Solitary Man (The Smith Brothers Book 3)

by Sherilee Gray

  “Yes, you told me in one of your emails. When I asked you about your family.” I tried to turn again—again he wouldn’t let me, then his hands were gone.

  The shower door opened and Cash climbed out.

  Startled, I spun to face him. “Where are you going?”

  “Got work to do.”

  He slung a towel around his hips and strode out of the bathroom, leaving me there alone. I stared at the shut door in shock. What just happened? Obviously, his parents and their death was hard for him to talk about, but rather than saying that, he’d walked away.

  He’d shut me out. Again.

  10

  Cash

  Riley moaned as I thrust into her, my mouth on her breast, sucking on her nipple. I couldn’t look away as she came for me in the darkness, as her beautiful, soft body arched up against me. Listened to my name on her lips as she came apart.

  I let go then, coming hard inside her. Only then. When Riley was satisfied. I’d made her come over and over as an apology for walking out on her the day before in the bathroom.

  I didn’t like to talk about my parents or their accident. I never had talked about it. I’d felt blindsided when she brought it up. I assumed it would come up eventually, but I still hadn’t been prepared for it.

  But what had sent me running was her knowing how my parents had been taken from me, that I’d mentioned it in my emails. No, I hadn’t done that. I’d told her they were gone but had never given details.

  I pulled out of Riley and folded her in my arms. She was exhausted and drifted off moments later. I held her tighter. The book she’d given me when she first came here. The mention of chocolate cake. All things I’d apparently told her in my emails. It had confused me, but I’d been preoccupied with trying to make my wife happy, to not mess everything up. Now I couldn’t get those things out of my head.

  An unsettling feeling moved through me.

  Landon.

  He’d been our go-between since I didn’t have a computer. He’d call, he’d read me Riley’s emails, and I’d tell him what to reply with.

  Anger pumped through me. Landon had added his own two cents. Had embellished my words. There was no other explanation.

  Riley was taking a bath and I was in her new office, snooping through her things. It felt wrong. It was wrong, but I wanted to see those emails. I opened her laptop and had to stop myself from throwing it across the room. I had no idea what I was doing. It was asking for a password. I rubbed my hands over my head in frustration.

  Maybe she had it written somewhere. I yanked a drawer open, then another.

  Several notebooks filled the drawer. I lifted them, and underneath was a stack of paper. I flicked through it.

  Our emails. For some reason, she’d printed them.

  I read through the first one and frowned.

  Then the next, breathing harder, faster.

  I scanned the rest, feeling sick.

  He hadn’t just added to them. He’d made me a completely different person. A man who had a lot to say. In these emails, he hadn’t just said I liked to read. He’d given her book titles, favorite authors, my feelings about them.

  There were drawn-out conversations on food, hobbies, politics, and the list went on. Landon had made me…interesting, cracking jokes, teasing her, sharing stories.

  And then there was the stuff about my parents. It was all there.

  When I’d called him and he’d read me her emails, he’d purposely left so much out, only giving me the parts that I’d expect.

  This wasn’t me. So much of this wasn’t me.

  Riley had come here expecting a completely different person.

  A different man.

  I stuffed the printouts back where I found them and strode through the door, right out of the house, rage pumping through me. I wasn’t ready to talk to Landon, not yet. I needed to think, get my head around this. Why would he do this to me? He was one of my oldest friends. Had been friends with my parents.

  You know exactly why he did it.

  Because without his help, Riley would never have chosen me. She would never have wanted me.

  She would never have come here.

  What must she think? God, she must be so confused. Wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Why I was so different. I swallowed, my mouth dry, heart racing, palms sweaty. Was she disappointed I wasn’t the man she thought, I was?

  Of course, she is.

  She thought she was marrying a man who had a lot to say. Who knew how to joke and tease. Who knew how to talk about his feelings.

  She came expecting the opposite of me. Yes, I liked to read, but I didn’t know how to have big philosophical conversations like Landon had with her about the books I’d read. I wasn’t the deep-thinking man he’d made me out to be.

  I hadn’t even thought to ask any of the questions he had, not even when I got her here.

  Because you were just happy she came. That she wanted you.

  “Cash.”

  I turned. Riley stood at the door, a damp towel wrapped around her ample curves, skin pale and smooth. Her hair was wet and hanging around her narrow shoulders. I wanted to walk over to her, wrap her in my arms, and never let her go. Carry her to our bedroom and spend the rest of the day and night buried inside her.

  Yesterday, I would have.

  Yesterday, I didn’t know the truth.

  The man she thought she married was a lie. I was a lie. A fictional character, like in one of her books. Now what we had felt…dishonest. Even though I hadn’t known what Landon had done, I did now. Tell her. She deserves to know.

  I couldn’t do it. I’d lose her, and I could not lose her.

  “Don’t stay out working too long,” she called. “Dinner will be ready in an hour.” She smiled at me, then went back inside.

  I busied myself until it was time for dinner. Riley had made a chicken pie. One of my favorites. Something she’d learned about me from Landon. It was good, but I had to choke it down. My sweet, trusting wife was trying to give me everything I wanted, to make me happy. She was chatting away while we ate, trying so hard to make this work.

