Key Lime Pie Perjury: Cozy Mystery (MURDER IN THE MIX Book 34)

by Addison Moore

  “None,” I say. “For every second you try to steal this precious moment from me, you gain ten pounds.”

  Carlotta shrugs. “If that’s the case, I might walk out of here looking like I’m about to squeeze another runt from between my loins. Hey, why don’t you and Foxy toss Little Yippy this way and the four of us can play catch with her?”

  “No,” Noah and I say in unison, and he offers me a dimpled grin for the unified effort.

  Charlie clears her throat and ticks her head toward Noah while he’s busy gazing at me, and suddenly it’s crystal clear what they’re doing here. They want front row seats as I try my best to decode Briefcase Gate.

  Fine. I’ll play their reindeer games just this once, but only because I’m determined to show them that Noah and I have nothing to hide.

  I take a deep breath as I smile over at Noah.

  “Noah, did you know I put a very important file for the bakery into the diaper bag this morning, and I accidentally spilled a bottle over it? Ruined every paper in there.” I shoot a look to Charlie and Carlotta. “That’s true as gospel. Evie helped me make up a bunch of fliers to tape all over my windows letting my customers know that the Cutie Pie Bakery and Cakery has a temporary home down at Honey Lake.” I turn back to Noah. “That got me thinking, I should probably get a briefcase. You know, for important things. But I’ve never owned a briefcase before. I don’t even know much about them. What kind of briefcase do you have?”

  There, I went the long way around the block. Noah will tell me about his briefcase, and I’ll ask to see it when we get home. And, of course, he will comply because we have nothing to hide from each other.

  Noah takes a breath as his chest widens the size of a wall. He stares vacantly past me for a moment as he ceases bouncing the baby in his arms.

  “I don’t have a briefcase, Lot. My handle broke a while back, and I never bothered to get another one, tossed it out. Now I just show up to the station with nothing more than my phone on me. Do you have a big purse you could use?”

  “Big purse,” the words strum from me numbly.

  Noah is acting strangely. He looked almost catatonic as soon as I brought up the idea of a briefcase. Noah says he doesn’t have one. Charlie says he does. I wonder who’s right? But judging by that strange reaction he had, I think I already know.

  A few of the babies start to whine and cry in unison, and soon just about every mother in the room is nursing her baby.

  Lainey laughs as she blows a short whistle. “All right, Mamas and Papas, let’s take a feeding time out, and we’ll get right back to where we left off.”

  I spot Lorelei headed to the refreshment table. As she draws in close, Pretty Boy barks at her as if she were about to steal his lunch, and seeing that she practically just took a cookie right out of his ghostly mouth, that’s not too far off the mark.

  “Noah”—I pluck a bottle out of the diaper bag and hand it to him—“why don’t you see if Lyla Nell is hungry? I have a few questions I need to ask our instructor.”

  “All right.” He gives a curt nod as he takes the bottle. “But remember, I’ll be watching you.”

  Charlie snorts as she gets up with me. “Spoken like a true stalker. You really know how to pick ’em, Lot.” She pulls me to the side. “He didn’t fess up to having the briefcase. So much for pouring your hearts out to one another with nothing but the truth.”

  I frown as I look back at him. “Maybe that was Everett’s briefcase you saw?”

  “I guess we’ll know the truth when we bust into his place.” Her left brow ticks up a notch. “But then, we won’t have to bust in. Carlotta says you’ve got the key. Call me when the party starts. I won’t want to miss it,” she says as she takes off for the exit.

  “We will!” Carlotta calls out as she pops up next to me. “Go on and shake what your mama gave you. And don’t forget to give your mama fifty percent of your earnings because you wouldn’t have anything to shake without her!”

  “Carlotta,” I snip. “You shouldn’t be encouraging her,” I say as I speed my way to the dessert table before my suspect decides to vacate the premises. “Lorelei!” I beam at the redhead as she pulls her curly mane into a ponytail.

  “She’s the killer, Lottie,” Pretty Boy growls. “She stole a cookie right from my mouth. Duncan always said never trust a woman who steals off your plate.”

  Carlotta plucks him out of the air and begins to rock him like a baby, sponsoring a wild-eyed response from Lorelei.

