To Love A Friend

by Jana David

Allie

  I tried to act as normal as possible, which wasn't easy. I felt guilty all the time. I was guilty.

  I avoided the house as much as I could, only staying over on few occasions where I usually arrived late at night and left early the next morning without hanging around for breakfast.

  Ian knew there was something wrong. I could see it in his eyes, every time he looked at me. His carefree, fun-loving personality was gone, replaced by a watchful suspicion, which was solely my fault.

  I needed a break. So when Jessica suggested I should join her and a couple of the other girls on our floor for a girls' night out, I agreed.

  It was fun, getting all dolled up together, giggling and drinking champagne straight from the bottle.

  We started our night at a bar, but soon moved on to the clubs.

  I should have been at home studying. Exams were coming up and I was in no way prepared.

  But I wouldn't be able to focus on studying anyway.

  It was so much more fun, hanging out with the girls.

  I needed a break from obsessing over and questioning my relationship. Tonight, I was going to have fun. No man-drama.

  We got to the dance floor, and I simply let the music carry me away. I hadn't danced like that in a long time. I was laughing and singing along to some of the songs. With the girls around me, we fought off anyone who tried to invade our little group. Tonight, we were simply there to dance, have fun, let loose and forget that there was a tomorrow.

  And then I saw him.

  At first I thought I'd only imagined it, because people were passing by, blocking my view. But when they'd passed, he was still there.

  I stopped dancing mid-move, dropped my arms and simply stared back at him.

  People bumped into me, cursed at me to get out of the way, but I barely noticed.

  And then he lifted his hand and waved at me to come over.

  I shouldn't have, but of course I did.

  “Hey!” he shouted over the music when I reached him.

  “Hey!” I shouted back.

  Darcy pulled me closer, so that we could at least read each other's lips properly. The music was too loud for proper conversation.

  “Having fun?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Sure. You?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You wanna dance?” he asked at the same time as I did. It made us both laugh.

  I followed him back to the dance floor, gesturing to the girls as we passed them.

  The beat was heavy. This wasn't like any music I'd danced to with him before. This type of music practically screamed sex.

  We settled into the crowd of dancers and were immediately swept away by the sheer force of the masses dancing around us. There was no time to be embarrassed. I simply started moving, and Darcy matched me step by step. We just indistinctly knew how the other would move. It was so easy. Our moves were fairly innocent, compared to what some of the other dancers were doing, but had Ian seen it, he probably wouldn't have been happy about it.

  We stayed on the dance floor for several songs before we finally made our way back to the bar, both breathless and sweating.

  “Are you staying at our place again tonight?” Darcy asked, leaning against the counter.

  I wanted to say no, but some sick part of me was longing for the torture of spending the bus ride home trying not to tell Darcy how much I wanted him.

  “Yes.”

  “Will you let me take you home, then?”

  I hesitated. “Okay.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jessica watching me. I had a feeling she knew exactly who I was talking to. She gave me a subtle head shake.

  “I just have to tell my friends that I'm leaving”, I told Darcy.

  He nodded. “I'll wait over there, okay?”

  As he headed towards the bar, I walked over to the girls who had by now all noticed that something was going on.

  “Who was that lovely piece of gorgeousness you were talking to back there?” Emily asked. She was eyeing Darcy with a hungry look, and jealousy welled up inside me with an intensity that surprised me.

  “Just a friend”, I said a little more forceful than necessary. “He's leaving and offered to take me home”, I added.

  “I would like to take him home”, Emily remarked, her eyes still on the spot where Darcy was standing.

  “Great, Emily. Can I talk to you for a second before you leave?” Jessica didn't wait for me to agree. She just dragged me off towards the bathrooms.

  “What the fuck are you thinking?!” she shouted as soon as the door shut behind us.

  There was a girl standing in front of the mirror, touching up her makeup. She gave us a questioning look and then went back to applying more lipstick.

  I simply stared at Jessica. I didn't know what to say.

  “So you're just going to go home with him?” Jessica asked, accusation in her tone.

