The Moore the Merrier

by Alex Miska

  Jackson dutifully carried the binders over to his twin, and they began to sift through them.

  Wedding cakes… no.

  Birthday and baby shower… no.

  Children’s and special designs… maybe.

  Adults? Hell, yeah!

  They set the other binders aside and began to sift through it. There were a lot of alcohol-themed cakes, some old-fashioned boring pinup girls, some scantily-clad women, and then…

  “What the everloving fuck?” Dean said a little too loudly, and clapped his hand over his mouth and turned beet red. “Maybe we should look at these in the back.”

  “Nope.” Jackson took the binder from his brother and stared at the picture of cupcakes, each topped with a different penis. “Did you know they came in so many… varieties?”

  “I may be gay, but I really haven’t looked at all that many dicks up close,” Dean grumbled.

  “Well, haven’t you looked at porn?”

  “Do you really think porn has realistic dicks?” Dean had a point, but Jackson would never admit it.

  “Chance made those,” Amelia said from directly behind them. Logan’s best friend had the unnerving ability to sneak up on them at the weirdest times. “He was really proud of the variety. What do you think?”

  Dean choked on his own tongue and turned purplish leaving Jackson to stammer out, “Ar- Artistic. Very… artistic?”

  “Why would people order these?” Dean whispered.

  “Bachelorette parties. Do you think Julian or Xander would want something like that?” Neither twin was able to respond so she leaned forward, her breast pressing against Jackson’s shoulder blade and flipped the page to reveal a heart-shaped cake topped with two penises. “Awww. Logan made that for Chance. They’re a little weird. Next!”

  Both boys brought their noses very close to the photograph, and they still couldn’t figure it out. “What are these?”

  “Va-gi-nas,” Amelia enunciated slowly. “Lesbian bachelorette party.”

  “Wait.” Jackson stopped her before she could walk away or turn the page and asked a question that he knew would haunt him for years: “Could you… explain them?”

  “Vaginas?” Amelia asked. “You want me to… teach you about vaginas… using a cupcake as a visual aid?”

  Dean began to laugh. Then Amelia began to laugh. And Jackson was pretty sure it was his turn to resemble a tomato.

  “What’re you all laughing at?” Jezebel, one of their part-timers and an out-and-proud lesbian asked.

  “May- mayb- maybe you should give this lesson!” Amelia barely was able to gasp through her side-splitting laughter. Everyone in the bakery was staring at them. Logan came out from the back to find out why Amelia sounded like she was dying. Jackson wondered whether the floor could open and swallow him up whole.

  Jackson’s big brother was willing to take them to Safe Harbor to see their friends whenever they wanted. He tried to act like it was no big deal, but Chance wasn’t great at hiding his feelings. First and foremost, it was an LGBT youth center. They had spent three months there, and had developed a social life and support network that Chance knew they would need to hang on to. But every single time they visited, Jackson could tell that Chance felt like he was bringing his puppies back to the pound.

  “Thank you for letting us do this,” Jackson said. If everyone was going to have bachelor-slumber-parties (which were kind of silly, in his opinion), then he and Dean should have one too. Since Marcus and Kendall couldn’t come to Chance’s, they’d go to Safe Harbor. “I know it’s kind of weird to have a slumber party in a homeless shelter, but we miss them. We’ll be perfectly fine, and we’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Or the afternoon,” Dean added, “depending on how hungover you are.”

  “We won’t be hungover,” Xander said with exasperation.

  “Yeah, we will,” Chance said. “But Logan, Julian, and Quinn are still young. One of us can come and get you.”

  “Hey, I have an idea.” Jackson did not like the mischief in Xander’s voice. “Quinn dates women. Maybe he can ice some cookies with Jackson and explain-”

  “Modelling chocolate would probably work better,” Chance argued.

  “But it’s easier to make colored icing.”

  “They’ll need big cookies, though.”

  “You know I’m totally telling Marcus all about this, right?” his twin warned quietly.

  “I hate you all,” Jackson muttered, the tips of his ears burning.

