by Lina Langley
He could see Connor nodding from the corner of his eye. “I don’t condone your actions after you found out he had been taken,” Connor said, his tone, as usual, even-keeled. “I’m not, however, blind to the way love can affect things.”
“Love,” Knight repeated. The word tasted bitter in his mouth. “Mr. President, I realize I should have never gotten involved with your son.”
Connor laughed dryly at that. “Hindsight,” he said. “I expect Sean was relentless.”
Knight had to bite into the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling at that. “Even then,” he said. “I could have stopped him.”
Connor shook his head. “I have never been able to understand my son’s life choices,” he said. “I know I should have made more time for him, and that might have made it easier, but…”
Knight thought about reminding him that he had been the President of the United States for a large chunk of Sean’s life, but it didn’t seem like such a bright idea.
“I think I’m beginning to understand,” Connor said, setting his gaze on Knight. “I wish it hadn’t come at such great personal cost to both of you, but I am beginning to.
Knight wasn’t sure what to say to that.
Connor sighed. “Agent Knight, you have always been an exemplary agent, and I’ve always been glad that you’re the person looking after my family,” he said. “After my children.”
Knight licked his lips, unsure of what he was supposed to say to that. He had certainly not done a great job of it lately.
“I understand why you feel like you have to quit the service,” Connor said. “But you shouldn’t punish yourself. You made a mistake, and you made it right.”
“I’m not punishing myself,” Knight said, far too quickly. “I’m just doing what is right.”
Connor nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I understand. Thank you for letting me know.”
“I’ll vacate the premises by the end of day.”
Connor cocked his head slightly. “Take your time,” he said. “I have a feeling my son isn’t the only one who will miss you around here.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sean didn’t listen in. He wanted to, but he was too hurt, and too angry. He couldn’t believe what Rocky had decided to put him through, all things considered. He had thought that they were strong, that they were a unit.
But he had been wrong. They were nothing.
Sean was too angry to cry. He was too angry to do anything but grab his clothes, bunching them up and bringing them inside. He tried to smile at his little sister as he passed her in the hallway, but he couldn’t even bring himself to do that.
All of his clothes smelled like Rocky Knight’s place. Everything about him felt like it had been imprinted on Sean, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to get over it, when it felt like Rocky had imprinted himself onto him and he wasn’t going to let him go.
And now he had simply gotten rid of him. Even through his explanation, Sean couldn’t really understand. He locked himself in his bedroom and took his phone out of his pocket.
Don answered after two rings. “Hello?”
“He just broke up with me,” Sean said, not even greeting him. “He broke up with me after I insisted on going to the deposition. Do you know why?”
Don was quiet.
“Okay, I don’t know why either,” Sean said, throwing himself onto the bed. “And that was after he said that he loved me. Did he tell you that?”
“I haven’t spoken to him,” Don replied. “He didn’t tell me anything.”
“I don’t understand,” Sean said. “Like am I being a whiny bitch?”
“Yeah, but it’s okay. I’m not surprised. I mean, I didn’t think he was going to break up with you or anything…”
“Wait. You knew this was coming?”
Don sighed. “I knew something was coming,” he said. “I just didn’t know when or what.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure,” Don replied. “Plus, I didn’t want to freak you out. In case it really was nothing.”
“It was something,” Sean pleaded. “I could have tried to talk him out of it if I was prepared.”
Don sighed again. “You could have, but when has that ever worked?”
“I don’t know!” Sean exclaimed, the sharpness in his voice surprising him. “I mean, I didn’t have to be blindsided by this.”
“Sean, baby, how would that have helped?” Don asked. “You’re upset, and I get it, but you can’t just depend on him to—”
“To do what?”
“To do anything!” Don said. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you after…”
“After I was kidnapped?” Sean asked. “Just say it.”
“I’m just saying,” Don said, his voice a whisper. “Maybe being away from him will be healthy.”
Sean scoffed. “I thought you’d be on my side.”
“I am on your side,” Don protested. “He’s—my brother is an asshole, okay? You deserve better.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” Sean said, trying to ignore the bitter taste in his mouth.
“Wait. Before you hang up, why don’t you come and stay with me for a few weeks? A change of environment might help you out.”
“I don’t need help,” Sean said harshly.
“I know,” Don said. “But you’re my friend and I miss you. Plus, I don’t really know anyone here. We can go out to some crazy LA parties when you are with me.”
Sean softened at that. “You just need me to get you into VIP clubs, huh?”
“Well, yeah,” Don replied. “That’s where all the cute boys are.”
Sean chuckled. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll think about it.”
***
He didn’t have to think about it for long. Once he saw that Rocky was taking things out of the guest house and into the car, he knew he couldn’t stay.
He booked a flight out for the night, then went to say good-bye to his little sister. She would probably be disappointed, but she’d get over it. She was a kid and a resilient one at that. Once he had hugged her and told her he would see her again soon, he went to see his father, who was outside, by the pool, smoking a cigarette.
