Before We Say Goodbye

by Michelle Pennington

  I chuckled. “Not really. I’m going to kick his butt the first chance I get.”

  He grinned. “He’ll enjoy that more than you think.” Then Jack took one step closer and leaned down toward me. “I hope I find someone like you someday, Katriel.” And then he pressed a soft, lingering kiss on my lips.

  Fortunately, he didn’t stay to watch for my reaction.

  As I stood in my doorway listening to the cadence of his shoes on the steps going down to the parking lot, I touched my lips and shook my head. My second kiss had been sweet and pleasant. But when compared to my first, it barely even registered.

  That didn’t mean Tate wasn’t going to answer for what he’d done!

  I went inside and tossed my keys and purse on the kitchen counter than sent Tate a text.

  Me: I’m home. Get your butt over here, punk.

  Tate: It’s about freaking time. Be there soon.

  I had driven between my house and the Collins’ house thousands of times and I knew that it took anywhere between ten minutes and twelve, depending on lights, but it was only eight minutes later that Tate knocked on the door. With my pulse in overdrive, I opened the door. “How fast were you driving?”

  He shut the door behind him. “You don’t want to know.”

  I stepped back, not sure I was ready to handle whatever that gleam in his eyes meant. I put my hand out to slow him down. “Tate. We need to talk. And honestly, I want to wring your neck.”

  Grabbing my hand, he put it behind his neck while reaching for the other one. “Go ahead. I won’t stop you.”

  Looking up into his oh-so-familiar face that somehow looked completely new, I pressed my lips together and tried to hold on to my temper. “You completely wrecked my date. I wasn’t able to focus on anything but—”

  “Our kiss? Good.”

  Extremely annoyed, I stiffened my spine and glared at him. “Jack kissed me too.”

  Tate’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh yeah? And how was it?”

  “It would have been a good first kiss.”

  His hands settled on my hips in a possessive way I didn’t hate. “Maybe. But who wants something that is just good when you can have the best?”

  “You’re so arrogant. How do you know it was the best?”

  Not answering right away, his eyes swept over my face. “Because it was the best kiss I’ve ever had. It wasn’t anything to do with me, Kat. It was us—what is happening between us.”

  “And what is that?”

  “Something special. And I’ve been wanting it too long to waste time now.” He lifted his hands to my face, tipping it up as he feathered his lips along mine. The caress sent tingles like tiny pop rock explosions down my spine. I parted my lips slightly and dared to take the lead, kissing him over and over, each one leaving me more dissatisfied than the last. I wanted more. As if his patience had run out, Tate took a deep breath, his chest heaving against mine, and took over.

  Tate’s strength had always been something that awed me about him, but I’d never realized that lips could be strong and hard and masculine. That they could bruise and own and dominate, or that I could so utterly enjoy the contrast with my own femininity—the sensation of my own fragility surrendering to the force of his emotions. But still, I could tell that he was holding back, mindful of me even in the onslaught of emotions that threatened to run away with both of us.

  His hands drifted down to my shoulders, and even as his kisses gentled and lingered, he straightened his arms to create some distance. One last sweep of kisses as light as air across my lips and he stepped away. “Okay, this is potent stuff. And your mom is gone, right?”

  As if I hadn’t been overwhelmed enough. “Yes.” My voice was tight, catching on the word.

  He nodded. “We’d better get out of here.”

  When he held his hand out to me, I threaded my fingers through his and it felt as natural and perfect as breathing.

  “Have your key?” he asked.

  I shook my head and let go to get them from the counter where I’d dropped them. When I came back, it was such a relief to hold his hand again that I realized for the first time how dangerous this was. In all the years I’d wanted him and dreamed of this, I’d had no idea how consuming it would actually be. There was no coming back from this…I’d never be whole again.

  I clung to him like the humid air clung to my skin as we went downstairs. His touch was the only thing keeping me from breaking apart.

