Solitary Man (The Smith Brothers Book 3)

by Sherilee Gray

  As the plane came in to land, my heart was in my throat.

  Three days Cash had been gone. Three days I’d been here on my own, wondering when he’d come back. Wondering what he was thinking. What he was feeling. If he even wanted me here anymore.

  I felt like I didn’t factor in his world, like I wasn’t important.

  I’d spent most of my life feeling that, and dammit, it hurt. So much.

  He climbed out of his plane, looking extra rugged after three days of hunting, and despite it all—his silence, him not touching me, not saying goodbye when he left—I still had to stop myself from running to him, from throwing my arms around him.

  Seeing him filled me with happiness and broke my heart all at the same time. I couldn’t be with someone who was completely and utterly emotionally unavailable. Who would rather run away and hunt for three days than discuss what the real problem was.

  All I could do was speculate. I’d been doing that since before he left.

  And now I wasn’t just hurt, I was angry as hell.

  So when he walked in, did that jaw-clenching thing and dipped his chin in greeting, I lost it.

  “Well, hello to you, too. Nice of you to finally come home.” I planted my hands on my hips, fighting back tears when he said nothing. Refusing to let them fall. “Yes, I’m fine, thanks. Lovely of you to ask.”

  His wide chest rose, expanding on his deep breath. “Riley…”

  I waited, but he said no more, his eyes boring into me, that square jaw working like he was trying to find actual words but none would come.

  I threw my hands in the air. “You know what? Screw you.” Then I spun and stormed to my office and slammed the door. Needing to get away before I fell apart in front of him.

  Stupidly, I expected him to follow. He did not, and my anger reached new levels when the bang of the front door reached me. I spun to the window in time to see him walking across the field to his workshop. That was when I hit my limit.

  That was when the pain I’d been fighting sliced through me so deep there was no way I could sit here and wait anymore.

  I’d done that enough in my life.

  Storming across the office, I yanked my door open, strode through the house, and marched outside. The barn door was closed, and I pulled it with such force that it swung back and hit the wall with a bang as I walked in.

  Cash was standing at one of his workbenches, hands gripping the edge, head down. He swung around at my violent entrance. His massive body turning to face me, his arms dropping to his sides, his body going rigid.

  I wanted him so bad I hurt.

  All the anger and pain twisted together.

  “Why are you being like this? Why won’t you talk to me? Why is it that one moment you couldn’t get enough of me and now you won’t even look at me, let alone touch me? I need you to tell me, Cash. I need you to talk to me. I deserve that much.”

  He started breathing faster, heavier, but said nothing.

  “Do you even want me here?”

  Nothing.

  The pain was like being cleaved in two. “I can’t live like this,” I whispered and stared into his eyes, needing to be reassured. Desperate for him to tell me he loved me, that he wanted me here with him. “I can’t stay here…if things are like this.”

  He sucked in a sharp breath, his massive frame shaking, and made a sound like a wounded animal, but nothing else. Not one word.

  “Goddamn you, Cash. Say something. Your wife just told you she’s thinking of leaving.” I walked up to him, the anger taking the lead, trying to protect my wounded heart, and I balled up my fist and thumped it against his chest. “Say something.” Then I thumped both down on that wide chest and yelled at him, “Say something!”

  He grabbed my wrists, but he didn’t push me away, he held me where I was. He was shaking harder now, breath sawing in and out of him.

  “Goddammit, Riley.” He backed me against the wall, trapping me between him and the rough-sawn planks behind me.

  “You left me. You made me feel like that sad little girl all over again, desperate to be loved but never good enough.”

  “Darlin’,” he choked out.

  A sob broke free. “What is wrong with me? Why does nobody want me?”

  “No.” He gripped my arms tight. “No, that’s not…you were going to leave me sooner or later…and I thought…better for us both that it’s now,” he choked out.

  I stared up at him stunned. “Why?” I whispered. “Why would I leave you?”

