Yours, Juli

by Thalia Lark

  ‘Alex, listen to me for a second.’ I grabbed her upper arms as she made to turn away and forced myself into her line of sight. ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’ I exhaled suddenly, closing my eyes and frowning as I tried to think how to word it. In the end, I just let the words roll out on their own. ‘I’m out, okay? I want to be open about this – about you and me, as a couple. I’ve told Lori and Emma…I’ve even told my dad.’

  She watched me in hesitant silence.

  ‘I mean, I don’t know if I’m quite up to standing on the rooftop and shouting it out to the world, but I can be honest now, Alex, I really can.’

  She cleared her throat uncomfortably. ‘What…what changed?’

  I shrugged, staring at her intensely. ‘I just realised a few things – with some help from a few people.’

  She frowned in silence as though trying to comprehend what I’d said. ‘Well… You still have to talk to Mrs Bentley. I wasn’t joking about how serious this was.’

  ‘I’ll go put my books away and then I’ll go straight to her office. I promise.’

  She nodded and narrowed her eyes at me. ‘I’ll meet you there then.’ And before I could say anything more, she turned towards the administration block and strode off.

  The coolness with which she’d departed, and the sudden thought of coming clean to the principal, sent a few abrupt ricochets of panic through my chest. But I knew I didn’t have a choice now, and I didn’t want to have a choice. The people in my life were too important to me now – Alex was too important to me now… Too important to throw it all away just because of a little stupid fear that I thought had some sort of control over me. Well, I wasn’t going to let it win this time. I wasn’t going to run away. I wasn’t going to hide on the Dead Bed wishing it would all just go away. I wasn’t going to suppress it to the point of convincing myself that I didn’t have a problem. Not anymore. This time, I was going to face it, and I was going to charge it down with every cell of determination I had. I couldn’t let fear stand in my way any longer.

  I quickened my pace and deposited my books on my desk, then after tightening my ponytail and smoothing down the front of my uniform, I jogged back down the corridor, down the stairs, out of the glass doors of the dormitory complex, and into the sunshine. I started up the path towards the office, but before I could reach it, my way was barred by a massive crowd of students all gathered beside the outdoor gym. I frowned with frustration and tried to force my way through before realising my attempts were futile. That was when I first heard the distressed sobs, the piercing shrieks, and the frantic shouting issuing from the middle of the throng.

  Lori and Emma suddenly appeared beside me looking confused. ‘What’s going on?’

  I shrugged, and then we tried to push our way through, but the students were packed tighter than sardines, all too focused on the event in the middle to realise we were trying to pass. I scowled as I was shoved backwards and then motioned for Lori and Emma to stay put as I said I’d find out what was going on. I looked around for something to climb upon, and my eyes fell on the brightly coloured climbing frame, so I made my way over there hurriedly. I scaled it and perched on the top of the monkey bars to search through the crowds for the source of the commotion, and then my heart plummeted straight down to the floor as my eyes fell on the scene that had unfolded.

  Rooftop

  Alex was standing in the centre of the crowd with hunched shoulders and a crimson face wet with tears, her whole body shaking with distraught sobs and her hands trembling violently as she reached her fingers to her mouth in distress. ‘Mrs Bentley, I promise I didn’t—’

  ‘This had gone too far for me to handle.’ The principal appeared suddenly beside Alex and held a hand out towards her. ‘Miss Calvin, please, let’s go to the office…’

  ‘But I wasn’t—’

  ‘I’m going to have to involve the authorities after this.’

  ‘Mrs Bentley—’

  ‘Now, Miss Calvin. Move.’

  A young girl with blonde pigtails suddenly moved into view, her lips trembling and fat tears brimming in her swollen, red eyes. A handful of students her age gathered around her compactly, wrapping their arms around her and patting every inch of her they could reach. Mrs Bentley moved towards her, shooed the other students away, and started directing her towards the office as well. ‘I’ll need you to stay with me until the police arrive, Lucy.’

  My mouth parted with shock and the blood drained out of my face. What was going on?

