The Mirror of Kong Ho

by Ernest Bramah

  LETTER XII

  Concerning the obvious misunderstanding which has entwined itself about a revered parent's faculties of passionless discrimination. The all-water disportment and the two, of different sexes, who after regarding me conflictingly from the beginning, ended in a like but inverted manner.

  VENERATED SIRE,--Your gem-adorned letter containing a thousand burnishedwords of profuse reproach has entered my diminished soul in the formof an equal number of rusty barbs. Can it be that the incapableperson whom, as you truly say, you sent, "to observe the philosophicalsubtleties of the barbarians, to study their dynastical records and toassociate liberally with the venerable and dignified," has, in yourown unapproachable felicity of ceremonial expression, "according toa discreet whisper from many sources, chiefly affected the society oftea-house maidens, the immature of both sexes, doubtful characters ofall classes, and criminals awaiting trial; has evinced an unswervingaffinity towards light amusement and entertainments of a no-class kind;and in place of a wise aloofness, befitting a wearer of the third GoldButton and the Horn Belt-clasp, in situations of critical perplexity,seems by his own ingenuous showing to have maintained an unparalleledaptitude for behaving either with the crystalline simplicity of aKan-su earth-tiller, or the misplaced buffoonery of a seventh-gradebody-writher taking the least significant part in an ill-equipped Swatowone-cash Hall of Varied Melodies." Assuredly, if your striking andwell-chosen metaphors were not more unbalanced than the ungainlyattitude of a one-legged hunchback crossing a raging torrent by meansof a slippery plank on a stormy night, they would cause the very acutestbitterness to the throat of a dutiful and always high-stepping son.There is an apt saying, however, "A quarrel between two soldiers in themarket-place becomes a rebellion in the outskirts," and when this personremembers that many thousand li of mixed elements flow between him andhis usually correct and dispassionate sire, he is impelled to take amild and tolerant attitude towards the momentary injustice brought aboutby the weakness of approaching old age, the vile-intentioned mendacityof outcasts envious of the House of Kong, and, perchance, the irritationbrought on by a too lavish indulgence in your favourite dish of stewedmouse.

  Having thus re-established himself in the clear-sighted affection of anever mild and perfect father, and cleansed the ground of all possiblemisunderstandings in the future, this person will concede the fact that,not to stand beneath the faintest shadow of an implied blemish in yoursympathetic eyes, he had no sooner understood the attitude in which hehad been presented than he at once plunged into the virtuous society ofa band of the sombre and benevolent.

  These, so far as his intelligence enables him to grasp the position,may be reasonably accepted as the barbarian equivalent of those veryhigh-minded persons who in our land devote their whole lives secretlyto killing others whom they consider the chief deities do not reallyapprove of; for although they are not permitted here, either by writtenlaw or by accepted custom, to perform these meritorious actions, theyare so intimately initiated into the minds and councils of the UpperOnes that they are able to pronounce very severe judgments of torture--amuch heavier penalty than merely being assassinated--upon all who remainoutside their league. As some of the most objurgatory of these alliancesdo not number more than a score of persons, it is inevitable that theultimate condition of the whole barbarian people must be hazardous inthe extreme.

  Having associated myself with this class sufficiently to escape theirvindictive pronouncements, and freely professed an unswerving adherenceto their rites, I next sought out the priests of other altars, intendingby a seemly avowal to each in turn to safeguard my future existenceeffectually. This I soon discovered to be beyond the capacity of anordinary lifetime, for whereas we, with four hundred million subjectsfind three religions to be sufficient to meet every emergency, theseirresolute island children, although numbering us only as one to ten,vacillate among three hundred; and even amid this profusion it isasserted that most of the barbarians are unable to find any templeexactly conforming to their requirements, and after writing to the paperto announce the fact, abandon the search in despair.

  It was while I was becoming proficient in the inner subtleties of oneof these orders--they who drink water on all occasions and wear abadge--that a maiden of some authority among them besought my aid forthe purpose of amusing a band which she was desirous of propitiatinginto the adoption of this badge. It is possible that in the immatureconfidence of former letters this person may already have alluded tocertain maidens with words of courteous esteem, but it is now necessaryto admit finally that in the presence of this same Helena they wouldall appear as an uninviting growth of stunted and deformed poppiessurrounding a luxuriant chrysanthemum. At the presumptuous thought ofdescribing her illimitable excellences my fingers become claw-like intheir confessed inadequacy to hold a sufficiently upright brush; yetwithout undue confidence it may be set down that her hands resembled thetwo wings of a mandarin drake in their symmetrical and changing motion,her hair as light and radiant-pointed as the translucent incense cloudfloating before the golden Buddha of Shan-Si, thin white satin stretchedtightly upon polished agate only faintly comparable to her jade cheeks,while her eyes were more unfathomable than the crystal waters of theKeng-kiang, and within their depths her pure and magnanimous thoughtscould be dimly seen to glide like the gold and silver carp beneath thesacred river.