  His eyes searched mine almost frantically. “Because I’m not the man you think I am. Because it was only a matter of time before you figured that out for yourself.” He moved in closer, shaking harder. “Because every day you’re here with me I need you more, want you more.”

  “Cash…”

  “I didn’t think I’d survive losing my parents, or the loneliness that came after. Then you came into my life, and the thought of losing you…it’s worse, Riley. God, help me, it’s worse.”

  My own breathing was ragged, and I wanted to touch him, comfort him, but he still held my wrists, stopping me from giving him what we both needed. “Please, Cash, I need you to tell me what’s going on.”

  He leaned in closer, so much pain in his steady gaze. “When you gave me your scrapbook, the things you said…I knew then I had to give you up, that I couldn’t lie to you anymore. You deserve more, more than me.” His nostrils flared. “I didn’t write those emails. I’m not him, the man you chose. That was Landon. I told him how to reply, but he took it upon himself to make them…more. He gave you more. Because he knew I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough to get you here, and I’m not enough to keep you, either.”

  I stared up at him in shock, not about the emails, I’d kind of begun to suspect that for myself, but that he would think that. That he could believe that about himself. “You’re wrong.”

  His confused gaze searched mine. “Riley, I’m not…”

  “I know you,” I said. “I don’t care who wrote those emails.”

  He shook his head, not listening. “I’m your husband, and you kept asking if I could keep you safe, and you were having nightmares. Christ, Riley, I missed it. Something was hurting you, scaring you, and I should have known. I failed you. I should have…”

  “Cash…”

  “Just tell me,” he said, agony in his voice. “Did you come here to escape?” He leaned in, a ragged breath shaking from him. “Because…there’s nothing keeping you here, not now that that asshole’s been caught, now that you know the truth.”

  What? “Was Keith part of the reason I decided to search for something else, somewhere else? Yes, and I should never have kept that from you. But, Cash, as soon as I saw you…as soon as I looked into your eyes in that picture, I knew you were it for me. I just…knew. You think I don’t know the real you? I’ve been living with the real Cash for nearly two months. You, Cash, are the quiet, stoic, hard-working, tender, generous, fiercely protective man standing in front of me. The man who showed me how much he loved his parents and cared for me by gifting me his mother’s chair. The man who showed me how much he loves his cousins and their families by making the effort to see them regularly, who gets on the floor with the kids and plays with them and loves every moment of it.”

  He swallowed thickly. “Riley…”

  “The man who cooks for me, who makes sure I’m warm by chopping wood for hours, or holding me safe and warm through the night. Who washes my hair when we shower. Who checks on me when we fly because you know I get scared, and who made me the office of my dreams just because you noticed I was sore after writing on the bed all day. The man who makes sure he’s given me pleasure before he takes his own.”

  “Wife,” he said, voice cracking.

  I pulled my hands free, and he let me. I cupped his whiskered jaw. “Nothing’s keeping me here? God, everything is keeping me here. You are everything, Cash Smith,” I whispered, my lips trembling. “How could I miss it? You were showing me this whole
time.” I held his gaze. “You love me, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” he said without hesitation. “So damn much. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  I smiled wider. “And I love you, the man in front of me, not the man in those emails. You.”

  His arms came around me tight, that big body trembling as he buried his face between my neck and shoulder. “You love me? Promise you’ll never leave me, darlin’. I don’t want to be here, be anywhere without you.”

  I slid my hands up under his shirt, desperate to feel his hot skin under my hands, running them over his chest, then down his rigid abs. “You won’t ever have to worry about that. I’m exactly where I want to be. With you. With my husband.”

  “I missed you so much.” His hands roamed over me roughly, restlessly.

  “I’m right here,” I said as I popped open the button of his jeans and slid down the zipper. “I’ll always be right here.” I took his painfully hard cock in my hand, and he shuddered, his broken gasp tearing through me. “Let me show you how much I love you,” I whispered and lowered to my knees in front of him.

