most common folktale about werewolves involves a small town in the middle of nowhere. They are suddenly attacked nightly by a werewolf. Hunters go out in the morning but don’t have much luck, and people keep dying. But, eventually, a hunter locates the beast and shoots it, but only wounds it. The werewolf runs off. Then, either the next day or night, the man who shot the beast comes home and finds that his wife has the same exact wound he had given the werewolf.”

  He shrugged. “Sometimes it’s a man, a high official in the village, or sometimes the hunter’s brother. Basically, it’s a story about the beast within us—illustrating how we can become our own nightmares.”

  Xavier chuckled darkly. He couldn’t help it.

  “Why are you laughing?”

  Xavier shook his head. “It’s usually the ones who show no outward sign of beastliness who are the true monsters of our nightmares.”

  That caused silence to descend. Xavier focused on the road and the task ahead. Time passed, and he finally allowed himself to look at Josh. The man was asleep, his head angled back against the door, his mouth open. His arms were loosely wrapped around his stomach, and his legs were stretched out as much as the car would allow. Which wasn’t much.

  Was it trust that allowed Josh to sleep in his presence, or was it pure exhaustion? Did it really matter?

  Yes, of course it does! Xavier scowled. He couldn’t grow too attached to Josh. It would lead to nothing but heartache, and he couldn’t deal with any other emotional issues right now. He had enough on his plate.

  Chapter Five

  Josh barely remembered tumbling into a bed before he fell asleep again. They had driven nonstop since getting new clothes, and after backtracking and taking zigzag side roads, Josh was more than ready to have this trip be over. But they were now steadily drawing closer to Utah. For as much as Xavier wanted the isolation of the Mojave Desert, he was certainly taking his time in getting there.

  Josh woke in the late morning really needing the bathroom. He washed his hands afterward and took a good look at his bruise. It was turning green. That was good, right? That meant it was healing? The shallow cut on his neck was healing nicely as well. He tried to flatten his curly red hair over the bruise. It sort of worked. It certainly did nothing to help with his looks. If he had any. Josh rolled his eyes at himself. He walked out as Xavier sat straight up in his bed, his face pale and sweaty. He gripped the blankets and panted. Josh watched the rippling skin and stood very still, quiet.

  Xavier closed his eyes, and a deep groan escaped him. The rippling stopped, and he covered his face with his hands.

  Josh took a deep breath. “Xavier?”

  The wolf shifter didn’t move.

  Josh walked over cautiously and stood next to the bed. “Xavier? What is it?”

  Xavier shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “I might be able to help―”

  “Forget it!” he barked. He jerked his head up, and his eyes flashed dangerously.

  Josh was scared. He also knew that if a predator sensed fear, they attacked. As far as he was concerned, Xavier was a predator.

  “Fine. I’ll forget it.” Josh narrowed his eyes. “But just remember one thing, Xavier. I can’t help you if you don’t let me. In twenty-eight days I will contact the Agency, and it doesn’t matter if you’re still bonkers or not. I will give them a factual evaluation of your condition.” Josh paused, staring directly into Xavier’s wild eyes. “It’s no skin off my ass if you’re not recovered. They’ll throw you in a cage again if they deem you still a threat. Do you hear me, wolf shifter? I am your best chance at gaining freedom. If you shut me out, I can’t help you. It’s up to you.”

  He swung away, furious, and jammed on his shoes. He didn’t remember taking them off, but he must have. He also grabbed his jacket and pulled it on.

  “Coming or not? We need supplies, don’t we?”

  Xavier was silent. Josh let it be. He needed to get tough. He needed Xavier to understand what was at stake. Josh knew he would be in big trouble with the Agency. He’d probably be demoted to strictly paper filing. It would all be worth it if he could help this one shifter find himself again. But the damn shifter had to be willing.

  The grocery store was busy. Xavier stayed near him as they weaved through the crowds. Josh had a mental list and pushed the cart in front of him. They needed to avoid as many crowded places as they could, which meant getting enough food so they could eat in
the car and avoid restaurants. It was risky going into a grocery store, but Josh knew if he brought up the mere idea of Xavier waiting in their motel room, the shifter would balk on principle.

  Josh didn’t spare any expense, and he hoped people would assume he was camping or something. They’d already gone to another store to buy several coolers and a bunch of ice, which were sitting in the car. Xavier had his own cart, and it was filled to its limit. Josh made sure they had plenty of toilet paper. If he was forced to shit in the desert, he would be damn sure he had the partial comforts of home.

