SBMC Miami Box set

by Erin Trejo

  I just stare back at the reflection of the girl that I didn’t want to see. I’m not sure who she is anymore. I left this girl years ago to find someone new. I changed her. I made her someone else. Now she’s here, staring back at me. There’s no makeup. Just long blonde hair and big blue eyes. My insides are trembling. I never thought I’d want to be her again.

  Monster is slowly pulling her back to the surface. That scares me more than anything else could. A soft knock on the door has me reaching up to wipe my eyes.

  “You okay?” Monster asks.

  “Just give me a minute,” I tell him.

  “It’s been over two hours babe. You need help?” he chuckles which causes me to smile.

  “No. I’ll be out in just a minute.”

  I blink a few more times, tilt my head, and study myself. Can I go back to who I once was? Can I be her again? I don’t know that I have it in me. I take a deep breath, reach for the knob, and walk out of the bathroom.

  “I was thinkin’ you tried to escape, but there’s no window,” Monster teases until he looks up at me. His whole demeanor changes. His eyes widen as he takes me in. “Jesus Christ.”

  “You make me want to be myself again. I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I admit.

  Monster sits up on the bed and motions for me to come to him. I take slow steps, unsure of how I feel right now. When I get close to him he reaches out and pulls me into his lap. He runs his fingers through my hair.

  “Is that bad?”

  “Hell no. It’s you. I liked you before, but this is who you are Kyza. I want to see that part of you,” he says honestly.

  “Why? What if you hate me when you see who I truly am?”

  “I could never hate you baby. There’s somethin’ between us and you know it. You have to be able to feel this as much as I can.”

  He’s right. I can feel it. It doesn’t change anything though.

  “Things happened to me. They changed me. I did things I shouldn’t have. There are so many secrets that no one knows,” I admit.

  It feels good to at least admit that much, that I’m hiding things, it’s lifted a huge weight off my chest.

  “I know. I want you to tell me, but I’m not forcin’ you to say shit. I’m not that kind of person. I think you know that. We all have secrets. When you’re ready you’ll tell me. I’m not goin’ anywhere Kyza,” he whispers the last part as he presses his face into the top of my hair and inhales.

  “Will you tell me a secret?”

  He sighs and his warm breath is blowing my hair slightly. I snuggle into his embrace and feel his naked warmth pressing against me.

  “I lived in California my whole life. I met the club there. It was a different chapter. They took me in when I was at a very low point in my life. I hated pretty much everything, but mostly I hated people. They didn’t look at me any differently though. They just opened their arms and embraced me,” he says blowing out a breath before he continues. “I met a girl. She was sweet. Nothin’ like the other girls. I thought she was really into me. We fucked. We hung out. She became somethin’ I wanted in my life, but it was all fake. She was just another lie. She was just another mess I had to clean up.”

  “What happened?” I ask holding my breath.

  “She lied to me. She cheated on me and was sellin’ me and my boys out to a rival club. She was runnin’ intel for them. I hated myself for trustin’ her. I hated her for what she did, but the club was in a good place. The guys had their old ladies and shit was finally goin’ right. You know?”

  He shakes his head as I turn mine to look up at him.

  “What happened to her?”

  I can see it before he even admits it. His eyes darken and the look on his face morphs to one of pain. He doesn’t want to tell me, but he’s going to. I know that look. I’ve seen it.

  “I knew I had to protect the club. They never liked her. They never thought she should have been there, but out of respect for me, they let it slide.”

  “You did it. Didn’t you?”

  He nods his head slowly.

  “Yeah. I killed her. I buried her where no one would find her. I cleaned up my fuckin’ mess. I couldn’t leave it to my club to take care of her. I was the one that brought that bitch in there, so I was the one that needed to handle it.”

  “Is that why you moved to Florida?”