  When this insurpassable being approached me with the flatteringpetition already alluded to, my gratified emotions clashed togetheruncontrollably with the internal feeling of many volcanoes in movement,and my organs of expression became so entangled at the condescension ofher melodious voice being directly addressed to one so degraded, thatfor several minutes I was incapable of further acquiescence than thatconveyed by an adoring silence and an unchanging smile. No formalityappeared worthy to greet her by, no expression of self-contemptsufficiently offensive to convey to her enlightenment my own sense ofa manifold inferiority, and doubtless I should have remained in atransfixed attitude until she had at length turned aside, had not yourseasonable reference to a Swatow limb-contorter struck me heavily andabruptly turned off the source of my agreement. Might not this all-waterentertainment, it occurred to this one, consist in enticing him to drinka potion made unsuspectedly hot, in projecting him backwards into a vatof the same liquid, or some similar device for the pleasurable amusementof those around, which would come within the boundaries of your refineddisapproval? As one by himself there was no indignity that this personwould not cheerfully have submitted to, but the inexorable cords of aningrained filial regard suddenly pulled him sideways and into anotherdirection.

  "But, Mr. Kong," exclaimed the bee-lipped maiden, when I had explained(as being less involved to her imagination,) that I was under a vow,"we have been relying upon you. Could you not"--and here she dropped hereyes and picked them up again with a fluttering motion which our lesserones are, to an all-wise end, quite unacquainted with--"could you notunvow yourself for one night, just to please ME?"

  At these words, the illuminated proficiency of her glance, and herhonourable resolution to implicate me in the display by head or feet,the ever-revered image of a just and obedience-loving father ceased tohave any further tangible influence. Let it be remembered that thereis a deep saying, "A virtuous woman will cause more evil than ten riverpirates." As for the person who is recording his incompetence, the roomand all those about began to engulf him in an ever-increasing circularmotion, his knees vibrated together with unrestrained pliancy, andconcentrating his voice to indicate by the allegory some faint measureof his emotion, he replied passionately, "Let the amusement referred totake the form of sitting in a boiling cauldron exposed to the derisionof all beholders, this one will now enter it wearing yellow silktrousers."

  It is characteristic of these illogical out-countries that the all-waterdiversion did not, as a matter to record, concern itself with thatliquid in any detail, beyond the contents of a glass vessel from which avenerable person, who occupied a raised chair, continually partook.
Thisdiscriminating individual spoke so confidently of the beneficial actionof the fluid, and so unswervingly described my own feelings at themoment--as of head giddiness, an inexactitude of speech, and no cleardefinition of where the next step would be arrived at--as the commonlot of all who did not consume regularly, that when that same Helenahad passed on to speak to another, I left the hall unobserved and dranksuccessive portions, in each case, as the night was cold, prudentlyadding a measure of the native rice spirit. His advice had beenwell-directed, for with the fourth portion I suddenly found alldoubtful and oppressive visions withdrawn, and a new and exhilaratingself-confidence raised in their place. In this agreeable temper Ireturned to the place of meeting to find a priest of one of the lesserorders relating a circumstance whereby he had encountered a wild maidenin the woods, who had steadfastly persisted that she was one of aband of seven (this being the luckiest protective number among thesuperstitious). Though unable to cause their appearance, she had gonethrough a most precise examination at his hands without deviating in theslightest particular, whereupon distrusting the outcome of the strife,the person who was relating the adventure had withdrawn breathless.

  When this versatile lesser priest had finished the narration, andthe applause, which clearly showed that those present approved of thesolitary maiden's discreet stratagem, had ceased, the one who occupiedthe central platform, rising, exclaimed loudly, "Mr. Kong will nextfavour us with a contribution, which will consist, I am informed, of aChinese tale."