  Jackson and Dean shared a large air mattress right in the middle of the room, because there really wasn’t much space in the ‘Harbor Dorm Rooms,’ as Marcus liked to call them. Their old beds were taken by new people, but they’d been really cool and taken the twins’ other air mattress to sleep in a different room tonight. There was something about talking in the dark that made every conversation more honest, and Marcus and Kendall were two of the only people Jackson felt he could be completely open with. For the past couple of years, Jackson always felt like he had to be strong for Dean and not worry their sister. Not-talking probably worried them just as much, but it was easier than talking about everything that ran around in his head.

  “So do you think you’ll come spend Christmas with us?” Dean finally asked Marcus and Kendall the question that had been hanging in the air all night. “There’s a ton of food, and everyone is really nice and pretty weird, and you’d really love it. Plus you’d be super safe. We can put a wig-”

  “Maybe I should shave my head,” Kendall blurted. “Nobody would recognize me like that. And I hate my hair like this. It’s always been super long, and I could never cut it, and I just… I hate it.”

  Kendall never talked about her family and what brought her here. Clearly, they were assholes because she still didn’t even trust people here to know how she labeled herself in the rainbowy Safe Harbor spectrum. But it sounded like long hair and frilly dresses were something that she wanted to get away from, and Jackson would shave Kendall’s head himself if that made her more comfortable in her own skin.

  “Maybe just a buzz cut?” Dean suggested; he probably couldn’t imagine Kendall bald either. But even bald, she’d look beautiful.

  “How about a pixie cut? That would look gorgeous on you! Pleeeease let me cut your hair for you!” Marcus begged.

  “Fine. But I reserve the right to shave it off if I don’t like it,” Kendall agreed. Marcus cheered and started to get out of bed. “Let’s wait until morning.”

  “So… Christmas?” Jackson asked.

  “Won’t it be weird? Christmas is a family thing.”

  “Chance and Xander have been going there for Christmas for years. As far as I know, the Moores include everyone they love, and they know we love you two,” Dean told her. Jackson had tried not to think about family dynamic too hard, afraid the loving illusion might burst. But it made sense, considering the fact that the whole family had immediately adopted Chance’s two stray brothers without hesitation.

  “Marcus, will you go?” she asked, as though that were a question in anyone else’s minds.

  “Only if you do.”

  “I want you to go.”

  “Then you’ll have to go.”

  “Fine. But then we definitely need to cut my hair. Maybe we can even make me look like a boy?” she asked.

  “Of course we can!” Dean said. “You’ll probably fit into Jackson’s clothes! I’d offer my stuff, but everything I have is from the girl’s department.”

  “And you look fabulous wearing it,” Marcus cooed. “So what’s it like, having two dads?”

  “We don’t have two dads,” Dean said. “Chance is our brother and Logan’s his boyfriend, so he’s basically our brother too.”

  So Jackson added, “We like that they’re our brothers. Sure, they look out for us, but all older siblings do that. But they also tease us, and we can tease them back. They give us rules, but we can argue about them.”

&nbs
p; “They’re too good to be our dads. Aside from Grandpa, you all know what dads can be like for kids like us,” Dean added. “I like calling them our brothers. But if a teacher referred to Chance as our dad, I don’t think I’d correct her.”

  Even Jackson’s ever-optimistic twin was afraid to believe Chance might actually follow through and become their legal parent. There was no concrete reason to doubt their brother, but this all still felt like a dream. Jackson really didn’t want to start freaking out over this, so he whined to the room at large, “Being the new kids at school is going to suuuck. I mean, our names are Axle and Diesel, we have two dads, and at least one of us is gay.”

  “Is that why you guys stayed here so long?” Marcus asked. “You didn’t want to deal with the outside world? I’m not saying I blame you, but… as outside worlds go, yours is pretty great. And you did get a lot of shit here for telling people you’re bi.”

