Serve & Protect

by Kayla Carson

  He stopped me by crashing his lips down onto mine. I was so surprised that I actually jumped, making him smirk as he pulled away. “Or.. you could kiss me.” I laughed.

  “Now that, that's settled.” He said, turning away from me to grab something from the kitchen table. “This was under the door this morning.”

  I stared at the large envelope that he had just handed me, in confusion. “What is it?”

  “I don't know. It has your name on it.” He said, returning to the stove to finish cooking breakfast.

  My curiosity getting the better of me, I took the folder into the living room, and sat down on the couch to explore it's contents. I pulled the stack of papers out, and read the page directly on top. Haylee, Please forgive me for going to the chief. I meant what I said, everyone deserves to know their parents. I hope this helps. -Ben.

  The next page was a background check on.. Amelia James, also known as Amelia Shepherd. He ran a background check on my mom? I read page, after page of information on a woman that I told myself I never wanted to know anything about. She remarried, and had been living in Sarasota, Florida for the past ten years. There was no indication that she had any other children, but it didn't mean that; that was the case.

  She worked as a school teacher.. when did she go to college? Is that why she left? Did having me, ruin her college plans? I read every page from front to back, trying to soak up as much information as I could. This whole time she had only been one state away from me. Did she keep up on the happenings of my life? Did she know that I was getting married? These were just more questions that only she could answer.

  “Breakfast is ready!” Noah called from the kitchen.

  I quickly tucked all of the papers back into the envelope, and carried it with me to the kitchen table. Noah pulled my chair out for me, giving me a sly wink. “Well?” He asked, gesturing towards the envelope. “What was it?”

  “It's from Ben. He found my mom.” I said, a bit bewildered.

  “After the stunt he pulled with the chief? What's his angle?”

  “I don't think he has one, Noah. Maybe he was genuinely concerned for me?”

  “Do you honestly believe that?”

  “I want to believe that.” I said quietly. “I want to believe that he's my friend, and that he wouldn't deliberately hurt me. He's a good cop. By the book. I took a risk by telling him what I'd done.”

  “Why did you tell him?”

  “Honestly? I wanted to see his reaction.”

  “And?”

  “He shut me down. Hard. He didn't want to listen to a word I said after I told him about the lock box. For a second, I thought I saw fear.. but I think it was more disbelief. He probably didn't want to believe that his friend, a fellow cop could do something like I did.”

  “What if it really was fear?” He asked, around a bite of his eggs.

  “Of what exactly?”

  “I don't know. I just don't trust him.”

  “Of course you don't Noah, he's investigating you.”

  “I don't want to fight anymore Hales.” He said, feeling defeated. “Can we just enjoy our breakfast, and then decide what happens next? Please?”

  “You're right.”

  After breakfast, I helped Noah clean up the kitchen before climbing back into my bed. I just didn't have the energy to do much else. A few minutes later, I felt the bed dip beside me and I smiled when Noah pulled me into his arms. My back was to his front, and he placed a soft kiss directly behind my right ear. “Is this what we're doing today?” He whispered, sending goosebumps all over my body.

  “Do you mind?” I whispered back.

  “I already called in. We can do whatever you want.”

  “Anything?” I asked, turning to face him.

  “Anything.” He said, kissing the end of my nose.

  “Are you up for a drive to Sarasota?”

  He laughed. “What about work?”

  “I'm suspended remember?”

  “I know rebel, but I'm not.” He teased. “The weekend is only a couple of days away. We could leave early Saturday morning, and be at your mom's place by dinner. It's about an eight hour drive.”

  I sighed, knowing that he was right. I couldn't ask him to risk his job, especially when mine was already balancing precariously on the line. “OK.” I agreed, snuggling into his chest. “But we aren't leaving the bed for the rest of the day.”

