A Staten Island Love Letter 5

by Jahquel J

  “She heard from my dad when my next appointment was, so she was in the waiting room when I arrived. She still rolls her eyes at the fact that we’re having a baby together, but I think she’s excited for the baby.”

  “And what about y’all relationship?”

  “We had lunch at the house, and we spoke about a lot. My mom revealed a lot to me and I think we connected on something more than just the streets. I’m happy, for real.”

  “I’m happy for you. It’s important that our son is born into love.”

  “Yes, very important. I want to have the baby at my parent’s house. A natural birth.”

  I put my hands to my face. “You would want to do some shit like this, right?”

  She giggled. “I did my research and I want to be in a comfortable place with family around. Would you get into the pool too?”

  “You gonna be shitting and blood in there… for you, I’ll put a wet suit and get in there.”

  “Deal,” she held out her hand and we shook on it. “I do need to talk to you about something,” her face changed. I could tell whatever she was about to say was going to be important.

  “Oh God… what’s up?”

  “I know you still love Liberty. Even with you both not being together, I know that you love her and that love won’t fade away anytime soon,” she started.

  “I’m not going to front; I do still love her. It’s something that I have to work on and get under control,” I admitted.

  “You shouldn’t have to get your feelings under control. If you love her, then you should be able to be with her.”

  “Malia—”

  “Listen to me. I’m tired of competing with her for a piece of your heart. I love you, and you know that,” she wiped her tears that fell from her eyes. “I’m so damn emotional with this pregnancy.” “I love you and will always be here for you, you know that too. I think it’s best for us to go back to being friends and be the best damn parents to our son. As hard as it is for me to end whatever it is that we have, I know it’s something we need to do for the both of us, and for the sake of our son.”

  I walked and sat down next to her on the couch. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her on the cheeks. “You know I love you too, right?”

  “I do, which is why I know you need to do this. I saw first-hand how what you and Chanel had ruined your friendship once you had Satin,” she sniffled. “I don’t want that to be us. I want to continue to be the person you call to come chill with you in the trap. I still want to be able to come lay on your couch when I’m bored of being home. Our friendship means more to me than trying to force a relationship when I know your heart isn’t into it,” she leaned her head on my shoulder.

  “I agree. You’re my nigga for life, you already know that. If we need to stop fucking, then I guess.”

  Maliah giggled. “Staten!” she squealed. “I think we need to focus on our son and welcoming him into the world. I’m building my relationship back with my mom, shit is looking up for us.”

  I wasn’t ready to tell Maliah about me and Chanel yet. It was too fresh and new for me to want to speak about it. In due time, I knew I would be laying across her couch and spilling my problems like she was my therapist.

  “Shit is def looking up,” I rubbed her stomach as we laid back on the couch. Maliah could always sense shit and I knew she was picking up my actions. I was barely around and when I did come around, I was distracted.

  “Feel,” she moved my hand to her stomach. “You hear daddy?” she spoke to her stomach and I smiled hella big.

  “Yeah, he’s the most important,” I continued to rub her stomach. Nothing in this world mattered as much as this moment.

  15

  Liberty

  “What do you think about the dress?” I asked Free, as she pecked away at her phone. She was on a lunch break and had decided to pop in at my fitting. I had picked out my dress with Ty’s mother and I fell in love with it. Neither of my sisters had seen the dress and I wanted them to see it. Justice said she had things to do and Free was at work but made time to pop her head in and see the dress.

  “I like it,” she said with her head still in her phone.

  “And the fur around the neckline isn’t too much?” I pondered.

  “Nope, it adds the perfect touch.”

  “Damn lie. I don’t have no fur on this damn dress,” I called her out.

  She looked up from her phone and decided to slip it into her purse. “Sorry, this new client I have has been on my staff’s nerves and they sent her to me to deal with. I like the dress.”

  “Damn, Free. You can act like you’re excited for me. I was excited for you and Ghost when he told me.”

  “Well, we been together and knew each other longer than you and Ty. I know nothing about this man and you’re about to marry him.”

  “You don’t need to know anything about him. I’m the one marrying him,” I snapped.

  None of my sisters were excited for me to get married. Planning a wedding was supposed to be the best thing in the world for some brides. You had your family to help you plan your special day. Your sisters usually told you they hated a million dresses before they told you they liked that one special dress. I had none of that and felt so alone in this. It wasn’t only my sisters either, it was Ty as well. He was always working and gone. I think I had seen him twice in this entire month. When he wasn’t around, he sent his mother to help me with stuff.

  “So, stop expecting me to be happy for you. I’m not,” she admitted what I already knew. “You’ve been out the rehab for what, a month already and you’re planning a wedding. What about working on yourself?”

  “Do I get into you and Justice’s business? I’m always there to talk and listen to you guys, but when it comes to me, you both feel like you’re my mother and need to tell me what to do with my life.”

  She stood up. “If you want to marry him, then do it. Liberty, you know you’re still in love with Staten and you’re trying to use Ty as a cover-up.”

  “Why would I still love him? With all that he put me through.”

