Keeping Guard

by Sandra Owens

  Her father returned and handed her a photo. She studied it, then lifted her gaze to his. “Who are they?” Was this the photo she’d caught him looking at all those years ago? He was in the picture, his arm around a beautiful woman and his hand on the shoulder of a young boy. By their smiles, they appeared happy. She guessed her father was in his twenties when it was taken.

  “My wife and son.”

  “What? You were married?” How did she not know that?

  “Yes. Before you were born.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  He took the photo and stared at it. “Her name was Laura and that’s Robbie, our son. They were my world.”

  She’d never been his world, and it hurt that there was a child he’d loved. Then it hit her. “I have a brother?”

  “Had, and yes.”

  There was so much pain in his voice in that one word. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? What happened?”

  He stood, walked to the dining room window, and looked out at the darkness. His shoulders slumped and he bowed his head. “When you first came to live with me, you were too young for a story about death and heartbreak. As time went on, I...I just never found the right moment to tell you.

  “As for what happened, they drowned.” He turned and faced her. “I was a partner in a law firm, too damn busy to take a full week of vacation. Laura and Robbie went ahead to the beach, and I was to join them for a long weekend. They were playing in the water and got caught in a riptide. Laura’s body was recovered. Robbie’s wasn’t.”

  “Oh, God.”

  A sad smile crossed his face. “I wasn’t there to save them, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I blamed my job for not being with them and never returned to the firm. A few weeks later, I got in my car with no destination in mind and ended up in Asheville. On my third day here, I was mindlessly walking around downtown when I saw a for sale sign for the brewery. I didn’t know a thing about beer other than I liked it, but I thought, why not. So I bought it.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. “There’s not a day that goes by that I haven’t missed them, that I haven’t regretted I put work ahead of my family. I often wonder what kind of man Robbie would have grown up to be.”

  She wanted to go to him, to comfort him, but she stayed in her seat. If he rejected her, he would crush her, more than she already was. He didn’t love her because his heart belonged to his dead son. Had he seen something of Robbie in Dalton? Was that why he’d wanted her to marry Dalton? Tears burned her eyes again, and she squeezed them shut.

  Since coming to live with him, she’d tried so hard to win his love and approval so he wouldn’t give her away. He’d kept her while emotionally starving her. At least she now knew the reason, but she didn’t feel any better for it.

  “I’m sorry I’m not your son,” she whispered.

  He visibly shuddered, then he came and kneeled in front of her. “Don’t ever say that. I don’t regret you, I never have.”

  “But you don’t love me.”

  He took her hands in his. “I tried hard not to. When Laura and Robbie died, they took my heart with them. Six years after the worst day of my life, your mother brought you to me. You had nothing but the clothes you were wearing and a ragged teddy bear.”

  “I remember that bear.”

  He smiled. “For months, you clung to that thing like it was your lifeline. I was so angry at your mother for your obvious lack of care.” His gaze lowered to the floor for a few moments, then lifted to hers. “I’m going to be honest with you. I didn’t want the responsibility of you, but she said if I didn’t take you, she’d turn you over to child services.”

  Peyton hadn’t thought her heart could be more broken than it already was. She was wrong. The two people who were supposed to love her hadn’t wanted her. “If nothing else, I guess I have to thank you for not letting me grow up in foster care.” She hadn’t been able to keep the bitterness out of her voice, and she didn’t care that her words made him wince.

  He stood, then moved back to his seat. “You have the right to be both hurt and angry, Peyton. I haven’t been much of a father to you. I didn’t want to love you. If I let myself do that and something happened to you...” His chest rose and fell as he inhaled a deep breath. “I died inside the day I lost my family. I couldn’t bear to experience that kind of loss again, so I kept you at a distance. I’m sorry for that.”

  The tears she’d tried to hold back fell down her cheeks. “I am, too.” There wasn’t room in his heart for her, so she’d never have his love. Maybe over time it would help that she now understood why, and maybe she would be able to forgive him, but all she felt right now was disposable. She’d been the little girl no one wanted. A few years on a therapist’s couch might be in her future.

  “But that’s not the end of the story.” He leaned toward her, resting his arms on the table. “I said I didn’t want to love you because I was afraid of what it would do to me if I did, but here’s the thing. I worried about you being alone if something happened to me. I thought Dalton was an honorable man, one you could be happy with, so I encouraged the relationship between the two of you. If something happened to me, he would be there for you.”

  He shook his head. “The day I saw the bruise Dalton put on your arm and you told me he’d done that and had tried to force you to marry him, I’ve never known such a rage. I wanted to kill him for hurting my daughter.”

  What was he saying? She’d spent too many years hoping for him to notice her and love her, and she was afraid to hope again.

  “That was the day I realized my heart hadn’t died after all, that as hard as I tried not to love you, I failed. I can’t think of anything I’d rather fail at than that, Peyton.”

  “Daddy.” The tears were freely falling now as she let the words she’d never thought to hear from him flow through her.

  He pushed his chair back, then opened his arms. “Come here, sweetheart.”