  “Why are we going to the desert, Xavier?” Josh asked as they waited for a lady with three children to move out of their way next to the produce.

  “Isolation,” Xavier said simply.

  He nodded. No people. No shifters. Just… nature. He thought it was a good idea.

  “I’ll definitely need sunblock,” Josh murmured. He looked around at the signs above his head.

  His concentration was broken, however, when Xavier hunched over suddenly, as if in pain. Josh gripped his shoulder as Xavier clutched his head.

  “Xavier? X? What’s wrong?” Josh tried to keep his voice low, but panic made it pitch higher.

  Xavier’s head whipped up and his nostrils flared. His deadly gaze locked onto someone, and Josh followed its direction. It landed on a young couple. A man and a woman. Nothing was remarkable about them: he was tall and athletic, she was slightly shorter but slim with a generous bosom. He had black hair, cut close to his head. Her hair was blonde and tied back in a long tail. She was talking energetically, using her hands a lot. The man was listening with an amused smile and placing a steak into his basket.

  Cold froze Josh’s insides. Xavier’s skin rippled violently as deadly dark filled his eyes.

  Shifters. One of them, or both of them, were shifters.

  “Xavier.” Josh gripped his face and made their gazes meet. “You must get out of here. Run. Now.”

  The dark flickered in Xavier’s eyes. “I… can’t… the… voice.”

  “Fight it!” Josh hissed. They were drawing attention, but he couldn’t help that. “You have to get out of here. You don’t want to kill anyone, right?”

  Xavier’s head jerked as he shook it. His entire body trembled in pain. He gripped Josh’s wrists and squeezed. Josh gritted his teeth.

  “Leave. Now!” He shook Xavier once before shoving him toward the front doors. He was forced to push people out of the way and received various irritated and annoyed words but his only focus, his only concern, was keeping Xavier from murdering anyone else.

  “Josh,” Xavier groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. The rippling became more intense.

  “Run!” He shoved Xavier at the doors. Xavier did. He spun around and ran through the front doors. He continued across the parking lot before disappearing from sight.

  Josh simply stood there in the crowded grocery store, hoping, praying Xavier would come back in one piece. And without blood on him.

  Josh managed to finish the shopping, the packing, and drove the car back to the motel. His hands had shaken through all of it, and his mind wouldn’t stop worrying. He was sure he’d forgotten important items, but he could go back for them later. Real fear bubbled inside him, and all he wanted to do was drive in the direction Xavier had run and search. Instead, he forced himself to keep moving, to keep following the plan.

  What if Xavier never came back?

  Josh gritted his teeth and made sure the coolers were packed sufficiently with ice before he entered their room. It was empty. He half hoped Xavier would be there already. Had he shifted? Had he run off the madness? Or had he attacked some innocent bystander?

  “If he has, we’ll deal with it,” Josh said aloud. He tried to sit on the bed and ended up pacing back and forth, dragging his hands through his hair. He looked out the windows every few seconds, vaguely noticing the majestic snow-covered mountains in the distance, colored blue by the bright sun. Fluffy clouds dotted across the sky, and short buildings made up the rest of his view. The land was flat, and Josh knew the true beauty of Colorado lay outside the cities: the crystal blue waters, the rich green trees, and the red rocks that beckoned a person to climb them.

  He turned away from the window. The motel room seemed small and confining in contrast with the majesty and vastness of Colorado. Josh gnawed on his lower lip. Anxiety made his palms sweat, and he tugged his jacket off and tossed it on the bed. His legs trembled, and his guts were twisting tighter and tighter. He felt sick.

  Where the fuck are you, Xavier?

  One hour passed. Then another. Then another. Josh now trembled uncontrollably. He remembered Xavier’s face when the shifter realized he might attack another shifter. The agony and horror in those eyes…. Josh had never met a more tragic creature than Xavier. What was it like to have your memories wiped from your mind? To not even remember your own name and yet know you murdered your own kind?

  Josh stopped in front of the window again and took a deep breath. He looked once more at the beauty around him, trying to let that calm him. He tried to imagine where Xavier was right now. Maybe he’d found one of those natural, isolated places in Colorado? Maybe he’d shifted and was running around as a wolf? That was good, wasn’t it? It was certainly better than the alternative. Josh scrubbed his hands over his face. Xavier was okay. He’d be all right. Josh took another deep breath.