  Now there chanced to be present a certain one who had already becomeoffensive to me by the systematic dexterity with which he had plantedhis inopportune shadow between the sublime-souled Helena and any otherwho made a movement to approach her heaven-dowered outline. When thispresumptuous and ill-nurtured outcast, who was, indeed, then seatedby the side of the enchanting maiden last referred to, heard theannouncement he said in a voice feigned to reach her peach-skin earalone, yet intentionally so modulated as to penetrate the furthest limitof the room, "A Chinese tale! Why, assuredly, that must be a pig-tail."At this unseemly shaft many of those present allowed themselves tobecome immoderately amused, and even the goat-like sage who hadcalled upon my name concealed his face behind an open hand, but theamiably-disposed Helena, after looking at the undiscriminating youthcoldly for a moment, deliberately rose and moved to a vacant spot at adistance. Encouraged by this fragrant act of sympathy I replied with apolite bow to indicate the position, "On the contrary, the story whichit is now my presumptuous intention to relate will contain no referencewhatever to the carefully-got-up one occupying two empty seats in thefront row," and without further introduction began the history of Kaoand his three brothers, to which I had added the title, "The ThreeGifts."

  At the conclusion of this classical example of the snares ever lyingaround the footsteps of the impious, I perceived that the jocularstripling, whom I had so delicately reproved, was no longer present.Doubtless he had been unable to remain in the same room with thecommanding Helena's high-spirited indignation, and anticipating that inconsequence there would now be no obstacle to her full-faced benignity,I drew near with an appropriate smile.

  It is somewhere officially recorded, "There is only one man who knewwith accurate certainty what a maiden's next attitude would be, and hedied young of surprise." As I approached I had the sensation of passinginto so severe an atmosphere of rigid disfavour, that the ingratiatinglines upon my face became frozen in its intensity, despite the ineptnessof their expression. Unable to penetrate the cause of my offence, Imade a variety of agreeable remarks, until finding that nothing tendedtowards a becoming reconciliation, I gradually withdrew in despair, andagain turned my face in the direction of that same accommodation which Ihad already found beneath the sign of an Encompassed Goat. Here, by thesarcasm of destiny, I encountered the person who had drawn the slightinganalogy between this one's pig-tail and his ability as a story-teller.For a brief space of time the ultimate development of the venturewas doubtfully poised, but recognising in each other's features theoverhanging cloud of an allied pang, the one before me expressed abecoming contrition for the jest, together with a proffered cup. Not toappear out-classed I replied in a suitable vein, involving the supplyof more vessels; whereupon there succeeded many more vessels, called forboth singly and in harmonious unison, and the reappearance of numerousbright images, accompanied by a universal scintillation of meteor-likeiridescence. In this genial and greatly-enlarged spirit we returnedaffably together to the hall, and entered unperceived at the moment whenthe one who made the announcements was crying aloud, "According to theprogramme the next item should have been a Chinese poem, but as Mr. KongHo appears to have left the building, we shall pass him over--"

  "What Ho?" exclaimed the somewhat impetuous one by my side, steppingforward indignantly and mounting the platform in his affectionate zeal."No one shall pass over my old and valued friend--this Ho--while I havea paw to raise. Step forward, Mandarin, and let them behold the inventorand sole user of the justly far-famed G. R. Ko-Ho hair restorer--sent infive guinea bottles to any address on receipt of four penny stamps--ashe appeared in his celebrated impersonation of the human-faced Swan atDoll and Edgar's. Come on, oh, Ho!"

  "Assuredly," I replied, striving to follow him, "yet with the warygreeting, 'Slowly, slowly; walk slowly,' engraved upon my mind, for thebarrier of these convoluted stairs--" but at this word a band of maidenspassed out hastily, and in the tumult I reached the dais and beganWeng Chi's immortal verses, entitled "The Meandering Flight," which hadoccupied me three complete days and nights in the detail of renderingthe allusions into well-balanced similitudes and at the same timepreserving the skilful evasion of all conventional rules which raisesthe original to so sublime a height.

  The voice of one singing at the dawn; The seven harmonious colours in the sky; The meeting by the fountain; The exchange of gifts, and the sound of the processional drum; The emotion of satisfaction in each created being; This is the all-prominent indication of the Spring.

  The general disinclination to engage in laborious tasks; The general readiness to consume voluminous potions on any pretext. The deserted appearance of the city and the absence of the come-in motion at every door; The sportiveness of maidens, and even those of maturer age, ethereally clad, upon the shore. The avowed willingness of merchants to dispose of their wares for half the original sum. This undoubtedly is the Summer.

  The yellow tea leaf circling as it falls; The futile wheeling of the storm-tossed swan; The note of the marble lute at evening by the pool; The immobile cypress seen against the sun. The unnecessarily difficult examination paper. All these things are suggestive of the Autumn.

