In Real Life

by Elisabeth Warner

  I bring my knees up to my chest, huddled on my chair. Susan was in prison, too?

  “I’m sorry,” I say, sucking down the rest of my tea. “If you don’t mind me asking, why make it a rule? Wouldn’t people just know not to touch your hair?”

  “Every rule broken results in death,” Susan replies in a monotone voice. “Either your death or mine.”

  Ace clears his throat. “What Susan means to say is, she’s our leader. If someone wanted to overthrow the Community and find out our hacker’s intel, they could just kill her.”

  “Our job is to keep each other alive.” Susan’s gaze is pointed at the wall opposite her.

  “Only a few people know about Susan’s kill switch,” Ace says, putting his mug on the table. “You, me, and Susan. I only found out by accident.”

  My eyes widen. “Wait, really? No one else knows about it?” I cast a glance at Susan. “I’m sorry I asked. You didn’t have to tell me.”

  “Well, now that you know, it’s your job to protect me. Do you think you can do that?”

  I nod robotically, the weight of the responsibility pressing down on my shoulders like a thick rock.

  “Remember, Lin. All the rules result in death. If you break any of the other three rules, the Community has the obligation to kill you, since you’ll be putting us all at risk. But with the fourth rule, if you kill me…”

  “We all die,” Ace says gravely. “Susan first, then all of us. One by one.”

  I stand up and clench my fists. “I don’t like this. I don’t like any of this. Did our hackers only bring us here to die?”

  Susan sighs as her demeanor returns to normal. “Lin, the hackers have asked us to wait. Remember? Await further instructions. We were all told that when we arrived here. They’re working on something we can’t know about yet.”

  “Okay, then, what are we supposed to do?” Tears rush to my eyes. “My life doesn’t make sense anymore. I don’t know who I am. Or where I am. Or what I am.”

  “Well, you’re not alone.” Ace rises and stands next to me. “If you don’t know who, what, or where you are, you’re in good company. We all don’t know. And if we did, we’d be putting ourselves and our hackers at risk.”

  “My hacker was already at risk when he—”

  “Lin.” Now it’s Susan’s turn to stand. “If your hacker brought you here, then he cares about you. This place is not a prison. You’re free to do whatever you want here. We have these rules in place to help you enjoy your time. You’re not trapped here. You’re free to live here. Do you understand the difference?”

  I look into her gray eyes, desperate for answers. How can I enjoy being in the middle of nowhere? “I’m not free,” I whisper.

  “What makes you say that?” Susan asks.

  “I can’t go wherever I want.”

  “Where do you want to go? Back to work? Back to staring at your phone all day? Back to your friends ignoring you? What from your life do you miss so much?”

  “Control!” I blurt out. I don’t expect it to come out as a yell, but it’s the truth. I miss control. I feel totally helpless here.

  “Well, then, it looks like we all have a common enemy,” Susan says gravely. “The Liberty party took our control a long time ago. And now the rebel party is trying to get it back.”

  “Until then, let’s have some fun,” Ace says, grabbing my hand and sending a pleasant chill up my arm.

  “My, it looks dark out there. Ace, I think we should be leaving now.” Susan purses her lips as she slaps his hand out of mine. “We’ll see you at breakfast, Lin?”

  I blush as I fold my arms over my chest. “Get home safe,” I reply, my eyes fixed on Ace.

  As they close the door, I slump back into my chair, my eyelids wrapping around my eyes as the darkness encompasses me.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  The ruffling of my bedsheets startles me awake, and I touch my head to soothe its aching. A shadowy figure appears at the foot of the bed. “Dad?” I don’t believe it’s him this time. It’s a dream. Will he be silent again?

  How did I get here? The last thing I remember is Ace and Susan leaving my cabin, and slowly fading onto the couch. Susan’s scar is etched in my mind forever.

  But now Dad is standing next to me, again, with his arms extended. I wrap myself in the bedsheets. “Dad, if you want me to hug you, why don’t you come over here?”

  “Because he wants you to come to him.”

