Already Gone

by Diane Benefiel

  She set her tray on the table, placing three café mochas and three of the Nutella raspberry tarts she’d made that morning in front of the sisters.

  “These tarts look wonderful, Maddy.” Joanie used her fork to cut off a corner, then rolled her eyes heavenward as she savored the taste.

  “I’ll have to ride an extra mile on my exercise bike to work off the calories,” Jeanie said, “but it’s worth every bite.”

  “You ladies enjoy your afternoon treat, and let me know if there’s anything else I can get for you.”

  When she finally locked up her café for the night, Maddy felt wound up and irritable, and she needed a break from people. Going with the impulse, she steered her little SUV onto Main Street and headed north.

  Driving on the highway with the nearly frozen lake to the right and the dark forest to her left, she sighed, already relaxing. She loved the way the late afternoon sun filtered through the pines to make the snow on the forest floor glow with a bluish-white light. Another storm was expected to blow in later in the evening, though fortunately not as severe as the last one. Turning onto the road that would take her to her cabin, the muscles in her shoulders began to unknot, the slight headache easing as the stress of the day lifted. She was giving herself a breather. A glance in the rearview mirror had the muscles in her shoulders tensing again.

  The vehicle that had been a couple hundred yards behind her on the highway had taken the turn as well. Frowning, she tried to make out the type. It was either a truck or SUV, hard to tell from the front. Her driveway was coming up in less than half a mile. She chewed her bottom lip. If whoever was driving was a threat, damned if she’d lead them to her house. She pulled over in a wide spot and sat with her foot on the brake, the engine idling. Now she could see that it was a truck, dark gray or black, but she couldn’t tell if there was damage to the front bumper like she’d seen on Horvath’s truck. Her stomach gave a sick lurch when it pulled in behind her. The windshield reflected the sky and was impossible to see through it to identify the driver.

  She jumped when her phone blasted the ringtone from the song Secret Agent Man. With a flood of relief, she put the phone to her ear. “Logan.”

  “I’m behind you.”

  “That’s you? Why are you following me? I thought you were a bad guy.”

  “Then why did you stop? And what the hell are you doing out this way? You’re supposed to be going to Brad’s.”

  “I am going to Brad’s, but I needed some things from my cabin.”

  “Damn it, Maddy. You should have called me.”

  “I’ll only be there a minute, Logan. And don’t yell at me.”

  The sigh of exasperation came through loud and clear. “Go on to your cabin. I’ll follow you.”

  “Fine.” She clicked off and shook her head.

  She pulled back onto the road and onto her driveway where she eased under her carport and parked. Logan’s truck came to a stop directly behind her. She had her key in hand ready to open the side door when Logan caught up to her and grabbed her arm.

  “Will you hold on for a goddamn second?” He took the key from her hand.

  “Why?”

  “Common sense, Madison. Horvath is a wanted man, and an empty cabin is a prime spot to hide out.”

  “The house feels empty.”

  “Feels empty? Like if he was here he’d have all the lights on to let everyone know? Not that he wouldn’t have heard us out here jabbering like a couple of idiots.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m not the one who’s acting like an idiot. But okay, Special Agent Ross, do your thing.”

  She stepped back, arms folded. Logan have her a narrow-eyed glare and drew his gun. “Stay here.”

  With the gun pointed downward, he unlocked the door and stepped inside to disappear from view.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Logan searched the house thoroughly, but by the time he’d walked through the kitchen and living room, he could tell the house was empty. Fugitives didn’t usually leave clean kitchen counters and unopened bags of gourmet popcorn arranged in a neat row. He secured his gun in the holster at his shoulder, then returned to the side door. “You can come in now.”

  She entered, immediately crossing the room to the thermostat on the wall. Then she pulled off her beanie to reveal tousled blonde hair, and unwound the scarf from around her neck. The heater hummed to life and began blowing warm air. When she began to shuck her coat, he held up his hand.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  She paused, then got that patient look she wore when she thought he’d said something stupid.