  “That’s part of it. I just needed to be able to breathe again. I couldn’t breathe there anymore. There was a weight sittin’ in the middle of my chest every fuckin’ time I looked at the guys. I hated it. I knew I needed to get out of there before I did somethin’ I’d regret.”

  “You thought about hurting yourself?”

  I don’t need to ask. I can see it in his eyes. I know that look very well. I’ve been there myself.

  “More than once I found myself sittin’ on the edge of the bed with a gun in my hands. I remember sittin’ there just lookin’ at it, thinkin’ how much better they’d be without me around. How much trouble that bitch could have caused us if I hadn’t handled her when I did. I just thought it would be a better world without me in it anymore.”

  There’s pain in his eyes. I hate to see it, but I understand it. I’ve felt the same thing and I know how hard it is. I shift in his lap and lift my hand up to his cheek.

  “It wouldn’t be though. You found me. You make me want to be my old self. I haven’t wanted to be her again for years. I didn’t want the memories that come with her. I didn’t want to look in the mirror and see her anymore.”

  “Is that what the hair and all that makeup were about?”

  “I wanted to be someone else, anyone else. Being me became too hard. When I ran I just wanted to let the past stay in the past. I didn’t want to look in the mirror and see the killer that I had become. Do you know what the worst part of all of it is?”

  He shakes his head, fingers running through my hair. He’s soothing me.

  “What’s the worst part?”

  “I liked it.” I confess softly, completely ashamed that I liked how good it felt to take a life.

  “Killin’?”

  “No. Not that I was a killer. I liked that I had the power to do it though. I liked that I could take a life that took so much from me. I…”

  “Killin’ isn’t just for joy. I mean for some people it is, but for most people it’s out of necessity. It’s just a way of life. I’m sure you’ve had your share of reasons.”

  “The first time yes.”

  His eyes jerk to mine and his lips part. A soft smile curves the corners of his mouth. I want nothing more than to kiss him, but I don’t. This is a pivotal moment for us.

  “There was more than one?” He asks as I nod my head. “The guy in the photo?”

  “He was my boyfriend. I thought he loved me. In a way I guess he really did, but he always did as he was told. He was one of my father’s men. He knew his place and he followed the rules, but in one fucking night it all changed.”

  A shiver races down my spine and Monster pulls me closer to him.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” Monster whispers.

  “I want to tell you. I want you to trust me.”

  “I do trust you Kyza.”

  “Fully, Monster. I want you to trust me fully.”

  I take another deep breath and start again.

  “The picture you asked me about was him. Ryan. We were together for a few years. He was amazing to me. He did anything he could for me, but he was a traitor. He was working with the FBI to help them make a case against my dad. I overheard my dad telling some of his other guys about it. They were going to kill him. I knew that if my dad went down that I’d go down with him. I was in deep enough with him to know that. One of the other guys, Chase, had a crush on me. I sweet talked him and got all of the information out of him that I could. I knew he was the one that was going to kill Ryan. I asked Chase to give me a little time with Ryan. I was a mess. My head was fucked up, but he agreed.”

  “Jesus Christ,”
Monster mumbles.

  “I went to see Ryan. I hugged him, kissed him, and pulled the gun on him. He didn’t know what to say, just stood there as tears spilled down my cheeks. I remember the look in his eyes. I saw the sorrow. It tore at my heart, but then I saw the betrayal. He knew. He knew what he’d done and he knew I would go down with him. I didn’t get it. I thought we were a good team, but it was a lie. I’d lived that lie for too long. It killed me.”

  I shake my head. I don’t want to look up at him, and I don’t have to. He grabs my face and presses his lips to mine. His tongue dances in my mouth and my body ignites. This man pulls every emotion that I have out of me and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

  Chapter 17

  Monster

  I watch her in her cutoff shorts and tank top as she’s wading her feet through the water. Her long blonde hair blows in the wind. I can’t take my eyes off her. She gave up a lot of her past last night, but I know there’s more. There’s always more.