  We walked down the quiet streets in silence. Cars and golf-carts passed us, streetlights sent our shadows before us, and the faint racket from a nearby bar and grill drifted over on the breeze. The beach had always been the place where I found myself, but I wondered what would happen now because I felt so different. Could anything calm me down when I felt like a hurtling comet inside?

  Tate usually walked with a quick stride that got him places fast, but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry as we crossed the boardwalk and went down the steps to the powdery white sand. As we came to the end of the dunes, we paused to take our sandals off, then walked out hand in hand toward the crashing surf.

  It was so late that we were alone on the beach, at least for as far as I could see. A few lights flickered down the beach in either direction, but so far away they just looked like stars that had fallen from the sky.

  Our feet hit the water-packed sand and the last edge of a wave washed over them, the water still cool. Tomorrow was the first week of June. I laughed.

  “What?” Tate asked.

  “Piper kept saying I had to be kissed by the end of summer. Summer doesn’t even start till June twenty-first. Not officially.”

  “Well, who knows how long it would have taken if she hadn’t been so gung-ho about it. If it even would have?”

  I turned and looked up at him even though I could barely make out his features in the darkness. “Why?”

  “Not that I wouldn’t have wanted this,” he said, holding our clasped hands up and kissing mine. “I just didn’t know what to do about it. And I still don’t, to be honest.”

  That hurt. “Do about what? Dating me? I guess I just thought…”

  “I was trying to be smart, Kat. You’re leaving in August. What then?”

  “It’s not like I won’t come back all the time.”

  “I know. Your mom is here after all. And your friends. But I don’t want to hold you back from whatever else might be waiting out there for you.”

  “Do you mean other guys?”

  He shrugged and when he spoke again, his voice was tight. “Yeah. College guys who are going to do things with their lives. I’ll only ever live in this small town and burn my life away on a fishing boat.”

  Feeling a deep, protective urge, I put my arms around his waist and leaned against him. “I don’t care about that. Except, don’t you want to do it?”

  His fingers combed through my hair. “It’s fine and it’s what I have. The only other thing I want is you.”

  I tightened my arms around him. “Well, you can have me if you want. For keeps.” And then, wanting desperately to show him this was possible, I said, “Besides, I’m thinking about staying here and going to beauty school.”

  His sharp intake of breath surprised me. “You can’t do that. You got accepted to an awesome college.”

  “Yeah? So?”

  “Why would you give that up?”

  “Because I want to be happy.” It seemed so simple to me.

  “No, Kat. See, that’s why this is a bad idea—no matter how much I want it. It’s only been a few hours and I’m already a bad influence in your life.”

  “Chill out, Tate.” Panicked, and desperate not to let this chance slip through my fingers like the sand between my toes, I put my hands around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He responded reluctantly, but not because he didn’t want it, I could tell. “I’m not just considering it because of you. And we don’t have to figure everything out tonight. Can’t we just…let this be what it is? For now?”


  He sighed and nodded, pulling me close. I could feel his relief in the heaviness of his arms around my hips and lessening of tension in his muscles. But there was one other thing to worry about.

  “Tate, what do we do about Piper? She’s going to freak if she finds out about us.”

  “Well, then let’s not let her know about it. At least, for now. Till we figure this out.”

  I nodded. “Okay. But let’s get back to the part we have figured out and forget the rest—for as long as we can.”

  Chapter Eleven

  It was Tate’s fault that I went home from work the next day with blue hair.

  Well, not all of it was blue, just two pieces on either side of my face. Chloe wanted to do all of it, but that was too much, too soon. I was on a weird sort of high after last night—strange the effect a few epic kisses can have on your normally reserved personality.

  Okay, a lot of kisses.

  But I was also feeling a bit rebellious.

  All my life I’d been the good girl my mother wanted to me to be. I hadn’t wanted to add to the burdens she carried. She worked and sacrificed a lot for me. But this was my life and I was the only one who was going to have to live it. I needed to start listening to my heart instead of my over-active conscience. Other people, including Tate, needed to trust me to make my own decisions.

