The Mirror of Kong Ho

by Ernest Bramah

  LETTER XIII

  Concerning a state of necessity; the arisings engendered thereby, and the turned-away face of those ruling the literary quarter of the city towards one possessing a style. This foreign manner of feigning representations, and concerning my dignified portrayal of two.

  VENERATED SIRE,--It is now more than three thousand years ago that thesublime moralist Tcheng How, on being condemned by a resentful officialto a lengthy imprisonment in a very inadequate oil jar, imperturbablyreplied, "As the snail fits his impliant shell, so can the wise adaptthemselves to any necessity," and at once coiled himself up in therestricted space with unsuspected agility. In times of adversity thisincomparable reply has often shone as a steadfast lantern before myfeet, but recently it struck my senses with a heavier force, forupon presenting myself on the last occasion at the place of exchangefrequented by those who hitherto have carried out your spoken promisewith obliging exactitude, and at certain stated intervals freely grantedto this person a sufficiency of pieces of gold, merely requiringin return an inscribed and signet-bearing record of the fact, I wasreceived with no diminution of sympathetic urbanity, indeed, but withhands quite devoid of outstretched fulness.

  In a small inner chamber, to which I was led upon uttering courteousprotests, one of solitary authority explained how the deficiency hadarisen, but owing to the skill with which he entwined the most intricateterms in unbroken fluency, the only impression left upon my superficialmind was, that the person before me was imputing the scheme formy despoilment less to any mercenary instinct on the part of hisconfederates, than to a want of timely precision maintained by one whoseemed to bear an agreeable-sounding name somewhat similar to your own,and who, from the difficulty of reaching his immediate ear, might beregarded as dwelling in a distant land. Encouraged by this conciliatoryprofession (and seeing no likelihood of gaining my end otherwise), Ithereupon declared my willingness that the difference lying between usshould be submitted to the pronouncement of dispassionate omens, eitherpassing birds, flat and round sticks, the seeds of two oranges, wood andfire, water poured out upon the ground or any equally reliable sign ashe himself might decide. However, in spite of his honourable assurances,he was doubtless more deeply implicated in the adventure than hewould admit, for at this scrupulous proposal the benignant mask of hisexpression receded abruptly, and, striking a hidden bell, he waved hishands and stood up to signify that further justice was denied me.

  In this manner a state of destitution calling for the fullest acceptanceof Tcheng How's impassive philosophy was created, nor had manyhours faded before the first insidious temptation to depart from hisuncompromising acquiescence presented itself.

  At that time there was no one in whom I reposed a larger-sized pieceof confidence (in no way involving sums of money,) than one officiallystyled William Beveledge Greyson, although, profiting by our own custom,it is unusual for those really intimate with his society to address himfully, unless the occasion should be one of marked ceremony. Forming aresolution, I now approached this obliging person, and revealing to himthe cause of the emergency, I prayed that he would advise me, as oneabandoned on a strange Island, by what handicraft or exercise of skill Imight the readiest secure for the time a frugal competence.

  "Why, look here, aged man," at once replied the lavish William Greyson,"don't worry yourself about that. I can easily let you have a few poundsto tide you over. You will probably hear from the bank in the courseof a few days or weeks, and it's hardly worth while doing anythingeccentric in the meantime."

  At this delicately-worded proposal I was about to shake hands withmyself in agreement, when the memory of Tcheng How's resolute submissionagain possessed me, and seeing that this would be an unworthy betrayalof destiny I turned aside the action, and replying evasively that theworld was too small to hold himself and another equally magnanimous, Iagain sought his advice.

  "Now what silly upside-down idea is it that you've got into that Chinesepuzzle you call your head, Kong?" he replied; for this same William wasone who habitually gilded unpalatable truths into the semblance ofa flattering jest. "Whenever you turn off what you are saying intoa willow-pattern compliment and bow seventeen times like an animatedmandarin, I know that you are keeping something back. Be a man anda brother, and out with it," and he struck me heavily upon the leftshoulder, which among the barbarians is a proof of cordiality to beesteemed much above the mere wagging of each other's hands.

  "In the matter of guidance," I replied, "this person is ready to situnreservedly on your well-polished feet. But touching the borrowing ofmoney, obligations to restore with an added sum after a certain period,initial-bearing papers of doubtful import, and the like, I have read toodeeply the pointed records of your own printed sheets not to preferan existence devoted to the scraping together of dust at the streetcorners, rather than a momentary affluence which in the end would betrayme into the tiger-like voracity of a native money-lender."

