To Love A Friend

by Jana David

Ian

  I had been laying awake for a long time, my brain simply refusing to shut down. I was still awake when Darcy stumbled in sometime around two in the morning. He was trying to be quiet, I had to give him credit for that, but he was a stomper by nature.

  I heard some quiet murmuring, then Darcy headed into the bathroom. I wondered for a second whether he'd gotten drunk again tonight and was now drunk-hallucinating, talking to himself. Then the shower started.

  My mind went back to the dark place it had been in before, but I was finally starting to get too tired to even listen to my own inner monologue, assessing my relationship status. Maybe my brain would eventually get the message.

  I'd almost drifted off to sleep, when the noise of footsteps had me open my eyes again. Darcy had gone to bed some time ago, and the footsteps weren't heavy enough to be his anyway. Nor Sam's.

  Had Darcy brought someone home with him? The little bastard. It was odd, though, because he wasn't usually the type to bring home girls he barely knew. Usually they took him to their place. But I wasn't going to spoil his fun, especially since it was the first time in a long time that he seemed to be having any.

  The front door fell shut with a quiet thud.

  The next morning, I woke with a raging headache.

  I had an exam to study for and had planned to be at the library all day, but when I got there, all I wanted to do was go home, get into bed, pull the covers up and sleep. I didn't, though. I set up my laptop at a table in a quiet corner and forced myself to stare at the screen, even though everything I read seemed to vanish from my brain the second I finished the sentence. After two hours of this, I finally gave up.

  I went and got myself a coffee, venturing outside for a breath of fresh air. My head was still pounding.

  While I waited for the coffee to cool down to a drinkable level, I pulled out my phone.

  Silence.

  Nothing. Absolutely no word from either of my friends. Well, except Sam, who had sent me a string of videos, all featuring creative ways to destroy books. Studying was going well for him then, too.

  I pulled up my contacts and hit Al's number. I'd lost count of how many times I'd called her in the past week or two and she hadn't answered.

  The phone rang. And it continued to ring. When the voicemail picked up, I disconnected the call. I had already left her enough messages. At this point, it was pretty obvious that she was purposefully ignoring me.

  This wasn't how I'd imagined this semester to go. I'd been excited for Al to move back to Liverpool. I'd seen it as the beginning of a new chapter for both of us and our relationship. I wasn't ready for this chapter to end yet.

  Pathetic, I know, but I'd always had this picture in my head of finding the love of my life, settling down with her, marriage, kids, growing old together; that sort of thing.

  Ever since Allie and I got together, I'd hoped she'd be the one. I wanted her to be.

  My parents got married at eighteen. Back then, many people told them it wouldn't last. Even my grandparents disapproved.

  That didn't stop my parents, though. They gave everyone the symbolic middle finger by going to the register office without telling anyone and coming back, each with a ring on their finger.

  They are still married.

  Has it been easy all the time? Definitely not, and there was a time when I was around eleven or twelve years old, when it looked like my parents were heading for a divorce. They pulled through, though, and now their relationship is stronger than ever.

  “Marriage is all about compromises ”, my mum always used to tell me when she was particularly annoyed with dad again.

  And I believe that is very true. There is no happily ever after. Every relationship needs continuous work. Otherwise it will crumble and fall apart.

  Nothing in life is definite. Circumstances change, people change, and the challenge is to make it work, regardless.

  I had never thought there would come a day when I would question my relationship. I'd always believed that as long as I put in the effort, I would get something in return. Now I wasn't so sure any more.

  Al was pulling away from me. I was losing her and I had no idea why.