  What was I going to tell her? I knew she was right. What I should have done was simply ignore Darcy and go home with the girls. But it was impossible to ignore this pull I felt towards him. I was going to hell, I knew it.

  “Yes, I'm going home with him.” I sounded so guilty, it was pathetic.

  Jessica huffed out a sigh. “I saw the way you were dancing. If I were your boyfriend, I'd kick my best friend's balls for those moves.”

  “I bit my lip. “We weren't doing anything. It's not like that.”

  “Keep trying to convince yourself”, Jessica said. “But if I were you, I'd call my boyfriend right now, and ask him to take me home.”

  “But Darcy is...It's not...” I was stumbling over my sentences, knowing fully well that I should do exactly as she said.

  Jessica gave me one last hard look. “Alright, have fun then.” And then she walked out of the bathroom, leaving me standing there, speechless.

  “Hope he's worth it”, I heard the lipstick-applying girl say behind me.

  The house was quiet when we came in. We didn't bother to turn on the light, and so we had to navigate the stairs in the dark.

  “Do you want to use the bathroom first?” Darcy asked in a low voice, stopping next to the door.

  “I need to take a shower. I'm all sweaty from dancing.” My voice was merely a broken whisper.

  “That's alright, I'll wait.

  He didn't wait, and I didn't want him to.

  I heard the door open and then fall shut with a quiet click of the lock as I was standing in the shower, letting the hot water wash over me. I couldn't see him, but I could literally feel his presence behind the curtain.

  With one swift motion, I pulled it back.

  Darcy stood there, a shocked expression on his face as he took me in. Why he was shocked now, I didn't know. Hadn't he come in here for the sole purpose of seeing me naked? He took a long time, just staring at me open-mouthed.

  It almost made me regret my bold move. I turned away from him, facing the wall and tried not to let him see my beet-red cheeks.

  And then I felt his hand on my back.

  “Turn around”, he said, his voice soft.

  I slowly turned, not quite making eye-contact with him yet. It was strange. I didn't feel

  Darcy kept his hands firmly on my shoulders, while he gently pushed me backwards, stepping into the shower with me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, a little giggle escaping me.

  The front of his shirt was already soaked, but he didn't stop. He walked me backwards until my back was pressed firmly against the wall. Darcy was completely under the spray now, his clothes dripping water. And still he didn't seem to notice—or care.

  “What are you doing?” I asked again, this time completely serious.

  “I don't know”, he answered. “What are you doing?”

  Instead of answering, I kissed him.

  He returned the kiss, devouring my mouth with a desperation that almost scared me.

  It was a frantic fight, trying to get Darcy out of his clothes. The wet fabric clung to his b
ody like a second skin. Eventually, his shirt came off, followed by his jeans. He was only wearing boxers now, also soaking wet.

  I slid my hand into the waistband and pulled them down as well.

  At this moment, I needed nothing more than to feel his bare skin against mine.

  “Touch me”, I pleaded, my voice unrecognisable to my own ears. My heart was beating so fast, it was stumbling over itself.

  He started on my face, tracing the droplets of water down my cheek, my nose, my lips. Then he moved lower, softly tracing the lines of my collarbone. I closed my eyes, revelling in the sensation.

  His lips took over, replacing his hands as he trailed kisses along my naked skin.

  It got to a point where I couldn't take it any longer. “My turn”, I said, spinning us around so that I now had Darcy trapped against the wall. He gave me a slow, lazy smile. “Whatever you say”, he said.

  Despite the urgency we both felt, we took our time. I think we both knew that it wouldn't happen again.

  Ian hadn't been the first guy I'd slept with, but definitely the first one I was in love with. It was always different when you cared about the other person on a deeper level.

  And now there was Darcy, whom I cared about just as much as I cared about Ian.

  I explored his whole body. My hands and lips cherished every inch of naked skin. And then we both couldn't take it any longer.

  “I need you. Now”, Darcy whispered against my neck.

  I'd felt nothing like it before. The rush I felt when we made love that night was a high more potent than what any drug could give me. It changed me in ways I couldn't quite fathom myself.

  Chapter 10