  When I got in my car to go home, the first thing I did was turn on the AC because it was hot as Hades. Ninety-seven degrees in the shade and my car had been sitting in the sun the whole day. Then I glanced in the rearview mirror, still startled by the sight of my hair, and checked the messages on my phone. There was one from Tate…a picture of a fish hook stuck in his finger. So romantic of him. But it still gave me a strange burst of happiness to know he was thinking about me and wanting to share things with me. Even fish hooks. In his skin.

  My other text was from Piper.

  Piper: Come over after work. All the girls will be here. Meeting time.

  Me: What’s up?

  Piper: I’m dying to hear about your date. Plus, we have plans to make. Bring something to swim in.

  There was no way I was getting out of this. Especially since I had zero good excuses except that I was exhausted. Tate and I had stayed out on the beach way too long last night. He’d probably gotten hooked because his reflexes were slow. He would have gotten to bed later than me and he had to get up at four-thirty. Poor guy. Not that I would have changed things.

  Since I was wearing a nice top and heeled booties, I swung by my house to change first. I put on my new black swimsuit since it was the nicest one I had and Tate would possibly be around. I threw on a pair of frayed cutoffs and a slouchy t-shirt with a sea turtle on it, slipped into some wedge flip flops, and grabbed my cutest pair of sunglasses. Normally I would have put my hair up in a messy bun, but I wanted everyone to see my new style first.

  When I got to the Collins' house, Sadie’s car was in my usual spot next to the driveway, so I had to park further down the street and walk up. It was almost six o’clock, but still way too hot. The sun would start to go down in about an hour though and that would help. I was glad Piper was planning on a night swim in her backyard pool.

  I rewound that thought when I walked into their living room and saw Tate, shirtless, making a sandwich in the kitchen. Pausing, spellbound, I watched the way his tan skin and muscles pulled and flexed from his square, broad shoulders to his lean, taut abs. Yes, I was definitely going to need to cool off.

  His eyes shot to mine as I came in and our gazes collided in a frisson of awareness. The tug I felt to go to him surprised me with its force, but as Tate’s quick glance toward Piper reminded me, we were trying to keep this a secret for now. So, how exactly was I going to act natural?

  “Kat’s here!” Sadie called from her seat at the kitchen table. She was sipping on a soda, a book opened face down on the table at her elbow. “What the heck did you do to your hair?”

  Piper and Liv swung around from their seats on the sectional in the adjoining living room and the air erupted with squeals as they all ran over to check it out.

  “What the freak, Kat?” Piper asked. But she grinned and held the blue streaks up to the light.

  “Like it?”

  “Heck yeah,” Liv said. “It looks great.”

  “Dang,” Piper said. “I feel like I don’t even know who you are anymore. Can people have a mid-life crisis at seventeen?”

  I rolled my eyes and turned away. “A few streaks of color is not a crisis. The stylists at work just get bored if they have a gap between clients.” I went into the kitchen and grabbed an orange out of the fruit bowl—mostly as an excuse to be closer to Tate. Jumping up to sit on the counter, I said, “And I felt like doing something crazy.”

  “Something else crazy?” he murmured as he screwed the lid back on the jar of mayo he’d been using.

  I wiggled my brows at him as I peeled my orange. “Crazy is fun.”

  Reaching out, he tugged on my hair. “I like it.”

  “Good.”

  Great. We were grinning at each other like idiots. Not obvious at all.

  “Hey, Kat, get over here,” Piper called. She had an easel set up in the family room with a dry erase board on it.

  Ugh. She was so intense about everything all the time. I looked at Tate, trying to silently apologize for leaving him, but he winked, totally understanding. As I slid off the counter though, I stumbled as soon as my feet hit the ground. Of course. I never did anything gracefully.

  Tate’s hand landed at my waist, steadying me. It was only for a second, though his fingers lingered there even after I was good. The contact sent my heart racing and clouded his eyes with smoke. His jaw clenched and he turned away to open the fridge.

