The Reluctant Medium

by GG Anderson

  Finally, I stood, “Ok, I guess I will go.” I waited, fully expecting her to appear as I threatened to leave.

  Still nothing.

  I heard a door and footsteps and smiled.

  “Can I help you?” It was another student, covered in paint, holding a brush.

  I stood straight, “I’m sorry. I was supposed to meet someone here.”

  He looked around, annoyance filtering across his expression, “Well, it’s just me.” His eyes looked down the hall.

  “I’m so sorry, we must have gotten our wires crossed.” I grinned politely.

  “It’s ok, I needed to take a break anyway. The paint wasn’t sitting the way I wanted it to.” He wiped his hands on his paint splattered pants. “I’m Ryan. I’ve got a senior art show here in two weeks. I’m finishing up the last piece.”

  “Hi Ryan, I’m Savanah. I was supposed to meet a friend here, but I guess I got my places wrong. I’m sorry, I better figure out where I’m supposed to be.” I started towards the door.

  “Hey, if you want, you should check out my show. It’s pretty good, I think you’d like it.” Ryan smiled a bit too wide.

  “I will see, maybe my boyfriend will want to go, he is more into art than I am.” I had no idea if that was true, but it sounded cool.

  Ryan’s face fell, “Ok, yeah. Ask him.” His smile returned but not nearly as bright as before.

  I waved as I walked out the front door.

  On my walk back, I contemplated Elizabeth’s story again. She was alive when her mother died. She must know her mother is dead, so why doesn’t she know where she is?

  The air felt cold tonight, but not as crisp as it had been. I looked around to find no little patches of snow remaining from the winter. Maybe March was going to be warmer. A slight wind gust swirled a left-over leave on the side of the walkway. I felt the chill go through my spine. Then again, maybe not.

  Sleep felt erratic. Twisting from Elizabeth, to Karson, to Brock. Every question revealed another challenge. Every challenge posed another question. I wanted to help them, I wanted to watch them disappear like I did with his grandpa, but I didn’t know how. Dr. Eyebright had said I didn’t need to fix everything, but if it wasn’t to fix it, what was the point?

  I woke before my alarm, resigning to the fact tired was my new normal. Welcome to the life of a college student. I readied for the day, heading out before my first class to see if I could contact Elizabeth.

  Blachley felt colder today. I walked towards the adjoining art gallery, just to make sure I was alone this time.

  “Why are you back here?” Elizabeth’s voice scared the crap out of me.

  I grabbed my chest, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t hear you walk in. Elizabeth, how are you?”

  She looked annoyed. “I don’t like that place.” She pointed to the gallery.

  “Why? They put pretty art in there. You could go look at artwork when you don’t have anything to do.”

  “I don’t like their stuff. It’s ugly.” She turned and walked toward the front of the house. She headed toward the living room, and I sat on the sofa as I was sure that is what she intended. “I’m sorry I couldn’t play last night. He was here.” She pointed again with disgust at the gallery.

  “It’s ok, I came back.” I smiled wide.

  “You did.” She paced the small room, stopping to look out the windows.

  “I found out a little about your mother,” My words were barely above a whisper.

  She turned towards me, then gazed back out the window.

  “Took a long time to find out about us, didn’t it?” She didn’t look back.

  “Yes, it did. I thought you lived in the house for many more years than you did. That is why I had a hard time finding the right family.”

  She turned toward us. “No one remembers them. No one but me.”

  I staired at the little girl. How sad she must be. “I know now. It isn’t remembering, but I will keep your story.”

  She shook her head, “You don’t know the whole story.”

  She never needed anyone to find out what happened, she needed someone to hear the story so it wouldn’t be lost. So, she wouldn’t be lost forever. “Tell me. Tell me about your family.”

  Today, Elizabeth didn’t feel like just a four-year-old girl. Today, she felt like a much more mature person, in a tiny toddler sized bottle.

  “We were just fine with Aunt Rose and Grandma Mertie. We didn’t need to ride the train forever to get here. We should have stayed.”

  I waited for her to continue.

  “Daddy wanted to go, so we did. Aunt Rose said we should stay but Mama said, ‘I go where he goes.’

  We had to leave some of my dolls to make room for everything else. I didn’t like it here. I cried and cried, but mama said we would get used to it. She said my brother would like it. I said, I don’t want a brother.

  Then daddy left for work one day. I was mad, I was sick of this place and wanted to go home. Mama said this is home.

  I went upstairs and put my stuff in my trunk. I would go home without her. I tried to carry my trunk but couldn’t. That made me more mad.

  Mama came upstairs and told me to stop sassy talk. She said I had to be a good girl. I didn’t want to be a good girl. I wanted to go home! She went down the stairs and I ran after her. I was so mad, I wanted to just go home.

  She fell, and then she was sleeping. I cried and cried. I told her I was sorry, I told her I would be a good girl. I told her I would stay if she would please wake up.

  Daddy came home. He was so sad. He said she wouldn’t wake up. He said she would sleep forever now. And so would baby.

