by Katie Meyer
“No, I didn’t quit. I was involved in an arrest and a man was injured. There was a lot of blood—his, not mine—so I had to put on clean clothes.”
“But those are scrubs, from a hospital.”
Jessica sighed. Obviously her mother wasn’t going to let her get away without telling her the full truth. Or at least something close to it. “I’m fine. Really, I am. But during the arrest the man fell on me. They took me to the hospital to make sure I was okay. Which I am,” she insisted as firmly as she could.
“And that is all that happened?”
Jessica squirmed under her mother’s steady stare. It was the same look her mom had given her when she was five years old and had a broken the neighbor’s planter. She’d never been able to hold out under that stare. “I may also have passed out. But just for a minute. I guess I get squeamish at the sight of blood.”
“Since when?”
Jessica ignored the question. “Or, the paramedics said it could be because I hadn’t eaten today. I guess I have to be better about that.”
Her mother took the bait. “Well that’s the truth. I’ve been telling you that for a long time. The way you run around on nothing but fast food and candy bars, it’s no wonder you had a problem. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll fix you up something.”
Jessica took a deep breath and sat at the table, grateful for the reprieve. Eventually she was going to have to tell her mother about the pregnancy, but not tonight. There was no way she was up to weathering that particular storm right now. First she would sleep. Everything else could wait until morning.
Chapter Five
Ryan spent the rest of his first shift with the Paradise sheriff’s department riding a desk. It seemed no one was eager to send the rookie back out on the street after he let his partner land in the hospital. Besides, he had more than enough paperwork to keep himself busy, or “out of trouble” as the sergeant had said. Unfortunately, neither the stack of documentation he was working through nor the sergeant’s obvious annoyance was enough to keep his mind off the scene at the hospital.
Funny, a few hours ago his biggest concerns had been making a good impression on the senior officers and staying awake for the graveyard shift. Those fears were only a few hours old, but they seemed like something from another lifetime.
Part of him was panicking, totally freaking out over the idea of a baby. Like most young single guys raising a kid wasn’t on his top ten list of things to do. At least not for another decade, give or take. Just the idea would be laughable if it wasn’t so panic inducing.
But layered beneath the terror was a niggle of excitement. A small thread of hope rising up through the fear.
Family was everything—he’d always believed that. It was one of the reasons he was so determined to be a cop, to carry on his father’s legacy. And now there would be another generation, a new O’Sullivan to carry on the family name.
Unless Jessica wanted the baby to have her last name.
That was a very real possibility. They weren’t married, they weren’t even a couple. Heck, after tonight they probably wouldn’t even be partnered together again. They were coworkers who had had a fling. A one-night stand.
Even as he thought it, he rejected the term. They may have been intimate only once, but it hadn’t been just the whim of a moment. He’d been drawn to her since the first time he laid on eyes on her. She had a magnetism, an intensity to her that outshined the more flirtatious, forward women he’d known. And now, knowing she carried his child, the pull was only stronger.
Of course, she had given no indication she felt the same way toward him. In fact, her leaving so quickly without any contact information or even a goodbye made it pretty clear that she didn’t. And right now his feelings for her needed to take a back seat while they figured out how to be parents together.
The first step would be getting Jessica to talk to him. After the way he’d put his foot in his mouth when they’d last spoken, that was going to be difficult. Somehow, he had to convince her that as surprised and scared as he was he was also looking forward to the baby, and wanted to be involved.
He was still pondering how to do that when he clocked out in the wee hours of the morning. By all rights he should be exhausted but instead he was on edge, too wired to head home and sleep. So instead of turning toward his apartment, he headed east, to where the land and the sea met.
He parked his car by one of the access stairways and got out, breathing in the clean salt-tanged air. Sand crunched under his feet as he walked, his steps taking him up and over the dunes to the beach beyond. There he stared out at the moon reflecting on the glittering waves and searched for the peace that the ocean always brought him. When his dad had died, when he and his stepfather were arguing, when he felt lost and wasn’t sure how he was going to find a way forward, he had always found solace at the beach. Tonight though, even the waves and the ocean breeze couldn’t wash away the riot of emotion surging through him.
Like many times before, he found himself wishing he had his father to talk to. His dad had been a simple man in many ways, but full of wisdom. He told it like it was, and that kind of directness was exactly what Ryan needed right now.
“Dad, I’ve made a mess of things. But I’m going to try to fix them.”
Although maybe it was better his father wasn’t here to see how badly he’d screwed up. From an early age his father had taught him to respect women, and be responsible when it came to sex. Sure, they used protection. But like the doctor said, condoms weren’t one hundred percent effective. Thinking back, he couldn’t remember if he had checked the expiration date. He wasn’t sure how old the box had been—he’d been too busy studying to have many occasions to use them.
He should have checked.
He should have asked if she was on birth control.
And he should have found a way to keep in touch with her after that night.