  Shaken and lit up at the same time, I used the separation to break free of his pull and go sit on the couch, dropping my orange peel in the trash as I went.

  Leaning back against a pillow with a big, blue seahorse on it, I peeled a wedge of orange free and popped it in my mouth.

  “Okay,” Piper said, “Now that you’re all ready, let’s touch base on how things are going for everyone. You first, Kat, obviously.”

  I swallowed too hard and a drop of juice went down my windpipe. Piper looked annoyed as I coughed several times so I could breathe again. Man, she was intense about this. “What do you want to know?”

  “Hello? Did Jack kiss you last night?”

  Sadie and Liv leaned forward, just as interested in my answer as Piper. I couldn’t help but glance over at Tate who sat at the table eating. He had a slight smirk on his face but was doing a good job of pretending to be focused on his phone. Still, this was super awkward. “Yes.”

  There, I’d said it.

  Piper gave a whoop and broke into her version of a victory dance. “Oh, yeah. That’s right. One down, two to go.”

  There was no way I was going to correct her about who had actually been my first kiss. So far I hadn’t lied to her, and what did it matter who the first kiss had been—at least, to her?

  Piper wrote my name on her dry erase board with a pink marker and put a giant check mark next to it. “Okay, who’s next?” Then she wrote down Sadie and Liv’s name on the board.

  Liv immediately pointed at Sadie. “Not it. Her.”

  Sadie narrowed her eyes. “Wait, I want to hear more about Jack and the kiss.”

  Clenching my teeth, I tried to figure out how to get out of this situation. It was probably best to satisfy their curiosity and make it as boring as possible. “Jack gave me one quick kiss when we said goodnight. There were no sparks but it was okay, and now he’s going home.” I waved my finger in the air. “Whoo hoo.”

  Sadie looked like I’d just told her someone had died. “That’s so sad. I’m sorry.”

  Great. There was no way I could possibly tell her that everything was way more than fine. “Don’t worry about it. I have zero regrets about last night.”

  Her brows puckered, but she wasn’t the nosy one in our group.
No, that honor belonged to Piper. “Did he slip you the tongue?”

  Tate coughed across the room, drawing everyone’s attention his way. I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing at him as he went over to the sink, still coughing.

  “No, Piper. Jack’s tongue and I remained strangers.”

  Liv laughed and leaned back against the couch. “Man, that makes it sound so gross. Do you think people really like French kissing? Because when I see it in movies, it just looks like people gnawing on each other’s faces like they’re trying to eat a giant ice cream cone. I’ll pass, thank you, very much.”

  “True,” Sadie said, “But I’ve heard it simulates…well…other things. So maybe it feels way more passionate and yummier than it looks. I love reading about kisses in books, but then I get to focus on all the emotions without actually watching it.”

  Trust the bookworm to make this even more awkward.

  Piper burst out laughing. “Check out Kat’s face. She’s as red as a cherry.”

  “Can we talk about something else?” I asked.

  “As the only one here who’s ever French kissed anyone—” Piper began.

  “Not true,” Tate interrupted.

  I sighed, knowing he meant a lot more than Piper would realize. But Piper just rolled her eyes at him. “Okay, the only girl who has. And Tate, can you please go away?”

  “Not till I’m done eating. Besides, this is way too entertaining.”

  “Clearly,” I said, glaring at him.

  He grinned. “Go on, Piper. What were you going to say?”

  “I was going to say that French kissing can be really awesome or really, really bad. In fact, we need to rate guys on their kissing ability as we make a list of candidates for Sadie and Liv.”

  Oh man. I felt bad for both of them as I felt the webs of Piper’s plotting closing in around them. But at the same time, it worked out for me. If she was focused on them, she’d be less likely to notice anything going on between her brother and me.

  Chapter Twelve

  While Piper tried to get the names of who Sadie and Liv liked, I, uh… got a little drowsy. Maybe it was the late night or how much had happened over the last couple of days. Or maybe it was the soft couch cushions under my head. Regardless, I fell asleep.