I had to make a complete break. If I disappeared from Matty’s life forever, he’d miss me for a while, then he’d get over it. And if I disappeared, I wouldn’t have the temptation. I had to become a new person, but I couldn’t do that while I was clinging to my old life.
My hand trembled as I pressed the buzzer.
“I have to get out of here,” I said to the nurse.
She stared, not seeming to comprehend.
“I have to leave this room,” I told her.
“Maybe in a few days.”
“Now!”
The nurse flinched, but my mind was made up, and I had no time to spare.
“Don’t just stand there gulping. Get someone I can talk to who can make this happen.”
“But it’s late.”
I raised my eyebrows. “So? This is an issue concerning my security and my recovery. I’m no longer safe in this room. Do you understand?”
This would’ve been so much easier if Nurse Lucy had been on duty. She’d have had a lick of common sense instead of standing around gulping.
“I’ll talk to someone,” the nurse said.
“Not just someone, but the right people. This needs to happen tonight.”
The nurse wasn’t totally useless, since a while later, a doctor came in with a security guy. Not Dr. Roche, but another doctor.
“What’s the issue?” the doctor asked. “I hope you haven’t called me in here for nothing.”
I didn’t want to tell him the entire truth. That was none of his business.
“There’s a major security issue. My partner is going to be involved in a scandal. Do you know what that means? People—and by people, I mean scumbag reporters—will want to know his every move. Those moves involve me. Do you want a swarm of reporters all over your hospital? In the hallways, getting in the way of the patients? There’s only one solution here, and that’s to move me and not let anyone know where I am.”
The doctor stared across the room for quite a while. The security guy didn’t say anything but watched the doctor. Finally, he sucked in his lips and assessed me.
“There’s a place. Not in this hospital, but out in the countryside. Normally, it’s just used for convalescence, but you’re recovering better than we expected. It might work. It won’t be cheap, though.”
“I don’t care about cheap. I care about not having my scarred, messed-up face all over the media. I care about not being the subject of public gossip.”
“You’ll need to be heli-lifted.”
“That’s not a problem. Just do what needs to be done. Getting out of this hospital will be even better. No one will know where I am, and no one will know where to look for me. This is to remain completely confidential. No one must know about it. Especially not Matty.”
“Surely, you want someone notified.”
I thought for a moment. “My manager, Madeline. She should know. No one else. Not the staff here. Not a single soul other than her.”
The doctor nodded.
It didn’t take long after that for things to start happening. Dr. Roche came in to talk to me, and I told him the same thing. Then a nurse packed up my things. I got put into a wheelchair and taken to the helipad. I had no idea where I was going, but I could see the lights of the city twinkling below me until those lights thinned out to just a sparkle here and there.
I should’ve asked where this place was, but I could find that out later. I didn’t even care that much. I was on the move. My plan had worked.
When we arrived, someone met me at the helipad with another wheelchair. I got taken into a beautiful country mansion that looked nothing like a hospital. Even in the dark, the garden they wheeled me though had a strong scent of flowers. I couldn’t see much of the grounds, but they were definitely gorgeous.
Then I got taken inside and wheeled to my room.
My old room had been pretty fancy, but it’d still been a hospital room. The room here was nothing like that. I felt like a guest in a grand home. The furniture all looked antique, especially the dressing table. French doors opened to the outside. I almost smiled, thinking about that huge bed, until it hit me that I’d be sleeping in it alone.
All alone forever.
Chapter 28: Matty
WHEN I GOT BACK TO the hotel, I got out my phone. I had to call Damo, but before I could do that, I noticed the background photo on my phone. I rarely paid attention to it. That photo of Fiona at the Eiffel Tower.
Jesus, I’d told her that one day she’d look back at the photo and realize how beautiful she’d been. It’d been like I’d cursed us by saying that. It might be a stupid thing to think, but a cold dread crept through me. I couldn’t bring myself to change the photo, though.
I called Damo.
“I think you need to know,” I told him. “This shit’s hit the media, and it might reflect badly on the Freaks. If you want me to officially leave and sever any connection, I’ll understand. From your position, it’s all about damage control.”
Damo laughed. “I bet you’re glad that your name’s been taken off that song.”
“That’s the silver lining.”
“To be honest, I don’t think this is going to harm us at all. It was a different time. You were a different person. I’d like to think our fans won’t be influenced by something like that. If you didn’t have to stay with Fiona, I’d want you up on stage with us tonight. That’s the best way to damage-control this. Unfortunately, with you leaving the tour without explanation, it’s going to throw fuel on the fire. But, yeah, I know you can’t leave her.”
“Yeah, umm... about that...” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“She’s okay?” Damo asked.
“She’s gone,” I told him. “I told her about this last night, and today, she’s not in her room. The doctor said she’s been moved, and that’s all he’ll say.”
“Shit, man. That’s rough. But maybe it’s for the best. If you can’t find her, the press can’t.”
I stayed silent for a while, churning this over in my mind. Damo was right about getting up onstage. Playing with the band, knowing Fiona had left me, would be the toughest thing I’d ever do, but it’d shit all over these rumors.