  “Why, Logan, I’m taking off my coat.”

  The tone made him want to haul her into the living room and put that rug in front of the fireplace to use again. When she’d unzipped her coat, the sweater she wore looked like it was made of the softest wool, molding her breasts to perfection. Breasts his fingers itched to get ahold of. “Don’t take off your coat.” Did his voice sound desperate? God, he hoped not.

  Ignoring him, she took off her coat.

  The sweater outlined not only her breasts, but hugged her hips to the juncture of her thighs. He pulled his gaze away before she caught him staring at her crotch. The tights she wore accentuated the leanness of her toned legs.

  The knowing look when he finally raised his eyes told him his attention to her anatomy hadn’t gone unnoticed. “Why do you want me to keep my coat on?”

  Did she make her voice sound like a sultry siren’s on purpose? He’d been so careful the past few days to make sure he was never alone with her, because he sure as hell didn’t trust himself where she was concerned. He was still angry that she hadn’t told him about their daughter, but that apparently didn’t keep him from wanting her with a need that bordered on insanity.

  At her expectant look he said, “Because we aren’t staying. Get what you need, then I’m following you to Brad’s to make sure you get there.”

  “What’s the big hurry? I haven’t been home in days, and I wanted to pick up some clothes. On top of that, I think Emma and Brad need some alone time so I thought I’d hang out here for an hour or so.”

  “I’ve got work to do, Maddy. I don’t have time to babysit while you play house.” Maybe harsher than he intended, but she was getting under his skin.

  Brows lowered, she stalked toward him. “Look, buster.” She made that little jab she’d done since they were young at his chest. God, she stirred him up when she did that. “I didn’t invite you here. There’s no one in the house, so I’m perfectly safe. You can leave if being here with me bothers you so much.” She jabbed again. “Besides, what were you doing following me in the first place?”

  “One, I happened to see you driving this way, so I thought I’d keep you out of trouble.”

  “Which was unnecessary.”

  He ignored the comment. “And two, you are not perfectly safe. Horvath could drive up that road like he did before. And stop poking at me.”

  She poked again.

  Instinct, desire, frustration, whatever the hell it was, kicked in, and before he could stop himself he had her hand gripped tight in his, yanking her forward. Tugging her hand behind her back brought her body flush against his. He swore he could feel her temperature spike through the layers of their clothes, and it only served to wind him up more.

  This was exactly why he’d tried to keep his distance. Yeah, he did his work from the café to make sure Horvath didn’t bother her there again, but otherwise he’d tried desperately to stay away. He’d turned down Brad’s invitations to have dinner with him and Emma while Maddy was there because whenever they were within spitting distance, all he could think about was having her like this, in his arms and ready to be kissed.

  Eyes a perfect match for the blue Sierra sky went wide and aware. Then she went up on tiptoes and planted her lips on his. Blood roared in his ears, and all he could think was mine.

  The touch of their lips sparked an overwhelming response. Tongues tangle
d, and he had the pleasure of feeling the vibration of her low moan arrow straight south. Mouths busy, he released her hand and gripped her legs, hitching them to wrap around his hips. He backed her up against the wall while she clung to him. He fought his way out of his coat, then hiked up the edge of her sweater to get his hands on hot skin.

  He nuzzled along her jaw, then the long column of her neck, breathing in the scent of her that clouded his brain. He pulled up the sweater farther and revealed her beautiful breasts, sending his need spiraling.

  Desperate, he gave a rough jerk and pulled down her bra, filling his palm with the most glorious of weights. He nearly went cross-eyed when her legs tightened around him, pulling his aching erection into the heat at her core. If there hadn’t been a barrier of a couple of layers of clothing, he’d be inside her, to hell with the consequences.

  Still propped between him and the wall, she reached for the hem of the sweater and pulled it over her head. He found the clasp for the bra, and when she slid it off, he could only think he was the luckiest man alive.