  “Fine by me.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  The rest of the week went by extremely slow. Ben had tried calling me multiple times, but I wasn't taking his calls. He sent me a few texts too, but even though he'd come through with the information on my mom, I wasn't ready to say that I forgave him just yet. It was finally Saturday morning, and after tossing our suitcase in the trunk, and stopping at the gas station for snacks, Noah, and I hit the road. We decided to spend the night in Sarasota, and come home early tomorrow morning. I thought that I would feel more nervous than I did, but it helped that Noah was with me.

  I told Erin about our impromptu trip, but no one else. Noah told his mom of course, but we wanted to keep things quiet for now. Even if my mom was still living at the address Ben had found, there was no real guarantee that she would even talk to me. She hasn't tried in the past twenty two years. It was five AM when we hit the road, which put us in Sarasota a little after one in the afternoon. We found a motel, and checked in, before stopping at a small diner for lunch.

  “How are you feeling?” Noah asked, as he passed me the ketchup for my french fries.

  “Fine.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Hales...”

  “Really Noah, I'm fine.” I reassured him by reaching for his hand across the table. “I brought the photo that I found in dad's box, and the letters. If she knew about his affair, she had to know who the woman was. If it were me.. I would have found out everything about her. I'd need to know why my husband cheated on me.”

  “Let's hope you're right, Sugar.” He said, giving my hand a little squeeze.

  We finished our meal in silence, and found our way back to my car. My mom's place was only ten minutes away, so I occupied myself by staring out the window while Noah followed the directions of the GPS. We pulled up in front of a large two story house with beautiful wooden double doors out front. “We should park on the road.” I said, finally letting myself feel the nerves that I'd been suppressing all day.

  After parking the car, Noah turned to face me. “I can go knock on the door. See if it's the right place?”

  “No.” I said adamantly. “We'll go together.”

  “Alright.” He agreed, before placing his hand on the door handle. “Ready when you are.”

  “I'm ready.”

  Hand in hand, we walked up the empty driveway towards the front doors. I half hoped that no one was home, but it was more likely that their vehicles were in the attached garage. Noah let me ascend the stairs ahead of him, and I reached out to press the door bell. I could hear a series of chimes, and then the click clacking of someones shoes as they came to answer the door. I took a deep breath, smiling softly when the door opened. “Can I help you?” The woman asked.

  I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. There, standing directly in front of me was the woman who abandoned me twenty two years ago looking just as beautiful as I remembered her. Her hair was shorter, and her face had wrinkled, but it was her, I knew it without a shadow of doubt, and the fact that she didn't recognize me hurt way more than I thought it would. Of course she wouldn't recognize me, I was only two when she left me.

  “Miss?” She asked, eyeing Noah and I suspiciously now. “Whatever you're selling-”

  “Hi Mom.” I said quietly, trying to keep my tears at bay.

  I watched as her eyes widened in shock, and then recognition. She took a step back then, placing her hand over her heart before shaking her head back and fourth. “You can't be here.” She said, her voice distant, and cold.

  I don't know what I was expecting. A smi
le, a hug maybe? But certainly not this. “Please, I just need a moment of your time.” I begged, my voice beginning to shake. I hated myself for the way she was making me feel. I felt Noah step beside me, and grasp my hand hard in his. “Please.” I said again.

  She glanced around, as if to see if her neighbors were watching, before stepping aside and silently ushering us in. “My husband will be home in an hour. You need to leave before then.”

  “He- he doesn't know about me, does he?” I asked, as we silently followed her around the corner into a brightly lit sitting room.

  “No.” She said simply. “Sit.”

  Noah, and I took seats side by side on the sofa, and his hand never left mine. “You have a beautiful home.” I said, in an attempt to break the ice.

  “Thank you.” She said, sitting in a chair across from us, and crossing her legs dramatically. “Now, why are you here? If you've come for money, you won't get any.”

  I felt my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. How could she be so cold? This woman had given birth to me, and yet she treated me like I was some random stranger in her house. “I don't know if you heard, but dad died two years ago.”

