Going Up

by A. E. Radley

  Selina nodded and entered the room. There was a cheap IKEA coffee table, a wooden framed chair, and an old-looking sofa. There were a handful of books lined up on the windowsill, and a floor-standing lamp stood in the corner.

  It looked bare and half-lived in, and Selina reminded herself that Kate was so very recently homeless. She couldn’t imagine starting over, especially with limited funds.

  “It’s clean,” Kate said, gesturing to the sofa that Selina was hovering next to.

  “I didn’t doubt it,” she said.

  She sat down, coffee in her hands and watched as Kate sat in the chair opposite her. She seemed nervous, unable to quite meet Selina’s eyes.

  “How are you feeling?” Kate asked, seemingly fascinated by the contents of her coffee mug.

  “Embarrassed,” Selina admitted.

  “But okay? I was worried you might have been drugged. I don’t think that kind of thing happens in Parbrook, but you seemed more drunk than—”

  “I don’t believe I was drugged,” Selina interrupted. The sooner this portion of the conversation was over, the better, as far as she was concerned. “I was foolish and very lucky you found me. But I’m still not sure how you managed to do that.”

  “I called you. Don’t you remember?” Kate looked up, finally.

  “I don’t remember anything from last night.” Selina sipped her coffee. She wasn’t being entirely truthful. She did remember kissing someone. A woman. And she remembered Kate’s soft hands cupping her face.

  She was fairly sure the two weren’t related. Although it wouldn’t be a bad thing if they were. She shook her head slightly, wondering where that errant thought had come from and willing it to get back in line.

  “I called, and you sounded very drunk,” Kate explained. “You told me where you were. But when I turned up, you were being led out of the pub by two women who looked… suspicious.”

  Selina looked out of the window. Two women sounded familiar to her. Having gaps in her memory was no fun, but she suspected that the memories could be far worse.

  “I realised one of them was taking your bag—”

  Selina raised one of her hands. “I think I get the picture.” She’d been a foolish old woman, played by some con artists right in front of Kate. She felt so ashamed.

  Kate nodded. Her brow was furrowed in confusion. “I have to ask, what happened before that? You didn’t show at work, and you were really drunk… that’s not like you,” Kate said softly.

  “No, it’s not,” Selina agreed. “But I suppose that was my reaction to realising I’d been tricked.”

  “Tricked?”

  Selina sighed. There was no way out; she had to explain. Another humiliating blow.

  “By Jonathan Addington,” she said. “You were right when you said my only focus was getting a seat on the board. I wanted to be on the top floor of that building, and I didn’t care what I did to get there. Sadly, that was well known, and I… I missed some obvious signs.”

  “Like?”

  Selina placed her mug on the coffee table. “Like the fact that Jonathan knew he could get me to do the dirty work, raise the company to a level where his father would feel confident to resign, and then fill the board with his golfing buddies, leaving me to wait until ‘the right time.’”

  “Which would be… never?”

  “Most likely.” She rubbed her forehead. “I was so laser-focused on the play at hand that I didn’t see all the pieces on the board. I knew how to make Addington’s a successful and profitable company, and that is what I focused on. I was under the impression that hard work would be rewarded, but I forgot that was the way of Nicholas, not his son. Once Nicholas is out of the way, Jonathan will do whatever he wishes. I’m worth more to him where I am now than I am on the thirteenth floor.”

  “I am so sorry.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I acted appallingly. Walking out and getting drunk. I’m lucky I didn’t end up…” She trailed off. The variety of places she could have ended up had been cycling through her mind for a while. She felt ashamed and a little frightened. “Thank you.”

  “It’s fine, I’m just glad you’re okay.” Kate paused and took a sip of her coffee. “Are you okay?”

  Selina didn’t know if she was okay. She pondered the question for the first time since she’d started to sober up.

  Kate had hit the nail on the head when they’d last spoken. Well, the time she could remember that they’d spoken. She had been pig-headed and had burnt every bridge. She had no one. Abi still refused to speak with her. Her marriage was now well and truly over, thanks to the signed papers. Her career was gone, too.

  By the time she realised she was crying, Kate was already next to her on the sofa, pulling her into a hug.

  She didn’t know what was happening. Selina Hale didn’t cry. And yet suddenly she was.

  She shook with emotion as it all came tumbling out of her. Through it all, Kate held her tightly and murmured comforting noises into her hair.

  Selina started to relax into the embrace. The feel of strong arms around her was comforting, and things didn’t feel quite so terrible for a moment or two. Kate had rescued her, given her a bed for the night, and was now allowing Selina’s emotional dam to break.

  A small voice told her that she was better than this. How could she cry in front of Kate? The young woman had been through so much more than Selina had. What gave her the right to pour tears in front of her?

  You’re twice her age, she unhelpfully reminded herself. She was supposed to be the strong one. The one who fixed things. The one who had it all figured out.

  And she most certainly shouldn’t be the one breathing in Kate’s scent and feeling things that she had no right feeling.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she extracted herself from the hug. She stood up and wiped away her tears. She had to escape; she couldn’t spend another minute in the safety of Kate’s arms. If she did, then she worried she’d say something she’d regret, something more than thank you. Something that would push Kate away forever. “I should go. I… have to get new keys. Bank cards. I need to… to speak with the police. I’m sorry. Thank you, I really… really can’t thank you enough.”