  I didn’t feel good after that. I was so hot. And then I went to sleep to, but I didn’t see mama there. Daddy left; he was sad. I waited for mama to come, because I was sleeping too, and I came back here.” Elizabeth turned toward the stairs, “She never came back here. I don’t know where she is. She said this was home.”

  Tears were rolling down my face. What a tragic story for the little girl. Subconsciously, she blamed herself for her mother’s death. “I am so sorry Elizabeth; I don’t know why she didn’t come back.”

  I stood, and walked closer to her, breathing intentionally, and focusing on staying grounded. “I think she may have moved on.”

  “Where?”

  “Just on, Elizabeth. Maybe there has been a light, or a door or something that you haven’t gone towards?” I completely was pulling ideas from books and movies. I had no idea what the ‘other side’ would look like.

  She shook her head, “No, that is not it.”

  “I am sorry.”

  She shook her head. “And no one knows about us.”

  “I know about you.”

  “Yeah but who are you going to tell?” she tilted her head towards me.

  “I can make sure your story is remembered. Would that help?”

  She nodded. “Yes. People need to know about mama and daddy and baby and Aunt Rose and Grandma Mertie.”

  “I will do that.”

  “Promise?”

  I thought about who I would tell the story too, and how. I didn’t like to lie, and honestly, I tried hard not to, but in this instance, I figured I would try to keep my word and that would have to do. “I promise.”

  “Ok.” Elizabeth looked more relaxed more childlike again, “Thank you.”

  “Thank you for telling me.” I stood up, “I have to get to class now, but thank you again for trusting me.”

  Elizabeth beamed, “You are welcome.”

  I walked to class processing another story of tragic ending. So much time had passed, and she had waited.

  Class came and went, and I was thrilled that I killed my big exam. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I expected it to be.

  That weekend, Tyler’s parents came down for a game. I was so nervous to meet them. All I could think of was they would know I had sex with their son. It would be somehow written on my forehead, glowing like ink under a black light.
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br />   Tyler kissed my cheek, “Do you have any idea how much I love you? I don’t care if they do know. In fact, should I start the introductions like that? ‘Mom. Dad this is Savanah the best lay I have ever had.’ “

  I hit his shoulder, “Ouch, I have a game. Don’t make me send coach over to talk to you too.” He laughed.

  Two people matching the photo walked towards us, waving with excitement. Tyler pulled me back to his side, grinning ear to ear.

  They won the game, which made everyone happy. Camryn came too, so that helped with the small talk with the parents. Tyler’s parents were very nice and didn’t seem at all unhappy with how serious we had already gotten. Tyler had no restraint around them, kissing me, holding my hand, even slapping my butt once. I shot him a sharp glare and he laughed.

  “They like you,” he said as we walked back to my dorm.

  “I don’t know, they don’t know me much.”

  “They know you make me happy, and that is the most important thing to them.” He held my face in his hands. “And you do make me so happy.” His lips teased mind and I stretched to reach. He laughed as he read my irritation. “Wait, I didn’t think you liked public displays.”

  “I will make an exception,” I said as I wove my fingers into his hair. His hands grasped my hips and I let out a little sigh. “Ok, you’re right, this isn’t the place.”

  “You know, we don’t have to get you home yet.” He smiled that smile I couldn’t resist.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The weeks were filled with studies and tests and baseball games and track meets. Spring was officially happening on campus, whether the temperature reflected it or not. Tyler and I did almost everything together, and Camryn had started dating another guy on the track team. I hadn’t allowed Brock to enter my space, so my days were almost normal, or as normal as I wanted them to be.

  I made a point to visit Elizabeth at least once a week. She told me more stories, mostly of when she was in Pennsylvania and she had tea parties with her aunt or would play dolls with her neighbor. I wondered how much was true and how much was just the imagination of a four-year-old.

  Lab still had the cadaver ghosts, but I hadn’t found they needed anything from me. So, besides laundry girl, it only left Karson. I hadn’t seen Karson for weeks, and I knew if I wanted to talk, I would have to head to the roof.

  Honestly, I had been avoiding it. I didn’t really have any desire to climb up there in the cold, alone. I knew the whole excuse was silly. I had been alone for the most part the first time we went, but there was something about Karson being there that made it not as difficult to navigate by myself.

  The rest of the story was I didn’t know what I could do for her. I felt terrible that she had her whole future ahead of her and it was ripped away. But I couldn’t do anything. The reality was her killer was dead, her parents were dead, and her brother was apparently beyond reach. It weighed heavily on my heart. A few times, when we would all be sitting around laughing or just hanging out, Karson would come to mind and I would instantly feel guilty that she never got this. She never experienced life after high school. She really barely lived.

  Maybe it was because she was so much closer to my age than Elizabeth that it bothered me so much.

  Camryn was headed to Vegas with a few friends for Spring Break, Crystel and her girlfriend, who were back together, were headed to Montana to do a hiking trip and Tyler was headed home to spend some time with the parents.

  I hadn’t really decided to not go to my grandparents, I just didn’t know what I wanted to do yet.

  “Come home with me. We can stay at the ranch; it would be just the two of us,” Tyler pleaded.

  “How is that spending time with your family?”

  He shrugged, “Because I would rather spend time with you.”