  “I am bi. Being bi is a real thing. I basically get a woody for everyone, and it’s really embarrassing.” It was so hard to hide, and made him feel like a total perv. Jackson had thought Safe Harbor would be a place where he could be comfortable admitting his sexuality, but he didn’t fit in here any more than he did hanging out with straight kids.

  “He’s not saying it isn’t real,” Kendall said. “Just that everyone gets weird about it.”

  “People just assume you’re either in denial or claiming to not be straight so you can stay with Dean. But mostly denial, because you have identical DNA and if you’re born gay then a lot of people think it’s hereditary, like eye color. Even though it’s probably more height and works on a sliding scale. And we’ve seen you check out guys and girls.” Marcus explained, as though this hadn’t been a conversation they’d all had before.

  “Oh my god, we have to tell you about the cakes we helped design for the bachelor parties!” Dean exclaimed. “We took pictures. Marcus, you’ll be so proud!”

  Character Guide

  “You’re getting boring in your old age,” Quinn complained. Quinn, Tommy, Greg, Logan, and Julian were all sitting in Logan and Chance’s living room, eating Chinese food, surrounded by all the dogs and cats. Julian and Xander each wanted slumber parties instead of traditional bachelor parties. It was a surprisingly tame choice on Julian’s part, but Logan was relieved that they weren’t all going to a strip club. He was trying to be more open about sex, but it would have been weird. Greg was the only one attending who was straight, but his older brother probably would have been fine there. All he’d have to say would be, ‘I’m straight’ and nobody would have bothered him, but Logan knew he wasn’t as safe. Julian and Quinn and Tommy would have teased him into accepting a lap dance and then what would he have done? He’d never been to a strip club and he wouldn’t have known what to touch and what not to touch and then Chance would have heard about it and Chance’s brothers would have heard…

  Quinn’s complaints didn’t stop with Julian. “Your whole family is getting boring. Logan, even your kids are boring.”

  “They’re not boring,” Julian argued for him. Jackson and Dean were wonderful. By the time they came back from Boston, the boys had already begun to relax. They’d even started whining about rules, which had made Chance cry. Apparently, Chance had taken nearly a year to feel secure enough to complain about anything after he’d emigrated from Boston, and he’d already known his Nana adored him.

  “I tried to sneak them my iPad so they could watch Magic Mike with their friends tonight, and do you know what they said?” Quinn asked before answering his own question. “They said no. And do you want to know why?”

  “Actually… yeah, I do,” Logan admitted. Dean and Jackson had been so pissed that they couldn’t go to Julian’s and Xander’s bachelor parties. They had spent days complaining that he and Chance (and the family at large) treated them like children, despite the fact that the boys not-so-secretly reveled in not being expected to Be Men. Logan could imagine Jackson defiantly telling Quinn that they weren’t willing to accept a pathetic, pale imitation of a real bachelor party.

  “They didn’t know if it would be okay with you,” Quinn said.

  “They’re old enough to see an R-rated movie!” Logan exclaimed. “They could have asked.”

  “Oh knock it off, Quinn. They didn’t want to make Kendall uncomfortable and when you told them to take it just in case she was cool with it, then Dean said they weren’t sure Logan would like it either,” Julian said. “But they really did seem worried about what you and Chance would say, Logan. It was adorable.”

  “Nooo… they only said Logan. You must be pretty strict.”

  “Well, I do make sure to beat them regularly,” Logan said, rolling his eyes. “Do you think I’m stepping on Chance’s toes? He’s never said anything about it. But you know Chance, he won’t say anything until he hits his limit. Greg, has he said anything to Dani?”

  “Dani’s complaining that Chance doesn’t need her advice often enough. Honestly, Lo, he’s thrilled. He would have survived on his own, but he says that you make it feel natural. He can relax, because even when he second guesses himself, you witnessed whatever just happened and can give your own take on the situation.”

  “I second-guess myself all the time,” Logan said. “I make suggestions, but Chance is the one to make all the hard decisions.”

  “You gave up your kitchen for them,” Greg said. “That was huge.”