  Freedom laughed. “Put you through,” she continued to laugh. “All that man did was try and love your stubborn ass. He lost a piece of himself becoming so wrapped into you.”

  “Yeah, he was so wrapped into me that he got Maliah pregnant.”

  “And you’re about to get married, so you’re both even. He and Maliah aren’t even together. All he does is work and focus on himself, like you should be doing.”

  “How did you get to be so perfect?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, I assumed that you were perfect from the way you’re telling me shit that I need to do. You’re not perfect and just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your relationship is perfect either.”

  Free rolled her eyes. “We’re not perfect. I never said we were. Lib, you’re going to do what you want, despite what I say. If you think that marrying Ty is going to change your life, then do it. Has he even met Chance?”

  “No, he’s been busy with work.”

  “That man is too busy to meet the most important part of your life. Hmph, maybe that should tell you something,” she put her purse over her shoulders and headed toward the door. “Call you later, I have to get back to work,” she said before leaving.

  I stood there in my wedding dress feeling so sad. This was supposed to be the best moment of my life and it felt like I was doing something wrong. “We can take it out slightly. You’ve gained some weight since last time,” the seamstress said as she pinned things.

  Since Ty convinced me to quit my job, all I did was binge watch TV, eat and plan this wedding. I didn’t work out or do anything because I would be so comfortable in the bed. It didn’t help that he had a housekeeper that tended to the house. The weight looked good on me, so I wasn’t complaining. Between doing coke, stressing and not taking care of myself the right way, I had lost a lot of weight and was starting to see it in my face.

/>   “Okay,” I replied and went to the back to take the dress off. While I sat in the dressing room, I decided to call Ty. He’d always been able to lift my spirits when I was feeling down.

  “Hey babe, what you doing?” he answered with the screen black.

  “Better if I could see you,” I giggled.

  His face came onto the screen. “Sorry about that. I’m at the hotel trying to get some sleep before someone come and knock on my door.”

  “Well, I just wanted to see your face and speak to you. I miss you, when are you coming home?”

  “I was supposed to come home tomorrow, but I’m gonna stay a few extra days to make sure everything is running smoothly.”

  “Our cake tasting is this week, you’re gonna miss that too?”

  “You know I don’t care about that stuff. All I care about is marrying you. Pick something good.”

  I sighed.

  “Why you giving me that face?”

  “I’m tired of being alone all the time. I mean, I like my alone time, but you haven’t been home at all.”

  “I know and I’m trying to scale back the hours.”

  “This is scaling back the hours?” I blurted. “I don’t think you’re going to be around for our wedding.”

  He laughed. “I’m gonna be home, push the cake tasting and I’ll be there… promise.”

  “K.”

  “What are your plans for the day?”

  “Home. You know I don’t have a life.”

  “I was thinking you should throw a bridal shower. My mom had mentioned something about it, and I think it will be something good and positive for you.”

  “Me and my sisters aren’t in the best place, and people usually throw that for the bride, not the bride.”

  “I’ll have my mom throw you one,” he suggested.

  “I’m really not in the mood for that, babe. I appreciate you wanting to do that for me, but I think I would rather have a date night with you in the same city.”

  “Oh, you think you’re funny.”

  “Yeah, a little bit.”

  “Look, I want you to have your special day, so if I have to throw you one, I will.”

  “Okay,” I smiled. Ty was super sweet like that. All he wanted was for me to smile. I got irritated with him because he worked so damn much. I had to make an appointment just to see my man.

  “Talk to you later. Call me when you take your bubble bath later.”

  “Will do,” I ended the call.

  I got dressed and signed some papers and left to head home. Ty moved everything out of my apartment. I tried to convince him to allow me to have my own place and he wasn’t having it. He told me that my apartment had too many bad memories and I had to agree. We moved all my stuff except clothes into storage and I had been living in his condo. It was a high rise and had beautiful views of the city. How could I complain when I didn’t have to work and got to live like this?

  I kicked my shoes off in the foyer and went straight to the fridge to grab some juice. After popping the top into the sink, I took a gulp and leaned against the counter with my head back. I hated arguing with my sisters. It was something we always did since we were younger and always made up. It seemed like the older we got, the longer it took for us to make-up with each other. Justice wasn’t back to speaking to me fully. Whenever she was around, she would say a few words, nothing more. I knew not to push her, so I accepted whatever conversation she did get me. Me and Free seemed to be the only two on the same page, well, except for today. Whenever I mentioned the wedding, I noticed her attitude and ignored it. Today, she was so loud with the attitude and feelings that I had no choice but to address. I tried ignoring it because I knew she didn’t want this for me, but today it was something that I couldn’t ignore anymore. Free did what she wanted and didn’t give a damn what anyone had to say. Why couldn’t I do the same? Why couldn’t I live my life and make no apologies?

  “I didn’t realize you came in,” Kat, the housekeeper came out the master bedroom.

  “I thought you would have been gone for the day.”

  “Ty called and told me to run you a bubble bath. He said that you needed it,” I smiled because I knew he would do something like this.

  “He always thinks a bubble bath is the key to everything,” I smirked to myself. “Thank you, Kat. You can leave for the day, if you’re done.”