  “I did, I'm sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you. The thing is, his case is still unsolved.”

  “Aren't you going to introduce your friend?” She asked, changing the subject.

  “Oh. Right. M- Amelia? I don't know what to call you.”

  “Amelia's fine.”

  There it was, that crushing feeling in my chest again. I swallowed hard, and Noah squeezed my hand again. “This is Noah, my fiance. He was also dad's partner before he passed away.”

  She let out a little laugh. “He's a cop?”

  “We both are.”

  “You've got to be kidding me.” She scoffed. “Leave it to Aaron to raise you in his form.”

  “With all due respect, I don't think you have the right to comment on how I was raised, considering as you're the one who left me.”

  I could tell that I struck a nerve, but she pretended to brush it off. “Why are you here Haylee?”

  Hearing her say my name sent chills down my spine. It wasn't in the way that a normal mother would speak to their child. It was short, clipped, and devoid of any emotion. I could feel the tears forming behind my eyes, but I couldn't give her the satisfaction. Not here. Not now. I pulled the letters, and photograph from my purse then, and stood handing them to her. “I know it's a long shot, but do you happen to know the baby that I'm holding in this picture?”

  “You mean, you don't?” She asked curiously, before thumbing through the letters. “I assume he's your little brother.”

  “So you knew about the affair? The woman, whoever she was.. she wrote that her baby died.”

  “Maybe he did.” She said, handing the items back to me. “I wouldn't know.”

  “Do you know who she was? Her name?”

  “No idea.”

  “I don't believe you. If Noah cheated on me, I would have tracked the woman down in a heartbeat. I would want to know who she was, and why she was better than me. You're telling me that you had no idea?”

  “Do you want the truth?”

  “That's what I came here for.”

  “I never wanted kids. I wasn't maternal. I was miserable in my marriage, and I was miserable being a mother. When I found out your dad was having an affair, I used it as an escape. I didn't care who she was because I was grateful to her. I assumed they would stay together, and that they would raise the two of you together. I never looked back. Not once.”

  I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. Hearing that your own mother wanted nothing to do with you was the worst thing any child could hear, no matter their age. I dug around in my purse again, pulling out another photo. This one was a picture of Sarah Ryan. With shaking hands, I stood to hand her the picture. “Does this woman look familiar?”

  I watched as she eyed the photo with question, then she nodded her head. “This is her. This is the woman your father was having an affair with.”

  “You're sure?”

  “One hundred percent. Now, if you don't mind I'd like you both gone before my husband returns.”

  When I stood again, my knees felt weak and Noah snaked his arm around my waist to keep me steady. Amelia returned the photograph to me, and I tucked it safely away back into my purse. She gestured towards the entrance, and then followed Noah, and I until we reached the front door. “Congratulations on your engagement.” She said, before shutting us on the other side of the door, and locking herself inside.

  The twenty minute ride back to our motel was made in complete silence. I was busy processing everything that had just happened, and I don't think Noah knew what to say. He was normally so good at consoling me, but this was a situation neither of us had ever been in before. I suddenly found myself wishing that I had never found my mother. But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have known about Sarah Ryan. My dad went into that house two years ago without backup, because he knew who lived there. He knew Sarah Ryan.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I had managed to keep my composure until we reached our motel room. The instant I heard Noah shut the door behind us, I started to cry. I cried so hard that my entire body was shaking, and I felt like I was literally dying. My chest hurt, and it was getting harder, and harder to breathe. Noah had me in his arms mere seconds later, but even his familiar comfort wasn't enough to stop the flood gates that had been released. “Sugar.” He soothed, as he held me tightly, rubbing my back, and kissing the top of my head. He was feeling helpless, but so was I.

  I could faintly hear him talking to me, but his words were drowned out by my sobs. I felt him cupping my face then, telling me to breathe. I couldn't get enough air though, and I began to hyperventilate. “Haylee!” He yelled, as he gave my body a little shake. “I need you to look at me Sugar. I need you to breathe. In, and out. That's it baby. In, and out.”

