I pull the steering wheel around for a u-turn and plant my foot on the gas.
I don’t even see the van coming in the opposite direction, not until I slam head-on into it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mia
I hear a car door shut from what sounds like my driveway and I glance at the watch on my wrist.
It’s only 3.30pm, so either Luke is early, or I have an unexpected visitor.
I wander over to the front window and peek out from behind the net curtain. It’s not Luke at all. It’s Caleb.
My heart rate speeds up as I watch him look up at the house. His features look so much like Troy it gives me this awful sense of déjà vu all over again.
I love Caleb like a brother, but for no reason other than the way he looks, it was hard to be around him for those first few months after my husband died.
I found myself staring at him constantly and wanting to touch him. He reminded me so much of my husband for the longest time, I just had to stay away from him.
He steps towards the house and I get a feeling of unease in my stomach.
I can tell something is wrong, and in that moment, I just know. He knows about Luke and me.
That’s why he didn’t turn up for work. That’s why he’s here now. To confront me about it.
There’s a knock at the door and I feel myself break out into a cold sweat.
This is exactly what I was afraid of. He’s going to be so angry with me – and with Luke. He’s going to be so disappointed in the both of us.
My head swings back and forth between the door and the front room where I can see Joe playing with his cars.
I don’t want Joe to witness this; he’s too young to understand why his favourite uncle will be mad at his mumma. He’s too little to see us argue and fight.
I have to be strong, if not for myself, then for my son.
I take a big, deep breath and put on my big-girl pants. Luke isn’t here to save me this time – I’m going to have to face this one on my own.
I can do this. I can keep this situation civil and under control.
I don’t have to explain myself to him anyway. I don’t have to explain this to anyone.
I love Luke and he loves me, and if Caleb or anyone else doesn’t respect that, then they know where the door is. I repeat it like a mantra in my head, over and over, until I build up the courage to answer his knocking.
I swing the door open and my entire resolve crumbles.
Caleb has been crying. His eyes are bloodshot and he looks… upset… more so than angry, and I’m not prepared for that at all.
“Hey, Mia,” he says, and his voice sounds as rough as gravel.
“Are you okay?” I reach out for his shoulder, but pull my hand back short; he looks like Troy again, and all of a sudden I feel light-headed.
“I’m fine,” he tells me, but it’s like I’m watching it through a haze.
I blink, once, twice, three times, trying to make my brain understand that the green eyes in front of me belong to Caleb, not to Troy, but I’m past the point of reason.
In my mind, Troy is in front of me and he’s hurting. He’s hurting because I betrayed him.
Luke and I… we made him cry.
“Troy… I’m sorry,” I whisper.
I feel myself sway before everything goes black.
***
“C’mon, Mia, Jesus Christ, wake up already. I’m freaking out here.”
My lids flutter open and closed again.
“Oh, thank god, I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance,” Caleb tells me with a slight edge of hysteria to his tone.
Caleb says those words, not Troy.
I open my eyes again and look at the man crouched down next to me. Yes, his eyes are the same green, but they’re rimmed with a hint of gold that Troy’s weren’t; yes, they have the same jet-black hair, but Caleb’s is longer and shaggy, where Troy’s was always cut short and tidy, and Caleb has a thick beard on his face where Troy was always clean-shaven.
This isn’t Troy, it’s Caleb, and I feel like a fool.
“What happened?”
“You passed out.” He’s looking at me with concern in his eyes. “I caught you when you fell – you didn’t hit your head or anything, but you were out to it for a long time… Maybe you should see a doctor?”
“I’m okay,” I tell him.
At least I think I’m okay – if not a whole lot embarrassed.
“Joe.” I push myself up in a rush, suddenly panicked about just how long I’ve been out for, and my head spins.
“Relax, Mia, he’s fine. I told him you were taking a nap and I took him over to Maria’s next door. He’s eating cookies and colouring in.”
My body sags back down to the couch in relief.
“I’m sorry, Caleb, I… I… I’m not sure what happened.”
He looks at me with sad eyes. “You thought I was Troy.”
“I don’t know what went through my head.” I sigh.
He sits down on the edge of the coffee table and looks right at me.
“You panicked.”
“You’d been crying… I thought you knew… it was like it was him… oh god I’m so sorry,” I ramble.
“I do know, Mia…” he replies quietly. “I know about you and Luke.”
I know it’s not the question I should be asking, or what I should be saying, but it’s what finds its way out of my mouth first as I squeeze my eyes shut tight. “How did you know?”
“My parents.” He says the words as though they’re causing him physical pain.
“Oh shit,” I mutter.
I don’t know if I’m more terrified about the version of events that his awful mother is likely to have given him, or angry that he had to speak to her at all because of me.
“They called you?”
“She not only called me but turned up at my place this morning.”
“They’re still in town?” I wince.
“It would seem so.”