What would’ve happened if he hadn’t come to Paradise? If his buddy hadn’t needed to be in Miami to help take care of a sick relative? Would he even know about the pregnancy? Would Jessica have known how to find him to tell him? Would she have even bothered to try?
The thought that he might have had a child and never known about it made him sick to his stomach. That wasn’t the kind of guy he wanted to be. But proving himself to Jessica was going to be an uphill battle. He would do it though. He would find a way to be the man that his father would want him to be. The man he wanted himself to be. A man worthy of her.
* * *
The morning dawned too early and too bright, forcing Jessica to shade her eyes against the harsh rays shining through her window as she fumbled for the snooze button. Ten more minutes, then she’d get up. Burrowing back down into the covers she tried to find a comfortable position on the lumpy sleeper sofa.
Two weeks. Fourteen days until her new apartment would be ready. Until then she was stuck sleeping on the pull-out couch in her mother’s sewing room. The lumpy mattress was better than nothing, and she should be grateful for the free rent, but the situation was seriously lacking in many ways. It had been tolerable for quick visits home during college, but now that she was actually living in Paradise full time she needed her own space, and some distance from her well meaning but ever-present mother.
As if to underscore that thought, there was a knock on the door. “Jessica, you have a visitor. Un muy guapo visitor.”
Jessica’s stomach did a quick somersault—not from morning sickness this time, just plain old nerves. The only person who would be visiting her this early was Ryan. And yeah, he was handsome, but he was the last person she wanted to see.
Another knock. “Jessica, it isn’t polite to keep a man waiting.”
Lovely. Now her mother wanted to play cupid. Yeah, it was a little too late for that. She and Ryan had skipped the boyfriend and girlfriend phase and gone straight to the awkward former fling phase
. And mom wasn’t going to be happy about that, although the promise of a new grandchild would probably mollify her somewhat. Her mom had dreamed of Jessica’s wedding since before she’d even been born. It had gotten only worse since her brother, Alex, had married and started a family.
Jessica was happy for her brother, but marriage was the last thing she was looking for. As the baby of the family she’d had other people trying to make her decisions for her whole life. It was only when she’d left for college that she had finally started to feel free of the well-intentioned but smothering love of her family. She’d gotten a taste of independence, and she liked it.
She might be living on her mom’s couch, but that didn’t mean she had to let those old patterns reassert themselves.
She groaned as she threw on a pair of sweatpants and an old football jersey, her sleep-heavy body slow to cooperate.
First coffee. The paperwork from the hospital had said that two cups a day was safe—and she badly needed one of them right now.
Then Ryan.
Then her mother.
And then, she had to go back to work and face all the questions that would arise there.
Today was not going to be a good day.
Ryan was waiting for her in the living room, seated on the floral couch across from her mother’s favorite chair. Her mother held court from that chair as much as any queen on her throne. A true matriarch who ruled over her family with a benevolent but firm hand.
“There you are, Jessica. I was just asking Ryan to stay for breakfast.”
“Mom, I’m sure Ryan is too busy to stay. We just need to discuss some paperwork issues, isn’t that right Ryan?”
Ryan turned a startled glance her way at the lie, then nodded in agreement. “Um...that’s right. Paperwork. I just need Jessica’s signature on a few of the reports from last night.” Jessica let out a relieved breath. The story probably wouldn’t hold her mother off for long, but it would give her at least a little breathing room. She’d deal with one difficult person at a time. “Ryan, why don’t I grab us each a cup of coffee and I’ll meet you on the front porch. We can look over things out there.”
“Sounds good,” he said, rising. “It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Santiago.”
Her mother looked from one to the other, one eyebrow raised. Oh yeah, she knew there was more going on than met the eye, but at least she was too polite to say so in front of a guest. No doubt the questions would come fast and furious once Ryan had left.
“The pleasure was mine. It’s always nice to meet one of Jessica’s friends. Perhaps you can come by another time and stay for dinner. Jessica is a fantastic cook.”
Jessica rolled her eyes at her mother’s shameless and fallacious attempt at matchmaking. “I’ll just be a minute.”
She left Ryan to show himself back out to the porch and headed for the kitchen and the coffee. Avoiding her mother’s eyes, she focused on loading a tray with two steaming mugs of the rich Cuban brew as well as a bowl of sugar and a small carton of cream.
“Would you like me to bring you out some pastries?” her mother asked, no doubt hoping to eavesdrop on their conversation. Her mom had better instincts than any private investigator, a trait that had annoyed Jessica to no end as a teenager.
“No thanks, Mom. I’ll eat something when I come back in.”
It was only May, but stepping outside was like stepping into a sauna. It had rained briefly at some point—not enough to cool things off, just enough to send the humidity sky high, making it feel like even the air was sweating.
But there was a fan to stir up a breeze, and she’d rather be outside with the privacy than in the air-conditioning with her mother attempting to overhear.
Making sure the heavy front door was securely closed behind her, she set the tray down on the small glass top patio table and motioned for Ryan to help himself.