  I watched him as he took breath, after breath with me until my own breathing had finally evened out, and then I felt my legs buckle beneath me. Noah scooped me up in his strong arms, and carried me into the bathroom. My head was on his shoulder, and I just stared out into space. After completely falling apart, I suddenly just felt numb. He set me down on the bathroom sink, before turning towards the bath, and adjusting the water. “I think you need to take a minute, Sugar.” He said softly, as he turned to face me again.

  He removed my jacket, and then pulled my tank top over my head setting both on the sink beside me. He undid my bra next, and pulled my boots off. Helping me stand, he pulled off my jeans, and panties, and then like I was a child, he carried me over to the tub, and gently placed me inside. “I'll be right back, Sugar.” He said softly, as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I nodded slightly, and he kissed the top of my head, before quietly shutting me in.

  I closed my eyes, as I let the warmth of the water envelop me. I didn't need a bath, I needed a god damned punching bag, but I knew that Noah was only trying to help. He was trying to take care of me, and I was grateful. Really, I was.. but something told me that all the baths in the world wouldn't wash away the shame that I now felt. Was I really that bad of a child that my mother couldn't find some kind of connection to me?

  ***** Noah's POV *****

  How could someone be so cold to their own child? I watched as the strong, independent woman that I loved was turned to complete ash by a woman who was supposed to love her. A woman who didn't even deserve to be in the same room as her, let alone share the same blood. She gave me no choice. I had to go back. Haylee was too broken to stand up to Amelia, but I wasn't. In fact, I hoped like hell that her husband was home because I wouldn't mind having a few words with him as well.

  I parked Haylee's car in the same spot as before, and marched up to Amelia's door like I'd been there a thousand times. I didn't bother ringing the bell, instead I knocked as loud as I could, the anger coursing through my veins. When the door swung open, I was greeted by the sa
me woman we'd left only an hour ago. This time though, her eyes were rimmed in red, and I could smell the wine wafting off of her. “We need to talk.” I said brushing past her, without an invitation.

  To my surprise, she didn't say anything. She just followed me into the sitting room where we talked earlier, and claimed her same seat. “Go ahead, let me have it.” She said with defeat. “Whatever you have to say to me, it's no worse that what I've already said to myself.”

  “If pity, is what you're looking for.. you've got the wrong guy.”

  “Understood.” She said reaching for her glass of wine, and bringing it to her lips. “Wine?”

  “No.” I said, shaking my head. This woman was unbelievable. An hour ago she was cold, and uninviting, and now she was sitting here day drinking, expecting me to feel sorry for her? “We drove eight hours to see you. All she wanted was answers.”

  “And.. I gave them to her.” She shrugged, before finishing off her glass.

  “You insulted her father, and told her in no uncertain terms.. that she meant nothing to you. But, I come back here to confront you, and it's clear that you've been crying. What aren't you telling her?”

  She laughed as she poured another glass of wine, emptying the bottle. “I don't owe her anything. Her father was a cheating bastard, and he loved her more than me. It never would've worked.”

  “Parents are supposed to love their children more than their spouses. That's normal.” I said with more anger than I intended.

  She laughed again, rolling her eyes this time. “Guess I'm not normal then.”

  I stood then, pacing the room, before stopping in front of her. “Haylee is the kindest person that I know. She has a big heart, and would do anything for anyone. She's one of only three female officers who have been promoted to intelligence, and she could kick my ass in hand to hand combat any day. She's a perfect shot.. never misses. When she loves you, she's all in. She would give you the literal shirt off her back. Say what you want about Aaron James, and his infidelity.. but he raised his daughter to be a bad ass. A bad ass who doesn't need a piece of shit mother in her life to validate her. Whatever this pity party bullshit is you've got going on, keep it away from my fiance.”