‘Nothing’ I whispered, clenching my teeth.
My eyes were watering, preparing to unleash my tears of frustration for the millionth time!
The days that followed had exactly the same intensity and depressing atmosphere as that evening when she abandoned me and left!
I left no stone unturned so I could see her again. I asked the neighbours, Luciano the grocer, everybody! Every day I took long walks in case I could spot her somewhere. My efforts and attempts were all in vain. My little angel had disappeared! Maybe she had left the country, even though it would be very hard for a girl of her age and she didn’t know anyone and didn’t have any relatives! I was in despair!
Time went by and my life was passing exactly as it did before I had met her. Miserable routine, work in my atelier in the basement and locked inside those four walls with my loneliness…
Four months had passed and I hadn’t seen her anywhere. My condition had started to get worse. I couldn’t work properly and I was losing my clients day by day! I had lost my sense of humour and I was destroying myself, neglecting myself, letting myself go.
My hair had grown so long that it was covering the back of my neck, while my face was hidden behind a thick moustache and a long beard. I looked pale and tired and I uttered hardly any words and when I did, it took a great effort.
Οne beautiful dusk, as the sun was beginning to sink into the sea and was hiding behind the bridge, I was coming back from work, miserable as always.
I unlocked the door and for the first time since I set foot in Venice I felt like I was suffocating inside the house and I wanted to breathe some fresh air.
A little further down there was a bar that looked like an Irish pub and I decided to go and drink something strong, since the cold outside was unbearable! Gloves, cap, thick coat and cigarettes were all I needed. I began walking towards the pub.
As I walked in the bar, I saw strange faces. Dubious faces. Lonely drunk men laughing and drinking their liquor, coarsely teasing the waitresses. Older men playing dice, crudely swearing and the prostitutes were giving their own show on stage.
That scene didn’t suit me, nor were such places my style, but I had to get out the house today. I couldn’t stand to stay locked inside with my thoughts torturing me at every level. I sat at the bar and ordered a drink.
“A double whiskey on the rocks.”
The bartender nodded and went to bring my drink.
“There you are,” he said after a few seconds, serving me my whiskey.
“Thank you.”
I touched the edge of the glass with my lips and took a bitter taste from the strong liquor. Pure alcohol. It was adulterated.
The whiskey combined with the noise that was prominent in that awful place made me feel unpleasant. Holding the glass in my hand I went outside the pub to have a cigarette.
I wandered off; with my cigarette and my drink in those godforsaken streets, realizing that I was the only one there. I knew that particular area and I can’t say it was one of the finest ones. On the contrary, it was well known for being a rough neighbourhood and not that safe for someone to be walking alone.
Passing under a huge stone arch at the end of a narrow street that led to the sea, a figure began to appear, sitting down on the flags stones, crouched and covered with a blanket. Somewhat scary I’d say.
I stood for a second uneasy. I thought that I should probably go another way but in the end I kept on my course. I didn’t consider that it was someone dangerous. Just a beggar. A tramp.
As soon as the stranger realized that I was approaching, he put his hand out asking for money, muttering.
I immediately put my hand in my pocket and took out some coins to give him. For me it was nothing, but for him, in the cold and dampness, it was everything. I gave him a few coins in his hand and I went on my way.
“Thank you…” a sweet and terrified woman’s voice said.
At the sound of that voice I stood still, curious, with my cigarette in my mouth and my back turned to the beggar. I didn’t expect to hear a woman’s voice coming from a person that lived in such an awful condition and I felt sorry for her.
It was a dark place, not even my shadow could be distinguished in that small tunnel. I turned round and went near her to give her some more money.
Her head was ducked under the blanket protecting it from the cold. I reached out, pulling the blanket away from her and uncovered her!
“What’s your name?” I asked, bending over her.
The girl lifted her tired eyes and with dread I was confronted by Eve’s eyes! She was in a very bad state. Ready to collapse!
The cigarette that was hanging from my lips, fell on the ground. The glass I was holding, fell from my hands! The broken glass shattered everywhere and the cobble road was soaked with the whiskey that trickled between the grooves.
I looked at her closer to make sure it was her!
“Eve?” I asked hesitantly and I begged that it wasn’t my Eve. I honestly prayed that I was wrong…
“You look good with the beard, Jacques…” she replied.
Tears welled up in my eyes with mixed feelings of sadness and anger.
“What’s going on? What are you doing here?” I asked. My hands trembled from shock. I was upset when I saw her lying beneath those dirty blankets, as if she was some kind of animal.
“Can’t you see what I’m doing?” she replied sharply. In a way she never used to talk.
“What have you got yourself into?” I said with sadness, stroking her cheeks softly.
She made a sudden move, turning her head the other way. She didn’t want me to touch her or even go near her. Her attitude alarmed me. Bizarre!
At some point our eyes met. Her blue eyes were fixed on mine with a frozen look. She remained still and looked at me scared with the same innocence she always had.
“You were right.”
“What are you saying, love? I was right about what?”
“Everything!”
“What do you mean? Talk to me.”