  “I’m done. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she replied and gathered her things to leave for the day. I walked into the bathroom and saw she had run the bath and put rose petals all over the top of the bath water.

  “Ty, you’re too good to be true,” I spoke to myself and undressed to sit in the bed.

  As I eased into the tub, I couldn’t help but to question if this was the life I wanted to live. Did I want to be a wife to a man that was never home? What Free said kept repeating in my head. Ty hadn’t made time to meet Chance and it bothered me. I tried to act like it didn’t, but it did. Chance was the most important part of my life and he couldn’t make time just to visit him with me. Did that mean that other important dates in our life that I would have to spend alone? I liked my alone time, yet, if I was married, it didn’t make sense to be alone all the time when I had a husband.

  These were all things that I needed to take into consideration when it came to marrying Ty. I wasn’t sure if I was cool with him being away all the time. When he did come back, it was like I had to get to know him all over again. It also didn’t help the fact that I missed and thought about Staten all the time. Free had told me about Chanel and all I wanted to do was comfort him. I heard about Maliah through mutual friends and I wasn’t surprised. I always suspected that Maliah had a little crush on him. What confused me was that they weren’t together. I for sure thought that they would have been together. Hearing Free tell me that they weren’t together. Maliah still conducted herself like regular, even while being pregnant. When she saw me, she still spoke and flashed a smile.

  My heart was torn. I knew that I needed something new and Ty brought that to me. Then, Staten was familiar, and I knew the love was there. We had a lot of issues to pan out, yet the love kind of outweighed all of that. I knew at the end of the day that he would always be there when it was all said and done. He would lay down his life if that meant protecting me. With Ty, I didn’t get that vibe. Especially since I spent more time with myself than with him. This wasn’t like me. I didn’t beg a nigga to be around him. It made me feel weird as hell. I finished my bath and then went to grab something to eat. I made a quick sandwich and then laid in the bed with my robe on chewing. I had everything at my fingertips, yet I was laying in this bed confused on what I should do. I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I was asleep.

  “Thank you,” they both said, and I went to the supplies closet to grab some of the things needed.

  “Move Liberty!” I heard one of the doctors yelling as they pushed a hospital bed down the hall at full speed. At quick glance, I saw Staten in the bed unconscious.

  “Staten?” I yelled.

  “You know him?” one of the nurses asked. “He came in with a little girl. Their car was shot up,” she informed me.

  I gasped with tears in my eyes. We had just seen each other earlier and he said he had his nieces with him. “Where’s the little girl?” I questioned. My hands were shaking, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  “Down the hall to the right. I was just going there to check her vitals. She had four bullets removed from her. They decided to leave one inside because it would have been too risky to remove,” she informed me as we walked the hall. It felt like we walked miles before we finally came to the room. The shades were down and, on that hall, where there was only one other room. “He was in this room. We haven’t been able to contact any family yet. There’s another little girl, but she’s with social services right now.”

  “No, no, she has a family,” I told her as we entered the room. I broke down seeing this little baby attached to so many machines. All you heard was beep
ing throughout the room. A machine was breathing for her. No one should be in this situation, but it hurt even more knowing it was a baby.

  “If you’re family, you can go down there and let them know. It’s been all hands-on deck trying to keep them both stabled. Thankfully, she hasn’t coded. The surgery was successful. The male, he was hit the worst. When they found him, he was shielding the girls in the back seat. His back was riddled with bullets and he had been hit in his left shoulder.”

  “Oh my God,” I gasped as I sat down in the chair and tried to collect my thoughts. I quickly left the room and dialed Free’s phone. She didn’t answer so I tried again.

  “Dang, what do you want?” she answered. “Mama is praying over Justice right now.”

  “Is Ghost with you?” I asked with a shaky voice. I was pacing the hallway because I couldn’t believe this was happening. As a nurse I had to check my feelings at the door. Except, I knew these people.

  “Yeah, he right here… Why?”

  “Free, just put him on the phone, please,” I begged.

  “Lib, why do you sound like that?”

  “Free, just put him on the fucking phone!” I screamed and he soon came on the line.

  “Yo, what’s good?”

  “You need to come to Staten Island hospital. G, what I’m ‘bout to tell you… you need to calm down, check your feelings and get here quick.”

  “Yo, you scaring me… what the fuck is up?”

  “Staten and Summer have been shot!” I broke down crying. “The car was riddled with bullets and Staten has coded a bunch of times. He’s being brought up to surgery again.”

  The line was quiet. “What?” he roared.

  “CODE WHITE! CODE WHITE!” I heard over the loud speaker and looked back at the room. Code white meant it was a pediatric emergency. When I turned to the room, the doctor I was talking to had come out the room.

  “Liberty pass me the pediatric crash cart!” she yelled to me.

  “Ghost, your baby is coding,” I sobbed as I stood there crippled with fear. Everything was happening so fast and slow at the same time. The sounds of people’s voices sounded muffled as I stood there clutching my phone in my hand. I could hear Ghost screaming on the phone and my heart hurt for him.