  If he managed to help Xavier―to help get his memory and his mind back―he would be made an agent for sure.

  Josh gaped at himself. Where the fuck had that thought come from? Shame washed over him like a tsunami, and he called himself a bastard. How could such a thought… how could he think something like this? At a time like this?

  But how could I not? another part of him thought. Becoming an agent was all he’d ever wanted to do. Learning about the Agency and his potential place within it had been a godsend. He found his purpose, his calling. He was to help shifters, he was to be part of something bigger than himself. He was to gain a family. A family he never had. But would his family welcome him back after this?

  Josh sat down on the edge of his bed. He’d put his future as an agent in jeopardy for Xavier. Had there been another choice for him? Josh shook his head. The Agency’s sole purpose was to protect shifters and to keep their existence hidden from the world. That’s what he was doing, right? He was protecting. Hiding.

  Gnawing at his lip, Josh stared at the door, willing it to open with Xavier on the other side. He couldn’t shake the thought that he was also putting his own life in jeopardy by staying with Xavier. Would the shifter attack him? He hadn’t yet and he’d had opportunity: in the substation, in the grocery store. The madness was there, nearly taking control. But Xavier controlled it, somehow. Josh struggled to look past his own fear, his own horror at knowing what Xavier had done. He tried to look at Xavier objectively. The man didn’t seem to be violent by nature. In fact, he appeared to be doing everything he could to keep from being violent. But whether that was who he really was or a result of knowing he had been a murderer… Josh didn’t know. But he did know he kept the voice at bay. Whatever that voice was, he kept it from controlling Xavier. Most of the time.

  Josh stood and continued to pace. His doubts didn’t matter. His fear didn’t matter. He made a deal, and that was that. He would stick by Xavier’s side for thirty days and then tell the Agency about any progress the shifter had made. That was it.

  Come back, Xavier. Come back to me.

  Josh was nearly in tears by the time the doorknob rattled several hours later. It was now early evening, far past dinnertime. He froze, staring wide-eyed at the door. He didn’t breathe. The door opened, and in stepped the wolf shifter.

  “Thank God!” Josh gasped. Before he could stop himself, he ran across the room and flung his arms around Xavier’s neck. He held the shifter tightly, fueled by his terror, his horrible imaginings. He was nearly delirious with relief to see there was no blood on him. Relief and joy were all he felt as he crush
ed the wolf shifter to him. Xavier was alive and whole and in his right mind again.

  “I was so fucking worried!” Josh gushed. “I didn’t know what I would do if you hadn’t come back before nightfall! Where did you go? Did you shift? Did the voice get any louder? What did it say when you saw the shifters? Were they both shifters?”

  As his mouth ran on ahead of his brain, Josh barely noticed that Xavier said nothing. He barely noticed that the shifter stood frozen in the doorway, shock vibrating in every muscle. But then he did notice, when he managed to pause to take a breath, that Xavier finally, slowly, brought his arms up and wrapped them around Josh’s waist. They tightened around him before Xavier pressed his face against Josh’s shoulder.

  Josh’s words died away as the shifter leaned into him, as Xavier’s fingers clutched his shirt. Josh took a shaky breath and slowly rubbed Xavier’s back in a comforting gesture. Xavier shuddered and pressed closer to him.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, wondering if anyone had ever just held this shifter. Then Josh wondered when the last time someone had held him this way. It was too many years to count. Hugs weren’t part of the requirements in the foster homes. Or the Agency.

  Josh closed his eyes for a moment, strangely enjoying this sensation. “It’s going to be okay,” he said again.

  “No one’s ever…,” Xavier murmured so softly that Josh could barely hear him. “But, then again, I never let anyone, did I?”

  Josh didn’t know what he meant and said nothing. For once, he knew he needed to be quiet.

  Xavier was the first to pull back. Josh eased away, though his hands still rested on Xavier’s shoulders. And Xavier’s hands were still on his waist. Josh’s heart bumped against his ribs. He felt those rough hands and body heat acutely through his shirt. He felt the pressure those strong fingers exerted and tried not to tremble. He tried not to notice how firm Xavier’s shoulders were, or how broad. Or remember the strength and firmness of Xavier’s body when it pressed against his own. Yeah, he tried but failed miserably.