“I messed up, sir…” she whispered and began crying like an innocent child.
“That’s obvious, little one. You’re in trouble, but how? Explain it to me, please. You disappeared with no warning, I was looking for you, day and night to bring you back. Not even your mobile phone was working!” I said complaining and went near her and sat next to her on the cold road.
I wrapped my arm around her and held her in my arms to keep her warm.
“Only you loved me. I know that what I did was wrong. I trusted the wrong man, Jacques,” she said and cuddled up even more in my arms.
“Who did you trust, love? Tell me.”
“I managed to get away.”
“Where from?”
“From Venice.”
“How?”
“By train to Rome.”
“Rome? What were you doing there?”
“The guy I was renting the apartment from in Venice…” she said, scowling.
“What happened with him?”
“He blackmailed me!”
“How?”
“He said that he would call the police to come for me if I didn’t work at his bar in Rome and that was what I did. I had run out of money and I didn’t even have enough to buy something to eat! I had no other choice! Besides, I was afraid of the police and he took advantage of me.”
“And why didn’t you come to me, my love?”
“You think I didn’t try? He wouldn’t let me leave the apartment and he made me work in his bar against my will.”
“So?”
“I worked there for a few days, surrounded by disgusting and perverted men.”
“Did they harm you?” I asked, angrily.
“No, no, they didn’t. But they spoke in a filthy and sickening way, but what could I do?”
“Damn it, I’d warned you to be careful. You should have come straight to me,” I said, holding her tightly.
“I couldn’t. I’d tried to ge
t away and come to you many times. I missed you and I yearn for you but he had people watching me all the time. Guards! They beat me up and carried me back to the apartment!”
“Low lives.” I said, full of anger!
“He had taken my passport and was forcing me to stay in the apartment and at the bar. I had no other choice.”
“And how did you get here?”
“Jacques, have you any money?” she was looking at me with those red, tearful eyes, changing the subject.
“Money? I have but I’ll give you some only if you come with me.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I can’t come with you. You’d better leave,” she murmured.
“Leave? No way my love. I’m not letting you go now that I found you! Do you know what I went through to see your beautiful eyes again?”
“I didn’t want to be a burden.”
“What are you talking about, my little one. It’s my fault.”
“I thought you didn’t want me… you told me to leave and I thought I was causing you harm.”
“My mistake. I didn’t want to tell you to leave. Only with you, did my life matter. From the moment you left I fell apart! I wandered the streets hoping that I could hold you in my arms again. I searched the whole city so I could find you and now you’re telling me to let you go?”
“No, you don’t understand!” she replied, lowering her head.
“Understand what? Tell me.”
“I have to go!”
“Good. Let’s go together to my house like we used to. We’ll be together like before. Nothing is going to change.”
“I can’t!”
“Why?”
“I have to find money now, Jacques!” she said, begging me.
“Why can’t you explain Eve?” I cried out, sharply.
“It’s not all pretty as you want it to be! So much has changed.”
“What’s changed, baby? Why do you need the money?”
“I need it!”
“Why?” I yelled!
“I have to get my fix! Are you happy now?” she replied, clenching my jacket with her thin fingers, with all the strength she had left.
I was astounded! My jaw dropped and I was gasping for breath. I breathed out creating a mist in the cold air. I shut my eyes and rested my head on the stone wall. I sat motionless without being able to utter a word. I was shocked with her answer and stood still and silent for a few seconds.
“What did you say?” I whispered. I was starting to get scared.
“Go away, Jacques. I can’t be with you. Nothing can be the same anymore,” she responded.
I immediately lifted up her long sleeves that were covering her beautiful arms and was faced with the horror!
Her once white and soft arms were filled with bruises and surface puncture marks.
“What have you done, Eve? Why, my love?” I cried out, shaking her by the shoulders.
“No, Jacques. Please, don’t yell at me. I can’t take it!”
“Why sweetheart?” I kept on saying.
“They made me!” she answered, crying.
“They made you?”
“Please, calm down. At first I didn’t want to take any and they kept telling me that I would feel great, freer and with no worries… then they became more ruthless and after using me to carry drugs from Venice to Rome they tossed me on the streets,” she said softly.
“No! It can’t be happening. Tell me that you are joking. Baby, I can’t leave you here. I can’t!” I stood up.
“They used me as a drug carrier. Nobody would suspect a young girl of carrying drugs on a train. I was above suspicion and they took advantage of me.”
“A drug carrier? Drugs? What am I hearing? Oh, God! You have to come. You have to come with me,” I said, keeping my eyes shut and with my hand I held my head so I could pull myself together.
“I can’t leave, Jacques, I have to find money for my fix. I beg you,” the little one said, shivering. Her whole body was trembling.
She kept on pleading to leave her alone and go. She didn’t want me to see her in that state. She felt embarrassed and shameful. Within four months she had managed to fall into the hands of drug dealers and they ruined her! They turned her into a wreck. From the sweet creature that she was, she ended up grovelling in the streets searching for a fix! Unthinkable!