I groan and cover my face with my hands. “What did she tell you?”
He doesn’t answer me after a long, long pause, so I peek out at him from between my fingers.
“Are you still dizzy?” he finally asks.
I shake my head.
He holds out his hand to pull me up and looks at me with sad eyes.
“Can we go for a walk?”
***
We’ve walked about four blocks in total silence.
It’s as though neither of us knows what to say or how to start this conversation that we desperately need to have.
I glance at the ‘for sale’ sign on a beautiful old house that I’ve always admired as we walk by. I could picture myself living in a place like that, but I’ve always been too nervous to really consider selling the house that Troy and I bought together.
I smile to myself. I don’t feel so scared about the idea now, and I know that’s got a lot to do with Luke.
The only thing I’m scared about when he’s around are how quickly my feelings are growing and how little control I have over them.
But he’s not around right now, and I’d only be lying to myself if I said I didn’t fear this conversation with the man next to me.
“So…” Caleb finally says, breaking the silence between us, and I sigh.
“So…” I repeat back to him.
“You and Luke?”
“I guess so.” I shrug. “It’s a really new thing.”
“Mum said she caught you two in bed together.”
“Caleb, I—”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that… you don’t need to explain, Mia. You’re both adults and quite frankly, Mum is a bitch.”
I let out a nervous giggle. “She’s something alright.”
He shoots me a sympathetic look, and I’m grateful for the fact that no matter how disappointed or angry he is at me, he still isn’t going to try to justify the actions of his mum.
“I’m sorry that you had to find
out like this, we wanted to tell you ourselves, but we haven’t had a chance, you have to believe me when I tell you that this is a new thing… It just sort of happened.”
I look up at him and he nods but doesn’t say anything in response.
“I’m sorry that you got dragged into your mum’s drama.”
He huffs out a breath. “You know, it’s the first time I’ve seen her in ages, and she didn’t once ask how I was, or if I was seeing anyone, or ask me what I was doing for work. It was all about Troy… and how the two of you had betrayed him and tarnished his legacy.”
His words drive a knife into my gut. I might be able to forget about what Everly said to me, but I don’t know how to deal with the obvious pain she’s caused Caleb.
He’s been like a little brother to me for a long time.
He’s three years younger than me, and I’ve watched him grow up since he was a fourteen-year-old, with pimples and greasy hair.
Troy and I were teenage sweethearts and I spent a lot of time at his family home – and with Caleb – so I care a lot about the young man in front of me, and I hate seeing him so obviously hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
He laughs humourlessly. “Don’t be. My mum’s a bitch, Mia.”
“You know that’s not what I’m apologising for,” I whisper.
He nods again and falls silent. We walk another whole block without saying a word. I can tell he’s thinking, I just have to hope that he’ll talk when he’s ready.
“You know, I was mad as hell when I found out.”
I can feel myself breaking out in a sweat again.
“I was angry at you, and Luke. I couldn’t understand how you could do this to Troy.”
“Caleb, we—”
He holds up his hand to stop me from saying any more. “Please, Mia, just let me get this out.”
I snap my mouth shut and wait.
“I was so mad. I nearly went to work and punched Luke… He kept calling and it just made me more and more angry. I wanted to come over to your place and yell at you – or shake some sense into you… but I knew I couldn’t do either of those things. So instead, I went out to the cemetery and just sat there and told him all of it. I know he can’t hear me anymore, Mia, but I didn’t know where else to go.”
I know how he feels. I’ve spent countless hours at that very headstone, telling him everything there is to tell about Joe and I… telling him everything he’s missed out on.
I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as Caleb speaks. I want to say something, anything to make him feel better, but I don’t. He’s asked for my silence and that’s the least I can give him.
“I’m hurt, Mia, I don’t know how else to explain it.”
I hate that I’ve hurt him.
Anger from his mother was bad enough, but hurt, that’s something different.
I love Luke, I really do, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to deal with this.
I can feel my pulse quickening and my heart feels like it’s trying to jump out of my chest.
I want to run, but my feet won’t move.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, because I can’t think of anything else.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.” His voice sounds defeated. He sounds like he’s running on empty.
I don’t know what to say either. All of a sudden I feel like I’m running on empty too.
The vibration of my phone ringing in my hand startles me. I glance down at the screen, but it’s not Luke’s name flashing across it like I’m expecting it to be.
“I better get this,” I tell Caleb as I hit ‘answer’ on the call from the private number.
“Hello?”
“Hello, I need to speak to Mia Vander please.”
“Speaking,” I answer as I glance up at Caleb.
He’s standing still, and it’s only then that I realise I’ve stopped walking. I can’t explain the feeling of unease in my stomach, but it’s there.
“This is Olivia, calling from City West Hospital emergency department – I’m one of the nurses here, I’m afraid I have some unwelcome news for you.”
