"Wanna go out with me?"
"I..."
"I won't eat you, promise. And won't ask for a kiss on the first date, but for the second you'll have to work hard to be forgiven."
"Brad, I don't know if..."
"Don't be so uptight, Charlie. Are you single or not?"
"Yes, but..."
"Then you owe me a date. Friday I'll pick you up. Give me the address."
Charlie surrendered, relieved. Brad had called, and still wanted him. Even if it was a one night stand, it was a good thing – since Jason had dumped him, he couldn't get laid. Not that he could do it with just anyone, but he was attracted to Brad, so he decided to enjoy whatever was to come.
***
It felt weird being so nervous for a date. Okay, he had been out of the dating game for a few years, but he couldn't remember feeling like this when he had met Jason. But he could definitely remember the shock of Brad's welcoming smile, and those feelings hadn't changed in ten years. He was more relaxed, though – they were alone, no cameras.
He reached the restaurant almost in a trance. He answered Brad's questions, listened to his words, but couldn't speak. He didn't eat much either, and certainly didn't touch the wine – he felt exhilarated already.
"We're alone and we're too old for MTV," Brad reminded him, amused, as the waiter brought the check and took his card.
"Sorry, dunno what's wrong." He tried to focus. "It all seems so unreal... being here, talking to you..."
"I'm the one who's talking," Brad replied. "I've told you everything about me and even about Matt, but you're still the brooding beau. What can I do to make you speak?"
"Nothing, I just don't know where to start from... Does it matter what I've done in the past ten years?"
"It matters to understand if and how you changed. I know what I want now, but I didn't when we first met."
"Maybe Matt was the right guy for you ten years ago... I'm afraid I was too shy."
"I'd say you still are."
"Let's say I don't have sex for sport like many. I need to be attracted to the person, feel something for him. But I can't explain what it is, and, being monogamous, it's not easy to find alternatives when one fails."
"I see. But if you don't say it, you only look haughty."
"Me?"
"Stop being so surprised! You're handsome and sexy – what effect do you think you have on people?" The waiter came back with the card bill and Brad signed it.
"I don't know... I don't feel I'm any of the things you say I am." Charlie lowered his eyes to his half-eaten dessert, embarrassed, as the waiter left again with a nod of thanks.
"I wonder how many hearts you broke, then."
"I don't know. I never had a lot of boyfriends, but I've always been dumped and could never figure out why. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but maybe I can't keep a relationship alive. I thought I had succeeded with Jason..."
"Maybe he wanted something else. Like I discovered I wanted different things from Matt."
"If you don't want a cuddling lover, you better stay away from me. I can't have more than one man at the same time."
"That was my problem with Matt," Brad replied, amused. "We lasted for so long because we both had all the adventures we could lay our hands on. We had threesomes and foursomes and were a very open couple. But now I have enough of that, I want to spend the rest of my life with one person. He couldn't accept it, so I broke up with him."
"Good." Charlie was a little puzzled. "I'm afraid I'm not very good in bed, though."
"Let me be the judge." Brad grinned. "Besides, I've had enough sex experiments to last a lifetime. Now I only want a real, lifelong relationship. Fancy a walk?"
They exited the restaurant, both silent now. They reached a nearby park and Charlie stared at the moon, then noticed the stars as well.
"Can you recognize the constellations?" Brad asked.
"No," he admitted. It was also a long time since he looked at the night sky – he'd forgotten how romantic it could be. He followed Brad's finger pointing at the stars, enchanted.
It was dark, the sky was twinkling with stars, Brad was so close, warm, alive... Charlie couldn't see his face, but could feel him breathing closer and closer, faster and faster, until words stopped and mouths met, tongues clashing while hands grabbed whatever they could of the other's body.
Charlie pulled back, dazed by the long, passionate kiss.
"Wow." Brad grinned. "Thank you. I didn't dare hoping for that tonight."
"Let's go home," Charlie said, his voice husky with desire. "The closest place where we can make love.
"Mine is closer," Brad assured, grabbing his hand.