  The growing attraction of a well-lined couch. The obsequious demeanour of message-bearers, charioteers, and the club-armed keepers of peace. The explosion of innumerable fire-crackers round the convivial shines, The gathering together of relations who at all other times shun each other markedly. The obtrusive recollection of a great many things contrary to a spoken vow, and the inflexible purpose to be more resolute in future. These in turn invariably attend each Winter.

  It certainly had not presented itself to me before that the words"invariably attend" are ill-chosen, but as I would have uttered themtheir inelegance became plain, and this person made eight conscientiousattempts to soften down their harsh modulation by various interchanges.He was still persevering hopefully when he of chief authority approachedand requested that the one who was thus employed and that same otherwould leave the hall tranquilly, as the all-water entertainment wasat an end, and an attending slave was in readiness to extinguish thelanterns.

  "Yet," I protested unassumingly, "that which has so far been expressedis only in the semblance of an introductory ode. There follow--"

  "You must not argue with the Chair," exclaimed another interposing hisvoice. "Whatever the Chair rules must be accepted."

  "The innuendo is flat-witted," I replied with imperturbable dignity, butstill retaining my hold upon the rail. "When this person so
far loseshis sense of proportion as to contend with an irrational object, devoidof faculties, let the barb be cast. After that introduction dealing withthe four seasons, the twelve gong-strokes of the day are reviewed in alike fashion. These in turn give place to the days of the month, thenthe moons of the year, and finally the years of the cycle."

  "That's fair," exclaimed the perverse though well-meaning youth, whom Iwas beginning to recognise as the cause of some misunderstanding amongus. "If you don't want any more of his poem--and I don't blame you--mypal Ho, who is one of the popular Flip-Flap Troupe, offers to do sometrick cycle-riding on his ears. What more can you expect?"

  "We expect a policeman very soon," replied another severely. "He hasalready been sent for."

  "In that case," said the one who had so persistently claimed me asan ally, "perhaps I can do you a service by directing him here"; andleaving this person to extricate himself by means of a reassuringsilence and some of the larger silver pieces of the Island, he vanishedhastily.

  With some doubt whether or not this deviation into the society of theprofessedly virtuous, ending as it admittedly does in an involvement,may not be deemed ill-starred; yet hopeful.

  KONG HO.

  THE THREE GIFTS

  Related by Kong Ho on the occasion of the all-water disportment, under the circumstances previously set forth.

  BEYOND the limits of the township of Yang-chow there dwelt a richastrologer named Wei. Reading by his skilful interpretation of theplanets that he would shortly Pass Above, he called his sons Chu, Shan,and Hing to his side and distributed his wealth impartially among them.To Chu he gave his house containing a gold couch; to Shan a river witha boat; to Hing a field in which grew a prolific orange-tree. "Thusprovided for," he continued, "you will be able to live together incomfort, the resources of each supplying the wants of the others inaddition to his own requirements. Therefore when I have departed let itbe your first care to sacrifice everything else I leave, so that I also,in the Upper Air, may not be left destitute."

  Now in addition to these three sons Wei also had another, the youngest,but one of so docile, respectful, and self-effacing a disposition thathe was frequently overlooked to the advantage of his subtle, ambitious,and ingratiating brothers. This youth, Kao, thinking that the occasioncertainly called for a momentary relaxation of his usual diffidence,now approached his father modestly, and begged that he also might beincluded to some trivial degree in his bounty.

  This reasonable petition involved Wei in an embarrassing perplexity.Although he had forgotten Kao completely in the division, he had nowdefinitely concluded the arrangement; nor, to his failing powers, did itappear possible to make a just allotment on any other lines. "How can aperson profitably cut up an orange-tree, a boat, an inlaid couch, ora house?" he demanded. "Who can divide a flowing river, or what butunending strife can arise from regarding an open field in anythingbut its entirety? Assuredly six cohesive objects cannot be apportionedbetween four persons." Yet he could not evade the justice of Kao'simplied rebuke, so drawing to his side a jade cabinet he opened it, andfrom among the contents he selected an ebony staff, a paper umbrella,and a fan inscribed with a mystical sentence. These three objects heplaced in Kao's hands, and with his last breath signified that he shoulduse them discreetly as the necessity arose.

