by Lexi Blake
Like he’d blown up his marriage.
He heard the door to the house slam open and then Rachel Harper was striding toward them, a baby on her hip and another in her belly. Rachel wore overalls, her strawberry blonde hair up in a ponytail and an expression on her face he couldn’t quite read.
“Uh, I might have texted Rachel the news,” Max admitted.
Damn. He liked Rachel and she might be about to tell him to get off her property.
“I’m sorry,” Max was saying. “If I hear something and don’t tell her, she gets all upset with me. I had to. I had to prove my worth.”
Rye frowned his brother’s way. “Damn it, Max. Did you think about the fact that Henry might not want everyone to know?”
“She has the boobs,” Max replied resolutely.
She also never held back her opinion. And she was from Texas, too, so Max was being super hypocritical there.
Rachel walked right up to him. “Is it true?”
God, he hated this feeling, and he was going to have it a lot in the next few days. “Yes.”
Rachel handed her baby off to Rye and then crossed the space between herself and Henry. He braced himself for the storm, but she simply wrapped him up in a bear hug. “Oh, Henry. I’m so glad you’re safe. Is Nell all right? Did she know?”
He stood there for a moment and then slowly hugged her back. Something eased inside him. Rachel was one of the hard cases. If she understood… “No. She found out today. I’m sorry I lied.”
Rachel pulled back and wiped tears from her eyes. “Well, of course you did. You couldn’t walk in and announce who you were. I’m sure that was classified, and honestly, even later you had to keep the secret or Max there would have bugged you about assassinating his enemies and Rye would have tried to put you on the payroll when he was sheriff.”
“Hey, I would have taken ex-CIA operative over Logan any day of the week,” Rye admitted. “Nate got so lucky Cam came to town or we would have the Farley brothers in khakis.”
“Is she okay?” Rachel had taken a step back.
She couldn’t possibly know how much that hug meant to him. That hug let him know it was still okay to be Henry. Henry was the man who got hugs, who people cared about, who had a place in this town. “No. Nell’s devastated, and I’m not sure she’s going to let me back in the house.”
Rachel’s lips quirked up slightly. “Well, I bet you know how to break in, superspy.”
There was nowhere Nell could run that he couldn’t find her, but there were problems with that scenario. “Shouldn’t I honor her wishes?”
Rachel waved that off. “Nah. She’s your wife. You can’t grovel properly if she won’t let you in. And honestly, I’ll be surprised if Nell locks you out of the cabin. She’ll be mad as hell, but she won’t leave you out in the cold.”
He wasn’t so sure about that. He could still remember how hollow she’d looked when she’d asked him for time. “She wanted to be alone for a while.”
“She’ll probably need time to process,” Rachel allowed. “Give it to her. And when she finally explodes, take it.”
“Nell is going to protest you,” Max agreed.
“Nell doesn’t really get angry. Not at her friends.” Rye settled his toddler daughter in his arms. Paige Harper laid her head on her father’s shoulder and seemed ready for a nice nap.
Rachel snorted. “Oh, I assure you, she will explode at some point.”
“She’s a forgiving woman,” Max pointed out. “She tells me that all the time. And then she tells me I have to forgive people too.”
“Yeah, it’s different when it’s the one person in the world who’s supposed to be safe.” Rachel turned back to Henry. “I don’t know how it is for men, but sometimes for women it’s easier to be angry with that person. You’re the person she never has to be fake with.”
“I don’t want her to be. I’ll take all the anger she has.” It was her silence that he feared.
“Good. And you need to understand that I’m going to agree with every terrible thing she says about you. If she says you are the worst human being since…whoever Nell thinks is the worst human being on the planet…I am going to agree,” Rachel explained. “But when she wants my advice I’m going to tell her that sometimes the past is hard to deal with, and who we used to be isn’t nearly as important as who we choose to be.”
Rachel had teared up again, and Henry knew what she was talking about. Rachel wasn’t Rachel’s original name. She’d been Elizabeth Courtney once. “Our situations are not the same. You were hiding from a man who wanted to hurt you. I was hiding from an organization I willingly went into.”
“Oh, big bad Henry can’t make a mistake?” Rachel’s voice was soft, the question not unkindly.
At the time it hadn’t felt like a mistake. It had felt like a way out, a way to finally have some power for himself. “I knew what I was getting into.”
“Did you?” Rye asked. “Because I think there’s probably a big difference between the rah-rah recruitment videos and the real thing. I bet it’s not like a James Bond film.”
“No, it’s not,” Henry agreed. “But I take responsibility for what I did. Rachel had a reason to run.”
“I don’t know. I think it’s kind of similar. We both found ourselves in a situation we couldn’t live with anymore. We both made choices to change our lives. I became someone different, someone I like. I think you did, too, and you did it for a much nicer reason than I did. You changed for her,” Rachel mused. “That’s pretty romantic when you think about it.”
“I already tried that,” he admitted. “And then I was very unromantic and I didn’t think about her when…”
He felt himself flush. This is another place where he’d changed from the John Bishop he’d been. John Bishop never flubbed anything. He wouldn’t have blurted out that he’d gotten overly emotional and had fucked his wife from behind while she held on to the dining table.