***
Chuck thought it felt wonderful to wake up against someone's warmth. He caressed Brad's hairless chest, keeping his eyes closed, inhaling Brad's smell. He was in love again and sighed with happiness.
"Are you awake" Brad asked
"Yes." He opened his eyes to stare at his lover. "Thank you."
"Thanks to you." Brad smiled.
"No, really, it's you," he insisted. "If you hadn't looked me up... although at first you only wanted what you couldn't have ten years ago."
"That was true at the beginning," Brad admitted. "You know, Matt had invited you over hoping we could have a threesome. But I was actually relieved when you refused."
"I hadn't guessed Matt's plan."
"I was supposed to seduce and convince you. I'm the stud who gets to choose."
"Oh." Startled speechless, Charlie didn't know where to look.
"I was glad you rejected me twice, as the third time was wonderful," Brad continued, caressing him tenderly.
"So we're a couple?" he asked, worried. "Just you and me?"
"Of course," Brad promised before kissing him with passion. "I made the mistake of dismissing you once already. It's my chance to make you happy..."
Band-mates
Chuck couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Bruce sauntering, determined, towards him. He looked around, uncertain, but the groups of students around him didn't seem to be the gorgeous blond's aim. Chuck held his books tighter, like a shield, trying to control his heartbeat as Bruce stopped in front of him.
"Hi," Bruce greeted.
"H-hi," he answered, still incredulous.
"This is the last school year and we lost our bass player," Bruce continued, flooding him with his sky-blue stare. "I was wondering if you could replace him. I know it would mean leaving your own band, but we are serious about music and want to keep doing it even after school, until we become rock stars."
"Oh!" Chuck was too stunned to speak. He took a deep breath and calmed down. "Well, it's an honor, I mean, thank you, of course I'd be very happy to join your band."
He kept nodding like an idiot, trying to breathe normally.
Bruce dazzled him with his smile. "Wonderful! I'll tell the guys you're on! I'll let you know where and when we practice."
"O-okay."
Chuck followed Bruce with his eyes, beaming. He couldn't believe his luck.
Alex elbowed him back to reality. "What's up? You look awestruck."
"Oh, Alex!" Chuck stared at his best friend, trying to keep his happiness in check. "Guess who just talked to me, offering to have me to join the best band of the school?"
"Lucky bastard!" Alex enthused. "What happened, Rob quit?"
"Apparently! Bruce came to ask me to replace Rob in person, can you believe it?"
"That explains your awe!" Alex teased. "What can I say, best wishes. Try to learn to play for real – we both suck."
"I will learn," Chuck promised, overjoyed. "Bruce says they want to be rock stars, and I can't let them down!"
"You're so in love," Alex commented, amused.
"Are you mad at me?" Chuck finally regained control and was serious again.
"Why should I?" Alex replied. "You've spent all of last year drooling over Bruce. Get that chance and be happy."
"Well, he's straight, I'm afraid."
Chuck sighed. "But spending time with him, playing in his band..."
"As long as you don't use me as a surrogate for him!"
"You know you're not my type." They had grown up together and it wasn't Alex who had awakened his interest in other boys.
"Why?" Alex pretended to be offended. "I'm blond like Bruce, so how can I not be your type?"
"Alex!" he grumbled.
Alex burst out laughing. "Let's go or we'll be late! I don't think the teachers will accept you joining the Pearls of Wisdom as an excuse..."
***
Chuck spent more time playing his bass than on books, but he wanted to impress Bruce and the Pearls of Wisdom. Dark, shoulder-length hair covered Chuck's face as he played until his fingers hurt, trying rhythms and playing cover versions of famous songs.
Bruce looked like a pearl of wisdom to him – handsome, talented, with a great voice and he could play both classic guitar and piano (or keyboards). The first rehearsal was great and the others said they were happy with the new bass player.
"Welcome to the Pearls of Wisdom." Bruce shook Chuck's hand, flashing his dazzling smile at Chuck.