  His jeans sat low, his massive cock rock solid and weeping for my mouth.

  “Please,” he rasped.

  That single word broke me. I’d give him anything. Do anything for this man. I certainly wouldn’t make him wait. I gripped his heavy length and stroked him firmly as I leaned in and lapped at the glistening head. He bucked, a shout exploding from him. His hands shot out, and he planted them against the wall in front of him, like he needed to hold himself up.

  I was trapped between the wall and Cash, his huge body looming over me. His head dipped, watching me as I sucked the head into my mouth and rubbed my tongue around the rim. Strain lined his ruggedly handsome face, and his blue eyes that I loved so much were fastened on mine.

  He was letting me in, all the way, and I saw everything, right down to his beautiful soul.

  I took more of him, stroking him with my hands, my mouth, taking as much as I could, desperate to make him feel good, to show him what he meant to me in a way he’d understand. Cash knew I loved him—I’d told him—but he was a man of action, not words. I wanted…needed to give him both.

  Cash

  I couldn’t take my eyes off Riley on her knees in front of me, her heavy-lidded gaze holding mine captive. She owned me. Heart and soul. My sweet, fiery, little wife had stormed into my life and turned it on its head.

  She sucked me deeper, and my knees nearly buckled under me.

  I gripped the wall harder with one hand and reached down, cupping her precious face with the other. I clenched my ass and gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to thrust, but then she stroked me harder and swirled her tongue around the head. My control snapped.

  I needed inside her.

  Now.

  I pulled from her mouth, gripped her arms, and tugged her to her feet. She was already shoving down her pants and underwear. She’d gotten them off one foot when I scooped her up, hooked her legs over my arms, pressed her into the wall, and thrust inside her.

  She cried out, and I took her mouth, sliding my tongue deep. I needed to taste her, and she gave it right back to me. In this position, all she could do was take my relentless thrusts, just the way Riley loved it. I forced myself to slow down when all I wanted was to slam deep.

  Instead, I dragged it out for both of us, nowhere near ready for this to end. I filled her slowly and slid back out, over and over, until we were both trembling. Riley was so wet, as hungry for me as I was for her. I rested my forehead against hers, our mouths brushing, shaky breaths mingling, and I fed off her little gasps and helpless moans as I moved inside her.

  I’d been so scared of losing her that I’d pushed her away, trying to protect myself. Told myself it was for the best.

  But nothing could protect me from the pain of losing her. I would never survive that.

  Never.

  She wasn’t going anywhere, though. She was right here with me, and this was where she was staying.

  “Oh God.” Riley moaned.

  “You need me to fuck you harder, wife?”

  “Yes. Yes, I need it.”

  Her cheeks were pink, and her skin glistened. She was right on the edge—I could see it, feel it. I’d made us both wait long enough. I kissed her hard, deep, then lifted my head and watched her as I slammed in deep.

  Riley’s mouth dropped open, lips dark and swollen from my kisses, her eyes so heavy with lust I couldn’t look away.

  “Is this what my wife needs?” I asked as I thrust inside her.

  “Yes. Always. I always need you…like this. Any way you give it to me,” she cried. “I just need you. All of you.”

  “You have me,” I growled as I thrust back in, deeper than before.

  Riley screamed, and then she was coming, her pussy gripping and releasing me repeatedly. I couldn’t hold back another minute, not while watching my woman in the throes of pleasure after not being close to her like this for so long, and not with the way she felt squeezing down on me.

  I slid deep and roared, going over with her. We moved against each other until the last shudder, the last pulse of pleasure had worked its way through us.

  When I was sure my legs were steady, I tugged up my jeans, shifted Riley in my arms, and, holding her tight to me, carried her inside, straight to our bedroom.

  I laid her on the bed and finished undressing her, then I did the same. When I was lying beside her, I pulled her into my arms and held her tight. She held me back, just the same.