  Mrs Bentley asked the child something too quietly for me to hear. The kid motioned to her upper arms, stammering something unintelligible as fresh tears ran down her pale face.

  ‘I didn’t fucking assault anyone!’ Alex screamed suddenly, whirling around and snarling viciously as Mr Clifford moved and linked his arms through hers to restrain her. ‘Mrs Bentley, I didn’t do anything! This is all just some huge mistake! Ask Juli – go get Juli! You have to believe me!’

  I realised with a burst of fury as they started to make their way through the crowds that Alex was really and truly being accused of assault. I swung off the top of the monkey bars and started charging through the gardens without another second’s thought, slinging branches out of my way as they scratched every inch of bare skin available. I dodged the hordes of students and followed their direction towards the front office, finally stumbling onto lawn and frantically brushing a few stray leaves from my collar as I circled the multitude of people and headed for the front steps. Knowing I needed height, I didn’t hesitate to race across to the jacaranda tree growing beside the staircase and hurriedly scale it to the topmost branch. The boughs were bare with the coming of winter, leaving me with a perfectly clear view of the crowd below. Once at the top, I stood up straight, my feet curled around the rough wood for balance, one hand leaning steadily against the trunk and a scowl etched across my face as I called for everybody’s attention.

  ‘Oi!’ I bellowed, my voice echoing off the houses across the street. ‘Everyone, up here!’

  A confused silence settled over the hundreds of students and teachers gathered on the front lawn, and then a shocked murmur ran through the air as eyes sought me out amongst the grey branches of the jacaranda and fingers gestured to point me out to friends. So much for not being ready to shout it from the rooftops.

  ‘Hi.’ Everyone gazed at me in a mixture of confusion and apprehension, the latter probably for my current mental state. But I didn’t care if I looked absolutely insane, standing there in a tree screaming at the rest of my school – I just wanted this all to end. ‘Hi, it’s Juli. Don’t worry, I’m not crazy, I’m up here so you all can see me.’ The words started flowing from me without hesitation. My heart was pounding in my throat and my stomach was twisting with adrenaline, but this time it didn’t stop me. ‘I have an announcement to make,’ I said. ‘That there girl you’re accusing of assault?’ I pointed to Alex, who was watching me with pursed lips as she trembled every so often with suppressed tears. ‘Alex Calvin? The tall redhead who everyone I’m sure by now has heard really serious rumours about? Well, it’s all a lie. It’s all one fucking big lie. She never did anything of the sort. I’m her freaking girlfriend, alright? Not victim – girlfriend. And you can say and think what you want, but I really don’t give a shit anymore. I’m totally in love with Alex Calvin, and I owe her so many apologies for being such a dickhead that I can’t even begin to voice them aloud. And let me assure you that everything that’s ever been said against her is just one huge, messed-up misunderstanding that evolved because I’ve been such a fucking – witless – moron.’

  I heard Mrs Bentley’s grave voice from the midst of the crowd. ‘Lucy?’

  The blonde-haired girl whimpered in between words. ‘I didn’t know that, miss. She just grabbed me by the arms and I thought she was going to try and do things to me like I heard Gemma say she did things to one of the older girls…’

  ‘I grabbed you to move you out of my way,’ Alex snapped.


  ‘Yeah, and that older girl she was “doing things” to was me,’ I said. ‘And let me tell you I was doing them right back, and we were both very, very consenting about it.’

  ‘Alright, Julianne, that’s enough,’ Mrs Bentley said. ‘Jesus Christ, you girls are going to drive me into an early grave. Alright, everyone back to your classes now, there’s nothing more to see here. Julianne? Out of the tree immediately, and I will see you, Alex and Lucy in my office. Now.’

  I took a huge breath, meeting Alex’s eyes and smiling a little as the corner of her lips turned up. Then I looked down, and whether it was because I’d spontaneously developed a phobia of heights, or whether it was because I was in shock after making such a speech, or whether it was because I was so emotionally drained I literally did not have any energy left, I wasn’t quite sure. But suddenly the ground started to tremble underneath me, and the branches started to roll up and down, and I felt my head spin giddily and my face go numb and cold as the blood drained out of it. I gripped onto the trunk with one hand and frowned, swaying on the branch on which I stood. ‘I feel a little giddy,’ I said, blinking a few times.