  When the funeral ceremonies were over, Chu, Shan, and Hing cametogether, and soon moulded their covetous thoughts into an agreedconspiracy. "Of what avail would be a boat or a river if this personsacrificed the nets and appliances by which the fish are ensnared?"asked Shan. "How little profit would lie in an orange-tree and a fieldwithout cattle and the implements of husbandry!" cried Hing. "One cannotoccupy a gold couch in an empty house both by day and night," remarkedChu stubbornly. "How inadequate, therefore, would such a provision befor three."

  When Kao understood that his three brothers had resolved to act in thisoutrageous manner he did not hesitate to reproach them; but not beingable to contend against him honourably, they met him with ridicule."Do not attempt to rule us with your wooden staff," they criedcontemptuously. "Sacrifice IT if your inside is really sincere. And,in the meanwhile, go and sit under your paper umbrella and wieldyour inscribed fan, while we attend to our couch, our boat, and ourorange-tree."

  "Truly," thought Kao to himself when they had departed, "their wordswere irrationally offensive, but among them there may stand out apointed edge. Our magnanimous father is now bereft of both comfortsand necessities, and although an ebony rod is certainly not much in thecircumstances, if this person is really humanely-intentioned he will notwithhold it." With this charitable design Kao build a fire before thecouch (being desirous, out of his forgiving nature, to associate hiseldest brother in the offering), and without hesitation sacrificed themost substantial of his three possessions.

  It here becomes necessary to explain that in addition to being an expertastrologer, Wei was a far-seeing magician. The rod of unimpressionablesolidity was in reality a charm against decay, and its hidden virtuesbeing thus destroyed, a contrary state of things naturally arose, sothat the next morning it was found that during the night the gold couchhad crumbled away into a worthless dust.

  Even this manifestation did not move the three brothers, although thegeniality of Shan and Hing's countenances froze somewhat towards Chu.Nevertheless Chu still possessed a house, and by pointing out that theycould live as luxuriantly as before on the resources of the river andthe field and the tree, he succeeded in maintaining his position amongthem.

  After seven days Kao reflected again. "This avaricious person still hastwo objects, both of which he owes to his revered father's imperishableinfluence," he admitted conscience-stricken, "while the being inquestion has only one." Without delay he took the paper umbrella andceremoniously burned it, scattering the ashes this time upon Shan'sriver. Like the rod the umbrella also possessed secret virtues, itsparticular excellence being a curse against clouds, wind demons,thunderbolts and the like, so that during the night a great storm raged,and by the morning Shan's boat had been washed away.

  This new calamity found the three brothers more obstinately perversethan ever. It cannot be denied that Hing would have withdrawn from theguilty confederacy, but they were as two to one, and prevailed, pointingout that the house still afforded shelter, the river yielded some of thesimpler and inferior fish which could be captured from the banks, andthe fruitfulness of the orange-tree was undiminished.

  At the end of seven more days Kao became afflicted with doubt. "There isno such thing as a fixed proportion or a set reckoning between a dutifulson and an embarrassed sire," he confessed penitently. "How incrediblyprofane has been this person's behaviour in not seeing the obligation inits unswerving necessity before." With this scrupulous resolve Kao tookhis last possession, and carrying it into the field he consumed itwith fire beneath Hing's orange-tree. The fan, in turn, also had hiddenproperties, its written sentence being a spell against drought, hotwinds, and the demons which suck the nourishment from all crops. Inconsequence of the act these forces were called into action, and beforeanother day Hing's tree had withered away.

  It is said with reason, "During the earthquake men speak the truth." Atthis last disaster the impious fortitude of the three brothers suddenlygave way, and cheerfully admitting their mistake, each committedsuicide, Chu disembowelling himself among the ashes of his couch, Shansinking beneath the waters of his river, and Hing hanging by a ropeamong the branches of his own effete orange-tree.

  When they had thus fittingly atoned for their faults the imprecation waslifted from off their possessions. The couch was restored by magicart to its former condition, the boat was returned by a justice-lovingperson into whose hands it had fallen lower down the river, andthe orange-tree put out new branches. Kao therefore passed into anundiminished inheritance. He married three wives, to commemorate thenumber of his brothers, and had three sons, whom he called Chu, Shan,and Hing, for a like purpose. These three all attained to high office inthe State, and by their enlightened morals
succeeded in wiping all thediscreditable references to others bearing the same names from off thedomestic tablets.

  From this story it will be seen that by acting virtuously, yet with anobserving discretion, on all occasions, it is generally possible notonly to rise to an assured position, but at the same time unsuspectedlyto involve those who stand in our way in a just destruction.