  I saw the look in her eyes. The sadness, the hurt. It was all clearly visible, but there is more she was holding back. I said I wouldn’t push her, and I won’t. I want her to freely give me what she can handle.

  The more I get to know her the more I can see myself in her eyes. It’s scary. I don’t know how to handle it. I want to run. I want to bury my head in the sand and wait for her to leave, but I can’t.

  She turns to look at me over her shoulder and tosses me a little wave. I smile back and raise my chin as she goes back to kicking the water. My phone rings and I grab it out of my pocket and answer.

  “Yeah?”

  “Where are you?” Viking asks on the other end of the line.

  “Savannah. What’s up?”

  “You takin’ your sweet time gettin’ there?” I huff out a breath and look back to Kyza.

  “Somethin’ like that.”

  “You know what you’re doin’ with her Monster?” I know he worries about me. That says a lot about him. I need to do what feels right here though.

  “I sure as fuck hope so brother.”

  “Heard that. Look, when you’re ready and I hope that’s soon because Ortega is about to lose his shit, one of the prospects is out and free to walk. I need you to get to him. Find out why the fuck he’s walkin’ and no one else is. You get me?”

  Yeah, I got him. The one thing that is bothering me about that is her. Kyza is going to see me as the monster in her world and I wonder if she can handle me.

  “Got it. I’ll get your answers.” I assure him.

  “Good. Let me know what info you get. I’m gonna finish payin’ that fuckin’ lawyer and have him meet with you. When do you wanna meet?”

  I watch her. I can feel her. She’s the light mixed with the dark. It’s seeping out of her and its calling to me in ways I didn’t think a woman could, but Kyza is a force that seems to be anchoring me to her side. I don’t think I want to let that go. Ever. I shake my head and try to focus back on the conversation.

  “Tomorrow mornin’.”

  “I’ll text you the address.”

  The line goes dead just as Kyza turns and walks my way. Sand sticks to her perfect flesh. I want to take her back to the hotel and wash it all away. I want to make her as clean as possible. I want to bare her sins. I want to carry the weight of them for her. For the first time in my life I think we can make something good between us.

  “You look happy,” I tell her when she drops into the sand next to me.

  “I am. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that again. I’m starting to,” she answers looking over at me. “Thank you.”

  “Let me ask you somethin’ babe. If I was to ask you to be with me, would you? Could you handle that?”

  Her eyes dance between mine. Her head is slowly shaking from side to side. She can’t say no. I won’t let her.

  “I… I don’t know what to say Monster. You barely know me. You don’t even know everything there is to know about me.”

  “I know enough. I know that you match me in every fuckin’ way possible. You’re my fuckin’ other half Kyza. I never thought I’d find someone that fuckin’ mirrors me exactly. I’m just givin’ you a heads up that I don’t give damn what you say that I’m not lettin’ you go. I’m keepin’ you.”

  I shove out of the sand and wipe my jeans and stomp back toward my bike. I don’t like this idea. I want her first. Now that I have her I don’t think I can ever let her go. Why the hell should I let her go? We’re good together. She’s slowly letting me in and I’m slowly doing the same.

  “You can’t do that. Who the fuck do you think you are?” she snaps.

  People are starting to watch us now. I don’t give a shit who’s watching though. I put my hands on my hips and glare at her. I’m trying to come up with the right words here, but I’m coming up blank.

  “You have nothing to say?” she challenges me.

  Goddamn her!

  “That shit right there?” I ask pointing at her. “You fuckin’ push my buttons. You make me laugh. You have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve laughed?”

  “So I’m a fucking comedian? That doesn’t mean you get to keep me.”

  I suck in a breath and try to steady myself.

  “I’ve looked at myself in the mirror every goddamn day of my life. I’ve seen the exact same thing every day.” She watches me. Her lips are pressed together. Her eyes are wild.

  “What do you see?” I ask her as my eyes search hers.