  “Promise me you won’t ever shut me out like that again,” she whispered against my shoulder.

  I pressed my lips to her hair. “I promise, darlin’.” I kissed the top of her head. “I’ve been alone…I’ve been so lonely for so long, and I’m…I’m used to being in my own head. I’m not good at expressing myself. But I want to. I’ll try harder from now on.”

  She lifted up, resting on my chest, and stared into my eyes, a small smile on her face. “I know.” She kissed me softly. “But you’re not alone anymore, Cash. I’ll make sure you’re never lonely again. We’ll do that for each other.”

  I didn’t have words for how hers made me feel, but this time it was okay. I knew it because Riley didn’t give me a chance to answer. She kissed me again, and she didn’t stop for a long time.

  Epilogue

  Cash

  Laughter rang out from the front porch.

  I glanced over at the house and grinned. Riley was still giggling at something Freya had said as she headed inside. Birdie passed Freya the iced tea and laughed again. They always had a good time when they were together.

  The house was full of family, of children, and Riley was in her element. Birdie had come armed with bags of baby clothes, and Freya had knitted a blanket.

  Hank chuckled, and I glanced over. He was manning the barbecue while Landon chatted to him.

  “You think you’re ready?” Tucker asked, motioning to the herd of kids running by, shrieking and laughing, and handed me a beer.

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s ready,” Hank said as he loaded the plate with meat and handed it to Beau.

  “Who needs sleep anyway,” Beau said, chuckling. “I haven’t slept in years, and I’m doing awesome. The bags under my eyes have just made me more ruggedly handsome.”

  Tuck laughed, and Hank shook his head.

  I glanced at the house again. Riley wasn’t back outside yet, and lately having her out of my sight for any length of time made me uneasy.

  I headed for the house. She’d had bad morning sickness at the start of her pregnancy, and she’d scared the hell out of me when she’d fainted, not once but three goddamn times. We only had a couple of months to go, but I was constantly worried about her. Terrified she’d faint again or fall.

  I walked inside and worked my way through the house. The extension was finished, and right now all the rooms, including Riley’s office, were being used for guests.

  I found h
er where I should have looked in the first place. The nursery. She turned when I walked in, a soft smile on her beautiful face. I ate up the sight of her. She was wearing a cute little sundress that hugged her round belly, and her blond hair was down and wavy. She stole the breath right out of me.

  She always did.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “What you doing in here, darlin’?” I asked, pulling her into my arms.

  “I came in to pee and ended up back in here when I was done.” She rested her hands on my chest. “It’s just so beautiful.”

  I’d finished it two days ago, and Riley loved it. This pleased me more than I was capable of expressing. “Glad you love it.”

  “More than love it.” Her smile grew even wider. “How’s the birthday boy feeling?”

  Before Riley, I’d spent a lot of years not doing anything for my birthday. I’d been alone, and there hadn’t been anything to celebrate. My Riley had gone through the same.

  But she had insisted on having a party and used the fact that it would be her last chance to get together with everyone for a while as a way of bending me to her will. I would have said yes, anyway. I’d give her anything she wanted if it made her happy.

  “What did Tucker bring you? Moonshine?”

  “Yep.” I tucked her hair behind her ear.

  “Is he still having his…um…guest come to stay next month?”

  Tuck was having a woman flown in, and I could tell Riley wasn’t too happy about it.

  “It seems wrong to me.”

  “Why?”

  She frowned. “Why? Because he’s paying her to…you know.”

  “He’s not hurting anyone, darlin’. He’s been using the same place for years and is careful about who he chooses. He has a good reputation there, and the women volunteer to come out here, which means he always has several to choose from. They make good money; he makes sure they have a good time. And honestly, I don’t know what he does to them, but every woman I’ve ever flown out of there has ended up half in love with him.”

  Her eyes widened. “Really?”