That was something Sean hadn’t seen his father do in about ten years. He approached him cautiously. “Dad,” he said. “Do you have a minute?”
His father nodded. Leaves crunched underfoot as he approached him. His father looked at him from over his shoulder, his eyes wide. He took another puff of his cigarette, then dropped the butt on the ground and stomped on it.
“How are you doing, Sean?”
“I’m—I’ve been better,” Sean said. “I mean, I’ve been worse, too.”
His father laughed dryly. “I’m sure you have,” he said.
“I’m leaving,” he said after a little while.
His father nodded. “Are you sure?”
“I can’t stay here,” he said. “Not if…”
He trailed off. His father knew he was gay, of course, but he had never officially come out, not really, and he had certainly not spoken to him about his relationship with Rocky Knight. It wasn’t as if his father could have missed it—if Sean had been discreet at first, that had all gone out the door after Rocky had rescued him, because that had been the only thing that had mattered.
“I don’t think he wants you to go after him,” his father said flatly.
Sean stared at him, unsure of what he was supposed to say that. The idea had crossed his head, but the fact that it was his own father who had told him not to do it made him feel pretty uneasy.
“I wasn’t going to do that,” he said.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” his father said. “He’s a good man. You deserve to be with a good person.”
Sean shook his head. “I can’t stay here, Dad,” he said. “Not if he’s not here with me.”
“But you’ll be safe here,” his father said, his composure breaking slightly when he spoke. �
�I don’t know if I could deal with feeling like I lost you again.”
“You won’t,” Sean said. “That was my fault. I talked him into it and I was—I don’t know. Stupid.”
“You should have both known better, but it was his job to keep you safe.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “That’s what he said. That’s why he’s leaving.”
“I understand you’re upset,” his father said, putting his hand on Sean’s shoulder. “But right now, it might be best if you’re not together. You need to heal. Both of you.”
“I don’t know how I can heal if he’s not around me,” Sean said. “I don’t know how I can do this by myself.”
His father smiled. “But you’re not alone, son,” he said.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next few months were a blur to Rocky Knight. He got a little apartment near where his childhood home had been, but closer to the beach, and he went down to jog before sunrise just so it wouldn’t be too hot to exercise.
He had never been in better physical shape. He did everything he was supposed to do; he ate well, he worked out every day but Sunday, he frequented the library and the park. He even adopted a dog, a German Shephard that was the right amount of playful and quiet.
Knight didn’t need to meet people. He needed to keep his head down and socialize with his dog Every now and then, he’d talk at length with someone at the park or at the beach. The worst was when someone recognized him, even though now he wore his hair long and he tried to blend into the scenery, wearing things like jeans and deep V-neck t-shirts, and he was harder to recognize.
Unfortunately, some people watched the news, and he would catch them whispering. The media had nicknamed him The Bodyguard, just like that, and if it hadn’t been so tied to Sean, he might have enjoyed the name for how ridiculous it was.
He didn’t enjoy it. It reminded him of everything he had loved and lost, including his profession, including the man he had finally given himself permission to love.
He had seen him in tabloids. He’d been sitting next to Don, titles speculating whether he was in a relationship with the younger Knight. That part always made Knight crack a smile, but seeing Sean’s face, how much thinner he’d gotten, how tired he looked—it broke his heart.
And there was nothing at all that he could do about it. He had thought about calling Sean, but he knew that wasn’t going to lead to anything good. He knew it wasn’t going to lead to anything at all.
He was jogging around a newsstand, the only one left in town, and stopped to look at one of the tabloids that normally featured Sean. He didn’t want to see it, necessarily, but he did want to feel close to Sean, and if that was the only way, then it was the only way.
But the picture wasn’t just Sean. It was President Connor, looking worse than he’d ever seen him, and the headline was about whether he was sick.
Knight felt a knot in his stomach. His dog looked up at him, questioningly. “It’s okay, Rolf,” he said. “Give me a second.”
Rolf cocked his head, his ears perked up.
Knight grabbed the tabloid and paid the person working that day. She wanted to make conversation, but he didn’t have time for that. His fingers dug into the magazine, making creases on the pages.
He was no longer tied to the Connor family, so he shouldn’t have been this affected. He shouldn’t have cared nearly as much as he did. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed his brother.
He answered instantly. “Hey,” he said. “Give me a second.”
Knight knew what that was code for. It was because Sean was in the room with him. Sean and Don had shared an apartment for a little while now, along with a couple of Secret Service agents that Knight knew by name. Don never spoke to Knight around Sean, and Knight supposed that was for everyone’s benefit, but it didn’t make him feel particularly good.
He wished that he hadn’t affected Sean as much as he had. Don didn’t say anything, he would never betray his best friend, but he didn’t have to say anything.
It was clear as day to Knight that Sean had still not recovered from an event that had partially been Knight’s fault.
He heard Don shuffling around. He heard a door creak behind him. “Hey, Roch,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Rocky replied. “I’m fine.”
