A Staten Island Love Letter 5

by Jahquel J

  “Because we could have been happy together.”

  “So, you lied about college and shit… you been in a fucking looney bin?”

  “No. I got better. I was going through severe depression. After a year, I got my shit together and took college classes at a community college. That’s where I met my husband. Life was good, but I always thought about you and the girls.”

  “What we had was magical, when we were younger. We loved hard and yeah it was too intense for how young we were. Still, years passed, and I thought about you from time to time, but I did what I did so you could go on and be great. If I didn’t, you would have stuck around to help me. I wanted you to go to college and accomplish your dreams,” I had never told her why I ended things with her.

  She stopped messing with her water bottle and looked at me. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. You loved me and the girls that much and I knew you would give up going away to college to help me with the girls. I did it to look out for you, Lavern, not to hurt you. I’m sorry that I hurt you because I didn’t know any other way to get you to leave.”

  She wiped away tears. “I’ve never felt heartbreak like the one you gave me. Not even with my husband. You’re the love of my life and I mean that. Moving back to Staten island, I planned to look for you, so when we ran into each other at my job, I knew that meant we were supposed to make it work.”

  “If I didn’t have Justice, then maybe that’s what the universe would have been telling us to do. I have love for you and want you to know sending you away that night in the hallway was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I couldn’t be selfish. What we shared was the past and we need to focus on being better for the future. I hurt a woman that means a lot to me because I was chasing a high from my past. I don’t know if you and your husband can work things out, but fix it, if it can be fixed.”

  She continued to wipe her tears away. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of it.”

  “All that matters is how we move on from this. I want you to be happy and I want you to give your daughter a good life. Keep going to college because it’s never too late, Vern,” I stood up.

  She stood up and I hugged her tightly. “I love you, Ro.”

  “I love you too, Vern. You gotta move on and stop putting your blame and hurt onto Justice. We hurt her, not the other way around.”

  “You’re right,” she agreed.

  She walked me to the door, and we hugged once more before I left her apartment. I prayed this talk would help her get over what we had. If it didn’t, then maybe Justice would have to sit and talk to her. I prayed that it wouldn’t come to that.

  12

  Freedom

  Belize

  We had been in Belize for two weeks and everything felt so peaceful. Gyson had flew his doctor here to give him his treatments and teach a local doctor to administer them. Everything felt so perfect and I was glad that we decided to come and bring the kids. Things had been so stressful at home and seeing how much fun they were having made it all worth it. Although we had been gone for two weeks, I still brought work with me and would sneak away while the kids played and Gyson napped to get some work done. If I could live here, I would. The food, the sun and the peace made me not want to return back to the states ever again. Gyson still got weak after his treatments, but he was pushing through. We didn’t do much except sit outside and watch the kids swim. On date nights, we would go out to a local restaurant and enjoy each other to the fullest. Ms. Winnie was enjoying her time and held down the kids when we were having alone time. Everything about Belize made me wake up with a huge smile on my face each morning. The one thing that I wanted was some dick.

  I had brought the pills secretly. Gyson wanted to have sex more than anything and nothing helped. I was tired of bouncing on a soft dick. We had tried everything that google suggested, except sticking something up his ass. He refused and damn near tried to attack me when I tried to do it when he was asleep. Listen, I was desperate and wanted some dick. It had been so long that I didn’t know how it felt anymore. Still, he refused the pills, even after his doctor said that they were safe and natural to use. Truthfully, I think he was scared to have sex. Maybe he forgot how to work it or something. It was some reason why he didn’t want to take the pills. It was hard being in paradise and not getting my back blown out. Ms. Winnie took Samoor into her suite every night so we could have alone time. It wasn’t like Gyson didn’t try and please me. He would eat my pussy until I creamed nearly every night. Yet, it wasn’t the same to me. I wanted to feel him, connect and do all the nasty things that we used to do.

  “Mommy, what are you making?” Rain asked, as I was making lemonade. I had the crushed pills hidden to the side of the bowl of lemonade.

