To Love A Friend

by Jana David

Darcy

  Back in my room, I fell onto my bed, my head throbbing, and my heart racing. I felt like throwing up again. Facing Ian in a sober state had been worse than the sick, murky, still half-drunk feeling I'd woken up with this morning. He just had to be so freaking nice all the time. If he knew what I'd done, he'd hate me.

  I only snapped at him because I wanted him to be angry with me. I deserved it.

  I didn't remember much, just bits and pieces of the night before, but from what I remembered, Al had been there. I recalled parts of a conversation with her, even though I didn't trust my mind enough to take what I remembered at face value.

  There was a knock on my door.

  I sighed. “What do you want?” I already knew who it was.

  The door opened a crack, and Sam's head popped in. “How do you feel?”

  “How do you think I feel?” I shot back, heaving myself into a sitting position.

  Sam came over, pulled out the chair from my desk and sat down facing me. I had the feeling I was in for a lecture. And probably not one I wanted to hear.

  “What are you doing, mate? What the hell are you doing?” He leaned back in the chair, just shaking his head. There was no judgement in his tone. I wasn't quite sure how much he knew—or thought he knew, so I decided to tread carefully.

  “What do you mean?”

  Sam raised his eyebrows. “Don't play stupid”, he said. “You know exactly what I'm talking about. And don't try to deny it. I'm not dumb.”

  “I never said you were.”

  “Don't deflect.”

  Jesus, he was annoying. And I still had a raging headache and no energy to deal with him right now.

  “Fine. What do you want me to say? Since you're so smart, I'm sure you have already figured it all out.”

  Sam sighed. “I'm not here to get one over on you. I want to make sure you're alright.”

  “Thanks, but I don't do hugs and kisses”, I replied.

  Sam rolled his eyes. “Can you just be serious for one second?”

  “Then seriously tell me why you're so worried about me.” I knew I was mocking him, and I knew it wasn't fair. In truth, I was simply scared of what he was going to say.

  Sam leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. “Just ask yourself this: Is she really worth it? And if the answer is yes, then great, go for it. But be honest with yourself, because the sacrifice you'd have to make would be a damn big one. One friendship ruined, and for what? A relationship that may or may not last? And if it doesn't, what do you have then? You'll have lost both your friends. Do you really want to risk it?”

  Silence stretched between us.

  And then, when it became clear I wasn't going to say anything, he simply stood up and left.

  I stayed in bed pretty much all day, pondering Sam's words.

  Up until that point I'd always tried to block out any thoughts regarding the future whenever I thought about Allie and I. But Sam was right about the sacrifice. There was no way Ian would simply let me have her. I'd have to fight for her and lose his friendship in the process.

  I remembered the make-believe knight's tournaments we always used to play as children. Even back then we'd been fighting over Allie. In a more innocent way, of course. Still, even back then there'd been this rivalry between us. It had just reached a whole new level in recent month.

  In the days that followed, I barely saw Allie and tried my best to avoid Ian. Sam was always around, though, watching me, waiting for—I don't know what.

  I still had no answers for any of my problems, if they could be called that. I focused on sorting my future career out, making plans to switch programmes and figuring out the financial side of things. That was the one part of my life I still had control over.

  It was a Friday, when I finally hit a wall.

  I needed to get out, if even just for a night, and forget about real-life responsibilities for a while.

  Sam was still at the library, studying, and Ian was holed up in his room doing the same. I couldn't be bothered to study for exams on a subject I had come to hate.

  Two of my co-workers—well, ex-coworkers—joined me. I'd missed the guys, I wouldn't deny that, but when they told me how my father had talked about me in front of them, painting a picture of a foolish, ungrateful son who didn't know he'd thrown away the opportunity of a lifetime, I was glad I'd made the decision to leave and not go back.

  First, we went to a club near Concert Square. It was a typical student location. Cheap drinks and a music selection catering to all different tastes. I held back on the drinks, since I didn't need another night like the one two weeks ago.

  It was Friday, and even though exams were only days away and most students should be at home studying like my two flatmates, the club was packed.

  I felt the beat vibrating through my body. I'd seen the DJ who was on tonight several times in the past. He was good. The dance floor was packed.

  And then I saw her.