  "Well, you do me proud, Kong," said William Beveledge, after regardingme fixedly for a moment. "If I didn't remember that you are aflat-faced, slant-eyed, top-side-under, pig-tailed old heathen, I shouldbe really annoyed at your unwarrantable personalities. Do you take MEfor what you call a 'native money-lender'?"

  "The pronouncements of destiny are written in iron," I repliedinoffensively, "and it is as truly said that one fated to end his lifein a cave cannot live for ever on the top of a pagoda. Undoubtedly asone born and residing here you are native, and as inexorably it succeedsthat if you lend me pieces of gold you become a money-lender. Therefore,though honourably inspired at the first, you would equally be drawn intothe entanglement of circumstance, and the unevadible end must inevitablybe that against which your printed papers consistently warn one."

  "And what is that?" asked Beveledge Greyson, still regarding me closely,as though I were a creature of another part.

  "At first," I replied, "there would be an alluring snare of gracefulwords, tea, and the consuming of paper-rolled herbs, and the matterwould be lightly spoken of as capable of an easy adjustment; which,indeed, it cannot be denied, is how the detail stands at present. Thenext position would be that this person, finding himself unable togather together the equivalent of return within the stated time, wouldgreet you with a very supple neck and pray for a further extension,which would be permitted on the understanding that in the event offailure his garments and personal charms should be held in bondage. Toescape so humiliating a necessity, as the time drew near I would addressmyself to another, one calling himself William, perchance, and dwellingin a northern province, to whom I would be compelled to assign mypeach-orchard at Yuen-ping. Then by varying degrees of infamy I wouldin turn be driven to visit a certain Bevel of the Middle Lands, a personEdge carrying on his insatiable traffic on the southern coast, one Greyelsewhere, and a Mr. Son, of the west, who might make an honourableprofession of lending money without any security whatever, but who inthe end would possess himself of my ancestral tablets, wives, and inlaidcoffin, and probably also obtain a lien upon my services and prosperityin the Upper Air. Then, when I had parted from all comfort in thislife, and every hope of affluence in the Beyond, it would presentlybe disclosed that all these were in reality as one person who hadunceasingly plotted to my destruction, and William Beveledge Greysonwould stand revealed in the guise of a malevolent vampire. Truly thatdevelopment has at this moment an appearance of unreality, and worthyeven of pooh-pooh, but thus is the warning spread by your own printedpapers and the records of your Halls of Justice, and it would be anunseemly presumption for one of my immature experience to ignore theoutstretched and warning finger of authority."

  "Well, Kong," he said at length, after considering my words attentively,"I always thought that your mental outlook was a hash of Black Art,paper lanterns, blank verse, twilight, and delirium tremens, but hang meif you aren't sound on finance, and I only wish that you'd get some ofmy friends to look at the matter of borrowing in your own reasonable,broad-minded light. The question is, what next?"

>   I replied that I leaned heavily against his sagacious insight, adding,however, that even among a nation of barbarians one who could repeatthe three hundred and eleven poems comprising the Book of Odes frombeginning to end, and claim the degree "Assured Genius" would ever becertain of a place.

  "Yes," replied William Greyson,--"in the workhouse. Put your degree inyour inside pocket, Kong, and don't mention it. You'll have far morechance as a distressed mariner. The casual wards are full of B.A.'s,but the navy can't get enough A.B.'s at any price. What do you say toan organ, by the way? Mysterious musicians generally go down well, andI dare say there's room for a change from veiled ladies, persecutedcaptains and indigent earls. You ought to make a sensation."

  "Is it in the nature of melodious sounds upon winding a handle?" Iasked, not at the moment grasping with certainty to what organ hereferred.

  "Well, some call them that," he admitted, "others don't. I suppose, now,you wouldn't care to walk to Brighton with your feet tied together,or your hair in curl papers, and then get on at a music hall? Or wouldthere be any chance of your Legation kidnapping you if it was properlyworked? 'Kong Ho, the great Chinese Reformer, tells the Story of hisLife,'--there ought to be money in it. Are you a reformer or the leaderof a secret society, Kong?"

  "On the contrary," I replied, "we of our Line have ever been unflinchingin our loyalty to the dynasty of Tsing."

  "You ought to have known better, then. It's a poor business being thatin your country nowadays. Pity there are no bye-elections on the AfricanLabour Question, or you'd be snapped up for a procession."