  There were anxious murmurs from below, but when I looked at the sea of faces they’d merged into a grey indistinguishable smudge. I continued to rock unsteadily as I heard disjointed, anxious questions fired at me from every direction.

  ‘Juli? Juli, are you alright?’

  ‘Just climb down slowly, okay? Come on now, kiddo…’

  I started to climb down tremulously as my vision became more and more obscured and the world started spinning around me aggressively. ‘I feel dizzy.’ My voice was shaky as my hands started to slip from around the branches. ‘I…’

  ‘Juli, come on, steady now.’

  ‘That’s it, sweetheart, we’ve nearly got you. Just a little further…’

  ‘I’m coming up, okay? Just stay there…’

  Then without warning I slipped sideways and blacked out.

  Reunions and Reconciliations

  I blinked groggily as I awoke to bright white lights, and peered around through the slits in my eyelids. ‘Oh my God.’ I lifted my arms a fraction and struggled against the sheets encasing me, remembering what had happened with a puzzled frown as I felt hands help me sit up. I felt as though I was simultaneously recovering from a hangover and a very deep, very satisfying sleep. ‘Holy fuck,’ I said, my head spinning as I fell back against the pillows. I heard laughter in the background and blinked slowly, my eyes focusing on the four faces at the end of my bed: Alex, Lori, Emma and Miss Wheaton.

  ‘Hey,’ Lori said, grinning and laughing as I met her eyes.

  ‘How are you feeling, Juli?’ Miss Wheaton asked.

  I nodded to let her know I was fine, and then sucked in a startled breath as a fifth figure suddenly moved into my field of vision: a tall, sturdy, dark-blond, male figure with lighter-coloured skin and a few more grey hairs than I remembered, but a familiar figure nonetheless, with warm brown eyes that crinkled kindly as they met mine. I bit my bottom lip as it suddenly trembled a little. ‘Dad?’

  My father smiled, flashing his familiar overlapping teeth as he reached up and tapped an imaginary Akubra in greeting. ‘Howdy there, partner. I didn’t think I’d be seeing you so soon.’

  I straightened up hurriedly and held out my arms as he moved forward, wrapping them around his neck and hugging him for all I was worth as he leant over me and squeezed me tightly. Then suddenly it felt as though nothing else in the whole world seemed to matter anymore. My dad was there now, and he loved me enough to leave his girlfriend and newborn child in Melbourne to fly up and see me, and that was all I cared about.

  ‘We called an ambulance when you passed out,’ Miss Wheaton said as Dad drew back and sat down on the chair beside my bed, continuing to hold my hand in his. ‘You’re very lucky to have escaped with nothing but a few scratches and bruises. Thankfully there were quite a few people trying to catch you.’ She suppressed a sudden smile of amusement. ‘Anyway, the paramedics ran some tests but everything came back normal, so they said it was most likely stress that caused your collapse, and then they moved you here and said just to keep an eye on you.’

  ‘Well, I feel quite normal.’ I stretched out my arms in front of me and narrowed my eyes at the multitude of scratches and bruises along them. ‘A little banged up, but other than that I just feel like I’ve had a very, very good sleep.’

  ‘Well, I don’t think that’s anything to complain about.’

  I hesitated, watching my teacher’s kind face as she swept her blonde hair behind her ears, and meeting her eyes with sincere repentance. ‘I’m really sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused.’

  She surprised me by laughing. ‘Well now, I think a detention or two will stop you from climbing any more trees, don’t you? Mrs Bentley would like to have a chat with you and Alex though when you feel up to it, just to smooth everything out and tie up a few loose ends.’

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Five thirty in the evening. Dinner will be ready soon, but I suggest you just stay here for now. Mrs Donovan will bring you some tea later on.’

