Adventure

by Quinn Ward

  "Yeah, just let me say goodbye to the guys." I leaned in to kiss Max, hesitating at the last second. He responded by sliding his fingers through my hair and drawing me to him. The kiss we shared was barely more than platonic, but it sent a shiver through my entire body. It felt like he was claiming me, owning me in front of everyone I worried would reject us. When he pulled away, I dragged a finger across my lips before resting my forehead against his. "Showing them how happy we are together?"

  "You damn straight. Now that the cat's out of the bag, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my hands off you," he warned me. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, reminding myself it'd be highly inappropriate to spring wood in the middle of the hospital with my brothers looking on. Max chuckled, obviously sensing my discomfort. "Let's get you guys home so we can talk a bit before I have to go to work."

  "I can think of so many things I'd rather do than talk," I groaned. Max stood, holding out a hand to help me off the couch.

  "I know, but we've slipped away from the talking part, and it's important. Today blindsided all of us, and I don't think any of us like the way we felt," he pointed out. I hated when Max was right.

  I allowed him to lead me to Matteo and Levi first. Their eyes shone with nothing but approval before Matteo pulled me into a tight hug. He pressed a quick kiss to my cheek then whispered words of wisdom I'd never have expected from the baby of the family. "Don't let Frankie hold you back. The rest of us can see how happy all three of you are, so just keep doing what you're doing. No one can make you feel bad about this because there's nothing wrong with falling in love."

  "Thank you, Teo." I squeezed him a bit tighter, holding the embrace until I felt confident tears weren't about to spill from my eyes.

  After reassurances from Frankie that he'd call if there was any news, the three of us made our way to the parking garage. Whether out of lingering fear or respect, we maintained distance from one another until the elevator doors opened to the third deck of the garage. I scrubbed a hand over my face and let out a weary sigh as I followed Tony and Max to Tony's car. As happy as I was when the three of us were alone together, I was beginning to understand there'd never be a time when all three of us could show the world what we shared. Even those who wouldn't balk at the sight of three men walking hand in hand would take a second look when they saw Max flanked by a set of identical twins. If we thought Frankie's reaction stung, it was nothing compared to the hatred that'd be flung our way by strangers who didn't worry about how their words would hurt us.

  I thought I'd done a good job hiding my emotional turmoil as we piled into the car, but as Tony pulled out his wallet to pay for parking, Max turned sideways in the passenger seat. "You okay back there?"

  "I'm fine," I lied. Max had to work in less than two hours which meant my fears would have to stay packed away for another day.

  "Bullshit," Tony scoffed. I hadn't even realized he'd heard us. Since he'd come back from his chat with Frankie, he'd been uncharacteristically quiet and stuck in his head. It wouldn't surprise me if our eldest brother's lecture had him rethinking whether we were worth it. As much as I loved Tony and wanted to have faith in him—in us—I couldn't make myself forget all the times in our lives he'd chosen the path of least resistance. Sure, he liked to pretend he was tough and didn't care what anyone thought about his life choices, but it all went out the window when Frankie opened his damn mouth. "If you've got something to say, say it. I know you're probably pissed at Max and me for handling things the way we did, but you really didn't leave us any choice after you were caught walking around with your junk hanging out."

  "Oh, so this is all my fault?" I spat out. "If you didn't insist on an open-door policy with our family, maybe Frankie would've thought to knock before walking into our home. I didn't realize there was a dress code I was supposed to follow. You sure as hell haven't seemed to mind me walking between the bathroom and the bedroom without anything on for the past few months. And that's exactly what I was doing, for your information. It's not as if I was down on my knees blowing Max while he prepared breakfast for us."

  "But if you knew Frankie was coming over, you should've thought about that," he scolded me. Tony's grip around the steering wheel tightened to the point his knuckles turned white.

  "That's enough!" Max barked out. He made a slicing motion through the air with his hand. "It's been a long, shitty day for everyone, and I think both of you need to drop this until you're thinking clearly."

