Before We Say Goodbye

by Michelle Pennington

  The under-cabinet lights were on in the kitchen, but that was it, so Tate’s face was mostly in shadow as I came in. I still couldn’t resist his smile though. He kept his voice low as he said, “There you are, birthday girl. I got you something.”

  “You did?” I whisper-squealed.

  “Yeah. I mean, I want to get you something else later, but I haven’t really had a lot of time to figure out what. But I knew you’d like this.”

  And then he presented me with a white and pink bakery box from Holy Donuts. I almost squealed. “Oh my gosh! These are my favorite!”

  “I know,” he said. “Which is why I waited outside the door for them to open.”

  I went to open the box, and I wasn’t sure what made me happier—the touch of his hand sliding around my waist or the sight of a dozen assorted donuts. Cake, glazed, sprinkles and every other flavor I could think of. “I really shouldn’t eat this so early in the morning.”

  “But you’re going to anyway, huh?”

  I reached for one with strawberry glaze. “Uh, yeah.”

  I took a bite and almost died right there because the donut was still warm. “Best birthday ever. Even if it is a totally evil hour to be awake.”

  “Agreed. I wish I could spend more of it with you, but I have to get going.”

  Frowning, I put the donut down, licked a smudge of glaze from my finger, and leaned in as he pulled me close. “This was the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

  “Pun intended?” he asked.

  I grinned. “If you want it to be.”

  He smiled as he kissed me, exactly the way all kisses should start. And even though he was going to be late if he didn’t hurry, his kisses were slow and thorough as if he had all the time in the world. And since I had nowhere to be for another four hours, I wasn’t about to end this bliss before he did.

  When he pulled back with a sigh, he brushed his nose back and forth over mine. “I much prefer you tasting like strawberry donuts than another man’s cotton candy.”

  I burst out laughing and slapped my hand over my mouth. “Our second kiss?”

  “Yeah. Never again, Katriel. From now on, the only sugar that hits your mouth comes from me, you understand?”

  “No problem. Just give me plenty of it.” I kissed him again and murmured. “We’re such dorks.”

  “Speak for yourself.” He rubbed my arms softly and sighed. “I have to go.”

  “I know. Be safe today. Don’t get hooked.”

  His smile flashed. “Why not? I get better tips when I do because they feel bad. And I could use the extra money now that I’m moving out.”

  I bit my lip. “Yeah.”

  There were so many things I wanted to talk to him about, but not on my birthday and not when this moment was so perfect. And definitely not when we were having to talk in an under-voice to keep from waking people up.

  I walked him to the front door and distracted him with another prolonged goodbye, then wondered what the heck to do next. I was now wide awake so there was no way I’d be able to just go back to sleep.

  Since I didn’t exactly want Piper to find out Tate had gotten me donuts for my birthday, I decided I should probably just go home and get ready for work. I could also use the time to look into the local beauty college and start making a plan. But on my way back to Piper’s room, I paused at the door to Tate’s. Now that we were together, I didn’t feel as awkward going in. There was still the small matter of my shoes to resolve.

  I went in and looked at the bookshelf where I’d first found them, but they weren’t there. Turning toward the closet, I opened the door and looked around on the high shelves and down on the shoe racks. No sign of them. He must have hidden them somewhere since he knew I’d have access to them pretty easily. But as I stepped back out of the closet, my eyes landed on them, not only right in plain sight, but on the table next to his bed.

  As I went to grab them, I saw a folded piece of paper tucked inside one. It said:

  If you’re going to be a brat and swipe these while I’m gone, just know I’ll survive. I don’t need them to get your attention anymore. I’ve found other ways that work a lot better.

  I pressed my fist to my mouth to smother my laughter. Man, I loved that he was such a punk and yet so sweet at the same time. Well, I was going to take the shoes, but I’d leave something else for him in return.

  I pulled my ponytail out and left my hair tie in the same spot the shoes had been in. Because my hair was so thick, I used x-large elastics so I wasn’t able to wear them around my wrist. But maybe he could. This one was pink and kind of lucky because I’d managed to hold onto it for a long time. Usually, I lost hair ties right and left.

  With a pen from his desk, I wrote on the bottom of his note: How about a trade? You can keep this with you all the time.

  I just hope he wanted to someday keep me with him all the time too. Now that I’d had a taste of what it was like to have his attention and affection—I didn’t know how much further it went for him than that—I knew I didn’t want a future where I didn’t have him in my life.

  As I tossed my shoes and donuts in the front seat of my car a few minutes later, I couldn’t help but think back to graduation when Sadie had said, “This time can never be gotten back. You only get one chance to be eighteen with the rest of your life in front of you. So don’t screw it up.”

  Well, today was the first day of being eighteen and for the first time, I knew what I wanted the rest of my life to look like. But getting it was going to take a huge course correction, and I knew that every single person I cared about was going to try to stop me from doing it. But this was my life and I was the only one who could live it, so hopefully, they would all let me grow up now that I was ready to.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I am not proud of the fact that I ate four donuts while looking up information about the local beauty college. I’m sure it was as much a coping mechanism for stress as it was about how delicious they were.