  “Oh, Lottie”—the poor woman shakes her head as she looks over to where Noah sits—“your little peanut is just adorable. I’m so glad you made it to the class. And I’m glad your husband had a chance to join us. It’s extremely important to your child’s development to see you both in a loving relationship. And I can tell by the way the two of you look at one another that you’re truly in love.”

  “Well, it’s true.” Oddly.

  Carlotta leans in. “You should see the way she looks at her husband,” she says, and both she and Pretty Boy share a quick laugh.

  “Funny.” I shrug over at Lorelei. “But that happens to be true as well.”

  A laugh gets caught in her throat and leaves just as abruptly. “Oh, you’re serious. That’s no big deal. The world is comprised of different kinds of families, and it’s clear yours is full of love.” She holds up one of my bite-size key lime pies. “Have you had these? They’re phenomenal.”

  Carlotta snaps up a few. “Lot’s not only had them, they came from her bakery. She not only cooks in the bedroom, she cooks in the kitchen, too.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing,” Lorelei muses. “You must cater the redemption ball coming up in a couple of weeks. The historical society has decided to give the regency ball another go, in Duncan’s honor. It’s being held right here in this very room.”

  “Lot Lot will be here with bells on.” Carlotta slings an arm around my shoulder “And she’ll bring plenty of her sweet and sour treats.”

  “I will,” I tell her. “And I’ll bring more key lime pie.”

  “Thank God,” Lorelei says as she moans through another bite. “It’s the best cheesecake I’ve ever had.”

  “It’s actually not a cheesecake, but many people think so,” I say. “The base is made of sour cream and sweetened condensed milk—and, of course, lime juice, a few other ingredients, and whipped topping.”

  “Mmm,” she moans again. “Say no more. You had me at sweetened condensed milk. I could drink that right out of the can.”

  “I’ve done just that.” A warm laugh bounces from me. “And how nice that the historical society is holding the event in Duncan’s honor. What do you think happened to the poor guy? I mean, I hear they suspect foul play.”

  She glances at Noah before stepping in close. “I heard the same thing. Hey, isn’t your baby’s father the lead investigator? He looks awfully familiar.”

  “That he is, but he doesn’t bring his work home with him. You knew Duncan. Who do think would do something like this to him?”

  Pretty Boy barks. “Keep her on track, Lottie. I don’t trust the cookie thief. She’s hiding something. Most likely a pocket full of your bite-size pies.”

  “Everyone liked Duncan.” Lorelei glances to the ceiling. “He had lots of friends. His business was bustling. He was on top of the world.”

  “Sounds like he had it all,” I say.

  Carlotta gives Pretty Boy a scratch just above his tail. “And it sounds as if he was loaded. Loaded people make a good target. Who’d he owe money to—or more to the point, who owed him some serious cash?” She offers Pretty Boy another bite-size key lime pie and he gobbles it right up.

  Pretty Boy reaches up and licks Carlotta’s face. “You’re a good girl, Carlotta. A very good girl. Now show Pretty Boy how you can pick up a few of those chocolate chip cookies.”

  And Carlotta is super quick to comply.

  It’s nice to see she can be easily trained.

  Lorelei shudders. “Someone did ow
e him money. Or at least I think. I did a little secretarial work for his business, and just last week a woman by the name of Enya Cristóbal came in and he gave her a sizeable check. They dated, I think. I’m not entirely sure. I mean, he didn’t share any information with me, but the check was right there on his desk in plain view.”

  “Don’t tease us.” Carlotta twitches her head toward the woman. “How much are we talking? Ten grand? Twenty?”

  “More than that.” Lorelei tucks a loose curl behind her ear that’s escaped her ponytail. “Try a hundred and twenty thousand dollars.”

  “What?” I whisper, trying to digest this. “That’s a lot of money. I guess that little rental shack is doing better than I thought.”

  She shakes her head. “He had other dealings, too. He owned some land out in Maine with a bunch of rentals on it. It’s near a ski resort, so it does really well. And actually, the beach shack does pretty well itself. He was making money hand over fist. Half the time he didn’t know how much money he had. He was single, he certainly didn’t need it all.” Her eyes flit back to Noah. “And I have a suspicion that wasn’t the first check he slid her way. In fact, I know it wasn’t.”