My whole body tingles with awareness as I process what she’s saying.
“Oh my god, Joe.” I clap my hand over my mouth as panic sets in.
My baby. Something is wrong with my baby.
“Mia?” Caleb questions as he reaches for my arm; his face looks how mine feels.
“No, ma’am,” the woman on the phone tells me. “The patient’s name is Luke. Luke Kingsford.”
Relief floods my system momentarily, before panic sets in again.
Joe might be fine, but Luke isn’t.
“Luke,” I whisper as fear takes over. “Is he okay?”
“I’m going to need you to come down to the hospital, Mia. As soon as you can get here.”
I feel faint again. I can feel the darkness seeping in around the edges the same way it did earlier.
The entire street feels like it’s spinning. I don’t know if I’m awake or asleep right now, but I still have it in me to curse myself for being so god damn weak and fragile.
“Luke is in hospital.” I say aloud. “No, no, no, no…”
There’s a feeling, like a weight pressing down on me, threatening to crush me.
“Mia,” Caleb says, “Luke needs you, we have to go.” The mention of Luke’s name is enough to pull me out of my trance.
The man who has taken care of me through everything needs me to help him now.
I blink once, twice, three times before taking off at a run down the street.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Luke
A try to suck a deep breath into my lungs and groan as my ribs scream in protest.
I bring my hand up to my face and tug on the tubes that I can feel stuck in my nose. I don’t like the feel of them. I want them out.
“Uh, uh, uh,” a voice tells me as I feel a small, warm hand covering mine. “You still need those.”
It’s the voice I know like the back of my hand. The same one I’d recognise anywhere, even in my dreams.
“Mia?” I ask; my voice sounds scratchy and my throat feels dry.
“I’m here,” she says, and I feel the warmth squeezing my hand again, only gently, like she’s afraid she might break me.
“I’m right here,” she says again, and this time it’s almost a sob of relief.
I open my eyes and blink a few times, trying to make out my surroundings. It feels like I’ve been asleep for a long, long time, but I’m still struggling to keep my eyes open.
“Where am I?” I ask as they fall closed again.
“You’re in the hospital, you were in an accident,” she tells me, her voice so soft and gentle. “You got pretty banged up, but you’re going to be okay.”
As soon as she says it, I remember.
I remember the impact. The sound of metal slamming against metal.
I remember the van.
My eyes fly open and I try to push myself up to a sitting position. “The other driver, are they okay?”
Her hands are on my chest in a flash, preventing me from trying to climb out of bed.
She’s not particularly strong but combined with the pain thrumming through me at the sudden movement, and the concern in her eyes, I don’t try to push it any further.
“He’s fine. Just a few cuts and bruises. You came out worse off.”
I release a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding in.
If someone had died out there, I don’t know what I would have done.
“It was my fault. I was distracted looking for Caleb and then I got your message and I was so worried. I didn’t look hard enough.”
I can hear the panic rising in my voice.
“I didn’t even see the van until it was too late.”
“Hey,” she soothes. “It’s okay. He was speeding, it’s not all your fault. There was no way you could have seen him in time –
distracted or not.”
A nurse comes into the room and effectively ends our conversation. “Good morning, Mr. Kingsford, I’m glad to see you’re awake.”
It occurs to me then that I don’t even know what day it is. I don’t know how long I’ve been in this bed or even what’s wrong with me.
“How are you feeling?” she asks as she picks up my chart from the end of the bed and starts scribbling down some notes.
“Sore,” I say.
“I can give you some more pain relief?”
I shake my head. I’ve dealt with worse pain in my life, and any more relief will only make me sleepy. I need to find out what I’m dealing with before I go back to sleep.
“What’s wrong with me?”
She looks up from her notes and then glances at Mia, who gives her a nod to go ahead and tell me.
“You’ve got a fracture to your arm and ribs, a badly sprained ankle and wrist, a couple of nasty gashes that have been stitched up, a concussion and a whole lot of bruises. But all in all, nothing too major; you were lucky, all things considered.”
I nod my head as she lists off my injuries. She’s right, it’s not too bad. Nothing that a few weeks off my feet won’t fix.
“You’re going to need to take it easy for a little while, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t make a full recovery. We’ll just need to keep an eye out for infection – some of those cuts were quite deep.”
“I’ll take care of him,” Mia tells her. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t over do it.”
“Okay good.” The nurse smiles at her before turning to me. “She’s the boss, you got it?”
I try to raise my hand to salute her, but it’s obviously my sore one, because pain shoots up my arm and I wince.
“Alright, more pain relief for you,” she announces.
I protest, but I’m outnumbered by the two of them, and before I know it, everything feels a little bit fuzzy and warm again.
I don’t know what they’re giving me, but it must be some good shit because I’m pain free in an instant.
Mr. March: A Friends to Lovers Romance (Calendar Boys Book 3) Page 9