“I’ll do it,” I said. “If you really mean it. I’ll play tonight.”
“Get off the phone and book your flight. And, Matt, things will work out with Fiona. That woman is crazy over you.”
Damo could say that, but she’d gone. I reeled from the shock, the ache inside me only getting stronger. She’d told me to go; she’d told me that a thousand times. I’d never believed her. I’d never once thought she meant it.
I threw a few things together, then told my parents what was going on, filling them in on Fiona and the show tonight.
“We’re coming with you,” Mom said. “It won’t take long to pack.”
“Huh?”
I’d assumed they’d say here, or maybe make arrangements to go home.
“We’ve never seen you play with your new band. Of course we’re coming,” Dad added.
Before I even got a chance to argue, Mom had their stuff packed and ready to go. There was no real reason they couldn’t come to the show, except that I wanted to be on my own to brood. I had so much to sort out in my mind. Mom and Dad were great, but I didn’t want cheering up. I didn’t deserve cheering up. They both seemed so keen to come with me, though, so I could hardly say no.
We jumped into a cab, and I booked their flights while we rode. I called Ash and sent a few messages. With that out of the way, I slumped back and stared out the window.
Mom and Dad chatted about the scenery and things they’d done in Paris. Their talk hovered around me, but I couldn’t focus on it.
Since I’d left the hospital, I’d tried calling Fiona a dozen times. I’d messaged her just as many times, but I got no reply. I hadn’t expected one, but I still couldn’t stop checking my phone.
There had to be some way I could get to her. Once I returned to Paris, I’d work it out. If I saw her again, I cou
ld make her understand. I knew what was going on in Fiona’s head, and the thing that hurt most was that she didn’t trust me. She thought I was the kind of guy who’d lose interest in her because of the way she looked. No matter how many times I tried to tell her, she still didn’t believe that I loved her for who she was, not what she looked like.
Or maybe it wasn’t like that at all. Maybe every time she looked at me, she saw the man who’d ruined her life. Nothing I could give her would compensate for that.
Mom reached out and rubbed my leg. “It’ll be okay. She just needs to time to adjust,” she said.
I tried to smile, but I wasn’t convinced it would be okay or that it’d work out fine in the end. There was no guarantee of that.
But we’d arrived at the airport. I took a deep breath. I had a plane to catch and a show to play. I’d committed to that, and the fans at the show tonight wouldn’t give a goddamn if my world had fallen apart. They wanted to have a good time. I could put my troubles aside for one night and give them the best night of their lives.
Chapter 29: Matty
WE WENT STRAIGHT TO the stadium when we arrived in Barcelona. I took Mom and Dad backstage and found Damo.
“It’s our last night here. It’s going to be a big one,” he said. “Are you sure you remember the set?”
I shrugged. “I haven’t been away that long.”
“No, but you’ve been through a lot.”
“I’m good,” I told him. Then I noticed Mom and Dad staring at Damo in a way that was a little creepy. “These are my parents. They were staying with me in Paris and came to see the show.”
Damo shook their hands and asked them a bunch of questions. Mom blushed, and Dad chatted away. While they talked, I went off to check my gear. Even though the guitar techs would’ve kept everything in tune, I wanted to make sure for myself.
Fay rushed to me. “How’s Fiona?” she asked. “I really wanted to visit, but I never got the chance.”
I wasn’t sure how much Damo had told the rest of the guys. “She’s not really up for visitors,” I said. “She’s very self-conscious.”
Fay nodded. “But she’s much better now, right?”
“She’s out of danger,” I said.
“And meanwhile, you’re the current scandal,” she said with a laugh. “It’s so stupid.”
I took a deep breath. Fay meant well, but I wasn’t really in the mood for her chatter. Before she could say any more, Crow came over and put his arm around her.
“Leave the man alone,” he said.
She pouted. “Sorry, Matt. I get carried away with my talking sometimes.”
I waved my hand. “It’s fine.”
Both of them gave me a look, and it hit me why Fiona had said she didn’t want pity. It wasn’t a nice feeling. Sure, people meant well, and their sympathy was genuine, but I’d much rather not need anyone’s sympathy. Things became awkward for a minute.
Soon, the two of them went off, and it was just me and my guitars. I picked one up.
Facing the crowd tonight would be difficult, but playing wouldn’t. With the guitar in my arms, everything settled into place, and for a moment, I forgot the rest of the world.
Just playing a few simple riffs got me more grounded.
We sound-checked, then I gave Mom and Dad a tour of the place until it was time to go on.
That night, the music came back to me like I was fitting into a well-worn groove. I loved playing with this band, and I loved that Damo wanted me back onstage with them, despite everything. They were like family, and I knew they had my back.
A few songs in, Damo introduced the band. “You all remember Matty, right?” he said. “He’s been away for a while because he had a bit of an accident, but now he’s all mended and ready to rock. You are mended, Matt?”
I gave the crowd a thumbs-up and got a huge cheer. Damo had been right. Most of this crowd had no problem with the whole song issue. They were here for the music, not some long-ago drama.
Then some joker in the crowd screamed out, “Play ‘Candy-Colored Kitten’!”