  When she was four, then five, then six, and for a part of seven, she’d longed to crawl onto her father’s lap and be held by him. To know that she mattered to him. Somewhere in her seventh year, she’d accepted that wasn’t going to happen, so she’d stopped wishing. It wasn’t her adult self who crawled onto his lap but the little girl who’d wished for it ever so hard.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “You’ve been crying,” Noah said when Peyton got in the car. Her father stood on the front steps, and he gripped the steering wheel to keep from storming over to the man and telling him off for making her cry.

  She shrugged as if tearstains down her cheeks didn’t matter. Well, they did to him. As he backed out of the driveway, he realized he was humming the Ray Charles song “Baby Don’t You Cry.” He stopped. For one, the man in the song was singing to the woman he loved. Maybe he felt something for the princess, but it sure as hell wasn’t love.

  For another, he didn’t sing anymore...and that included humming songs. His penance for his sins. Even thinking about that day and his mistake put him in a dark mood. Lucky stuck his head between their seats and whined.

  Peyton leaned her face against his. “Hey, sweet boy. You lonely back there?”

  When the dumb dog tried to climb onto her lap, Noah pushed him back. “Stay.” He glanced at Peyton. “You okay?”

  She smiled. “Actually, I am.”

  “I don’t like that he made you cry. You want to talk about it?” Before he could think better of it, he reached over the console and wrapped his hand around hers. Her gaze darted to his, and before he could take his hand away, she turned her palm up and linked their fingers.

  Holding hands with a woman wasn’t something he did. It was too intimate of an act. He left his hand where it was, and that he was willing to do that was something he’d think about later.

  “I’ll tell you everything when we get home.” She squeezed his hand. “Thank you for n
ot coming with me after all. I wouldn’t have finally learned my father’s secrets if you’d been there.”

  When we get home. Something in his chest loosened, allowing him to breathe easier than he had since the day he tried his damnedest not to think about. He hadn’t had a home since his mother died. Not really. His aunt and uncle’s home had never been his. He’d only had a small corner where a cot had been placed to call his own. That was the best they could do, and they didn’t have to even give him that much, so he didn’t begrudge them.

  He shared his apartment in Virginia Beach with two other SEALs. Both were assigned to different teams, so it was rare that the three of them were ever there together. It was a bachelor pad, not a home. Both Jared and Ker were players, the apartment’s front door a revolving one for women. That had never bothered him, but for reasons he blamed on a princess, he thought it would when he returned. Might be time to look for his own place.

  As he pulled into the parking garage, his phone chimed a text notification with the tone he’d assigned Joseph’s prepaid phone. “Stay there. I’ll come around and get you,” he told Peyton. He grabbed the plastic bag with the condoms, then logged into his cell as he walked around the back of his car.

  ex is here

  Noah typed a reply. Noted.

  He opened Peyton’s door, then held out his hand. “Allow me to escort you to your castle, princess.” Lucky scrambled over the seat, following her out. Noah glanced down at the dog. “You couldn’t wait for me to open your door, dog?”

  She punched him with her elbow. “Lucky.”

  “Whatever.” He knew she’d react to that, and he hid his smile. As they crossed the street, he scanned the area, locating the ex attempting to hide in the shadows of a building.

  What was he hoping for? To catch her alone? Then what? It wasn’t a crime to hang out on the sidewalk, even if you were up to no good, which Noah was positive the man was. He’d already warned Dalton off, and another confrontation, although tempting, wouldn’t accomplish anything. Since the man was watching them, Noah decided to push his buttons. Maybe the fool would do something that would get him arrested.

  “Did I tell you that you look pretty tonight, princess?” Noah said, putting his arm around her and pulling her next to him.

  “Um, no.” She glanced up at him, surprise in her eyes.

  “Well, you do. So pretty that I have to do this.” He stopped and turned her to face him. Then he kissed her. It was meant to be a taunt to the man watching them, but seconds into the kiss, he forgot about ex-boyfriends and taunts. He forgot they were on a public street until someone yelled that they should get a room.

  That was a great idea, and there was one just minutes away. He grabbed Peyton’s hand. “Your loft. Room. Bed.”

  “Finally,” she said.

  As soon as the elevator door closed, he stepped in front of her and put his hands on the wall behind her head. He stared into the blue eyes looking up at him, and what he saw messed with his heart, making the damn organ bang against his chest.

  “We’re supposed to talk before this happens,” he said. “I’ll condense it down to one sentence. Don’t fall in love with me.” Hearing the words come out of his mouth...well, wasn’t he an arrogant son of a bitch? All she knew of him was that he was a moody, grumpy asshole who refused to share with her what was going on in his life. What was there to fall in love with?

  She smirked as she saluted him. “Copy that, SEAL boy. All I want from you are mind-blowing tingles.”

  “Those I can give you, princess.” The elevator door opened, and he grabbed her hand again.

  The second they were inside her loft, he dropped Lucky’s leash, then scooped Peyton up, grinning when she screeched. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and when she sucked on his earlobe, he grunted.

  “We’re not going to make it to the bedroom if you keep doing that.”