  "I'm plenty clear-headed," Tony protested. "And I'm pissed that on top of dealing with Mama collapsing at work and me freaking out she was going to die before the ambulance got there to help her, when I called to beg the two of you to meet me at the hospital because I was already crumbling under the pressure that had been hoisted on me, another bomb was dropped on me. The whole fucking time I'm sitting there waiting for someone, anyone, to tell me Mama's going to be okay, I'm losing my goddamn mind wondering if you and Frankie went to blows before you could set him straight—"

  "Tony, I get it. I fucked up, okay?" I said just to get him to stop. We could throw blame back and forth all night, but Max was right, it wasn't going to change what was done. "I didn't count on him being early, and I didn't handle it well when he started asking questions. All I knew was I couldn't let him think less of Max because of me. I didn't want him seeing you as weak because he thought Max was cheating on you in your own home. I'm sorry if I started all this, but I'm not sorry the truth is out there. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I'm not sure how much longer I could've gone on pretending to be the last brother who was happy for everyone else. Eventually, I would've snapped when one of our well-meaning brothers or their boyfriends asked me when I planned to settle down. God, I'm so sick of that question. I'm sick of the lies."

  "We all knew going into this it wasn't going to be easy," Max reminded us, his voice calm and steady. He placed his right hand on Tony's thigh and reached back to mine with his left. "Even before I fell in love with both of you, I knew you were special, not only to me but to one another. I never wanted to come between the two of your or you and your family. Never. So maybe I'm the selfish one because even though I knew this might happen, I let it. I let my dick and my heart do the thinking instead of my brain. And Enzo, Tony and I both owe you an apology. It wasn't fair of us to walk around like nothing had changed when the truth is you changed everything."

  "Can you back that up a second?" Tony asked when he pulled up to a stoplight. I looked around and realized we were nearly home. The upscale shopping center with its fancy window displays advertising organic this and fair trade that was only about a mile from our crappy apartment complex. Okay, so maybe it wasn't crappy, but compared to this gentrified area it was a dump. "Did you seriously decide to tell us you love us in the middle of a huge fight? Dude, that's some shady shit right there."

  "Believe me, it wasn't how I intended to tell you, but yeah, I love you. Both of you. And it’s not like I haven’t slipped up a million times already. We all have, and I think it’s gone unnoticed because it’s part of this natural progression Enzo wanted so much. I’m sorry if you wanted some grand gesture." Max's cheeks flushed an adorable shade of pink. When he fisted his hair and tugged, I wished it was my hand and the tug was to put him where I wanted him.

  I barely processed his confirmation that he loved both of us because my brain was quickly short-circuiting. Too much going on today for me to take in. The highs and the lows had me tempted to tell Tony to speed the few blocks left before home because I wanted to sleep or screw. I wasn't sure which I wanted more at that point. Why? Because a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as soon as Frankie caught me heading for Tony's bedroom. Even though I'd feared his reaction and still wasn't certain he'd ever understand, the truth was out. Mostly. The rest of it, I realized, could stay our personal business forever, and I'd be okay with that.

  Until less than an hour ago, I thought it would bother me to hide how I truly felt about Tony, but I'd come to realize the love
we shared publicly didn't have to change and no one had a right to know what went on behind closed doors. As long as we weren't making out in public, which we also wouldn't do with Max, the outside world knew all they needed.

  "The two of you fighting about how today played out isn't going to help anyone," Max admonished us. I sank back in my seat, hating that he was right. Tony's shoulders slouched, and I knew he felt the same. "Since we decided we wanted this to be more than just some fucking around, we've said we had to be a team. That's more true now than ever before. If your brothers saw us bickering like this, they'd use that as justification for all their fears about why we can't work. Are you guys willing to risk that?"

  "No," I mumbled, slinking down further in the seat. Tony's response was much the same.

