I See You

by Molly McAdams

  My head shook slowly, absentmindedly. “Jentry, I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?” he asked, his tone full of disbelief. “Did you not hear me? It took three Marines to pull me off him. He tried to have me arrested, Aurora. Do you see why this scares me?”

  “He was pushing you.”

  “That doesn’t excuse it.”

  “I see you. I see the protector you are. Declan’s been on the receiving end of your anger, and he never once mentioned being worried about that for me. He was worried you would leave me. Your commanding officer must have seen what you did to that guy, and I doubt he would have only put you on restriction if he thought you had serious problems with your anger. And if you really thought you were like your biological father, I don’t think you would have trusted yourself in the position you had in the Marine Corps, and I don’t think you’d trust yourself to potentially be a police officer.”

  “There are men in those positions who are like him.”

  “But they aren’t you,” I whispered, and pressed my mouth to his to stop any other arguments he may have had.

  I removed my shirt, then cradled his face in my hands to deepen the kiss when he pulled me over so I was straddling him. When his fingers went to the clasp on my bra, I pulled away far enough so my lips continued to brush against his when I spoke.

  “From the beginning, you’ve been trying to protect me from you, Jentry. Protect me from something that isn’t there.” When my bra fell to the floor, I grabbed one of his hands and placed it on my chest, and sat back to look directly into his eyes as I asked the question I had so long ago. “Should I be scared of you?”

  His dark eyes blazed, but he didn’t speak.

  “You said no then, and I knew that I could trust you. It doesn’t matter what kind of past you’ve had, what your mother told you, or what your sister wants you to believe. You are good. There is nothing inside of you that could ever hurt me.”

  I released his hand to place mine against his chest as I had the day before. “Now do you understand?”

  We sat like that for long moments, and though he didn’t respond, I watched as the internal struggle played out in his eyes and on his face. Every part of him wanted to believe what I was saying, and he was beginning to, but it wouldn’t be so simple. I knew that no matter what I said today, and no matter what he believed in that moment, Jentry would have to be the person to push his fears away for good. He had to be the one to decide that he wasn’t going to allow his past to continue to haunt him for the rest of his life.

  “Now tell me,” I pleaded against his lips as I slowly pulled his shirt off his body. “What scares you the most right now?”

  “Waking up tomorrow in a desert without you. Not knowing who you really are or if I’ll ever see you again.” Jentry lifted me off his body and laid me flat on the bed, and rolled over until he was on his knees so he could take my shorts and underwear off. His eyes never left mine, even when he stepped off the bed to finish taking off his own clothes. “But you’re here,” he began when he knelt back on the bed between my legs, and bent to kiss his way up them. “I can touch you and taste you.”

  A shuddering breath left me when he pressed a slow kiss to my sex, and then continued up my stomach and chest.

  When he was hovering above me, he gathered my hands in his and whispered, “I can see you, Aurora, and you’re so damn beautiful. And you’re finally mine.”

  I only had enough time take a breath in before Jentry slammed my hands straight out to my sides onto the bed, and pushed into me. The same breath I had just inhaled forced back out of my lungs with a powerful rush; my mouth fell open as my body stretched around him.

  His fingers intertwined with mine and dug into the comforter, pinning my hands to the bed as he held himself over me. Each thrust was rough, exuding power and control, and was oh so perfect.

  He released my hands and slowed the movement of his hips when I wrapped my legs around his waist, and his fingers trailed gently up my arms until he was tenderly cupping my neck with one hand, and burying the other in my hair.

  Slowly, his hand fisted in my hair and pulled down to expose my neck to him. Goose bumps spread across my skin and a warm shiver ran down my spine at the slightest hint of stinging across my scalp. Heat flooded low in my belly when his thumb softly moved over the front of my throat.

  Hard and soft. And I knew this was just this beginning, and would be so different than the night before.

