A Staten Island Love Letter 5

by Jahquel J

  I would sit and call her phone twice a day just to hear her voice. She sounded so different. A good different. Nonetheless, still different. Each time I called, I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell her that I missed her and that I was sorry for the shit I did. I didn’t even need an apology from her, just her. That was all I needed and wanted from her. The Ring app on my phone went off and then the keys in the lock followed.

  “Shaliq, where the hell are you? I know you saw me calling you, boy,” I heard my mother’s voice. I was relieved that it wasn’t Chanel’s ass popping up.

  “Ma, I haven’t been in the mood. What do you need?”

  She popped me in the head and then came around the couch. “I don’t care if you haven’t been in the mood, if I call you better come running.”

  “You’re right, I’m sorry,” I apologized and sat up. “What’s going on?”

  She tossed a paper at my head and stared at me. “Open it,” she directed. “Never mind, never mind… Satin isn’t your baby, Shaliq,” she blurted.

  “What? The hell you talking about?” I asked as I quickly opened the letter, she had tossed at me. I scanned the paper and what my mother had just blurted was true. “Where did you get this from?”

  “When you left her with me to watch her I did a home DNA test.”

  “How? You didn’t take DNA from me.”

  “Why do you think I made you brush your teeth? I knew it was something about that baby. Chanel never wanted her to come over and I couldn’t connect with her. I connect with all my grandbabies. That damn baby looks too much like Chanel and nothing like you,” she continued to vent, while I was trying to get my shit together.

  How the fuck was this true? How could Chanel make me believe that this baby was mine and it wasn’t? Chanel was my best friend, she wouldn’t do no shit like that to me, would she? It was a question that I continued to ask and wonder while my mother sat there staring at me.

  “Ma, this not right.”

  “You can choose not to believe a lot of things, but DNA doesn’t lie. Satin isn’t your daughter. I’m sorry it had to come from me, but I knew something wasn’t right,” she continued with her conspiracy. “And I know you like Maliah, but you need to get her checked too. These women be lying and wanting money, not baby daddies and that’s exactly what Chanel did to you. Damn shame, y’all been friends for years.”

  “That’s why I know she wouldn’t do that shit to me.” At this point, I think I was more delusional about the situation than anything. Chanel wouldn’t do me like this, nah she couldn’t do me like this. Even with all the shit we had going on, I knew she could never do me like this.

  “Baby boy, I know Chanel is the only woman that has stuck around all these years. She’s been your voice of reason and the person you have spent most of your time with, so I know it’s hard to believe she would keep something like this from you, but you have the proof in your hands. Be honest, deep down you probably didn’t feel like Satin was yours.”

  My mother knew me the best. For a while I questioned of Satin was mine. I mean, shit, she didn’t have anything of me inside her. I waited because a baby’s features changed a bunch of times, but even then, she looked more and more like Chanel and her side of the family. Nothing from me popped up. I even checked her ass cheek to see if she had the same birth mark I had, and she didn’t. Even with all the doubt, I pushed it to the side and figured that she just looked like her mother and her genes were strong.

  “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this information? I done built a bond with this baby, the hell I’m supposed to do, walk away?”

  “She’s young. She won’t remember you. It will hurt for a while and I know it will. You have to do what’s best for you, and raising someone else’s child isn’t it. You’ll always resent Chanel for lying and putting you through this.”

  “She fucking made me lose the love of my life for it to not even be my damn baby!” I barked.

  Chanel was the main reason why Liberty decided to end our relationship. I went to bat for Chanel’s stupid ass instead of standing on my girl’s side. I can feel how Liberty felt. She felt like Chanel would always come first, and it didn’t matter what she could say, I would always be on the side of Chanel because she had my daughter. I did all of that to turn around and Satin not even be mine.

  “You need to sit down and talk to her and hear her side.”

  “Nah, I need to beat the shit out of her with a damn Chanel belt,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “No, no, no. You need to sit and talk to her. Don’t hurt that woman, she has a baby to raise at the end of the day.” My mother warned. “I don’t care how angry you are, Shaliq,” she gave me a final warning and hugged me. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “I know, but I hate to see you hurting. I know you’re hurting because of Liberty and then I had to bring you this bad news.”

  “It’s all good. I’m gonna handle it,” I smirked.

  “I don’t like that you’re hurting. If you and Lib are meant to be, then you will be. I got an invitation to her wedding. I didn’t even know she was getting married.”

  “She really going through with this?” I asked more to myself than my mother. “You going?”

  “I am. You want to be my plus one?”

  “Nah.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m good, mama. I promise. I need to handle one situation at a time.”

  “Okay. I can tell you’re getting in that mood that means you don’t want to be bothered. I’ll call you later to check on you.”

  “Okay,” I replied and sat seated on the couch thinking about all that was dropped into my lap. The devil was creating a web of mess that I had to fix. I wanted to kill Chanel so bad. My mom made me promise so I knew I couldn’t.

  Wanna go and get dinner tonight? I sent Chanel a text message. It was the afternoon, so I had time to pull myself together and work on my facial expressions.