"Guys, this year we must win the Battle of the Bands and find a record deal!" Mark exclaimed.
"We shall be rock stars." Bruce extended his hand and Chuck was quick to put his hand over it. Mark and Jerry's hands covered theirs.
The intense stares of the previous school year hadn't been wasted. He was in Bruce's band now. If he was lucky, he could eventually figure out Bruce's sexual orientation. He was almost certain Bruce was straight – always surrounded by girls drooling over him. But Bruce didn't have a steady girlfriend. He was a very good student, though, so he was probably too busy with music and books to add a girlfriend to the lot.
For Chuck it was the hardest year, as he concentrated on the band, studying only the necessary amount to graduate with the others. Almost every night he masturbated thinking about Bruce – his eyes, his smile, his voice, the parts of his body Chuck could see and those he couldn't see.
Alex helped him with homework when necessary. Because they had grown up together, Alex understood what Chuck was going through and was slowly getting out of his friend's life. In spite of childhood promises, they knew after graduation they'd go separate ways.
***
Chuck went on stage with his stomach in knots. Mark looked as nervous as him – being a meticulous lead guitarist who feared to mess up his solo – but Jerry and Bruce seemed relaxed.
Chuck never had stage fright before as the band – actually, the duo – he had put together with Alex was more a game than a serious thing. But now he was in a real band with great expectations and hopes of success, and no time to fool around anymore. He must become a real musician for this show to impress the talent scouts probably hiding in the audience.
Jerry beat his drum sticks together and they started. Chuck closed his eyes and dived into the music, accompanying Bruce's voice to the best of his abilities. He tried to imagine the effect on the audience – two guys with long hair, two with short hair. The rockers and the boys-next-door all in the same band. Yikes. Or maybe not.
Applause washed over them as he smiled at the thought of the mixed looks in band members. He opened his eyes and looked at the others who nodded or smiled in return. They bowed together, and Chuck felt exhilarated for their apparent success.
They rushed backstage for a group hug, almost certain of their victory. Bruce's scent made Chuck's head spin. He had to hide in the restrooms to relieve himself. If he weren't that shy, he would have probably kissed Bruce's cheek by the small scar he had under his left eye. The little scratch made Bruce human – perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect in Chuck's eyes.
Enough, Chuck, get over it! he scolded himself. Oh, God, why do I fall in love with him a little more every day?
"Chuck, are you all right?" Bruce knocked on the stall door. He sounded worried.
"I'm fine," he answered, trying to keep his voice steady. "Coming."
He hid again behind a mask of mild indifference and joined the others just in time for the announcement of the winner of the Battle of the Bands.
***
They were noticed. They found an agent and a record contract. They started working on their own songs, writing and recording for their first album. Bruce wrote all the lyrics, but Mark found many riffs or melodies and Jerry always knew the right rhythm to accompany each song.
Chuck was awed by their talent. He kept learning his craft, and shyly gave his opinion when asked. He felt like he was part of a great team, and the creative environment along with his crush on Bruce inspired his first song.
The album was almost ready, the manager and producer were quite happy with them and they were satisfied with their songs.
"We need another ballad," Bruce said as they finished the recording. "Our Wind of Changes or something like that."
"Absolutely." Mark tried a melody on his electric guitar.
"That sucks," Jerry grunted.
"I have one," Chuck said hesitantly. He always felt like a minor player, because he was so limited. Mark was a great guitarist, Bruce an accomplished musician, but Chuck was second-rate compared to them – or at least that was how he felt.
Jerry and Mark stared at him, surprised.
"Let's hear it," Bruce said with a smile.
Chuck cleared his throat. "I'm not sure of how it can be played," he warned. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
He started singing with a voice strangled by shyness, but eventually relaxed, imagining he was on his own. It was the first time he sang it aloud, and it sounded weird even to him.
When he finished, he met silence. He opened his eyes, worried. The others looked stunned breathless.
"I'm sorry, it's not so good." He sighed.
"No, no, it's actually very good!" Bruce snapped back to reality. "I love it – a romantic love song, just what we need to complete the album!"