  “I see the monster they all peg me for. The one they see. I don’t fuckin’ see myself anymore Kyza. I’m not even sure who the hell I am anymore,” I admit.

  My chest aches. My mind is a fucking mess. She’s ripping me apart inside. She takes the few steps that separate us and puts her hands on my chest.

  “If that’s all that you can see then you aren’t looking hard enough,” she says in a soft, gentle voice. She’s the opposite of everything I am. I raise my hand to tangle it in her hair. I pull her closer to me as I lean down into her space.

  “I’ve been lookin’ my whole damn life. How the hell do you show up one day and see it all?” Her lips press into mine. She kisses me slowly before she pulls back.

  “Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Sometimes it takes someone else to see it for us,” she whispers.

  “And that’s you?”

  She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. It’s cute how she likes to argue with me, but I always seem to win. She isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

  “Yeah. I guess we could try this.”

  “You guess? Did you think I was actually givin’ you a choice?”

  “Oh, I always have a choice.”

  “I gotta tell you somethin’ though. Tomorrow could get ugly and fast. This isn’t just a gun run.”

  “Gun run? You didn’t fucking tell me that.”

  “I just did babe. Listen, tomorrow I gotta meet a lawyer and get one of the prospects out. They got picked up with the other half of our shit.”

  “How the hell is he out then?”

  God, I think I could actually love this woman.

  “That’s what we’ve got to find out.”

  “We?”

  “You think you can handle that?”

  I watch her eyes light up. Fuck does that make me harder than I’ve ever been. Just thinking about her helping me, her standing next to me, is more than I ever thought I’d have in my life.

  “You’re goddamn right I can. What are we doing tonight?”

  “I’m fuckin’ you tonight babe. All over that hotel. First we’ve gotta go meet up with my boys and get the rest of our shipment. If I don’t have it to Key Largo soon the main man is gonna have my ass.”

  Kyza grins. I think my heart melts a little.

  “I think we can handle that.”

  I kiss her once more before I grab her hand and pull her toward my bike and pass her the helmet. She puts it on her head and waits for me to climb on. As soon as I do so she climbs on and holds tightly to
me. I like this. Her wrapped around me the way she is, is heaven.

  I rev up the bike and drive off. I hit the highways once we are going just on the outskirts of Savannah. That’s close to where the guys were picked up, but it’s also where the clubhouse we are going to is. I don’t like the idea of Kyza going there, but she’s with me, so she’ll be fine. I’d much rather have one of them lay a hand on her so I can gut the motherfucker rather than leave her at the hotel.

  When we get to the gate she tenses slightly. I kill the engine and climb off. I drag her with me.

  “A junkyard?” She asks looking up at me as I nod.

  “Who would look here?”

  She shrugs and smiles, but follows along.

  “Who the fuck are you?”

  I jerk my head around to look at the man in front of us. A cigarette hangs from his lips and a scruffy beard hangs down his chin.

  “I’m lookin’ for Mart.”

  “You found him. Now who the fuck are you?”

  He looks from me to Kyza. He smirks down at her.

  “I’m Monster. I’m Bones’ boy. I’m here to get the shipment he had you store.”

  He slowly pulls his eyes from her and back to me. He nods while looking at my cut for a name.

  “They ain’t lettin’ that fucker out?”

  I shake my head.

  “Gettin’ a prospect tomorrow.”

  “No shit. How’d that happen?”

  I shrug and pull out a cigarette lighting it up.

  “Gonna find out when I pick the little shit up. This should be fun.”

  Kyza giggles next to me. Mart looks back at her.

  “You into that shit?”

  “Maybe a little,” she replies.

  He chuckles and his eyes move up and down her body. The thought of snapping his neck is a strong one.

  “Keep your dick over there. She’s mine,” I growl.

  Mart jerks his eyes back to mine and nods.

  “You need a place to talk to your boy?”

  “You got one?”

  “Yeah. Right back there. Nice and quiet. No one will hear shit,” Mart tells me.