  “That was a no-brainer,” Logan replied, but he blushed anyway. After he made that suggestion to his boyfriend, they had had blisteringly hot sex for a week. It was Chance’s house and he only had one major renovation left to tackle, so his Christmas present to Logan was going to have been remodeling their incredibly dated kitchen. “I have a dream kitchen three blocks away. What if the kids have a rough time and need to go to private school? What if they need braces or they break something skateboarding or… you know what I mean. The boys need stuff and will need more… Chance has signed them up for Jiu Jitsu, Dean wants to learn Latin and Greek and neither of those are taught at our local school, they’ll both be going to some academic summer programs with Gigi… ”

  “Like I said, the boys come first for you. You love them as much as he does, and that means a lot to him. So stop worrying and just let things happen,” Greg replied.

  “Okay. Enough kid talk. This is Julian’s night.” Logan grinned and sat back. “Quinn, are we watching Magic Mike XXL?”

  “We need to watch Magic Mike,” Greg said. “I have an idea for Christmas Eve, so Julian and Logan need to do research.”

  “Oh god, Greg, really? You’re roping them into this too?” Tommy asked, shaking his head. Greg’s best friend was clearly in on this idea. Every once in a while, it was Greg who came up with a crazy scheme. Logan and Julian loved when that happened, because it always led to a ton of fun and a priceless memory.

  “Shut up. It’s going to be legendary. So, Quinn, Magic Mike?” Greg asked, surprisingly excited to watch men gyrate.

  “Maybe… we’ll see,” he hedged.

  “Well, Xander took the Ouija board,” Julian groused. “We can still play truth or dare and we’ve got other games. But Dani should have had a Ouija board of her own.”

  “Xander took your Ouija board?” Tommy asked, giggling. “Oh god, you two really are perfect for each other.”

  “I know, right?” Julian said, a big goofy smile lighting up his face. It was an expression Logan and Greg had never seen on their baby brother before, and they loved it.

  A knock on the door interrupted them and while Logan went to answer it Quinn told everyone to quick put away the food, as though it were pot and he was worried their parents would catch them. Back when they actually had caught Logan and Julian smoking up with Quinn, Logan’s dad had just walked into the room and told them they were rolling that joint all wrong and proceeded to give them a lesson. That memory firmly in his mind, Logan was surprised to find a policeman on the other side of the door. His heart ski
pped a beat; after his short mental trip down memory lane, it took a moment to remember that Chinese food was in the other room, not marijuana.

  “Umm… is there a problem, Officer?” Logan had thought he’d met every guy on the police force back when Chance had a stalker, but this guy was probably new, given how poorly his uniform fit.

  “We’ve had a noise complaint from the neighbors,” the man said gruffly.

  That was weird. They’d been really quiet. Even the dogs had been quiet. “Are you sure that was us? I mean… we’ll try to keep it down. I’m so sorry.”

  The guy looked at him, a bit confused. “May I come in and have a look around?”

  “Sure, of course, come on in. Can I get you anything to drink?” Logan stepped aside to let the man in. In the cop’s hand was a boom box. Logan hadn’t even realized people still made portable stereos anymore.

  “Logan, stop being a weirdo, close the door, and come back in here,” Quinn shouted and Logan had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly what was going to happen next.

  Sure enough, the music started. There was a good reason he’d never met this officer before, and the guy’s uniform fit funny because it was held together by Velcro. And that was how six men, four dogs, and two cats turned Chance’s nice, family-friendly living room into a very chaotic mini strip club and knocked over the Christmas tree yet again.

  Logan remained uncertain of Greg’s plan. Especially considering what was going to follow it. But they’d dropped the twins off at Logan’s parents’ and Chance’s Nana, who had just flown in to meet the boys, would be staying at the Moores’ as well. The boys were going to experience a real Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning just like Logan and his brothers had growing up. Which meant Greg, Logan, and Julian could have a more adult celebration tonight with their significant others. Logan and his brothers were already in their costumes and Chance, Xander, and Dani were all waiting for them, but maybe they could still back out.