  But now that I knew the truth, I became aware of the strain on her face. Could see the disappointment when I answered in my usual way. But I didn’t know how to be anyone else. I didn’t know how to be the man Landon created.

  And when we went to bed later that night, for the first time in two weeks, we didn’t…make love. That’s what it had been for me, and I wanted her so bad it hurt not to take her, not to please her. But until I worked out what I was going to do, I couldn’t bring myself to touch her, not like that.

  “Cash?” she said into the darkness.

  “Yep?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Just tired,” I muttered.

  She snuggled into my side. “You’ve worked hard all day.”

  I didn’t answer, swallowing convulsively as I wrapped my arms around her.

  She was going to leave me.

  As soon as she found out, she would leave. And I’d be alone again. But this time, I wouldn’t survive it, not now that I knew how wonderful my life could be with Riley in it.

  I was making coffee when the satellite phone rang. I snatched it up in a bad mood. I was tired and confused, and I wanted to hold my wife. I wanted to make love to her, kiss her. Listen while she talked nonstop. She was in her office working, and I was out here avoiding her when what I really wanted was the complete opposite.

  I put the phone to my ear. “Yeah?”

  “Cash, it’s Landon.”

  I clenched the phone tight and gritted my teeth. I was trying to work out what to say when he carried on talking.

  “A cop from Denver called, spoke to Brady, wanted to pass a message on to your Riley. He…ah…thought it would be better coming from me.”

  Brady was one of the local police officers. I gripped the phone tighter. “A cop?”

  “She say anything to you about some guy named Keith?”

 
“No. She say anything to you?” I bit out.

  There was a beat of silence. “Can’t say that she did…” More silence. “You know, don’t you?”

  “Yep.”

  “Shit, I was just trying to help, boy. You’ve been on your own so long and I…your parents…wouldn’t want that.” He cursed under his breath. “Look, you can be pissed at me later. This is important.”

  “Then spit it out.”

  He cleared his throat. “Riley…she had a stalker back in Denver. This guy Keith is her ex-boyfriend. Anyway, he set about harassing and following her after they broke up. They couldn’t prove it was him. Then he broke into her place one night, terrorized her for hours. He went into hiding. They finally found him, seeing as he’s been going crazy looking for her since she moved out here, and he got careless. Cop wanted her to know they got the evidence they needed. He’s been charged. And that it’s…um…safe if she wanted to go home.”

  I stood rooted to the spot.

  Home.

  She was goddamn home.

  “Cash?”

  “Gotta go.” I hung up and braced my hands on the counter, staring out the window.

  She came to me to escape. She moved from her old life to get away from this creep stalking her.

  I know you’ll keep me safe.

  She’d said that to me more than once. I’d assumed she meant while we were flying, but it was more than that, wasn’t it?

  Chances were good she hadn’t been thinking clearly when she answered my ad. Fear will make a person do all sorts of things they usually wouldn’t.

  Maybe even marry a man they barely knew.

  A man who didn’t really exist.

  And now the reason she’d come to me was gone.

  There was nothing keeping her here anymore.

  Riley

  The thump of Cash’s boots grew louder.

  I looked up from reading over the chapter I wrote yesterday to find him standing at the door. His expression was wary, his big frame held rigid.

  Something was wrong. Nerves instantly fired to life in my belly. “What’s going on?”

  His jaw worked, and his gaze bored into me. The nerves got worse.

  “What is it?” The words came out hushed. I took in the look on his face. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, anymore.

  “Keith?”

  I shot out of my chair. Was he here? Had Keith somehow found me? I tried to collect myself, my mind running in circles. “No. Does he know where I am…does he…”

  “No. He’s not here.” Cash crossed his arms. “But a Denver cop wanted to pass on that they have the evidence they needed. That this Keith had been charged. He was stalking you?”

  The muscles in Cash’s arms bulged, the veins popping as he clenched and unclenched his massive fists.

  They’d caught him?

  Relief made my knees weak.

  “Yes.” I couldn’t keep it from him anymore. At first, I’d been desperate to put it all behind me, and I’d continued to say nothing for the same reason. I hadn’t wanted to bring Keith here, to my new life, even if it was just to talk about him.

  “He was your boyfriend?”

  My heart thundered harder, faster. “When I broke it off he…didn’t want to let me go.”

  “He broke into your place and…” He thrust his fingers through his hair, his eyes flashing. “Terrorized you?”

  I bit my lips to stop them quivering. Even though it was months ago now, I still woke at night sometimes with a scream trying to crawl up my throat, and sometimes there was no stopping it. “Yes,” I whispered.

  “What did he do?”

  There was a growl to Cash’s voice that lifted the hair on the back of my neck. “He just…he said some scary things, threatened me when I wouldn’t tell him I…I loved him, when I wouldn’t take him back. He…ah…had a knife and said he was going to cut me if I didn’t do as he said. A neighbor heard me scream and called the police. He heard the sirens and took off. He’s been missing since.”

  Cash stood like a statue, so still and silent it was unnerving.