  Don? I look around my room, but he’s not there. “Where are you?”

  “Right here, Lin. It’s okay. How are you feeling?”

  My heart is racing as I clench the bedsheets up to my face. “Where are you?” I ask again, my muscles shaking. “Did you die too? Is that how Dad is visiting me?”

  The darkness encompasses my vision, and I can feel my heart in my throat.

  “Lin, this will all make sense in a few minutes. When you wake up, the person at your door will give you all the answers you need. Listen to her, okay?”

  A knock on my door startles me awake. I look around and realize I never made it up from the couch. The sky is dark, so it must be early.

  I open the door. “Nelle?”

  She deeply inhales puffs of air, as if she was running. “Come quick. Tee’s about to give birth.”

  Still shaken from the dream, I slip on my shoes and follow her to the clinic. What questions could she possibly answer?

  “Are you sure you want me to come along after my episode yesterday?”

  Nelle furrows her eyebrows. “Epi—oh, Lin! I’m so sorry I didn’t check on you. Tee wasn’t feeling well and needed to rest. I took her back to her cabin and stayed with her. I heard through the grapevine that Ace and Susan went to check on you.”

  I stare at my feet as I walk. “I get it.”

  An awkward beat of silence passes between us, the chirping of crickets filling in our gap in conversation. Nelle clears her throat. “So, do you want to talk about it?”

  “Talk about what?”

  “What happened yesterday.” She bites her lower lip. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you then, but I’m here for you now.”

  “So, you can answer my questions?”

  “Questions?”

  I shake my head, opening the door to the clinic. “Never mind. It was a crazy dream I had.”

  Nelle crosses her arms over her chest, her long, dark hair sweeping over her shoulders. “What answers do you think I have?”

  “I don’t know. It was just a dream. My hacker. He told me when I wake up, you’d have answers for me.”

  “Lin, I don’t—”

  The sound of a woman screaming drowns out the rest of Nelle’s statement. We run to the back to find Tee sitting up in a hospital bed with June by her side.

  Nelle puts her hands on the bed. “What’s going on?”

  June pats the space next to her on the bench, and we sit. I try not to look at Tee’s protruding belly, in case my memories come back. “Spark said Tee’s having some complications. She thought she was going into labor, but the contractions stopped. Spark thinks there’s something wrong with the baby. He’s going to perform emergency surgery.

  I swallow hard, stuffing my feelings down with a gulp. “Do we have to watch?” I ask sarcastically. After the words escape, I bite my lip. Too harsh, Lin.

  As if on cue, Spark emerges from a room with a sign on the door. Medical Professionals Only. “How’s our patient?” he coos, as if ignoring her obvious signs of pain. Blair walks in from behind him. “Blair, prep Tee for surgery.”

  I sharply turn my head. She’s getting surgery. In a few hours, she’ll have what I’ve wanted for years. A family. She’ll be the only person in the Community with a relative with her. Well, except for this married couple I haven’t met yet.

  “Ladies, can you give us a minute, please?” Spark asks. We’ll call you back in when we’re ready.”

  Nelle puts her hand in Tee’s and squeezes it. “You’re gonna be okay.”


  June folds her hands together and bows her head, as if she’s praying.

  My muscles are tense as I rise from the bench and dart for the waiting area.

  “Are you okay?” Nelle asks.

  “No,” I mumble, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Well, I’m here if you need me.”

  “Why? It’s not like we’re friends or anything.” I’m sure my words sound harsh to her, but I don’t have the emotional energy to filter the words I was holding back at breakfast yesterday.

  “At the Community, we’re all friends. We don’t have any connection to the outside world. This is it until we die.” She chuckles awkwardly. “Besides, how am I supposed to answer your questions if you don’t ask me anything?”

  Her reply doesn’t help me feel any better. I sit down on the cold metal bench by the front door and raise my hands above my head. If this is my new normal, when is it ever going to feel normal? Then again, my life was never normal to begin with.

  “I heard you had a panic attack and run into the woods. You nearly drowned.” June puts her hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it away. “How are you feeling now?”