For John Bishop, sex had been a perfunctory thing, a bodily function he had to deal with from time to time. Sex had been a way to clear his head.
For Henry, it was a way to express his soul, to bond with the love of his life.
“Are you talking about when you got all caveman nasty on her? Yeah, we knew what was going on in there.” A hint of a smile crossed Max’s lips. “Early pregnancy sex is pretty fun.”
Rachel’s hands went to her hips. “Hey, too much information.”
Max waved her off. “Nah. He needs to hear it. It’s the only reason he agreed to come out here this afternoon. He wanted to talk about how rough pregnancy is on a man.”
Rachel’s brows rose above her eyes. “Really? It’s so hard on you?”
Max’s hands came up as though warding off the inevitable attack. “It is because I love you so much, baby. I worried a lot during the first pregnancy because I didn’t know what to expect. And then I read that book and I did know what to expect and it did not help. That book was incredibly graphic.”
Rye grinned and patted his daughter’s back. “I would not recommend it. But I do understand where you are, Henry. What does Caleb say? Is Nell high risk?”
“He said she’s perfectly healthy. He’s run all the tests.” He’d heard it over and over again. Miscarriages happened for different reasons, and this pregnancy was moving along normally. “He said as long as we’re careful we should behave like everything is fine.”
“Because it is,” Rachel said quietly. “She needs you to be normal. She needs you to be her husband and not her doctor. Caleb knows what he’s doing. If he says it’s okay, it’s okay. Nell isn’t going to take any undue risks, but you have to love her enough to know that she’s still your wife. Sometimes when a woman is pregnant she ends up feeling like an incubator and not a woman. Remind her she’s still everything you want in life, and that includes sex. Max is right. Pregnancy sex can be hot and heavy if you’ve got the right hormones. It’s different for every woman.”
Nell hadn’t complained. She’d softe
ned when he’d gotten into her space. She’d gone all submissive and warm for him.
Had she missed him as much as he’d missed her? Had she missed those nights when they’d done nothing but lie in bed and talk in between bouts of sex? Something had lit in her eyes when he’d commanded her.
“I don’t want to hurt her.”
Rachel’s expression went sympathetic. “That is an inevitability in a marriage. You can try to mitigate the damage, but when you’re as in love with a person as you are with Nell, when you share a life the way you do, you’re going to hurt each other. It’s in how you handle yourself afterward that decides whether a marriage will survive. I should know. I’m married to Max.”
Maybe Max did have something to teach him.
“Grovel, man.” Max nodded vigorously. “Sexual servitude works wonders, too. Couple of hours of me putting in the work and she’s purring again.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that, but groveling does work for Max,” Rachel agreed.
Rye shook his head. “Won’t work for Nell. I mean you are going to have to grovel, but I get the feeling you shouldn’t do it in the bedroom. I think Nell needs something different there.”
Max’s face screwed into a horrified expression. “Dude, she’s like our sister. She doesn’t do that stuff. She’s very staid and normal.”
That brought a smile to his face because Rye was right. “She’s a beautiful soul.”
With a filthy mind and a need for sexual submission, and he’d been denying her that. He couldn’t exactly walk back in and demand that she serve him, but he could work his way back to that relationship.
He could prove she could trust him again.
“I think if you explain yourself, she’ll understand.” Rachel gave him a friendly pat. “Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. Now give me back my baby and I’ll whip up a fruit salad to send back with Henry. I promise it will be all kinds of animal-product free. Though you tell Nell if she needs a burger on the down low, I will fix that for her and never, ever bring it up again. Pregnancy cravings are real, and she shouldn’t feel bad about them. I’ll come by and visit her tomorrow.”
He nodded as Rachel took a now sleeping Paige and walked back up to the main house.
He held a hand out. “Give me that latch. I need to get home.”
Max handed it over. “All right, but I still think you should teach a class on that easy kill thing. Hey, who’d you kill at the Feed Store Church? Did you kill Dennis? Because I swear it’s a travesty that he only gives discounts to people who sit through his sermons.”
Henry sighed and got back to the job at hand.
Two hours later he let himself into the house. Nell sat on the couch and it was obvious she’d been crying. His heart ached at the knowledge that he’d been the cause of her tears. But she wouldn’t appreciate him pointing it out.
“Hey,” he said quietly as he placed the bowl Rachel had sent with him on the table. “How are you? Are you hungry?”
“I made lentil soup.” She didn’t look up from her knitting. “It’s still on the stove.”
She’d eaten without him, though it wasn’t quite their dinnertime. That made him ache, too. Dinner was when they talked about the day, when they sat together and caught up if they’d been apart, or talked about whatever book she happened to be writing. Sometimes they could be in a room together and Nell was still miles from him.
She would be in her own world and it was safe because he was always here in the real one waiting for her.
Now he was the very reality she was trying to escape.
“Rachel sent some fruit salad.”
“That’s nice.”
“I’m sorry.”
She was silent.