  “Enya Cristóbal.” I snap my fingers as if trying to remember something. “She works at the hospital, right?” I don’t know where she works, but this finger snapping routine is a tried-and-true tactic to getting me where I need to go next.

  “No, she works at a place called The Bar Brawl down in Leeds.”

  “That sounds familiar,” I say.

  Carlotta clucks. “That’s probably because you’ve been there, Lot.” She looks to Lorelei. “Our girl here really gets around. Gentlemen’s clubs, ladies’ lounges, bars, dance clubs, and even tattoo parlors. Lot here has racked up some serious frequent-flyer miles visiting them all.” She swats me. “Say, let’s hightail it to a tattoo parlor again. We haven’t done that in a while, and Harry and I are lookin’ to get matching tattoos on our rumps.”

  “Please do that on your own time.”

  Lorelei lets out a hoot. “You girls are great. Call me sometime. You sound like a party.”

  Lainey blows into that whistle hanging from her neck one more time, and we all rush back to our places—sans Carlotta who proceeds to do whatever Pretty Boy commands of her. It’s about time she gets a handler. I might have to see about keeping Pretty Boy around once this case wraps up. And judging by the information Lorelei just gave me, it might wrap up in a hurry after I speak with Enya.

  I get back to my place with Noah and Lyla Nell, and I quickly whisper to him the things I’ve gleaned.

  “Good work,” he says just as Lainey and Lorelei walk us through another forty minutes of bending, stretching, and tossing Lyla Nell into the air like a sack of potatoes.

  “All right, class.” Lorelei claps her hands as she walks into the circle we’ve formed. “It’s time for mommy, daddy, baby cuddles. Lie down with the baby between you and share a smooch!”

  Noah doesn’t miss a beat. Once we lie down, he pulls me close with Lyla Nell tucked between us.

  “Watch a master at work, Lyla Nell,” he says as his dimples dig in. “This is how the procreation party started.” Noah pulls me close and lands a kiss to either of my cheeks, then my nose, my forehead, and all the while he’s tickling my ribs.

  “Noah!” I laugh as he continues to pepper my face with kisses, and Lyla Nell squeals with delight. “You are—”

  “In my territory,” a deep voice grouses from above, and we look up to see the Honorable Judge Baxter looking lean and mean, and well, let’s be honest, causing a scene with all of the mommies in the room.

  Before I know it, Everett is lying on my other side and he rolls both Lyla Nell and me his way and plants a heated kiss to my lips.

  “Nobody panic,” Carlotta shouts. “This is your everyday occurrence back at the house. You know what they say, go big love or go home.”

  I lie on my back, raise my knees, and prop Lyla Nell over my legs as the three of us coo at her. Lyla Nell rewards us with giggles while looking lovingly over at Everett and Noah in turn.

  We have lots of love to give to this sweet little girl, and that will never change.

  But someone out there didn’t love Duncan Spears, and they didn’t care for Britney so much either.

  I bet Enya Cristóbal has the answer to who that just may be.

  In fact, I wouldn’t be all that shocked if it was Enya herself.

  Lottie

  On our way back from the B&B, Noah and I dropped Everett off at the body shop where his truck is ready for pick up.

  It was a miraculous turnaround, one that Everett said it took a pound of flesh to make happen, but he wanted his car back and I can’t fault him for that. Carlotta’s Green Machine has an onion rolling around in the back as an air freshener.

  On the way home, Noah and I stopped off and picked up a big bag of Wicked Wok, Everett’s favorite food, and we’re having a feast in his honor tonight. That’s why I’m glad we dropped Everett off at the body shop because I have something special up my sleeve for his first night back from work.

  “He’s at the door,” Evie hisses as she holds both Pancake and Waffles, my sweet cats. They’re a couple of Himalayan brothers that Nell gifted me. She gave me Pancake first, and then when she passed away, I took in Waffles as well. Their creamy fur is fluffy and downy soft, and they have matching rust-tipped tails to boot.

  Pancake lets out a yowl as if he was telling everyone in the room to keep their voices down.

  The door swings open and Noah, Evie, Carlotta, and I shout surprise!

  Carlotta jumps over to Everett and blows a party horn right in his face, but it’s that briefcase dangling from his wrist that catches my eye.