  “Fine, I guess,” I reply.

  “Would you ladies like some tea?” Blair asks as the door clicks behind her. She brings us three cups of tea. Mine tastes like dirty grass, but the warmth soothes my throat. June leans her head against the window and falls asleep after drinking hers.

  “So, what was your dream about?” Nelle asks, putting her full cup of tea on the ledge.

  “My hacker told me you’d have answers for me. But that sounds bizarre since—” I catch myself before continuing.

  “I know. You’re closer to Ace.”

  “And Susan,” I add. My head starts spinning as I put down the empty cup. “This isn’t the first time. I’ve been having these dreams. My dad comes into the rom and he puts his arms out like he wants to hug me. But he doesn’t say anything. It’s really weird. This time, my hacker was there and he told me that the first person I saw when I woke up would have the answers.”

  “Interesting.” Nelle sits back on the bench. “How long have you been having these dreams?”

  A fan spins overhead and the cool air blows through my hair. I could really use a scrunchie. “Pretty much since I got here. It’s so weird. It’s like my dad and hacker are in the room, but when I wake up, they’re gone.”

  “Might’ve bumped your head too hard when you first got here,” Blair says, slowly retrieving our cups.

  I open my mouth to defend myself, but that is a valid explanation. Maybe the drug Don gave me on the mo-pod is still in my system. Or maybe I landed on my head and damaged my brain. At that thought, my heart begins to beat rapidly. Am I going to be all right?

  Then, another thought occurs to me. Don said that the person who I first saw after waking up would have the answers for me.

  I look over at Nelle. “He said you would have answers,” I say again. “I have lots of questions.”

  Nelle scoots herself closer to me and touches my arm. “Why do you think I’d have answers?”

  “I know it was just a dream, but it felt real. I can’t explain it.”

  Nelle casts a glance at Blair. “Is this normal?”

  Blair shakes her head. “I’ve seen it before, but not in a while. She’s probably hallucinating. We may have to monitor her here for a few days.”

  I sit up again, fighting the dizzy spell. “I’m not staying here. That metal bed is uncomfortable.”

  “We have other cots for people who stay here overnight.”

  “Blair, can you get Lin some water, please?” Nelle asks with a smile. “She looks a little pale.”

  Blair rolls her eyes. “I think I know when someone is dehydrated.” She glances at me and purses her lips. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Do you trust me?” Nelle asks abruptly.

  “What?” I inch away from her.

  “Well, your hacker said I could answer all the questions you may have. You need to trust me to make sure I’m not lying to you.” She pauses and puts her finger on her chin. “Actually, you need to trust the person that spoke to you in the dream. Is he a trustworthy person?”

  “Ugh, no.” I scoff. But then I wonder, who was speaking to me? Did Don put a tracker chip in my ear to communicate with me? But then, how was I able to see Dad? “I just know it’s real.”

  “How do you know?” she asks.

  “Because it feels real.”

  “Lin, you don’t know me from a hole in the wall, and you think that, because you had a dream, that I can tell you everything that you need to know?”

  I nod. “Nelle, I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. It has to be true.”

  “I’m not going to argue with you. I’m just trying to understand. What questions do you have, and why are you so sure I can answer them?”

  I pause. “Well, you ladies all pray before meals. I guess that means you believe in God, right?”

  “Of course.”

  I shudder at her confidence. Belief in God isn’t something to be proud of these days. For me to even suggest that she believes in god is an insult, since faith is pretty much obsolete. Even before the shutdown, most people would tear apart anything that had to do with God on social media.

  But Dad…

  “Does God give you hope?” I ask.

  She looks down at her hands and clicks her tongue. “Well, yeah. He’s the reason I’m here.”

  “You think God brought you here?” A small giggle emerges from my lips. “Not only do you believe in God, but you actually think he’s in control of your life somehow?”

  “I don’t think he is. I know. Just like you know that your dream was real.”

  “Well, let me ask you then. What hope could you possibly have in God? If he brought us here, why? What’s his plan here?”