  To this I replied that although the idea of moving in a processionaltriumph would readily ensnare the minds of the light and fantastic, Ishould prefer some more literary occupation, submissively adding that insuch a case I would not stiffen my joints against the most menial lot,even that of blending my voice in a laudatory chorus, or of carryingofficial pronouncements about the walls of the city, for it is said withjustice, "The starving man does not peel his melon, nor do the parchedfirst wipe round the edges of the proffered cup."

  "If you've set your mind on something literary," said Beveledgeconfidently, "you have every chance of finishing up in a chorus orcarrying printed placards about the streets, certainly. When it comesto that, look me up in Eastcheap." With this encouraging assurance ofmy ultimate success he left me, and rejoicing that I had not fallen intothe snare of opposing a written destiny, I sought the literary quartersof the city.

  When this person has been able to write of any custom or facet ofexistence here in a strain of conscientious esteem, he has not hesitatedto dip his brush deeply into the inkpot. Reverting backwards, thisbarbarian enactment of not permitting those who from any cause havedecided upon spending the night in a philosophical abstraction to reposeupon the public seats about the swards and open spaces is not conceivedin a mood of affable toleration. Nevertheless there are deserted placesbeyond the furthest limits of the city where a more amiable full-faceis shown. On the eleventh day of this one's determination to sustainhimself by the exercise of his literary style, he was journeying aboutsunset towards one of these spots, subduing the grosser instincts ofmankind by reviewing the wisdom of the sublime Lao Ch'un, who decidedthat heat and cold, pain and fatigue, and mental distress, have no realexistence, and are therefore amenable to logical disproof, while thecravings of hunger and thirst are merely the superfluous attributes ofa former and lower state of existence, when a passer-by, who for somedistance had been alternately advancing before and remaining behind,matched his footsteps into mine.

  "Whichee way walk-go, John, eh?" said this unfortunate being, whoappeared to be suffering from a laborious deformity of speech. "Alleesamee load me. Chin-chin."

  Filled with compassion for one who evidently found himself alone in astrange land, in the absence of his more highly-accomplished companion,unable to indicate his wants and requirements to those about him, Iregretfully admitted that I had not chanced to encounter that Johnwhose wandering footsteps he sought; and to indicate, by not leaving himabruptly, that I maintained a sympathetic concern over his welfare, Ipointed out to him the exceptional brilliance of the approaching night,adding that I myself was then directing a course towards a certainspacious Heath, a few li distant in the north.

  "Sing-dance tomollow, then?" he said, with a condensed air of generaldisappointment. "Chop-chop in a pay look-see show on Ham--Hamstl--ohdamme! on 'Ampstead 'Eath? Booked up, eh, John?"

  Gradually convinced that it was becoming necessary to readjust thesignificance of the incident, I replied that I had no intention ofpartaking of chops or food of any variety in an erected tent, but merelyof passing the night in an intellectual seclusion.

  "Oh," said the one who was walking by my side, regarding my garmentswith engaging attention, and at the same time appearing to regain anunruffled speech as though the other had been an assumed device, "Iunderstand--the Blue Sky Hotel. Well, I've stayed there once or twicemyself. A bit down on your uppers, eh?"

  "Assuredly this person may perchance lay his upper parts down for ashort space of time," I admitted, when I had traced out the symbolism ofthe words. "As it is humanely written in The Books, 'Sleep and suicideare the free refuges equally of the innocent and the guilty.'"

  "Oh, come now, don't," exclaimed the energetic person, striking himselftogether by means of his two hands. "It's sinful to talk about suicidethe day before bank holiday. Why, my only Somali warrior has vamoosedwith his full make-up, and the Magnetic Girl too, and I never thought ofsuicide--only whether to turn my old woman into a Veiled Beauty of theHarem or a Hairy Lama from Tibet."

  Not absolutely grasping the emergency, yet in a spirit of inoffensivecordiality I remarked that the alternative was insufferably perplexing,while he continued.

  "Then I spotted you, and in a flash I got an idea that ought to take andturn out really great if you'll come in. Now follow this: Missionary'stent in the wilds of Pekin. Domestic interior by lamp-light. Missionary(me) reading evening paper; missionary's wife (the missus) making tea,and between times singing to keep the small pet goat quiet (small goat,a pillow, horsecloth, and pocket-handkerchief). Breaks down singing,sobs, and says she feels a strange all-over presentiment. Missionaryadmits being a bit fluffed himself, and lets out about a notice signedin blood that he's seen in the city."