  His head dipped so he could place soft, slow kisses across my chest and between my breasts, and my already uneven breathing turned ragged when he moved to focus on my nipple. His hips began moving faster and faster, and just when he started to slow again, the teasing licking was replaced with a swift bite that forced a cry from my mouth.

  Soft kisses were placed on, and around, the area where he had just bitten down. The hand that was still tenderly cupped around my neck moved to trace faint shapes along my throat. My body shook with the need for him to continue this, and the need for more of the other.

  Jentry’s hand suddenly tightened in my hair, forcing my head back more. I tried to reach for his head in hopes that I could keep him where I wanted him, but another jerk in my hair had me arching so far against the bed that I had to grab hold of the comforter at my sides again. My legs tightened around him, and it was all I could do to try to hold on as each jolt of pain sent a shock to my core, and was immediately followed by the sweetest soft.

  My body was so tightly strung that I knew . . . I knew whenever the next blissful hard came I would come crashing down around him. And I wanted to so badly. Each time he backed away left me ready to scream for more, ready to beg for that much-needed end, yet all that left my mouth were whimpers and moans.

  He removed my legs from him and pulled away from me, but just as I was about to protest he slid down my body and covered my sex with his mouth. Within seconds of his teasing, the tightening inside me became too much, and my body began trembling, and suddenly it felt like I was weightless as warmth surged through my veins.

  I was still struggling to catch my breath, slowly coming back to earth and the bedroom when Jentry flipped me to my stomach and pushed me up onto my knees. Keeping my chest on the bed, he took both of my hands in one of his and rested them at the small of my back as he roughly pressed into me again.

  “Jentry!” I breathed; my body shook fiercely as my second orgasm took over the first.

  My legs trembled. I was barely able to keep myself up as he pushed into me over and over, nearing his own release.

  He abruptly released me and curled over my back, his body tense and tight against mine. One of his arms wrapped around my stomach to keep my body pressed against his; the other shook as he struggled to keep both of us up, his hand planted firmly on the bed inches from my face.

  His chest moved roughly against my back as he slowly lowered me to the bed, and every inch of my skin covered in goose bumps when he lowered himself enough to press his lips to the base of my spine, then higher and higher until he was covering me again, and his mouth was at my shoulder.

  Hard and soft. I knew I would never have one without the other, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Because this sweet, tender side of him was just as incredible as the body-numbing sex.

  He gently rolled me onto my side and curled his body around mine so that he was facing me, but I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, I could barely keep my eyes open.

  “Sleep,” he said gently. “Just know that when you wake up, I’ve got a year to make up for.”

  I smiled lazily and ran my fingers across his forehead and down his cheek. “We have a long, long time to make up those months lost, Jentry.”

  “I don’t plan to spend the rest of our lives making up what I’ve already lost with you. I’ve got a lot to look forward to with you, so give me a week or two, and then it’s only present and future.”

  My eyebrows lifted and a startled laugh escaped me. “You want to make up for a year in a
week or two?”

  Dark eyes dipped down my bare body, making me feel too warm, and somehow, impossibly, I wanted to feel him again.

  “Aurora . . . yeah.” His husky growl had me biting down on my bottom lip.

  “And what happens when these two weeks are over, and you have to actually talk to me?” I asked teasingly. But even as I said the words, I moved closer to brush my mouth across his.

  Jentry held my face away from his to study me for a second. “You didn’t have to take your clothes off for me to fall in love with you. If you had changed your mind in that room and all we’d ended up doing was talking to escape the party, we still would have ended up right here.”

  I curled my hand around one of his and stared at him in wonder. After a few moments, I whispered, “Thank you for not letting me go.”

  His eyebrows pulled together as confusion settled over his face.

  “If you had ever truly let me go, we wouldn’t be here.” I leaned forward to kiss him soundly, then settled down with my head against his chest. As I had the night before, I drifted off to sleep listening to Jentry’s beating heart while he slowly pulled his fingers through my hair.