  "Good." Tony maneuvered his car into our assigned parking stall. None of us moved when he'd turned off the ignition. Unresolved tension lingered in the air. "Can I go to work tonight and trust the two of you aren't going to keep fighting?"

  "Yes," we answered in unison.

  "And are you going to save the make-up sex for after I get home?" he asked, the faintest twinkle of mischief coming to life in his eyes.

  "Yes," I promised at the same time Tony said, "No promises."

  The lingering tension snapped, and all of us broke into a fit of laughter. Maybe we'd be okay after all.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Tony

  The apartment was quiet. Within an hour of Max's departure for work, I was so annoyed by the gentle hum of the refrigerator and the ceiling fan whirring in our living room I wanted to take a baseball bat to both. I was an asshole and had no one to blame but myself for Enzo locking himself in his bedroom. Not the bedroom we'd all been sharing for the past few months, but his space that we'd turned into a storage area for all the stuff Max brought over when he moved in. I pictured him sitting on his bed playing one of the silly phone games he enjoyed, surrounded by a mountain of boxes stacked precariously high and felt like an even bigger dick. I knew I had the power to fix this, but I was scared.

  I fought to keep my eyes open, exhausted from the adrenaline crash. I curled up on the end of the couch and pulled a blanket over my torso. The remote for the TV dangled in my grasp; I couldn't even muster the energy to find a show to fall asleep to. I stared at the blank screen as if it held the answer to all the problems I'd created.

  The only way to fix this is to talk to him, you dick, I scolded myself. With a heavy sigh, I tossed the blanket over the back of the couch and swung my feet to the floor. I sat there a minute, scrubbing my face as I tried to figure out how I could prove to Enzo I wasn't really upset with him. He'd been the easy target, the one problem I felt I could lash out at in the moment. I really wasn't worthy of his devotion.

  Here goes nothing. I pushed off the couch and shuffled toward his closed bedroom door, feeling like I had fifty pounds strapped to each ankle. When I reached his bedroom, I stared at the door, fist raised to knock. When had I ever knocked before barging into his space? Never. I couldn't recall a single time in our lives when I'd felt a chasm between us that could only be crossed with the help of social niceties. I swallowed hard, breathing through the wave of nausea. I had to fix this, fix us.

  The door swung open as I knocked, and my fist uncurled to reach for Enzo's shirt. The silence between us threatened to drown me as I started at my mirror image. Sure, there were slight differences if you looked close enough, but staring at him was like seeing a less flawed version of myself. Finally, I couldn't take the pained look in his eyes another second. I pulled him into me, holding him tightly as I buried my face against his neck.

  "I'm so sorry, Enzo," I apologized. "I'll totally understand if you can't forgive me for the stupid shit I said earlier. I didn't mean it, not really. I felt like my world was imploding around me, and I took it out on you. I didn't think about the fact you were going through all the same shit right alongside me. I should've been the rock you needed, not the hammer trying to break you."

  "It's okay, Tony." I shivered as his fingers slid under the hem of my shirt, trailing their way along my spine. "Don't beat yourself up."

  "But it's not okay," I countered. "I can't treat you like a whipping post just because you understand me. It's not fair to you as my brother, and it's especially not right if I claim to love you the way I do."

  "The fact you realize where you went wrong says a lot." Enzo laced his fingers in mine, and I followed him to the living room. His feet got tangled in the blanket I'd carelessly tossed to the floor in my haste to make things right with him. I reached out, latching onto his arm seconds before he tumbled to the floor. The grateful smile he flashed me was a stark contrast to the lingering pain in his eyes. "Thanks."

  "Don't mention it." I ducked my head. "If I'd picked the damn thing up, you wouldn't have tripped."

  Enzo's fingers tightened around my hand, and he pulled me down to sit on the couch next to him. When I tried to maintain a respectable distance between us, Enzo scooted closer, shoving his hand between my back and the cushions. "Where's all this insecurity coming from?"