  Nelle holds up her hands, stifling a smile. “If these are the questions you have, your hacker was right. I might have some answers for you. But they probably won’t make sense right away.”

  Suddenly, tears form in my eyes. “I need answers about my dad. About where he is. He died from lung cancer, believing that God was the source of hope. But now he’s gone.” As the tears roll down my cheeks, I cover my mouth. Why am I talking so freely about this?

  “Actually, Lin, the kind of hope that God gives means that your dad isn’t gone.”

  “That’s not true,” I say, my words muffled from my hands. “I watched him die. He died in my arms. He was gasping for air. There was blood…”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Nelle puts her hands on my shoulder, and I don’t push her away. “But I believe that your dad still lives. His spirit is in eternity with God.”

  Am I just dizzy or did she say that Dad has a spirit? “Do you realize how insane you sound right now?”

  Nelle shrugs. “I guess you have to trust me. Just like you trusted your hacker.”

  “I didn’t trust my hacker. He kidnapped me and brought me here.”

  “Did he?”

  “He found me at my home and made me get in his mo-pod.” Uh-oh. I said too much. Only patrol officers have mo-pods.

  Her eyes widen. “Your hacker was a—”

  Before she can finish, a sharp scream emits from the other room, startling June awake. Nelle and I exchange glances. “Tee,” we say simultaneously.

  Instinctively, I rise to my feet, following Nelle into the other room. Guilt washes over me as I recount our conversation. Why did I tell her so much personal information? Don, or whatever that was in my dream, told me I could trust her. But can I? How do I know she’s not making up all this stuff about having a spirit?

  Blair emerges from the kitchen, my water in one hand and her other hand extended toward us. “Spark’s not ready to let you in yet.”

  I huff as anger courses through my veins. The image of Dad coughing up blood is fresh in my mind after our conversation. Tee’s in pain. I need to help her. “Get out of my way.” />
  “Do you have medical experience?” Blair asks. “If so, we can use your help.”

  “I know enough,” I mumble, pushing her shoulder out of my path. The cup of water drops out of her hand and spills all over the floor. Tee’s scream unlocked a sense of bravery I didn’t know I had. Spark can’t do what they did to me.

  “Lin, what are you doing?” Nelle asks incredulously, following me this time.

  “I know what it’s like to lose a child, and I know what it’s like to do it alone. Tee needs us, just like I needed my husband and best friend.”

  Nelle grabs my shoulder. “Lin, you don’t have to do this.”

  “You’re wrong,” I say breathlessly, the thoughts in my head overshadowing the words in my mouth.

  “Lin!”

  I swing the door open to reveal Spark putting an oxygen mask on Tee’s mouth, small tubes coming out of her skin, connected to beeping machines. I shake my head, fighting the thoughts. It’s not you this time. You need to help your new friend.

  “Her heart rate is irregular, and her lungs aren’t taking in enough oxygen. Baby’s heart rate is too weak to sustain life at this stage.” Spark points at the screen. “We may lose him.”

  My eyes are fixed on Tee, whose screams are ringing in my ears, even with the oxygen mask on.

  “What are you doing to help her?” I ask gravely.

  “There’s nothing we can do. She’s—”

  I take a step toward him. “You’re telling me that a medical professional doesn’t know how to save my friend, who has shortness of breath and irregular heartbeat, or her baby?” I look at the screen and hum angrily. I have no choice but to search my memory for answers, to try to prevent another life lost.

  In my mind, I’m back at the doctor’s office. Don had left for the day, and I was working in my office when I started feeling an unusual back pain. No one in my family knew about my pregnancy, and Sage hadn’t had kids yet, so she wouldn’t know what to do. So I called the doctor, and he asked me to come in right away.

  Before long, I was laid on a table and had needles probing inside and outside of me. My blood spilled all over the table and onto my gown. As I recall the memories, my skin begins to crawl. My heart rate had spiked, but it wasn’t from the blood loss. It was from the anxiety of having to go home and tell my husband that I couldn’t keep the baby. I wasn’t a good enough house for a child to grow.