  I quickly hand Lyla Nell to Noah and wrap my arms around Everett, offering him a kiss.

  Evie hops before him. “How was your first day back, Judge Baxter? How many social deviants did you make cry? Did you send someone up the river for life just because you could?”

  “No.” Everett’s chest bounces with a silent laugh. “Definitely not. Not a tear was shed in my courtroom today, and no life sentences were handed down. But the day was trying if you can believe it. And I loved every trying minute of it.”

  Everett’s hair is still impeccably slicked back and his suit looks no worse for wear. His warm cologne still clings to his skin from this morning, and I have no doubt he left a trail of sighs in his wake wherever he went today.

  “Here, let me take this,” I say, trying my best to pluck the briefcase from his hand, but he pulls it back just out of my reach.

  My heart plummets, and there’s something unspoken in those cobalt eyes of his that he’s not willing to share with me.

  “You’ve already done too much.” He dots my forehead with his lips. “I’ll take off my jacket and be right back.”

  He sails to the bedroom, and Carlotta’s eyes bug out as she looks my way.

  She swoops my way and whispers, “Looks like Sexy has a secret in his briefcase, too, Lot Lot. You’ve got trouble brewing if both of your men are leading double lives. It’s time to cut your losses and find two more men to terrorize with your tempting thighs.”

  I shoot her a look. “Would you keep it down? We’ll discuss this later.”

  “What’s that?” Noah pops up with our little jolly dolly in his hands.

  “Nothing.” I straighten just as Everett comes back into the room, rolling up his sleeves, and Evie bounces onto him with a sideways hug.

  “So tell us, Dad”—she chirps—“now that you’re busy at work, and Mom has Lyla Nell hanging off her boob, don’t you think you should hire someone to teach me how to drive?”

  “Hire someone?” Carlotta balks. “What do you think they keep me around for?”

  “Not that,” I tell her before turning to Evie. “I’m sure I can teach you.”

  “Or I can teach you,” Noah volunteers.

  Evie wrinkles her nose. “No offense to any of you, but
I’ve done my research and I need to sign up for a class to get my permit. It’s just some online stuff and some practice driving with a certified instructor. And then once I get my license, any one of you can take me to the dealership and I’ll pick out a brand new car.”

  Everett’s chest strums with a laugh. “Evie, you don’t need a new car. I’ll help you find a used car you like.”

  “I like?” Evie balks at the idea. “Dad, I need to love my car. You want me to take care of it, right? And a used car? Eww. That’s like driving around in someone else’s used underwear.”

  Carlotta flops her head to the side. “I found a pair of undies once in a used car. Turns out, they fit like a charm. They turned out to be my lucky underwear, too. I wore ’em when I met Rooster.”

  “Carlotta,” I say as Lyla Nell tries to swim toward me with her limbs, so I take her from Noah. “If you met Rooster while you were wearing them, that must mean they’re your unlucky underwear.”

  “Nah. I wore ’em at the trial, too. And the day the judge threw the book at him.”

  Speaking of Rooster’s trip up the river, I still don’t know what that trial was all about.

  “I think Evie’s right,” Noah says. “A new car may not be a bad idea. My first car was used and that thing was a living corpse.”

  Everett’s chest thumps. “That’s because you picked it up out of a junkyard for a hundred bucks. I was with you, remember?” Everett’s voice hikes up a notch. “It was me you asked for a lift to the place.”

  “And you drove me,” Noah says, matching his tone. “In your new car—which by the way—never left you stranded on the side of the road.”

  “Case closed, Judge Baxter.” Evie lifts both Pancake and Waffles in the air as she does a little victory dance. “I’m getting a new car! I’m getting a new car!”

  “Whoa, whoa.” Everett shoots Noah a look before garnering Evie’s attention. “All right, let’s make some compromises. I’m okay with you signing up for driving lessons. I think that’s prudent. And I’ll consider the new car, but only after we exhaust all other options. You may surprise yourself and fall in love with something used. And as a side note, I would never put you in a used car before having it thoroughly checked out. Just because your uncle Noah had to live with a bad decision doesn’t mean you’ll follow suit. And—none of the above is contingent on this, but it’s been on my mind so I’m going to say it. It’s summer. You’re only sixteen. I want you to consider untangling yourself from Conner for a while and spend some time on your own.”