  A rosy flush spread across her breasts and he buried his face in their lush softness, inhaling her sweet smell. Her breasts were an altar, and he was one grateful supplicant. Hoisting her higher, he dipped his head and took a rose-tipped nipple in his mouth while she tugged on the Velcro of his shoulder harness, then worked the buttons on his shirt. Not relinquishing the suction of his lips on her breast, he set the gun on the counter and shucked the flannel, and when she tugged on the thermal underneath, reluctantly, he released her to pull the shirt over his head. Once it was gone she locked her lips on his. With his hands on her breasts and her mouth on his, he felt that if he was struck down dead at that moment, he’d die a happy man.

  She let go with her legs, shimmying down to rest her feet on top of his boots, which gave her a couple extra inches. When she reached for the button of his jeans, he grasped for rational thought. Her hands were busily working on the second button by the time his brain kicked in enough for him to grab her hands and hold them firmly between them. Head tilted back against the wall, eyes closed, her breath came in short, breathy gasps.

  “Madison, open your eyes.”

  Face flushed with sultry heat, her lids lifted to reveal desperate need.

  “You want this? No regrets?”

  The long look she gave him had him cursing himself, sure that she was going to put the brakes on. But then she shook her head. “I may have regrets, but I do want this, Logan. I want you.”

  I want you. Those simple words did him in. Freeing her hands, he reached up, framing her face as he brought his lips to hers. The tone of their lovemaking changed, with anger and antagonism edging over into quiet intensity. The kiss spun out, raising a warm wave of sensation that swamped him. He felt like the essence of her had wrapped around his heart. He loved her, had never stopped loving her. He may have fought it, tried to bury it as he built a life without her, but the assignment that had brought him back to Hangman’s Loss hadn’t been an accident. He’d asked for it because he simply hadn’t been able to live any longer without Maddy in his life, even if only peripherally.

  He groaned when her hands slid inside the open fly of his jeans and she curled her fingers around him. Pulled free and in her hands, his erection swelled. With one hand still holding him, stroking him, she reached the other behind him to pull his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. She released him to open the wallet and retrieve a condom. Dropping the wallet on the floor, she tore it open with her teeth, all the while her gaze fused to his with a sizzling electric connection.

  “Let’s get upstairs to your bed,” he rasped.

  She shook her head even as she stroked on the condom. “Right here, right now.”

  All blood drained straight out of his head. In short, swift moves he had her tights off and thrown over his shoulder. He hitched her up so her legs wrapped around him once more, then paused. Tension swelled, peaked, gazes locked. “I love you.”

  He plunged. Her moan, a deep wail, matched the guttural sound low in his throat. He kept himself in check, searching for her pleasure even as he found his. He stroked long and deep, setting the pace, controlling the depth of his penetration. The earthy sounds of their lovemaking, the slap of skin on skin, the moans neither of them bothered to muffle, permeated the air. Heart thundering, he built up her excitement, heightening sensations, listening for the little catch in her breathing that signaled she was near climax. Hearing it made him feel like a god. He thrust more powerfully and she clenched around him with a keening moan. He roared his own release a moment later, shuddering into her.

  He held her as his brain settled on the truth. This was it for him. He was done living without her, denying himself, denying her. He wanted to be with her, and only her. That meant he needed to atone for how badly he’d fucked up ten years before.

  They leaned against the wall, panting, clinging together like refugees from a war. Afraid he was crushing her, he stepped back, letting her legs drop, and sucked in a breath when her fist slammed into his gut.

  “You bastard. You can’t say that. You can’t say you love me.”

  Mind blank, he made a grab for her arm as she cocked it for another blow. “Wait. Wait a damn second.”

  “You can’t say it. You don’t have the right to say it.”

  “Okay.” She pulled back her other fist. “Damn it, hold on a fucking second.”

  He breathed deep, trying to clear the sexual haze from his brain. He pinned her arms against the wall to keep her fists in check, making sure his hands remained firm but not hurting her even as his own temper spiked.

  “You don’t want to hear it? Fine. I didn’t mean to say it, but that doesn’t make it any less real.”