  “Lemonade, you want some?” I asked her.

  “Yes please,” she flashed a bright smile at me. I loved this little girl so much. She had the brightest smile and was the politest kid I had ever met.

  I poured her some lemonade. “Where’s your sister?”

  “In the pool with Samaj, they are battling on who is faster.”

  “And who is winning?”

  “Samaj.”

  “And who is whining?”

  “Somali,” she giggled.

  “And where is your baby brother?”

  “Ms. Winnie is feeding him. Mommy, can you have me another baby sister?”

  I kneeled down and kissed her cheek. “We have so much going on right now and Samoor is still a baby. Maybe in a year we can try and have a baby sister just for you… okay?”

  “Okay. I’ll ask daddy just in case to see what he says,” she skipped away.

  “Wait, where is your daddy?”

  “Sleeping outside by the pool,” she yelled as she continued to skip out of the kitchen. Everyone was cooling by the pool and I was in here about to drug my damn man.

  I sprinkled the pill into the lemonade and sat it to the side while I put the salmon in the oven, and then made vegetable casserole to go with it, and for Gyson, since he was now vegan. When I was done, I set the oven on low and went outside and gave the kids their tray of lemonade. Ms. Winnie took hers and continued to feed Samoor. Gyson was over in the shade napping, so I brought his cup over to him.

  “Hey baby, here’s something to drink. Don’t want you getting dehydrated out here,” I gently woke him and sat in the fold out chair beside him.

  “Thank you,” he stirred from his sleep. His eyes landed on my bathing suit. It was an orange bathing suit with huge cut outs on the side. After Samoor and finding out that Gyson had cancer, the stress ate away at that baby fat. You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t feeling myself. “Damn, you look good,” he complimented.

  “Thank you, boo,” I smiled and put my sunglasses on and laid there to soak up this sun.

  The kids splashed in the water, and Rain yelled about the twins not allowing her to win in the volley ball game they started. Samoor was cooing with Ms. Winnie. Everything felt so good and I wanted to capture this moment forever. Eventually, we would have to go back home and deal with the doctor’s appointment that would determine if Gyson was in remission or would need more treatments. It was one that I was nervous about. I wanted so bad for him to beat this cancer and get back to being himself. I wanted that for him more than anything else in the world. These past few months had been hard on him mentally and physically. There was nothing I could do except be there for him. He told me that was all he needed, yet I felt like I should or could do more. Each time I tried to do more he told me that was all he needed from me. Just me being there for him made his day. Gyson was the king of our castle and it wouldn’t be the same if we lost him. Cancer didn’t care if you were the most paid, handsome or the fact that you were a kingpin. When it hit, it hit and often time you were too tired to fight the battle that it put up. I was proud to say that Gyson fought that shit like a nigga in the street. Even on his weakest days, he was still fighting with all the strength he had left.

  “Ms. Winni
e?” I called over to her.

  “Yes, baby?”

  “I put the food in the oven. If I fall asleep, can you keep an eye on it,” I told her.

  “Of course,” she replied and sat Samoor in his little playpen. He laid flat on his back while kicking his legs because she had sat him down. That little boy was so spoiled. Because he was the baby of all the kids, he was always in someone’s hands. So, when you put him down, he would throw a fit because he wasn’t used to it.

  “Thanks,” I replied and closed my eyes.

  I don’t know how long I had been asleep, but I felt Gyson tapping me. “Baby, wake up,” he continued to shake me.

  I leaned up and looked and saw the kids making smores with Ms. Winnie. The sun was setting, and everyone was giggling and laughing. “Did you eat dinner? Why didn’t anyone wake me up?”

  “Because you never get to sleep running behind all of us,” I noticed the cashmere blanket draped across my legs.

  “That sleep felt so good. Are you ok—”

  “Daddy, can you give me another baby sister?” Rain came over with chocolate all over her mouth.

  “Shit, daddy about to make you one right now,” he said. “Go with Ms. Winnie,” he told her. Rain skipped back over there and that’s when I noticed the bulge in his pants.