  Even after showering, dressing, and fixing my hair for the day—along with a full makeup job—I was ready with my beauty college presentation when mom walked in the door at seven o’clock. She’d arranged to get off early so we could have breakfast together before I had to go to work.

  “There’s my birthday girl,” she said, smiling as she dropped her things on the counter and came toward me with her arms open wide for a hug.

  I sank into her embrace, savoring it, since I had no idea how things were going to go with the coming discussion. But for now, this was perfect.

  She stepped back and tugged at the blue curls framing my face. “What is this?”

  Oops. I’d totally forgotten that she hadn’t seen it yet. “Oh, one of the girls at work was playing around. Like it?”

  She bobbed her head back and forth, considering it. “It’s not really…what I prefer, but you look beautiful as always. And I guess there are crazier things you could do to mark turning eighteen. Oh, look what I got you.” She turned around and picked up a box from the counter, handing it over to me with a huge grin.

  Holy Donuts.

  Which was both the name on the box and what I was thinking.

  “Thanks, Mom. That was so nice.”

  She headed to the fridge. “Let me pour us some milk and we’ll dig in.” Half-way there, though, she stopped dead at the sight of the donut box next to my laptop on the kitchen table. “You already have some?”

  I guess it was as good a time as any to tell her. “Yeah. So, you know Piper’s big brother, Tate?”

  Her expression shifted. “Yes?”

  “He got them for me this morning. We’re…”

  Now her eyebrows shot up. “Dating?”

  “Well, it’s kinda weird to say because we’re still figuring things out and we haven’t gone on a date yet. But I’m nuts about him and I think he’s really into me too.”

  “Wow.” She took the milk out of the fridge and two glasses out of the cabinet. As she poured, she asked,
“When did all this happen? I mean, I know I’ve barely seen you the last few days with my crazy schedule, but this seems really fast.”

  Taking a glass from her, I opened the box of donuts she’d brought and picked one out because I didn’t want her to feel bad. Luckily there was a plain cake donut in there because I didn’t know how much more sugar I could take. Even I had a limit. “The day before yesterday. But I’ve had a thing for him for…oh, years. And after graduation, I realized that if I didn’t do something about it, I would never get the chance to see if it was possible.”

  She sat down across from me with her own donut and milk but didn’t touch them. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me all this.”

  “I didn’t tell anybody—especially not Piper. I still haven’t told her.”

  Mom leaned forward, looking shocked. “Seriously? Well, when are you going to?”

  “The thing is, she has all these prejudices and preconceptions about the girls Tate dates and girls being nice to her to get close to him. And while I truly love her—she’s my best friend—I’m afraid of what she’ll think and how she’ll react. Especially after some things she said last night. So, I’m working on it.”

  Shaking her head, my mom finally picked up her donut and took a bite. She licked some icing off her lip and said, “What really surprises me is that it’s like you have this whole other dimension to your life that I didn’t even know about. Should I feel guilty for not paying better attention or feel hurt that you never told me?”

  Dang. We hadn’t even gotten to the college thing and this conversation was already harder than I’d expected. “I was just too much of a chicken to make waves in anybody’s life, you know? I didn’t want to cause you any worry, or hurt my friendship with Piper, or be rejected by Tate. If I kept quiet and just did what everyone expected from me, everything was fine. But then things started to change anyway.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, life has a way of shaking us up whether we want it to or not. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s not. You have an amazing future ahead of you, though, so don’t be afraid of change.”

  I nodded. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Change.”

  Looking wary, she asked. “More than your hair and dating status?”

  “Yeah. School. Mom, I’ve decided that I’m not going to UF in August. I’m enrolling in beauty college instead.”

  My mom stood up so fast, her chair flew back and fell over with a crash. “Are you crazy? You can’t give up college after being accepted to UF.”

  That was the biggest hurdle. “Yes, I can. Mom, sure it’s a great opportunity, but I don’t want to go for four years when I wouldn’t even know what to do there. Do you know how much money I’ll need to borrow for tuition, books and living expenses for four years? Unless I work, in which case, it will take me longer than four years?”

  She put her hands up defensively, shaking her head. “Katriel, listen—in today’s world, a college degree isn’t just a step up, it’s essential.”

  “Not if you want to be a cosmetologist. I need training and a license. This is the only thing that has excited and interested me as a career choice. For a tenth of the price and a quarter of the time invested, I can be building a career.”

  “But, I had different hopes and dreams for you.”

  “Isn’t it my hopes and dreams that matter though?”

  She picked up her chair and reached for her dirty dishes, instantly moving into her “clean to cope” mode. “I’m afraid that you’re doing this because of that boy—that you don’t want to leave him. But a relationship of two days isn’t enough to base your whole future on. I know you’re too young to understand that, but—”

  “And when will I be old enough to understand? When I’m twenty-two and have a degree I don’t know what to do with and a ton of student loans to pay off? And when everyone I care about and want in my life has moved on because I wasn’t around? I’m sorry you don’t like it, but I already applied to the school and I started the process of applying for financial aid. I wasn’t asking permission. I was telling you what my plan was. You said you wanted me to talk to you more. Well, look how that went.”