“Super convincing,” Don said with a laugh. “Are you taking acting classes now?”
Rocky rolled his eyes. “It’s not funny,” he said. “I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me.”
“Yes, I think Mom knew—”
“No,” Rocky said. “Is President Connor sick?”
“Sick?” Don said. “Well, I don’t know. Why do you ask?”
“It’s nothing,” Rocky said. “It’s just—ugh, forget about it. I saw this tabloid talking about how he might be sick and…”
“You thought it might be true?”
“I wanted to talk to Sean if it was,” Knight said. “Make sure that he was alright.”
“Right…”
“Anyway,” Rocky said. “It’s fine. I should probably go.”
“No,” Don said. “I mean, you didn’t actually believe what you saw in the press, you know better than that.”
Rocky licked his lips. “Forget I called.”
“Stop this,” Don said, then sighed. “Have I told you how annoying you are lately?”
“Yes,” Rocky replied. “A lot.”
“It’s ‘cause it’s fucking true!” Don said. “You know, he’s just as bad, right? Maybe even worse.”
“Is he okay?”
He heard Don take a deep breath. “He’s fine,” he said. “He just misses you, okay? He’s going to therapy, he got a job as a personal trainer at a gym and he’s taking self-defense classes, but he doesn’t seem like the same person now.”
“Because of what happened,” Rocky said.
“Sure, that’s definitely part of it,” Don replied. “I mean, no one would ever be the same after that, right? But it’s like the light in his eyes isn’t quite there anymore.”
“He shouldn’t be with me,” Rocky said. “I couldn’t help him.”
“Well, you’re definitely not helping him now,” Don replied. “I mean, what are you doing except living across the country, checking up on him all sneakily? If I might make a suggestion, Roch, you’re probably going to want to grow the fuck up.”
Rocky scoffed. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
“At least I have a boyfriend, asshole,” Don said.
“You do?” Rocky replied. He wanted to take the conversation somewhere else. He couldn’t think about Sean right then. He couldn’t think about Sean, ever. “When do I get to meet him?”
“Never,” Don said. “I’m keeping him away from you. You’re like twink catnip.”
“I’m Sean catnip,” Rocky said. “That’s different.”
Don laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably true—”
“Wait,” Rocky said. “You said you didn’t know if Connor was sick. Do you think he might be?”
Don sighed. “I’m not supposed to say anything, Roch.”
“I know,” Rocky said. “But you can trust me, kid.”
“I know that, it’s just, you’re his ex and it makes everything really complicated.”
“Don—”
“All I know is that Sean is going back to Virginia next week,” he said. “It wasn’t planned and I think he’s going to be quitting his job, but he hasn’t said anything. He looks worse than usual, he hasn’t eaten, and he’s started drinking a bit.”
“Wait, he started? So he stopped drinking?”
“Yeah,” Don said. “Entirely, since he moved to LA.”
Knight bit down on his lower lip. That didn’t sound like Sean, but then again, everything had changed for Sean. Everything had changed for both of them. “When is he going home?”
“Tomorrow,” Don said. “Are you going to go see him?”
“I don’t know,” Rocky said. “
I don’t know if I’d just be making things worse.”
Don scoffed.
“What?” Rocky asked.
“You’re so selfish,” he said.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Don said. “I’m going to go. I’ll call you later.”
His little brother hung up and Rocky was left staring at the phone in his hand. He shook his head. Maybe his brother was right.
Even if he wasn’t, at that point, Rocky Knight had nothing left to lose.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Sean stared at the in-flight magazine in front of him. He thought about looking out the window, but he was feeling nauseous. The moving clouds weren’t helping him at all.
The flight felt like it was taking forever. He would have preferred to drive, but he wanted to see his father as soon as possible. His father hadn’t said much about his diagnosis, except that it was serious. He needed to talk to Sean in person, he’d said, as Sean tried his best to keep calm and not overreact.
His father’s tone was measured. He had tried to reassure Sean, which had made Sean feel bad. He hadn’t been the one that had gotten the terrible news about his own health and Sean had tried very hard not to make it all about himself.
He’d had an emergency appointment with his therapist that very same day, but he hadn’t managed to bring himself to tell her anything. He talked about everything but his father.
She had helped him a lot, but he was still struggling, and his father’s announcement hadn’t exactly helped him. When the flight attendant announced that the flight would be landing soon, Sean laid his head back on the headrest and looked up at the ceiling of the aircraft. There was a bit of turbulence, which made him feel like his nausea was only getting worse.
He tried not to think about what his life would be like without his father. The two of them had never really been close, and he was sure that his father had never believed in him, but he didn’t think he had much of a choice now.
After what had happened to Sean, his father had softened toward him. He was protective, almost sweet, and it threw Sean for a loop. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to it.
He also wondered if his father had known his diagnosis for a while and was just keeping it to himself. His wife wouldn’t know anything about it, Sean was sure of it, and maybe that was better.