  Sure. I been at work all day, so I’ll go home and get Satin together. Want me to meet you?

  Yeah. Applebee’s.

  Applebee’s? What in the cheap.

  I want their chicken pasta.

  I’ll make reservations at Bocelli’s, she replied. Their chicken pasta is ten times better.

  It always had to be expensive with her. She could never just sit and have a cheap meal. That was the thing I loved the most about Liberty. We could eat at McDonalds and she would never complain.

  Ight. I replied

  Chanel had me fucked up and hurt. As much as I complained that Satin didn’t look like me, I loved that little girl. She was my heart and was supposed to be my first child. Even if she didn’t know who the father was, she should have told me there could have been a possibility that I wasn’t the father. I don’t even know why she was fucking niggas while we were trying to get her pregnant. All this shit was too much for me to try and put together. I was trying hard not to let the beast out and do something to Chanel. The only thing that caused me to stop was the fact that despite how I felt, Satin needed her mother. Any other man probably would have been able to continue to raise a child that wasn’t theirs, but I wasn’t there. The hurt was there, and I would always want to reach across a table and choke Chanel whenever we got around each other. I couldn’t front like this shit didn’t hurt. Chanel wasn’t just some random bitch. She was my best friend. We shared so much shit together and she knew shit about me that nobody knew.

  After my shower, I quickly dressed and headed out. Chanel had sent me a text letting me know our reservation time. I was twenty minutes late, and she was texting me and telling me how I was rude and insensitive for inviting her and then having the nerve to be late. The nerve of her to fucking tell me how I was insensitive and rude. I continued to the restaurant and pulled up ten minutes later. The valet took my car and I strolled in. I didn’t even need the hostess to seat me because I saw Chanel sitting at the table cooing at Satin. In a perfect wor
ld, this would be my small family. Chanel wouldn’t have turned out to be some bitch I couldn’t stand, and Satin would be my daughter.

  “About damn time,” she scoffed when she saw me. “How you invite me out to eat and then show up late,” she continued to complain.

  “I didn’t pick this place, you did.”

  “All I’m saying is that you had me and your daughter waiting,” she made sure to add. “Enough about that, I ordered our food already.”

  “K.”

  “Why are you being so short with me? What is going on with you? You’re not shaven and you look like you didn’t even try to get dressed,” she picked apart my appearance.

  I shrugged and grabbed the water. “I told you I wanted to go to Applebee’s. You don’t have to get dressed up to go to Applebee’s.”

  “Whatever. So, I’ve been going around with the realtor and I think I found the perfect townhouse in a great neighborhood. Oh, and I need a new car, maybe a jeep for the baby,” she ran down the list of demands that she needed for herself, more than the baby.

  “Your car is good. You have one baby, not six.”

  “Well, Priest bought Justice a Rolls Royce truck,” she mentioned. I knew it would make it back to her soon. Justice was the only one riding around here with that truck. Shit, I wasn’t even riding around like that yet. My ass was still on the waiting list. Me and Priest both got put on the list the same time. That nigga shelled out some money to get his before mine.

  “How you know her business?” I played it off.

  “Stop trying to play me. Everybody is talking about her driving around with that car. She gets her hair done by one of my close friends and she was on the phone getting new furniture for a condo he had bought her in the Yacht Club gated community too.”

  I knew about all of this because Priest had asked me what I thought about that community. It was a nice one and had the security I knew he wanted for Justice since she refused to move in with him. The only downside was that the shit was expensive to get in there and the HOA fees were outrageous. Priest was cool blowing money like that, but I wasn’t the same. Especially when Chanel’s ass was always doing everything to let everyone know that she had a nigga that would drop money on her.

  “Why you worried about her? Whatever Priest and Justice got going on is their business,” I told her. From her face, I could tell that she didn’t like what I said.

  “She popped his baby out and look what she’s getting. Free is living in that huge mansion in Jersey and drives all those foreign cars.”

  “Chanel, why the fuck is any of this your business? What does any of that have to do with us?”

  “Because I’m tired of just being your baby mama that is fucking struggling. I’ve been down before any of those bitches and look at how they’re living.”

  “You serious right now?”

  “Dead serious.”

  “You got some fucking nerve to use struggling in any sentence when it comes to me. That baby shower was fifty-thousand-dollars. Did I complain once? Nah, I let you do your thing. Everything that Satin has needed, I paid for, including paying half of your insurance fee when you had her. Tell me what have you been struggling with? She’s never been out of diapers because I have six boxes dropped off every week along with formula. You were even able to extend your maternity leave longer because I made sure you had bread in your pocket.”

  She folded her arms. “You do all that to keep me quiet. I planned that baby shower with my mom and you offered no input, but with money. You do your part as a father, and you’re complaining?”

  My blood was boiling because she was pissing me off with the selfish shit she was saying. How the fuck was she complaining because I wouldn’t pay for a new place or car? She drove a new enough car and as far as her old apartment, she fought me when it came to moving in the first place. Now, she wanted to get a new apartment because she saw what Priest and Ghost was doing for Justice and Free. Never mind the fact that Justice and Free knew who the fuck their baby father was.