  27

  Present Day

  Jentry

  “I just, I can’t—I don’t know how to handle this,” Aurora said in frustration the next morning. She stopped loading up the box in front of her and leaned against the wall.

  “Well, unless you plan to write ‘fragile’ on it, I don’t think you need to handle with care,” Taylor mused sarcastically.

  “Funny.” But Aurora sounded defeated, and when she saw me take a step in her direction, she put a hand up in silent plea for me to stay. “I’m fine, this is just throwing me off. In my head . . .” She trailed off, and looked sadly at all the boxes around the room. “I obviously know that Declan is okay, and that we’re just moving his stuff back to your parents’ house,” she said to me. “But I keep starting to feel this overwhelming heartache, and I start to panic. Because when Declan was in a coma, I was terrified of having to box up his stuff for Linda if he never woke up. So doing it now is making that come back even though that isn’t the case. And—I don’t know. It’s frustrating and I can’t make it stop.”

  “Do you want Taylor and me to finish this?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “No, we’ll be done in a minute or two. It’s just weird. I don’t know how that fear is even able to slip in. I feel like I’m devastated, and then I remember that he’s fine.”

  “Well,” Taylor said, “if it makes you feel any better, I don’t know how to handle the fact that I’ve been here for two hours, and Linda hasn’t shown up to say something ridiculous to you.” She sighed longingly. “I like bitchy Linda. She’s easy to make fun of.”

  “Taylor . . .” Aurora didn’t try to continue, just shook her head and went back to packing.

  If I hadn’t seen the way Mom treated Aurora firsthand, Taylor’s words would have bothered me more. “Still my mom,” I reminded her as I finished closing up a box.

  Taylor widened her eyes as she picked up her box to leave, giving me a look as if she didn’t care. “She’s still super-rude.”

  “Enough.” Aurora gestured in the direction Taylor had gone. “I’m sorry. You already know about her—”

  “No filter,” I finished for her, and smiled. “Aurora, it’s fine.”

  “But she is the best.”

  “Of course I am,” Taylor said from the doorway. “I’m gonna make a coffee run. Rorie . . . usual?”

  “Please. Extra shot of espresso,” Aurora mumbled from where her head was buried in the box.

  Taylor glanced at me and mouthed, “I’ll make it two.” Then louder, “Want anything else while I’m out?”

  I looked over to Aurora, who was shaking her head. “I’m fine. Just get me whatever you’re getting Aurora.”

  “Want me to take the boxes over to Declan so there’s no awkward moments? Yes? No?” Taylor asked, drawing out the word.

  “No, I’ll do that later,” I answered. “Let me get my wallet for you.”

  “Well, isn’t that sweet. Except I already have someone who funds my caffeine addiction, so we’re covered.” She blew Aurora a kiss and said, “Don’t have a panic attack if I’m not here to watch it. Love you!”

  Aurora rolled her eyes and shouted, “Back!”

  I waited until I heard the door shut to say, “Even if I had never met you, I would have run screaming from Taylor that first night at the beach.”

  She laughed softly and closed up the final box. “She’s fun.”

  “She’s something,” I corrected.

  Her smile slowly faded as she looked around at the three remaining boxes in the room, her head shaking distractedly. “So weird. He’s fine; I know that.”

  I walked across the room and pulled her away from where she was pinned between the wall and a box, and into my arms. I pressed my lips to the top of her head and kept them there when I said, “He’s doing PT at my parents’. All of his stuff will be gone in a couple of hours, and if you want to come so you can see him, then I want you to.”

  Before she could speak, the front door opened and shut. Aurora cocked her head to the side and called out, “What’d you forget, Taylor?”

  My arms tensed around her when I heard the responding voice.

  “My, my, my, my, my. We sure don’t waste much time around here, now do we?”

  Aurora’s face fell. “Is that—”

  A wild laugh came from the front of the apartment, answering her question before she could get it all out.