He sat on the couch, not quite knowing what to say. Maybe he wasn’t clear enough. “I’m sorry for all of it, but I was specifically apologizing for not listening to you. I had a long talk with the Harpers and it was pointed out to me that I’m not being a good partner on a couple of different levels.”
She finally glanced up. “Not listening to me?”
“When you were telling me you needed sex.”
A fine flush rushed over her cheeks. “When did I say that?”
She was still aware of him, and not in an entirely bad way. “You’ve told me a hundred different times, and I chose my fear over your needs. You should understand that I won’t do it again. All you have to do is give me the word and we’ll play. I’ll be careful, but I’ll give you what you need.”
She dropped her eyes back down, but her hands were still. “I’m not playing with you, Henry. I’m angry with you.”
She didn’t look angry. She looked hurt. Anger would be good, but he might have to wait for it. Rachel was right. Nell needed time to process, and being patient just might kill him. “Doesn’t mean you can’t use me to get what you need. I’ve recently been informed that pregnant ladies can have these hormones that make them incredibly horny. I’m the reason you have those hormones. I can be the solution.”
She put a hand to her cheek. “Stop. I’m not talking about this.”
“Just know that my cock is ready and willing,” he replied. He sat back. “Do you have any questions for me?”
Her hands started moving again. “I told you I need time.”
“Okay, but we need to talk soon about what kind of danger you could be in.” He took a deep breath and decided to ask one more question. “Just one more thing. Do you want me to leave? If you do, then all I ask is that you let me take you to Mountain and Valley. They can protect you there.”
She seemed to think about that plan. “That man from today, he was working for the people who are looking for you?”
“Yes. He was from the same cartel as the man who hurt Seth and Georgia,” he replied, keeping his tone as even as he could. He wanted to spill everything, to tell her the whole story, but she wasn’t ready to hear it.
“But you worked for the CIA.”
“At the time I was running a team that investigated narco-terrorist groups in South America.”
She turned and he saw the moment curiosity lit her eyes. Nell loved research, adored learning about pretty much anything. She would have a million questions. If she didn’t decide to protest him fully, he might be able to draw her back in with info.
Fuck the fact that it was classified. His wife was beyond reproach. Though it might end up in a book. The good news was there were few operatives who followed the world of erotic romance.
She got back to her knitting. “I bet you weren’t exactly shutting them down. You know the war on drugs has only brought more violence to the streets of this country. And it disproportionately affects people of color.”
“I was really more looking for terrorists,” he pointed out.
But she was off, giving him a lecture on how policing morals led to misery on all sides and it would be better to legalize and tax and make rehab and therapy far more accessible.
He sat and listened and found himself oddly soothed.
She finally went quiet after a long time. “You’re sleeping on the couch.”
He could handle that. “All right.”
The cabin fell silent again.
Time. She needed a bit of time, but at least she wasn’t throwing him out.
He would take it for now.
Chapter Five
Nell sat in the waiting room of the Bliss County Clinic and wondered if Henry was going to bother to show up. It wasn’t a fair thing to think. Not at all. He’d come to every single appointment with her. Every time. He would be here, but usually he drove her into town.
Not today. Today he’d been picked up by Nate for some sort of secret meeting about something she didn’t care about at all because she wasn’t giving in to her curiosity. What mattered was that Henry had lied to her.
She didn’t need to know all the awful details.
She glanced over and the plant she’d brought in many months before seemed to be thriving. Likely because
Naomi had joined the practice. It certainly hadn’t been Caleb. He barely noticed living humans if they weren’t actually on his exam table.
The door opened and Holly rushed in, a big bag of books in her hand. She looked flushed from the afternoon heat, and her eyes went straight to Nell.
A bit of shame flashed through her. Holly was one of her best friends in the world, and she’d ducked her for a solid week using every excuse she could think of. It had been almost a week and a half since Henry had laid out the news that he was some kind of assassin. She’d stood beside him at Hiram’s funeral and been surprised they hadn’t been inundated with questions since at least half the town knew.
But at some point Laura had found out. Likely because Rafe was the newly appointed mayor of Bliss and he’d been debriefed. Because that was what they did now. From there it had been easy to figure out what had happened. Rafe and Cam had told their wife. Laura had been worried and called Holly. They’d both tried to get hold of her for several days, but she’d simply asked for time and space.
Time and space weren’t working with Henry. She found herself getting angrier and angrier. She tamped it down because she needed…
She needed to smash something.
“Hey.” Holly slowed down as if she’d run here but now she’d caught her prey and she could take it easy.
Nell hated the fact that she wanted to turn away from this woman, that she wanted to be alone. She wasn’t a person who needed tons of alone time. She tended to crave being around groups of people. She gained energy from discussion and debate, from helping people.
She’d barely left the cabin since Hiram’s funeral.
“Hey.”
The bag in Holly’s hand hit the floor with a resounding thump. Holly sighed as she left it there and came to sit on the other side of the couch from Nell. “I went into Alamosa for books. Classes start next week.”
Holly was back in college. She was taking business classes so she could run the business side of the clinic someday.
“What are you taking?” It didn’t matter, but small talk seemed safe.