  ‘I heard all about your climactic showdown,’ Dad said teasingly, squeezing my fingers lightly. ‘I must say I’m rather sorry I missed that, seeing my daughter screaming at two hundred or so startled students from the top of a jacaranda tree – reminds me of when you were little.’

  My cheeks reddened as everybody laughed.

  ‘Anyway, pretty much the whole of Brisbane knows that you and Alex are an item now,’ Lori said, grinning. ‘There may be one or two households on the outskirts who didn’t hear you, but the rest of the city is covered.’

  I smiled a little, my eyes flickering to Alex, who was leaning against the far wall, her arms folded across her chest and her eyes roaming my face in silence. She didn’t smile when I looked at her, and I wondered with a pang of regret if we were still an item, or if I’d taken it one step too far this time, and she would want to seriously call things off. Then I almost laughed, because I realised the worry was still there, and that for some miraculous reason, it had simply released me from its clutch for the ten minutes I really needed it to. I shook my head slowly in a mixture of disbelief and relief that it was all finally over, thinking that my sudden burst of energy and bravery had been a freaking miracle.

  And then suddenly an encouraging little voice in my head spoke up and said that it hadn’t been some random miracle of fate. No, it had been courage, courage I knew now I had inside of me, courage I knew now could combat anything my mind told me I couldn’t handle. None of it had happened by chance, I thought proudly. That wasn’t a miracle that occurred. That was all me.

  I clenched my fingers tightly around my dad’s and smiled at the thought, and then I took a deep breath and glanced back at Emma, knowing that I hadn’t really had a chance to talk to her properly since my preoccupied confession a few days back. ‘I’m sorry I lied to you for so long.’

  She shrugged. ‘To be honest, I almost wish you hadn’t even told me during exams. It would have been so much more fun finding out via the insane jacaranda tree spectacle.’

  There were a few light laughs from around the group.

  ‘Anyway, we’d better go,’ Lori said, prodding my foot under the blanket with her finger as she and Emma made their way out. ‘But we’ll come see you after dinner, alright?’ I nodded and watched them move to the door before turning back to the others.

  Miss Wheaton stood up from where she was perched on the edge of my mattress and nodded at my father and me. ‘I should probably go as well,’ she said, turning to address me before she left. ‘Mrs Donovan’s next door if you need her.’

  I nodded. ‘Thanks, Miss Wheaton. And…’ I hesitated, meeting her eyes with a small sigh of contrition and longing, hoping to convey to her through that look just how much I loved her, and how grateful I was for her support. ‘I really am sorry.’

  She smiled gently and assured me that all was
forgiven before excusing herself from the room and heading off in the direction of the kitchens for dinner. A peaceful quiet settled in the room in which the only sounds I could hear were my father breathing beside me, the tick of the fans, and the occasional rustle from Mrs Donovan’s office.

  Dad sighed suddenly, and then reached out to take one of my hands in both of his. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he said. ‘Up to the moon and back.’ He looked at me intently, his expression open and warm and extremely comforting. I suddenly couldn’t understand why I’d ever doubted him.

  ‘I’ve missed you too.’ I straightened my posture somewhat, frowning a little. I was very conscious of the fact that Alex was standing in discreet silence against the opposite wall, her eyes averted now, but I didn’t want to stop talking to my father just yet – I’d only just got him back. ‘Did the office call you?’

  ‘Yeah. They let me know what had happened after dialling for the ambulance, and I thought it would be best if I flew up for a few days to make sure you’re okay. You remind me of your mum and me when we were teenagers, you know. We used to sneak ’round the back of my dad’s brewery and get absolutely hammered… Oh, yes, by the way – I heard about the first incident. Mrs Bentley has filled me in on absolutely everything.’

  ‘I’m sorry for screwing up again.’

  ‘Well, from what I’ve heard, life hasn’t been treating you very fairly. And for the record, I’m sorry too. For everything that’s happened between your mother and me, and for placing you in the middle of it, and for not being there when you needed me. I hope you know now that it will never happen again.’ He retrieved my hand from the mattress and squeezed it gently, smiling his familiar crooked smile. ‘I’ll be there from now on, okay?’