  “Nope, your parents don’t hate me yet, I would rather keep it that way,” I laughed.

  Camryn was just as bad.

  “Dude, we’re driving. It isn’t like there isn’t room for one more. We are staying in a hotel that we can squeeze one more in. It will be practically free.”

  “Except for the fake ID I would need to buy to make it any fun at all.”

  “Ok, so that’s like $150, but after that, it would be basically free.”

  I laughed, “Yeah, because I will eat air and live on water.”

  She sighed. She knew a lost cause when she saw one.

  “I really appreciate you inviting me however,” I added, shoving her with my shoulder.

  “Hey you’re my girl. Always babe.” She winked, and I think she genuinely wished I were going.

  People were packing up to leave for vacation. Classes had ended mostly on Thursday and only a few were being held on Friday. By Saturday morning, campus was a ghost town.

  Tyler had stayed an extra night with me, since the room mates were all gone.

  “Are you sure you won’t just come with me?” He asked as we cuddled in my bed. His fingers made figure eights on my back.

  I sighed, the idea of this for a week was so tempting. “No,” I resolved, “as much as I would love to spend the week just like this, you need some time with your parents. It’s important. Especially with everything that happened this year. You guys need to just have some family time.” He kissed the top of my head, and I almost changed my mind.

  “Savanah, I don’t know how I am going to survive without you for a whole week” he laughed as he said it, which made me giggle.

  “You are going to have to deal with the whole summer. This is good practice.”

  “I’m not open to that.” His tone grew serious.

  I pulled back to look at him, “Well, I am not sure how else this is going to work. My grandparents live in Albion, you live in Yakima. We’re talking a heck of a drive for date night.”

  His lips turned down in a frown. “We are going to have to figure something out. I don’t want to be that far away.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Let’s table it until after spring break, ok?”

  “Ok, but I am going to have a hell of a plan when we circle back around to this.” He propped himself up on his elbow. “But seriously, let’s talk about it for real when I get back, ok?”

  I nodded, emotions clogging my throat. Who knew at the beginning of this year I would be here?

  Finally, we had wasted half the day away and it was time to admit he had to get on the road. I kissed him goodbye and watched his car drive away.

  I turned and headed to the lab building. I had an old friend to chat with.

  I kept a close eye out for anyone hanging around. A few international students remained on campus, with the usual staff. Mostly, the professors had taken off as well, which left several empty buildings and hallways for campus safety to patrol.

  I headed up the stairs, listening intently for footsteps above or below me.

  When I reached the top floor, I pushed the heavy door open and carefully climbed the ladder. I propped the door open to get to the weird access area, and double double checked that it was not going to close. I slipped out onto the bright rooftop and saw her immediately.

  She sat staring off the edge. “I thought you had forgotten me,” she smiled, but sadness enveloped her eyes.

  I looked down with shame, “No, I would never forget you.”

  “I see you go over to the little girl's house at least once a week.”

  My face fell, “You know about Elizabeth?”

  She nodded slowly. “Poor little thing. She was one of the first ones I saw here.”

  “Wait, so you can see other...”

  “Dead people? Yeah, sometimes. If I want to, that is.” She turned back toward the view.

  “You know he is here too, don’t you?”

  She nodded. “I figured it out pretty early. I thought he would find me, but I figured out if I choose not to be found, there is really nothing he can do.”

  “So, you can block just him?”

  “No, it is block all of it. Either I see oth
ers, or I don’t, there is no secret handshake I can give out to just the ones I want to get in,” She giggled.

  “I am so sorry about what happened to you. I wish I could do something.”

  She turned towards me, “You can. Don’t let our stories get lost. Any of them. No one has heard what you have. No one knows my side of the story because they weren’t there. No one knows what happened to Elizabeth. Sure, people think they know, pieces of it are still out there, but they are names and dates. They are reports in a historic record. They aren’t our stories. They aren’t who we are. Only you know that now.” She turned back to the view. Cars driving too and from, now annoyingly stopped at a train going through.

  I thought of Elizabeth traveling as such a small child by train.

  I thought of Karson, coming to the greatest summer camp of conferences and special speakers.

  “I’m glad you came tonight,” she stood up and walked a little closer to the edge.

  “I’m glad I did too,” I beamed.

  “No, that isn’t the only reason I am glad.” She smiled and her face had shifted, “I am moving on tonight.”

  My eyes instantly misted over. “I am so happy for you.”

  She shrugged, “You know I could have before, but I just couldn’t leave. Something was holding me back, and I think it was you. I think I needed to meet you first.”

  I tilted my head, “I am sorry it took so long for me to get here.”

  “There are no accidents. You came at the right time.” She walked to the edge of the building. “I think I am also ready to leave college,” she smiled and laughed a little.

  I stepped closer. She was dead, but her standing on the edge of the building made me very nervous. “Well, you probably have a couple of degrees by now. I bet you have sat in on a ton of classes.”

  She started walking on the edge, her hands out to balance her. “At least three degrees,” She grinned, “And I didn’t pay for a thing!” She chuckled, “Free college education is a thing!” we both laughed.

  “They’re gonna bill ya.”