  “You don’t love me. You left and it almost killed me.” The tears glistening on her cheeks nearly cut him in half. She brushed against her shoulder with an impatient gesture. “Then I found out I was pregnant, and I had to get strong, because I was going to be a single mother. But you don’t get a repeat, Logan. You don’t get to say you love me and then walk away. I won’t let you hurt me again.”

  Christ, he needed a damn second to switch gears. One minute ago they’d been connected in a way that far surpassed hot sex. Even a fist to the gut couldn’t break that. He had to believe Maddy had felt it, too. Which was likely why she was so pissed.

  “God knows I don’t want to hurt you again, Maddy.”

  She jerked her arms free and moved away from the wall, further widening the gap between them.

  “I want to work this out. Tell me what happened with Lily.”

  She held his gaze, anger and hurt unmistakable, then nodded slowly. A mountain of grief was in those eyes. “Okay. But give me a couple of minutes.” He nodded. God knew he could use a little space to get his own head together.

  She’d been through the worst a parent could go through, and he hadn’t been there for her, or for their child. The anger he’d experienced since discovering he’d had a daughter had dulled, at least enough that now he figured he could listen to what she had to say without wanting to slam his fist through a wall. Love, anger, and desire were all tangled together in a sticky mess. He needed to sort them out enough that he could think straight, so he could focus on finding the bastard Horvath.

  Maddy gathered up her clothes, pulling the sweater over her head, bundling the rest in her hands. The sight of her naked buttocks peeking from under the hem of the sweater as she climbed the stairs nearly had him taking a step to follow her to the loft.

  Resisting the urge, he pulled on his shirt and used the downstairs bathroom. Back in the living room, he opened the screen in front of the fireplace and laid strips of bark, then stacked small logs on the grate. Striking a long match, he watched the small flame ignite the kindling. Once sure the fire had caught, he added a larger log then shut the screen. He pulled out his phone, saw he had no bars, then picked up the land line. He put in a call to Rittenhauer to let him know how he could be reached, then put t
hrough a call to Brad.

  Maddy descended the stairs to find a fire snapping in the fireplace, and Logan on the phone. She’d changed into gray sweatpants and an oversize hoodie, the epitome of comfort clothing. From Logan’s end of the conversation, she guessed he was talking to Brad.

  She pulled open the door of the refrigerator to examine the contents, gnawing on her bottom lip. Logan loved her. A part of her wanted to lock the words away in a corner of her heart where she could hold them tight. The other part was scared. She’d given her heart to him before and he’d thrown it back at her. She wouldn’t risk that again.

  She pulled out the carton of brown eggs and a hunk of cheddar, setting them on the counter. Since she’d been staying with Brad and Emma, pickings were pretty slim in Maddy’s fridge. Bacon or sausage would have been nice, but they’d make do. When Logan walked into the kitchen, she told him, “We’re having omelets.” A whiff of the questionable mushrooms had her tossing those in her composting bin. “Without mushrooms.”

  “Thank god.”

  Feeling emotionally off-kilter, she guided the conversation away from the make-me-want-to-kill-Logan territory, to something that had been puzzling her but she hadn’t had a chance to ask him about. “What really happened when you were shot? Was it because Horvath figured out you were FBI?”

  “Me and a couple other guys from the construction crew had gone to the stash house. I acted like I wanted in on doing the girls. I was with one of the women, asking her what was going on. She confided in me that the older women were staging a revolt to try to save the younger girls. This woman wanted me to buy her so she could stay with me.”

  “Buy her? You’re kidding, right?”

  He shook his head. “When I was in with the girls I wouldn’t have sex with them, so they felt safe with me. It was risky, but it was a way to get information, but it backfired, because one of them tipped off Horvath. I made a call to my boss while I was still with the girl. The women taking on armed criminals was too dangerous, so the FBI needed to get in there. But by the time I came out of the room, the women had already started and all hell was breaking loose. Horvath wasn’t there, and the women apparently felt they had a better chance of success with him gone. I did what I could to help without revealing my cover.”