  She all but stumbled her way to the door and made her exit.

  History Retold

  It took Kate a little longer than she would have liked to grab her bag and chase after Selina. She knew she couldn’t have gotten far. After all, she had no money and probably no idea where she was.

  When Kate threw herself through the building’s front door and onto the street, Selina was standing on the pavement looking a little lost and a little sheepish.

  “You’re like me,” Kate observed.

  “I doubt that,” Selina said. There was nothing unkind in her tone, and Kate suspected it was supposed to be a compliment.

  “No, you are,” she continued. “You find it very hard to accept help.”

  Selina’s lips slowly curled into a confirmatory smile. “You may be right about that,” she admitted. “I’m sorry I ran away like that. I’m a terrible houseguest.”

  “You are,” Kate agreed readily. “You’ll also need an Uber to get home. Luckily, I can help you with that.” She got her phone out of her pocket and accessed the application.

  “The tables have turned,” Selina said. “Now I’m relying on you.”

  “Just call me your guardian angel,” Kate joked.

  Selina laughed. It was genuine and heartfelt. Kate smiled to see the Selina she recognised.

  “I’ll gladly thank you a thousand times over. God knows what might have happened to me…” Selina began her earlier thought and trailed off yet again.

  “Don’t think like that,” Kate said softly. She knew all too well how easy it was to become consumed in what-ifs.

  Selina didn’t reply. Kate looked up from her phone to find that the woman was looking at her thoughtfully.

  “Why did you call me?” she asked.

  “I was worried about yo
u,” Kate replied simply.

  Selina looked surprised by that, which was a little heartbreaking. Kate was determined not to pity her. The woman was strong and independent and deserved better than that. She’d suffered a setback, but Kate had no doubt that Selina Hale would be back, tougher than ever, in no time.

  Selina didn’t seem to know what to say. She stood there silently watching the cars go by.

  Kate added Selina’s address to her Uber app and requested a pickup. One of the great things about her building was that it was near the central library, which shared office space with the council. That mean that Uber drivers were constantly in the area.

  It only took two minutes for a car to pull up. Kate was relieved when it did show; she was eager to get Selina home. The woman looked exhausted and emotionally frazzled.

  Kate greeted the driver and opened the door for Selina. Once Selina was inside, Kate walked around the car and got in the other back passenger door.

  Selina looked at her in confusion.

  “I have the afternoon off,” Kate explained as she settled onto the seat. “And I thought you could do with a friend today.”

  Selina looked deeply touched. Kate worried that more tears would be on the horizon.

  “Besides, you must have a wicked hangover,” she added in an attempt to lighten the mood.

  “There is a brass band practicing in my frontal lobe,” Selina agreed. “May I ask what you said to my building management?”

  “Just that your keys were stolen.” Kate deliberately hadn’t given too much information. She knew Selina wouldn’t want her doorman knowing the truth.

  “Thank you for your discretion.”

  “Not a problem.” Kate fidgeted with her phone, turning it over and over in her hand. “Look, Selina, I’m sorry about what I said that day you came to see Carrie. I was out of order—”

  “No. You were right.”

  “Maybe, but I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”

  Selina shrugged. Kate knew that was Selina’s way of saying the conversation was over.

  They sat in silence as they made their way to Selina’s building. Kate wondered why she was even there. Did Selina want her there? Would she admit it even if she did? She desperately wished, not for the first time, that Selina wasn’t so impossible to read.

  They arrived at the building, and Kate followed Selina into the ground floor management office. Everything was laid out ready for her: a new keycard for the communal areas and the spare key to her apartment. A locksmith was booked to come out in the afternoon and replace her locks.

  In total, the whole thing took less than two minutes, and Selina didn’t even say thank you as they left the office and entered the elevator.

  “The joys of a managed building,” Kate said as they stepped into the elevator.

  “I pay through the nose for that level of service,” Selina replied. She turned to look at Kate. “You don’t need to waste your afternoon off here.”

  Kate licked her lips. She needed to play this right. “Do you want company?” she asked.

  Selina hesitated a moment, which gave Kate a spark of hope that her presence was perhaps wanted.

  “I’ll go if you want me to,” she continued. “But if you don’t want to be alone, I’m happy to stay. I didn’t have any plans today.”

  Selina examined the elevator control panel for a moment before she spoke. “Well, if I’m not keeping you from something important…”

  Kate smiled. It was nice to have some confirmation that Selina wanted company. She’d always suspected that there was a softer side to her, buried under the hard exterior. She knew it was a cliché, but clichés existed for a reason.

  She wanted to believe that Selina was a kind person somewhere under all the ice. And she knew that part of her reason for wanting to believe that was the fact she’d somehow developed feelings for her. As much as she tried to ignore it, it was becoming impossible to pretend otherwise.

  She didn’t even know when it happened. At first, she’d thought it was an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Selina’s part in helping her rebuild her life. But she could be grateful and not have to endlessly pull her gaze way from Selina’s legs.