  “Bitch, Satin isn’t even my fucking baby!” I yelled and tossed the paper at her. It slapped her lip before falling onto the table.

  “W…what are you talking about?” she stammered.

  “My mom did a DNA test and it turns out that I’m not Satin’s fucking father.”

  “This isn’t real. Satin is your daughter, why would I lie about that?”

  I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples because I could tell she was lying. It had been something I had become good at because we were so close. “Lie to me again. Fucking lie to me again,” I threatened.

  She put the paper down and sighed. “I had slept with Fat Tony one night after a party. It was a mistake and I regretted it, we never had sex again. When I got pregnant, I thought it was your baby and didn’t question it.”

  “Fuck you, Chanel. You fucking ruined my relationship with Liberty and my dumb ass continued to fucking take your side when she tried to put me onto game about you.”

  “Fuck Liberty’s crack head ass. You shouldn’t be listening to anyone who gets fucking high. Period. You let that bitch come around and try to change our dynamic. We were good before she came into the fucking picture.”

  “Nah, you thought we were good. I let you use and manipulate me from jump. Anytime that you needed something, I was there for you. When it came for you to be there for me, you were never around. I sacrificed and did more for you in our friendship than you did for me.”

  “Bullshit. I’ve been there for you more times that I can count. You let bitches get in your mind and cloud what the fuck we had.”

  “Nah, I let you get in my mind and cloud my judgement. Then, you fucking lie about Satin being mine.”

  “I didn’t know that she wasn’t yours. I swear.”

  “When everybody was telling me how much of a thot you were and how you be fucking everybody in the hood, I didn’t believe them because I knew you. Look at me being the fool because you been fucking everybody and I was looking like the damn sucka ass nigga.”

  Tears fell down her face as she looked at me. “She’s your daughter. You’ve been there since day one, Shaliq.”

  “Nah, she’s your daughter. How the fuck you expect me to sit and raise Fat Tony’s daughter? You better go tell that fat nigga that he got a baby. I hope you let his wife know too,” I got up from the table.

  Chanel grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. “Shaliq, please… we need you.”

  Seeing her crying and hurt would have worked back in the day, but not anymore. Chanel did something that I couldn’t forgive. It wasn’t even about all the money I had spent. It was the principal. If my mother didn’t do the test, what would have happened? I would have been raising another man’s baby. That shit was fucked up.

  “Nah, when you had me you acted like I wasn’t doing enough. I’m good, Chanel. Enjoy motherhood though,” I removed my hand and left her at the table. She let out a loud sob when I made it to the door.

  I don’t know what the future held. If me and Chanel could repair our friendship, but I knew one thing, I wanted to get my girl back – Asap.

  Chanel had called me almost every day since last week. I ignored her and turned my phone off because she continued to keep calling me. Her mother even tried to reach out to me about the situation. I guess she realized her daughter’s golden ticket had died. Chanel did some shit that I couldn’t forgive or act like didn’t happen. I mean, I was there for Satin through everything. The doctor appointments when she was still in Chanel’s stomach, her birth and I even cut her umbilical cord. Shit, I signed her birth certificate too. I had my lawyer finding out a way to remove myself from the birth certificate so I wouldn’t have any financial ties to Chanel and Satin. It hurt like hell to walk away from that little girl because she didn’t deserve that shit. It wasn’t her fault that her mother wanted to spread her fucking legs and end up pregnant with her. Chanel was crying and sad for her, not because of Satin. Fat Tony would never accept that baby out loud.
He would give Chanel hush money and have her living lavish, but behind his wife’s back.

  “You gonna come in or sit out there for another hour?” Maliah came out the house. She had on a tight short romper. You could see her protruding belly. She was all stomach. This was one person I didn’t have to question when it came to my son. I knew I was his father and that Maliah would never do me like that.

  “I was thinking. Hold your horses,” I laughed and got out the car. Maliah had been trying to get me over here since last week. She said she had to talk to me about something important.

  “Yeah, whatever… it’s like pulling teeth to get you over here,” she rubbed her stomach and held the door open for me.

  I stopped in the doorway and rubbed her stomach. It wasn’t huge, but it was big enough to hold and rub. “Damn, he growing in there, huh?”

  “Yeah. The doctor says everything looks good.”

  “Good. Good,” I walked into her house as she shut the door behind me.

  She walked into the kitchen and grabbed me some water. “I’m so excited for him to come. Me and Mariah are going to start the nursery soon.”

  “Do I get a say?”

  “If you want,” she messed with the loose strand of hair hanging in her face. “I didn’t think you cared about that stuff.”

  “On the real, I want to be a part of everything with you and my son. I’m gonna start coming to appointments, just let me know when they are. I don’t want you to feel like you’re going through this alone. You don’t complain and handle shit and I think I got used to that. I should be at every appointment.”

  “I appreciate that. I know you have a lot going on, so I try to not bother you when it comes to stuff like that.”

  “Anything that has to do with you and my son, I care about.”

  She smiled. “My mom went to my last appointment.”

  My eyes widened. I didn’t expect her to ever go to an appointment. “Word? How did that go?”