  “Poor little Declan,” Jessica began as Aurora and I hurried from the bedroom. “I could always go play nurse for him. Looks like he needs someone to take care of him now that Miss Perfect has moved on,” she sneered, her eyes raking over Aurora as she spoke.

  “Leave,” I demanded.

  “Whatcha gonna do if I don’t, Jent?” She smiled wickedly, and turned in slow circles as she made her way back toward where the other two boxes of Declan’s things were. She popped open the top box and looked inside. “What do we have here?”

  “Jess, leave. I won’t keep asking you.”

  She curled her lip, but didn’t look up at us. “You’re no fun anymore. Hey . . . remember when you used to say that if I wished real hard, the bruises would disappear? You lied,” she said sullenly, and pulled her hair back to show faint fingerlike bruising on her neck.

  “What happened?”

  “Who cares? Not you!” she hissed. “Oh wait, do you? You gonna go defend your whore sister’s honor?” She laughed loudly and began advancing on us. “You gonna go get mad? You gonna hit someone?”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “Why?” she snapped.

  “God damn it, Jessica, let me help you!”

  “Help? You can’t help? You’d only make things worse! You would ruin me; he ruined me. He ruined her!” Her wild eyes were still on me, but she was suddenly pointing at Aurora. “You’re going to ruin her! It’s inside you! You will hurt people if you keep running from who you are!”

  The way she was screaming and looking at me was so like the way our mother had all those years ago. I could feel my anger simmering in my veins and my chest’s movements growing more pronounced.

  Just as my hands started to clench into fists, Aurora slipped her hand into one of mine and squeezed tightly.

  “I see you,” she whispered from beside me.

  And in that moment, I could see what Aurora had tried to tell me. Because I could feel it all—but I could also feel her.

  And that anger was there, and it was simmering in my veins, but it was growing hotter and hotter because I was fucking terrified that there was a possibility that Jessica could be right.

  I squeezed Aurora’s hand back, and waited until I knew I wasn’t going to yell at Jessica—something I knew she wanted so badly.

  My chest was still rising and falling roughly, but my voice was calm when I finally looked my sist
er in the eye and said, “The only thing I could ruin is my life if I let you stay in it. You know when you can come back. Until then, I don’t want to see you again. Leave, Jessica. Now.”

  Jess waited, seemingly unfazed, though I knew better. The way she was holding herself showed her hurt and disappointment, but after a handful of seconds, she smiled wickedly and turned toward the door. She swayed the entire way out, as if she didn’t have a care in the world, all while singing, “Someone’s gonna go boom.”

  Aurora exhaled roughly once she was gone, and tightened her grip on my hand. She twisted so she was in front of me, her head already shaking sadly. She didn’t need to say anything, I already knew. Everything she was thinking was clear in the way she was looking at me.

  She was proud of me.

  She loved me.

  She was worried about what would happen with Jess in the future.

  “We just need to get through one tough situation at a time,” she said warily after a minute of us just standing there holding each other.

  “Yeah. I’d like to say that one’s done, but I have a feeling she’ll be the last.”

  “We’ll figure it out.” She buried her head into my chest, and didn’t move until the door burst open again a while later.

  Taylor came in already talking, and stopped walking abruptly when she saw us. She pointed at us with the drink carrier. “What’s wrong? Did I miss something? If y’all were about to cozy, you can just wait, because it’s Taylor time and I have my fuzzy socks.”

  “Oh, Taylor.” Aurora laughed, and for the first time in too long, it looked like she was free of all the weight that had been pressing down on her. After pressing a quick kiss to my chest, she winked at me and turned. “Let’s just say Linda has nothing on what you just missed, and other than that, it is completely unexplainable.”

  Aurora

  I woke up sometime after Taylor had left that morning to an empty bed even though Jentry had been curled around me when I’d lain down, and it took a few seconds to realize I heard the shower running. A quick glance over my shoulder at the open window confirmed the sun was just getting to the high point in the sky, but my body felt tight, as if I’d slept for hours.