  "What do you mean?" I picked at a stray thread on the sweatpants I'd changed into when we got home. Looking anywhere was better than having to see the hurt I'd caused.

  When Enzo began massaging my tense muscles, my eyelids drooped and shoulders sagged. All the emotions I'd been storing up today began easing. "You've always been the confident one of us. You're the one who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks about what he does, but today it was like a switch flipped. And before you say it, I know part of the problem is worrying about Mama, but you did good there. If you won't believe us when we tell you that, believe the doctors. They wouldn't lie to you."

  "I guess you're right," I conceded. It was easy to lie to myself, and Enzo, by saying today's mood was caused by Mama being in the hospital, but I had to do right by him. Max too, but in my head, this was more about Enzo and me. "It's not so much that as everything else."

  I let out a deep breath, sinking deeper into Enzo's side as he combed his fingers through my hair. Before everything got complicated, how many times had the two of us sat this close on the couch and I'd never thought anything of it? Our brothers used to joke anyone we got involved with would have to fight the other twin for our time and attention. Had they seen something I hadn't? If their reaction today was anything to go by, no.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Enzo stiffened, his hand stilling against my head. "Tony, if you're having second thoughts about us, tell me. I love you too much to let our situation push you away."

  I shot forward and spun to face him. He eyed me warily, as if honestly expecting me to tell him I'd had enough of him and Max. That would never happen. Where I used to toss and turn through the nights, I now slept soundly as long as I felt the press of Max's body against me and could reach across his body to Enzo. Knowing they were there settled me.

  I lifted a hand to Enzo's face and caressed his cheek with my thumb. "I'm still making a mess of this. That's not what I meant at all."

  I leaned forward, brushing my lips across his in the softest of kisses. Enzo let out a hint of a sigh, but the sound shot straight to my balls the same as it would if he'd begged me to fuck him. That was the one boundary we still hadn't crossed, and I wasn't sure if we ever would. Part of me wanted to because I wanted him to believe he was truly equal with Max in my mind, but it was an act that would forever change us. If our triad didn't work out, time would help erase the memories of everything we'd done together. Maybe it was part of the problem; maybe I needed to prove to myself I had faith in us.

  "I never want to be without either of you." I scooted closer to Enzo so our legs were touching. "I was caught off guard today and already raw. Seeing how badly Frankie reacted got me started thinking about what Mama will say when she knows. Then I worried about what'd happen if we never got the chance to tell her. I don't want anything to happen to her without her knowing that both of us have found someone who makes us happy. I
still don't have a fucking clue how we're going to explain us to them, and that's twisting me up, too."

  "There will be time to tell her," he reassured me. Enzo slid a hand over my thigh, the steady rhythm soothing me. "You were there when the doctor said he's cautiously optimistic she's going to recover. There might be some issues she has to get past, but she will be okay, Tony. You have to believe it. And when she's on the mend, we'll tell her I'm seeing Max too. I'm pretty sure she'll be more understanding than some people in our family. She's taken everything the guys have thrown at her a lot better than any of them expected her to. All she wants is for all of us to be happy. And we are. Ridiculously so."

  "That still leaves one other problem, though." Lying to everyone about Enzo made me feel like he was my dirty little secret and I was his. Luckily, I didn't have to voice any of that to him. Call it twin ESP or just a product of sharing space with someone for most of our lives, but Enzo got what I wasn't saying.

  "No one needs to know about us." I stiffened, and my hand slid down his chest. Under my palm, I felt the heat of his skin and the steady beat of his heart. Enzo pulled my hand away from his body and lifted it to his mouth.

  "I don't want to keep lying to people, Enzo," I argued, momentarily losing my train of thought as Enzo sucked one finger into his mouth. The little shit was trying to distract me, and it was working. I jerked my hand away from his mouth, hissing when his teeth caught my index finger. "Would you stop? This is serious!"