  I closed my laptop, picked up my phone and keys, and headed for the door.

  “Katriel—”

  Turning back, I sighed and asked, “What?”

  “I don’t want us to fight on your birthday.”

  My lips tugged down, but I fought back the urge to cry. “I don’t want to fight at all. I just want to be in charge of my life for once.”

  “Can we just wait to talk about this till later? Another day after I’ve had time to process it all?” She frowned. “I hate it even more now that I couldn’t get tonight off.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. We can talk tomorrow. Or any time because I’m not leaving, remember?”

  As I closed the door behind me and went downstairs to my car, I hoped my misty eyes would clear enough for me to drive. That had been way harder than I’d expected, mostly because it had uprooted all kinds of emotions and resentments inside me that I’d kept buried for too long. I still hoped that everything would be okay in the end, but I was far from finished with hard discussions.

  Chapter Sixteen

  To say that the stylists at Coral Sands were excited about me going to beauty college would be an understatement of epic proportions. They talked about it all day long since most of them had gone to the same school—which instructors were good, what to do about the books, supplies, and tools I’d need, and how to make the best of my time there. They also all told stories that let me know that it was not going to be an easy thing to do, but that I would also have a lot of fun.

  After the conversation with my mom that morning, it was so nice to feel supported and encouraged. But the truth was, I still needed someone close to me to do the same thing. Which is why I headed straight for Piper’s house.

  I walked in their house without knocking as usual and stopped dead in the middle of the family room when Tate came out of his room carrying a box of stuff. “Um… are you moving out now?”

  He smiled. “Yeah. A buddy of mine is letting me take his second bedroom until I figure something else out.”

  “So, like right now?”

  Shrugging, he put the box down on a chair and came toward me. “Well, not right this second. Not now that you’re here.” He crossed his arms over his chest, which brought my attention to my pink hair tie around his wrist. It was obvious he was restraining himself from reaching for me. Because Piper might see.

  I took a deep breath. It was time to tell her anyway, and I needed a hug right then, more than anything. Moving toward him in a rush, I gripped his arms and pulled them open, then draped my arms around his neck. “Hold me.”

  As soon as I spoke, he pulled me close with all the enthusiasm I could have hoped for. “Is something wrong?”

  “I got in an argument with my mom so I’m all stressed out.”

  Bending forward, he kissed me briefly. “I’m sorry. What about?”

  That was when the screaming started across the room. “Oh my gosh! What? What? What is going on?”

  I closed my eyes, a knot of dread in my gut. But there was nothing else to do but face the storm head on. Tate’s arms slipped from around my waist as I turned toward her. “Hey, Pipes.” Okay, that was lame, but I didn’t know how else to start this conversation.

  “Am I having a really bad dream right now or did you two just kiss?”

  I dared to take a step towards her. “Um, yes. We’re…” I turned back to Tate. “This would be a lot easier if I knew what we are.”

  “Well, I’d like to think I’m your boyfriend.” His tone was way more relaxed than made sense—almost as if it didn’t bother him that Piper was freaking out.

  It gave me strength, so I smiled. “That sounds perfect to me.”

  Piper looked back and forth between us as her face turned redder and redder, then she collapsed onto the rug as if her legs couldn’t hold her any
longer. She took a deep breath and asked. “Okay. How long has this been going on?”

  I couldn’t keep standing over her and have this conversation, so I went and sat across from her, pulling a pillow off the couch to hold against my chest. I doubted it would protect me much if she decided to punch me, but it was comforting just the same. “How long have we been together? Just a few days. I was trying to find the right time to tell you.”

  She held up a hand as if trying to stop my words. “Okay. But, how long have you liked him?”

  My lips tugged down as I winced. “For, like, three years.”

  “Really?” Tate asked in a voice that was way too cheerful. “That long, huh? I still might have you beat though.”

  Piper glared at him. “Whatever. I’m sure you just really cared about her while dating all those other girls.”

  He shrugged and moved his box onto the floor so he could sit on the chair near us. “I was trying really hard not to be creepy about my little sister’s friend. Look, Piper—don’t be mad at Kat. She’s already having a rough day.”

  “Mad? Why would I be mad? Because my best friend has been using me this whole time just to be around my brother?”

  I sighed. “See—I knew you’d say that, and it’s just stupid. You have to know it wasn’t like that. Why can’t I both want to be your friend and have a thing for your brother?”

  Tate leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands behind his head. “Yeah? I mean, really, it would have been impossible for her not to have a thing for me.”

  I threw my pillow at him. “It’s not the time.” Turning back to Piper, I tried to think of what to say, hating the way she was bent forward with her fists pressed to her eyes. “Look, if it hadn’t been for how much I wanted to protect our friendship, I would have—I don’t know—tried to make a move on Tate a long time ago.”

  “Now that would have been awesome.” Tate’s voice was smooth with satisfaction.

  I ignored him. “But see, that’s me. Always keeping what I want to myself just to make other people happy. And I’ve finally realized that in the end, it just makes me more unhappy.” I paused a second. “Which is why I’m not going to UF in August. I’m staying here and going to beauty school.”