  Her response was to lick the shell of his ear. He walked faster. When he reached her bedroom, he kicked the door shut before Lucky could follow them in. He stopped at the edge of the bed and dropped her on it, smiling when she laughed. The box of condoms got dropped on the nightstand.

  How to start? Where to start? He’d never been nervous before when taking a woman to bed, but he was with this one. Peyton wanted him to show her what she’d been missing. He didn’t doubt he could do that, but he wanted this to be special for her. That wasn’t something he’d ever worried about before. Someone like her should be romanced, but that kind of stuff...he was clueless.

  “Not sure how I’m supposed to get tingles with you just standing there, staring at me,” she grumbled.

  He choked down a laugh. “I’m thinking.” This was the first time he’d been in her bedroom, and he glanced around. Spying a bookshelf similar to the one in the living room, he switched on the lamp, then walked over to it. “How many vinyls do you own?”

  “Not sure of the exact number, but over a thousand.”

  “I have over two thousand.”

  “Braggart.”

  He glanced over at her and grinned. “Just saying.” As was his collection, hers were in alphabetical order by the artists’ names. Perfect. Each album should run about thirty to forty-five minutes, so he flipped through the collection, pulling out four: Marvin Gaye, Usher, Al Green, and Sade. After putting them on the turntable, starting with Marvin Gaye, he returned to the edge of the bed and held out his hand.

  “Come dance with me.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise, then she smiled and put her hand in his. When she was on her feet, he kneeled in front of her. “Shoes off.” He unbuckled the ankle strap of her sandals, then slipped them off. After removing his boots and socks, he reached over and turned off the lamp, then took her hand and brought her to the center of the room.

  As Marvin Gaye sang “If I Should Die Tonight,” Noah wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. The window shades were up, and the lights of downtown Asheville gave the room a soft glow, enough to see her. And he wanted to see her.

  They swayed to the soulful magic of Gaye’s voice, and when she rested her head on his chest, Noah sighed. Peace covered him like a warm blanket on a cold night. It wouldn’t last. He knew that. But he was going to hold on to it as long as he could.

  The next song came on, and he trailed his hand along the back of her dress. To his delight, he discovered a zipper. He found the pull and slowly lowered it. The end of the zipper stopped at the bottom of her spine. Perfect. Her dress was sleeveless, making it easy to remove her bra. He unhooked the clasp.

  She lifted her head and peered up at him. “You want me to take it off?”

  He put a finger over her lips. “Shhh. Put your head back on my chest, close your eyes, and let the magic in.” He smiled against her hair. For a woman who usually had a lot to say, she obeyed without a word.

  “I’m going to take off your bra now, princess. You don’t have to do a thing except bend your elbow when I tell you to.” He found the strap on her right shoulder and pulled it down. “Elbow.” After that side was done, he moved to the left strap.

  “You’re very good at that,” Peyton said after Noah tossed her bra away while leaving on her dress. It was both sexy and intimidating. How many bras had he removed? For sure, the women he’d been with were experienced, knew what they were doing. All she knew of sex was that it was boring. How was she supposed to compete?

  “Stop thinking, princess.”

  Easy for him to say, but she needed to unless she wanted to ruin tonight. And she so did not want to. How did he know where her mind had gone, anyway?

  “Relax,” he murmured in her ear.

  He was right, she had tensed up when thinking of him taking off the bras of all those stupid women. She pushed their faceless faces out of her mind. This was her night, and she wasn’t going to let them mess it up.

  She let her body go s
oft against his and breathed him in. He smelled so good, like musk and man and spices. She wanted to lick him. Would he think she was weird if she did that? He trailed his fingers over the skin of her back, and his doing that sent tingling heat straight to her sex.

  Mercy and heaven help her. She’d never been so wet and aching, and if just baring her back, taking off her bra, and his fingers dancing along her spine made her feel things she never had before, she might die when they got to the main meal. Literally.

  He rocked his hips against her. “Feel that? That’s what you do to me. I’m so hard it hurts. But before we take care of me, I’m going to taste every inch of you.”

  Her legs turned to jelly.

  “And I’m not going to stop until you’re screaming my name.”

  She moaned.

  “That sound you just made, princess, that’s just the beginning.”

  His voice as he spoke into her ear was soft and low, his breath warm on her skin. When she felt his fingertips along the side of her breast, she whimpered.

  “You like that, don’t you?”

  “God, yes.” Her body was one giant, endless tingle, and he’d barely touched her. She’d thought she’d known what he could do to her, but she hadn’t really. She’d imagined that they would shed their clothes, fall into the bed, and go at it. Instead, he was seducing her with the sway of their bodies, the gentlest of touches, and words whispered in her ear. Her imagination had been woefully unimaginative.

  It was...it was amazing and incredibly sensual. “Let’s Get It On” came on, and Noah’s voice joined Gaye’s. She didn’t think he even realized he was singing. He had such a beautiful voice and listening to him sing to her what was probably the sexiest love song ever recorded only added to the magic swirling around her.

  His hand brushed over the side of her breast again, Noah and Marvin sang about getting it on, and her body melted bit by bit. She was no longer sure she’d survive the night.