  No, she knew that it was more than that. Kate wasn’t someone who mixed up her feelings easily. After a childhood following all the rules, she’d turned into a pragmatic adult who knew herself inside out.

  They entered the apartment, and Selina let out a relieved sigh, clearly glad to be home.

  “I better make some calls. Please, make yourself at home.”

  “You should probably eat something,” Kate reminded her.

  Selina’s hand hovered over her stomach hesitantly, and she looked green at the thought.

  “I know you don’t feel like it, but you need something. Is there anything you can imagine eating?”

  Selina looked almost shy. “Maybe I could try some toast after my calls,” she admitted.

  “I’ll get it for you. Hold on.” Kate held up her hand to stop Selina from vanishing into the apartment. She went into the kitchen and got a big glass of water. “Try to drink all of that. You need to drink as much water as possible.”

  Selina took the water and nodded. “Thank you. I’ll do my best. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “No worries. I can entertain myself.”

  Kate returned to the kitchen while Selina went towards her bedroom. It was obvious that a drunken Selina had at some point returned to the apartment. The formerly immaculate kitchen had cups, glasses, pots, and pans strewn over its counters. The dishwasher was open, and a tea towel was on the floor.

  Kate smiled to herself and started cleaning up.

  Kate had cleaned up, made herself a second cup of coffee, and was flipping through a tediously boring business magazine when Selina finally returned.

  Kate looked up, intending to enquire how everything went, but the question became lodged in her throat. Selina was wearing skin-tight leggings and a loose T-shirt.

  “Go well?” Kate managed to say. She tore her eyes away and focused on the article about wealth fund management in Japan.

  “I suppose. Jonathan didn’t seem to notice I’d quit. The police want me to make a statement, which will be humiliating. And I don’t have any casual clothes other than what I wear to do yoga.” Selina walked over to the coffee machine and poured herself a cup. “It was this or my nightgown.”

  Kate’s brain unhelpfully inserted an image of what she imagined the nightgown would look like. Selina liked the finer things in life, so Kate decided silk. Probably short. Probably—

  “I’ll need to go shopping,” Selina blessedly interrupted Kate’s thoughts.

  “Go and sit down, I’ll get you some toast.” Kate slid off the stool and brushed past Selina towards the toaster. She’d set out some plates earlier and was now just waiting for Selina to get back from her calls. She knew that the road to recovery included plenty of water and something to line the stomach.

  “You don’t need to wait on me, I’ll be fine,” Selina said.

  Kate pointed a finger in Selina’s direction. “I’m doing something nice for you. Accept it and go and sit down.”

  “You’re bossy,” Selina observed. However, she took her mug and went to sit in the living room.

  Kate made toast for the two of them and took two plates into the living room. She was surprised that Selina would eat in there, especially considering the grand dining table that screamed of decadent dinner parties.

  Selina thanked her and took a dainty bite of toast. “May I ask you a question?” she asked as she chewed.

  “Sure.”

  “You don’t have to answer,” Selina added.

  Kate’s heart sank. Nothing good had ever come from that statement. “Err. Okay. What?”

  “How did you end up homeless?” Selina broke eye contact and stared at the crumbs on her plate. She was obviously curious, probably had wanted to ask before, but hadn’t dared. Now she’d put the question o
ut there, but looked fearful of how Kate would react.

  “It was a variety of reasons,” Kate said, diplomatically.

  “I see. Of course.” Selina took another bite of toast, looking slightly chastised.

  Kate bit her lip. She’d never really told anyone the whole story. Not all of it. There had never been anyone willing to listen. Besides, she still felt some unwarranted shame about the series of events. She knew it would be a good idea to speak through what had happened, though. Maybe it would soothe some of the pain.

  “My… parents,” Kate started. She coughed away the stone in her throat. “They were very conservative and very religious. They had one daughter, and they raised me to be just like them. I didn’t question a thing they told me. I went to church, and I never thought for myself.”

  Selina glanced up, locking eyes with Kate.

  “They were best friends with a couple who went to the same church, and that couple had a son. And it was decided that it would be just so nice and perfect all round if he and I were married. So, from as young as I can remember, he was there and he was going to be the person I spent the rest of my life with.”

  Selina’s eyes widened in horror.

  “It wasn’t like an arranged marriage,” Kate clarified. “Just… so damn perfectly convenient for everyone. And I had no idea I could say no. I think at that time I wouldn’t have even wanted to have free choice; I wouldn’t have known what to do with it. He was the only person my age I ever knew. I spent all my childhood at home, being moulded by my parents or the church. We lived in a tiny village, so the school was in the church.”

  Kate put her plate on the coffee table, appetite gone.

  “We were married when I was sixteen. I didn’t know what love was. We both got jobs, he worked for the church, but I worked elsewhere. And I started to hear things outside of the bubble I’d been living in. I started to question things, wonder about things I’d been told. Nothing major at first, just curiosity. I questioned things with my husband, Simon, but he sort of ignored it. Told me I was being silly. The longer I worked outside of my bubble, the more I questioned things. I think Simon felt me slipping away from the church and from him.”