“Get up!” I stood in front of her.
“I told you… I can’t stand it. Go!” she shouted.
“Do you love me?” I asked her, looking into her eyes.
“Excuse me?”
“Do you love me?”
“Jacques, don’t make it any harder.”
“Tell me!”
“You know that I was, I am and I will always be in love with you! I love you. A lot…” she said, wiping her eyes with her blanket.
“I love you too.”
“Do you mean it?”
“You can’t imagine how much. That was what I wanted to tell you a while ago and not under these circumstances but I’ve no other choice. I love you and I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“If you love me, please leave! It’s the best thing you can do for me.”
“My love, stand up,” I instructed her, calmly.
“Don’t call me, your love. I don’t deserve it,” she mumbled.
“You deserve it more than you think.”
“No. Don’t say that. Look at me! I’m pathetic. I’m ashamed that I’m still alive.”
“Don’t say that again! I don’t want to listen to such nonsense! You are the rarest girl alive!”
“Jacques, don’t you understand that if I don’t get my fix I will die?” she said, looking into my eyes.
“I’ll take you home and we’ll talk about everything.”
“In my situation, talking won’t solve anything.”
“Alright.”
“Alright, what?”
“I’ll give you money for your drugs!” I said, breathing heavily.
“What?” she asked, surprised.
“You heard.”
“I thought that you’d tell me off. You’d yell at me for getting in trouble…”
“And what do you want me to do, Eve? Let you die like a dog in the street? No way.”
“You are so kind… thank you. Honestly, I’m ashamed of myself.”
“This has to stop. You will die!”
“I know, but I can’t do anything. I’m only asking for some money.”
“Only if you promise me to come and stay with me.”
She nodded and craving, she looked at my pockets! I took out two hundred euro, it was all I had on me and gave it to her. She grabbed it as if it was a rare treasure and gave me a big hug.
“I’ll wait for you here.”
“Okay…” she exclaimed and began walking by herself to meet the dealer of death.
There was no way I would let her go on her own in the condition she was in so I followed her secretly, walking behind her. She passed though dark alleys and derelict houses that induced fear. Even I was feeling terrified, let alone a girl. She then headed towards a small, old house with broken roof tiles and she waited outside the door until they opened it. I was standing a little further away.
The door opened. A fat arm with a gold chain on the wrist appeared suddenly, making a gesture for her to come near. She approached him afraid, she reached the entrance and showed him the money she was holding. A fat, bald guy with a black moustache came out and looked around making sure no one was watching. I was hiding behind the bridge’s arch and I observed ready to jump him in case he attempted to hurt her.
She gave him the money and he threw at her from the door a small plastic bag, which I couldn’t make out whether it was coke or heroin.
She put the small plastic bag inside her jacket so she wouldn’t be conspicuous and left in the opposite direction, thinking that she could avoid me and trick me! Did she really think that she could get away for me that easy!
She was walking all alone, holding her jacket tightly. She looked like a thief that didn’t want to be detected.
“Come here!” I shouted and grabbed her from the waist, taking her into my arms. I dragged her with me.
“Let me go!” she screamed.
“Don’t shout!”
“Please, put me down,” Eve begged, hitting me on the chest.
No matter how hard she tried, how much she squirmed, I wouldn’t abandon her and see her one day dead in a dark alley.
“We are going to go to my house or rather our house from now on.” I told her without giving her a choice. She kept on hitting me weakly, screaming and pleading to let her go. Fortunately, no one had seen us in the street because they would have called the police to take us in for sure.
Reaching the house, I let her down and unlocked the door.
Weary and completely addicted as she was, as soon as she looked at the house after four months she started weeping emotionally.
She hugged me and kissed me on my cheek with her dirty lips, leaving a slight grey mark on my face.
“Why did you walk away from me?” I asked her, feeling that she had let me down.
“I didn’t walk away…”
“I saw you! You secretly walked in the opposite direction. Do you want to leave and never see me again? I’m asking you! Answer me!”
She didn’t speak. “There you are. You’re free. Go!” I told her, holding the door open.
She was standing outside the house with her hands crossed and didn’t leave.
“Come in!” I said angrily.
“Thank you, Jacques.” She ran to the sofa, taking out the small plastic bag from inside her jacket.
“Baby, stop! Stop!” I exclaimed, grabbing her arm from the elbow.
She looked at me with an innocent look and whispered: “I can’t help myself… I’m sorry!”
She went into the kitchen to bring all the necessary equipment that would lead her to certain death.
I remained standing and looked at her sweating and shaking! I couldn’t believe that this sweet girl, who had so much energy inside her, so much life, would end up in such a desperate state in a few months! A swift self-destruction!
She put a small amount of white death on a piece of foil and began preparing it. A beautiful but fake smile appeared and she sat on the floor with her legs crossed and began the process. She bent over with great desire, placing her nose close to the powder and sniffed in frenzy, inhaling deeply. Her veins popped like stretched ropes ready to snap and her nose had a bluish, red colour from the broken veins.
Did I Seduce You Mr Jacques Page 16