Once he had fixed his coffee to his liking she took her own mug and cradled it. She didn’t need the added beverage’s heat given the weather, but she did need the caffeine. And on the topic of things she needed, she could also use a miracle. Some way forward that didn’t involve living on her mother’s couch, losing her job or being broke for the rest of her life.
Needing to break the awkward silence, and to take her mind off how good he looked despite probably having gotten even less sleep than she had, she decided to clear the air. “Thanks for playing along. I haven’t told my mother yet—though I’m sure I will soon. Please don’t think she was implying that you have any kind of responsibility toward me. Just so you know, I don’t expect anything from you. I know this was an accident, and I don’t blame you. So if you are here to ease your conscience you don’t need to bother. I’ve got things covered.”
Ryan blinked once, then took another slow sip of coffee before setting down his mug. “That was a great speech. How long did it take you to come up with it?”
Jessica flushed. “It’s not a speech. It’s the truth.” He didn’t need to know that she’d spent several hours last night putting the words together.
“Well I’ve got a speech of my own,” Ryan said, easing from his chair onto one knee.
“Jessica Santiago, will you marry me?”
Chapter Six
Ryan waited in silence as Jessica’s mouth hung open in shock. Part of him was enjoying seeing the always-composed Jessica finally rendered speechless. Another part of him was taut with anxiety, unsure how she was going to answer. And all of him was busy taking in how gorgeous she looked.
Even in a ratty shirt two sizes too big, with her hair piled on her head in a messy knot, she was spellbinding. He liked seeing her all tousled and half awake. He’d missed out on that after their one night together, when she’d snuck out while he was still sleeping, and he intended to make up for it.
And he would, if she would agree to his plan.
She had to agree, it was the only thing that made sense. At least that was what he had decided around 4:00 a.m., after evaluating every possible scenario. He just needed to find the right way to convince her.
“Well, are you going to say anything?”
She shook her head, her eyes wide and dilated in confusion. “Is this some kind of sick joke? Because it isn’t funny.”
“It’s not a joke. I’m serious. You and I both know what it is like to grow up in a single-parent household. I want to give our child better than that, and I believe you do too.”
“We can’t get married just because we’re having a child. This isn’t the 1950s.”
Maybe not, but that wasn’t his only reason. Of course if she wasn’t pregnant he wouldn’t be ready to propose, but he had been captivated with her since they met, which was why it was no hardship to give up his spot in Miami for a friend. He’d been more than happy to have an excuse to see Jessica again. And late at night, when he couldn’t sleep, he thought of her. But he knew her well enough to know she didn’t want to hear any of that. If he claimed he had feelings for her, she’d say he was being ridiculous, and she would probably be right. So he left all that out and tried to appeal to her logic. “You have to agree that there would be benefits. First of all housing. Unless you were planning on raising the baby here?”
A look of horror crossed her face. “Definitely not. I love my mom, but we tolerate each other best in small doses. I’m not sure we would both survive if I stayed here long-term.” She took another sip of her coffee, as if the very thought had left a bad taste in her mouth. “But I don’t see why that means I should move in with you. I have my own apartment lined up—my lease starts in a few weeks.”
“No offense, but I know how big of a place a rookie deputy can afford.”
“Newsflash—you make the same salary I do. What makes you think your place is any better than the one I’m moving into?”
“Because I’m not renting an apartment. I had a little money set aside from my dad’s life insu
rance and I used it for a down payment on a cottage on the other side of town. It needs work, but it has good bones, and the price was right. I’m fixing it up a little at a time, and I can more than cover the mortgage on just my salary.”
“I don’t need you to pay my way. I can take care of myself.” Jessica’s eyes sparked with anger, and darned if he didn’t find the sight sexy as hell. But if he told her that, she’d probably kick his ass.
“Look, I’m not disputing that you’d find a way to handle things on your own. But this isn’t just about you. When that baby comes your pride isn’t going to pay for a playpen or for diapers. Admit it, you’re going to need help.”
“Maybe.” He could tell from her frown that she hated admitting even that. “But there is such a thing as child support. If you are so all-fired determined to help you can write a check.”
“And if that is all you will accept, then I will. But I want to do more. I think our child deserves more. I want to be there for the first kick. I want to make midnight runs for ice cream cravings. I want to be there for those middle-of-the-night feedings. I want to change diapers and give baths. I want to be a father to this baby, and in order to do that as fully as I’d like to, I want to be a partner to you.”
Her eyes widened at that last part. “Please. You aren’t going to try and convince me that you’re in love with me and that we will just be one big happy family, are you? I’d have thought you of all people would have known the difference between sex and romance. Or do you propose to all your one-night stands?”
He winced, her words arrowing in on the parts of himself he was least comfortable with. “No, I don’t. And I’m not going to lie and say I’m in love with you. But being with you was a hell of a lot more than just scratching an itch. Admit it, Jessica, there’s something between us, something that you can’t deny.”