  “Ohhhh, it’s working?” I acted like I had no parts in his hard dick.

  He stood up, grabbed me up from the chair and carried me into the house while I giggled. He was so horny that we didn’t even make it up to the bedroom. He closed the laundry room door and sat me on the dryer. My pussy craved and called out to him. He pulled his trunks down and slipped my bathing suit to the side and slipped right inside of me. I tossed my head back as he slammed into me like a jack hammer does concrete. The kids were occupied, and I could be as loud as I wanted to. When Gyson carried me inside, Ms. Winnie had a smile on her face, so she knew what was about to go down between the both of us.

  I wrapped my legs around his body and grabbed around his neck. He leaned on the wall while I took control. This was what I wanted, and I had gone as far as to drug his ass to get it, so I was about to show him how much I missed feeling him on the inside of me. Gyson held onto my booty cheeks and allowed me to move my hips and pound my pussy onto his dick. I wanted to scream because it felt so good. He was out of breath and I could tell he was struggling to hold me up. I got down, grabbed his hand and we ran upstairs to our bedroom. I shut the door, pushed him on the bed and caressed his dick before I jumped on top of it. For a minute, I just sat there and took in how it felt sitting straight up into me. His dick was so big it felt like it was in my stomach. Having a dick so big lying beside you every night and not being able to have your way with it, did some things to do you.

  “You went as far as to drug me to get this nut, show me what you working with,” he chuckled.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I slowly started to ride his dick while holding onto his chest.

  “I saw the pill residue on the side of the cup,” he laughed, grabbed my waist tighter and flipped me on my stomach. He pulled my hair and shoved his dick into my dripping pussy. “You wanted this, didn’t you?” I remained silent because I was doing somersaults in my damn head. “I don’t hear you,” he gripped my hair tighter.

  “Yes, baby, I want it.”

  “How bad?”

  “Bad as fucccccck,” I moaned when he pulled out and slapped that shit on my ass. He did it again and I screamed out because I needed this put inside of me. “Badddddd, fuck me!!! Fuck me!!!!” I hollered.

  With how loud I was, I was sure the kids heard me screaming like a damn lunatic. “Ight,” he said and slammed himself inside of me. With one hand, he gripped my hair and with the other, he planted the palm of his hand firmly into the middle of my back. The pain and pleasure mixed had me tossing this ass back at him.

  “Harder!” I screamed.

  He let go of my hair and grabbed both sides of my waist and shoved his dick so far inside of me I was sure he had put one of his balls inside of me too. He pulled all the way out, and then slammed into me one good time and flipped me on my back. With one leg up, he held my leg up and continued to string the strings of my guitar below.

  “Baby, this feels sooo gooood,” I whispered because he had fucked my voice out of me. “Right there, right there,” He had my leg up in the air, his thumb in my booty, and was stroking me with that big dick of his. When I started screaming again, he reached down and covered my mouth with his. Gyson Davis had every one of my holes closed and I felt like I was having an out of body experience. As much as I complained about being sexually frustrated, he was too, and I could tell. The way he stroked me slow and then sped up like he was punishing my pussy.

  When I came, I shook, screamed and cried. Gyson leaned over me with his dick still inside of me as I had an orgasm. He pulled out and held me and kissed me while my body shook. Once it had passed, I looked into his eyes with so much happiness. I needed this more than he knew.

  “Come finish me off,” he demanded, and I went to the bottom of the bed and took his dick into my mouth. I pushed him to the back of my throat and hummed while sucking him like my favorite popsicle.

  He held his hand on the back of my head and when it felt good, he would pull my hair and I knew to keep the same rhythm I had been going. “You like that?” I asked with my dick still in his mouth.

  The vibration from my voice sent chills down his body. His toes were crawled up in a ball and he was holding onto the sheet with his free hand. “Shit, yeah, I like that shit,” he moaned out and pushed my head further. I pulled his dick out of my mouth and spit on it a few times before I shoved it back down my throat. While I sucked on the tip, I jerked the shaft and flicked my tongue across his hole. I went back down and swallowed him whole while massaging his balls.