  “Cash?”

  He spun suddenly and plowed his fist into the wall, punching a hole through it. I cried out in surprise, my hand flying to my chest. Then he stood there breathing heavily, body shaking hard.

  “I’d never hurt you, Riley,” he rasped.

  “I know…”

  “He hurt you. He scared you. He threatened you with a knife.”

  I hadn’t known Cash long before I worked out he struggled with expressing his feelings. The way he had reacted just now wasn’t great, but I knew this man well enough to know where it came from. I remembered what Birdie had said, that with men like Cash, a physical response came more naturally than a verbal one.

  He cared about me. Maybe not the way I did him. But he took care of the things he considered his. I was one of those things now. He cared deeply for his family, would do anything for them, and now that family included me.

  So I walked up behind him, and like I was approaching an injured animal, I slowly lifted my hands, resting them on his hips before carefully wrapping them around him.

  I pressed my cheek to his back. “I’m okay, Cash. The police have him. It’s over. And I have you now, to keep me safe, don’t I?”

  A shudder wracked his massive body as both of his hands covered mine, holding them, keeping my arms tight around him. We stood like that, no one saying anything, just me holding him and Cash keeping me there where he wanted me.

  “The nightmares?” he rasped.

  My eyes drifted closed. “Yes.”

  He took several more deep breaths, but he was still trembling with rage. Finally, he said, “I’ll fix the wall.” Then he lifted one of my hands, kissed my fingers, released me, and walked out.

  I had no idea what he was thinking, what he was feeling. I went back to my chair and slumped into it.

  How was I going to get through to him?

  Would he ever let me?

  Cash stayed out late in his workshop that night and the next. And when he came to bed, I’d rolled into him, seeking his warmth and comfort. He’d held me, but there was a distance between us that had been impossible to miss.

  He’d gotten up again this morning before I woke, and when he’d come in for lunch both days, he’d been subdued, closed off.

  He was shutting me out. I could feel it.

  It hurt deeper than any rejection I’d ever gotten from my parents.

  I’d managed to finish my book the day before and sent it to my editor last night. Since I didn’t have to write, I’d spent the day working on a surprise for him. I’d also made Cash a chocolate cake, and I planned to sit him down and make him talk to me, demand it, before things got any worse.

  I missed him, and I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. Why he was withdrawing like this.

  I turned to the door at the thump of his boots on the porch. Hunger usually drove him in around seven. He ate, but then he’d been going back out again. Not tonight. I was determined that we wouldn’t go another night without sorting this out.

  He walked in and stopped in his tracks, his gaze moving over me like it had the last two nights. Longing and wariness there, all rolled into one.

  “Hope you’re hungry? I made some of your favorites.” I smiled, trying to get something back from him, anything. “Steak and mashed potatoes and chocolate cake for dessert.”

  His jaw worked. “Thanks.”

  He strode to the kitchen and sat at his place at the table. I sat beside him, and we ate in silence for a few minutes.

  “How is it?”

  “Good.”

  He wouldn’t look at me, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Have I done something…to make you angry or upset?”

  His fork froze on its way to his mouth, then his gorgeous blue gaze slid to me. For the first time, there was nothing. His stare was hollow. “No.”

  “It’s just that you’ve been quiet and we’re not…we haven’t…had sex, a
nd I don’t know what I’ve done.”

  He put his fork down and sat back in his chair. “You haven’t done anything, Riley. I’m busy, that’s all.”

  My gaze dropped to his split knuckles from punching the wall. They’d scabbed over. I reached out and covered his hand with mine. “You can talk to me.”

  He stared down at my hand, throat working.

  I grabbed what I’d made him from the chair beside me. “This is for you.” I slid his plate out of the way and put the book down in front of him. “It’s a scrapbook. It’s filled with all the emails we sent each other. I don’t think you know what they meant to me.”

  He stared down at it, body completely still.

  I opened the cover, placing my hand over the first one. “Or how I felt when I saw that you’d replied. The happiness just reading your words gave me.” I smiled at him. “Maybe one day we’ll be able to show it to our children?” I squeezed his hand. “In your emails, you were…”

  He stood suddenly, his chair sliding back hard, hitting the wall behind him.

  I blinked up at him.

  “Thank you for the…it’s…” He swallowed convulsively. “I need to get back to work.” He started toward the door.

  “Cash…”

  He paused by the door, shoved his fingers through his hair, and turned back to me. “I’m going away tomorrow, for a couple days. Hunting with Hank and Beau. You’ll be okay?”

  Would I be okay? As it was right now, I felt like I was all alone anyway. And I would not beg him to stay. I’d begged my parents to stay, and they’d left anyway. I wouldn’t do that to myself again. Never again. “Yes,” I whispered, glad when my voice didn’t break.

  He dipped his chin and walked out.

  I cleaned up, showered, and went to bed. I woke when Cash climbed in beside me. He didn’t reach for me. He stayed as far away from me as he could.

  When I woke the next morning, he was gone. He’d left on his hunting trip.

  And he hadn’t even said goodbye.

  11

  Riley