I held my breath, not wanting this to turn nasty, but Damo stepped up. “Not sure we know the words to that one. You’re at the wrong place.”
The tension dissipated as laughter filled the arena.
Crisis averted.
Attention fell away from me, and I went back to playing my guitar off to the side. It was my place, the place where I belonged. If I left the tour, left the band, I wouldn’t miss the fame and everything that went with it; I’d never lied about that. What I would miss was being part of something bigger than myself: this group of people, all intertwined.
When I worked as a session muso, I’d gotten to play, but it was always other people’s music. I could write my own songs, no problem about that, but it was a solo endeavor. I’d never have that interplay, those moments when I soared on the genius of those working with me, when the four of us became so more than just four people. A kind of magic got plucked out of the air, and we created music that came from God knew where.
That happened tonight. The music floated out of us, hovering over the crowd, holding them all captive. Energy pulsated in the stadium, not the usual frenzied tension, but something much greater yet somehow gentler. My heart couldn’t be mended, but that energy soothed it, at least.
As I played my guitar, all the pent-up feelings I’d held back since the accident rushed out. Things I hadn’t even known I was holding in. Those feelings swirled into the air, mixing with the energy flowing from us to the crowd and being fed right back to them.
Elijah grinned from the other side of the stage. He felt it too: that sense of a perfect moment.
I reached a clarity I’d been lacking.
Fiona had been right. Even if I denied it, I would be making a sacrifice for her if I left all this behind. It wasn’t a sacrifice I’d regret making—she’d always be first in my life—but it would still be something that was taken from me.
When she disappeared, my first impulse had been to hunt her down, search every single room in that hospital until I found her. I’d intended doing whatever it took to find her when I got back to Paris. I’d break her down until she agreed to see me, no matter what.
But I’d been wrong.
Fiona had made her decision. It might be the wrong decision; it might be a decision based on her insecurities. She needed time. Maybe she even needed distance from me. I’d thought I could give her everything she ever needed, but there were things she needed to find for herself. No matter how much I loved Fiona, no matter how much I wanted to be with her, things between us would never work out until she learned to love herself.
A wave of excitement ripped through the crowd as we got to the chorus. People loved this song. The louder they shouted, the tighter we played.
I couldn’t be with Fiona now, and I had no idea if I ever would be, but for now, my place was here.
Chapter 30: Matty
AFTER THE SHOW, I TOLD Damo I’d stay on with the tour. I’d go back to Paris to check out of my hotel, then I’d join up with them in Rome. I’d also need to tell the whole story to the rest of the band, and to the Wreckage guys too. I didn’t want more questions like Fay’s that I’d need to sidestep around.
Mom and Dad came backstage to join us.
“That was amazing,” Mom said.
Dad slapped his arm around my shoulders. “I’m proud of you,” he said.
I explained to them that I was going to continue with the tour.
Mom nodded. “That’s probably for the best. You can’t keep running after Fiona. She’s got to sort things out for herself.”
We both had things to sort out, but I didn’t say that.
As the crew finished packing up and came backstage, I wanted to get Mom and Dad back to the hotel. When some of these guys got drunk, it wouldn’t be pretty, and there was a bunch of groupies hanging around. There’d be cussing and fooling around. My parents didn’t need to see that.
But before I co
uld get that arranged, Mom had gone off to chat with Polly and Fay. I groaned. That definitely wouldn’t end well. Who knew what those girls would be talking about? The three of them kept laughing.
Then Damo came over, and Dad started asking him questions about the technical aspects of the concert. Damo took Dad off to look at some of the equipment with Dad grinning like a schoolboy on an outing. He loved all that techie shit.
That left me on my own.
After every concert on this tour, it’d been Fiona and me. Often, she didn’t come to the shows, and I’d rush back to the hotel to be with her, but it’d always been the two of us together. The space where she’d always been seemed so empty now, a reminder of what I’d lost. With the party buzzing around me, that empty space seemed to taunt me. It would be like this for every show from now on, and I had to get used to it.
A groupie in a very short leather miniskirt threw herself down on the sofa beside me. She gave me a seductive grin as she flicked her long black hair over her shoulder.
“Great show,” she said.
I didn’t even look in her direction. Hopefully, she’d get the hint and back off. Instead, she moved closer.
“You seem awfully sad,” she said. “I can cheer you up.”
I pushed her away, but she didn’t want to take no for an answer. I’d never been that tempted by groupies, and the thought of any other woman but Fiona seemed vile.
She threw her arms around my neck. I tried to unpeel them, but she clung all the tighter. I tried pushing her again, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I just wanted her gone.
“Don’t fight,” she said. “I’m very good.”
I tried to stand up, but that became impossible with her gripping me so tight. Then, suddenly, she looked up. I followed her gaze.
Mom.
“Get your hands off my son, young lady,” Mom said.
The groupie looked at Mom, then looked at me, then she scurried away.
As I stood up, Elijah caught my eye. I’d never hear the end of this, my mom saving me from a groupie backstage.
Wilde Freak (Rock Stars on Tour, #4) Page 10