"Shit, I thought you couldn't sing." Mark grinned. "You should sing it, Chuck."
"No, no, no way!" he exclaimed, terrified. "Either Bruce sings it as usual, or forget about it!"
"Fine, I'll sing it." Bruce smiled at his obvious panic. "Let's hear it again. Did you write down the lyrics?"
***
After wrapping up the studio album, they shot the first video, mixing the Battle of the Bands' live recording with real life shots – the band playing, recording or simply hanging out together – a mini-movie of the birth of their CD. The first single was a revised version of a song they had performed at the Battle, so lip-synching was easy, as the lyrics hadn't changed, but it had been rearranged in the studio.
Chuck stared at the video in awe. It was weird seeing himself on TV. And Bruce was gorgeous.
During the first interviews he spoke only when addressed, leaving Mark and Bruce doing most of the talking. For the second video, the record company chose Chuck's song and a conceptual video. They hired a model to impersonate the object of desire mentioned in the lyrics, and the cameras stayed mostly on Bruce.
Chuck reimagined it with him instead of Bruce and Bruce instead of the model – it was a great video.
The CD started selling and they did a small tour of pubs and clubs. They didn't think they could fill bigger venues yet, but their shows were actually sold out, as word of mouth from fans slowly but steadily pushed them forward on the way to success.
They went to MTV Unplugged, then the music channel made a special on them, so national stardom came closer. One year had gone by since the Battle of the Bands when they started a second, longer tour as an opening band for a more famous act. Soon news spread that big venues were filled for Pearls of Wisdom, but then people left when the other band came on stage.
They had a tour bus, split rooms in hotels – and Chuck slept with Bruce, although he couldn't touch him – but they were rarely alone. Chuck didn't know if he loved or hated the groupies Bruce brought to their room when he wasn't too tired. At least he had seen his
roommate's naked body, but he didn't like the girls' touch and if he came it was only because the sight of Bruce had aroused him.
A "wild and wonderful" tour according to Mark, but they were exhausted by the end of it. Rock 'n' roll life was hard work and now they had to produce another album.
They had a month off after the tour, and decided to stay well away from each other after the forced sharing of the past months. Chuck called Alex and met with him to update him on his life.
"I don't think I can go on like this," he admitted to his childhood friend. "It's sheer torture to be near him and not being able to touch him."
"So what will you do?" Alex asked, worried.
"I'll leave the band." Chuck sighed. "They'll find another bass player."
"It's a shame, Chuck!" Alex said, disappointed. He knew Chuck couldn't go back to Pearls of Wisdom until he got rid of his obsession for Bruce. "You worked so hard for them!"
"And I'm a better musician thanks to them. Maybe we could go back to the Magic Duo – if only you learned to play, that is."
"Shut up, Chuck, I'm done with music." Alex frowned and averted his eyes.
***
Chuck's heart beat faster as he reached the studio-house where they were bound to create and record their new CD.
"Where's your bass?" Mark asked, cheerful.
"I didn't bring it," he answered, eyes low. "I... I can't play with you anymore. You should look for a new bass player."
"Why?" Bruce looked dismayed and the other two unhappy.
Chuck stared at his feet. "Personal reasons," he said quickly. "Trust me, guys, it's been wonderful but... I can't go on."
"Fine." Jerry sighed. "We can't force you."
"We'll miss you," Mark added.
Bruce didn't say anything and Chuck dared to look at him – the blond singer looked distraught.
"Bye," he said, rushing out of the house.
But he couldn't leave like that. He owed an explanation to Bruce, at least. He spent a whole night thinking about it, then decided to tell the truth to the object of his desire.
He went to Bruce's house, and the gorgeous singer himself answered the door.
"Hi, sorry, I needed to tell you, because you've been so kind to pick me for the band, I mean, you're the one who asked me to join, but you see, you're also the reason why I'm leaving, you're the one who inspired my song, I can't stay by your side pretending we're just friends, so forgive me if I gave up, but I love you and I can't go on like this."
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