  “I… I’m 'bout to nut,” he stammered and pulled my head down. I felt his nut ooze out the head and I swallowed it down my throat. When I took his dick out of my mouth, I kissed the tip and then went to kiss him.

  “How was that?”

  “If the cancer doesn’t kill me, you damn sure about to kill me,” he laughed.

  “Gyson Davis!” I hollered.

  “I’m playing. Do me a favor.”

  “What?”

  “Go in the top drawer and get me that box out,” he directed. I got up with my bathing suit all twisted around my body. He damn near fucked the bathing suit off me.

  I went to the dresser and grabbed the box. “What’s this?” I asked, as I plopped beside him on the bed and handed him the box.

  “Open it.”

  “What is this?” I cut my eyes at him. “I told you to stop buying me so much jewelry,” I started to unravel the box.

  “I think this is going to be the best piece I ever got you,” he told me and I didn’t know if I believed him or not.

  “Uh huh. Every piece you have gotten was beautiful, so I don’t know how you’re going to top this,” I smiled and opened the velvet black box. It was a ten-karat halo shaped diamond ring. The diamond was half a carat, still the ring was beautiful as hell. “What is this?” I asked, as I admired it in the box.

  “Before you left and went to Atlanta, I had bought you an engagement ring. It was between a new transmission for my whip, or this ring, so I got the ring. I planned to do it on your birthday, but you left before that could happen. Your birthday is in two days, and I was going to wait until then, but I wanted you to have this ring now. It’s small, and with the money I got I could buy you something way bigger with more carats, but it’s something—”

  “I don’t want something bigger; I want this one,” my voice cracked.

  “I knew you would say that,” he climbed off the bed; butt ass naked. I watched as he got on one knee, he grabbed the ring from me and held it up. “Freedom, we been through a lot of shit. You’ve always been the one for me. I’m tired of calling you my girl, I’m ready to call you my wife… will you marry me?” he asked,
and I was a ball of emotions. I had been doing a good job of keeping it together, but once those tears fell down, I was crying like a big ass baby.

  I was nodding my head yes before he could finish what he was saying. “Yes, yes, yes, I’ll marry you!” I hollered.

  Gyson slipped the ring onto my finger and I got down off the bed and grabbed his face with both hands. Kissing him, I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too,” I kissed him again while looking at the ring on my hand. I didn’t care that it wasn’t the biggest ring. I loved it because this ring held history to our relationship.

  I jumped up and ran to the balcony where the kids were still messing with their smores. “Mommy is getting married!” I flashed my ring and they all jumped up and cheered.

  I couldn’t wait to be Ms. Davis.

  13

  Ghost

  Belize

  It took me a whole week to pull everything together. Freedom was happy with just wearing my ring and wasn’t sweating the wedding part. I guess she thought we would take that step whenever I was ready to help her plan. Little did she know, I had plans on marrying her right on the beach of our villa. When I told her that I wasn’t letting her get away again, I meant that shit. I wasn’t about to fuck up this time. Freedom was meant to be my wife and I was going to make sure that I did right by her and my kids. She had proved to me that she was here for me and nothing else. She didn’t give a damn about the money or street cred I had. All she wanted was me; Gyson. While she had been spending time working and with the kids, I had been working on planning our wedding. I had everyone flying out today and they would land tonight. Free had no idea that I had been doing this.

  She had been giving me that little pill so I had been fucking her brains out while Ms. Winnie handled stuff so she wouldn’t grow suspicious of me. I tried to get Liberty, but she had a week left of her program, and then after she had outpatient every day, so it was no way she would be able to fly out. Even with her having to miss the wedding, she was so excited for Free and promised to keep quiet about it. I knew Free would be upset that she couldn’t attend, so I had planned a special surprise for her. My mom was flying in with Justice, Staten, Priest and the girls. The only one that couldn’t attend was Kiss, and that was because she and Reese had bought tickets to take Zamari to some paw patrol shit.