  "Carried upon a pole?" this person demanded, feeling that something of aliterary nature might yet be wrested into the incident.

  "On a flagstaff if you like," conceded the other one magnanimously. "Anotice to the effect that it is the duty of every jack mother's son ofthem to douse the foreign devils, man, woman, and child, and especiallythe talk-book pass-hat-round men. Also that he has had severalbrick-ends heaved at him on his way back. Then stops suddenly, hitshis upper crust, and says that it's like his blamed fat-headednessto frighten her; while she clutches at herself three times and faintsaway."

  "Amid the voluminous burning of blue lights?" suggested this personresourcefully.

  "By rights there should be," admitted the one who was devising therepresentation; "but it will hardly run to it. Anyway, it costs nothingto turn the lamp down--saves a bit in fact, and gives an effect. Thenoutside, in the distance at first you understand, you begin to work upthe sound of the advancing mob--rattles, shouts, tum-tums, groans, tinplates and all that one mortal man can do with hands, feet and mouth."

  "With the interspersal of an occasional cracker and the stirring notesproduced by striking a hollow wooden fish repeatedly?" I cried; for letit be confessed that amid the portrayal of the scene my imagination hadtaken an allotted part.

  "If you like to provide them, and don't set the bally show on fire," hereplied. "Anyhow, these two aren't supposed to notice anything even whenthe row gets louder. Then it drops and you are heard outside talking inwhispers to the others--words of command and telling them to keep backhalf-a-mo, and so on. See?"

  "Doubtless introducing a spoken charm and repeating the words of anincantation against omens, treachery, and oth
er matters."

  "Next a flap of the tent down on the floor is raised, and youreconnoitre, looking your very worst and holding a knife between yourteeth and another in each hand. Wave a hand to your followers to keepback--or come on: it makes no difference. Then you crawl in on yourstomach, give a terrific howl, and stab me in the back. That rollsme under the curtain, and so lets me out. The missus ups with thewood-chopper and stands before the cradle, while you yell and danceround with the knives. That ought to be made 'the moment' of the wholepiece. The great thing is to make enough noise. If you can yell louderthan the talking-machine outfit on the next pitch we ought to turn moneyaway. While you are at it I start a fresh row outside--shouts, cheers,groans, words of command and a paper bag or two. Seeing that the gameis up you make a rush at the old woman; she downs you with the chopper,turns the lamp up full, shakes out a Union Jack over the sleepinginfant, and finally stands in her finest attitude with one hand pointingimpressively upwards and the other contemptuously downwards just as RuleBritannia is played on the cornet outside and I appear at the door in ageneral's full uniform and let down the curtain."

  For acting in the manner designated--as touching the noises both insideand out, the set dance with upraised knives, the casting to earth ofhimself, and being myself in turn vanquished by the aged female, withan added compact that from time to time I should be led by a chainand shown to the people from a raised platform--we agreed upon a dailyreward of two pieces of silver, an adequacy of food, and a certainambiguously-referred-to share of the gain. It need not be denied thatwith so favourable an opportunity of introducing passages from theClassics a much less sum would have been accepted, but having obtainedthis without a struggle, the one now recounting the facts raised theopportune suggestion of an inscribed placard, in order to fulfil theportent foreshadowed by William Greyson.

  "Oh, we'll star you, never fear," assented the accommodating personage,and having by this time reached that spot upon the Heath where hisDomestic Altar had been raised, we entered.

  "All the most distinguished actors in this country take anothername," he said reflectively, when he had drawn forth a parchment ofpraiseworthy dimensions and ink of three colours, "and though I havenothing to say against Kong Ho Tsin Cheng Quank Paik T'chun Li YuenNung for quiet unostentatious dignity, it doesn't have just the gripand shudder that we want. Now how does 'Fang' strike you?" and upon mycourteous acquiescence that this indeed united within it those qualitieswhich he required, he traced its characters in red ink upon a lavishscale.

  "'Fang Hung Sin' about fits the idea of snap and bloodthirstiness, Ishould say," he continued, and using the brush and all the colourswith an expert proficiency which would infallibly gain him an earlyrecognition at any of our competitive examinations, he presently laidbefore me the following gracefully-composed notice, which was suspendedfrom a conspicuous pole about the door of the tent on the following day.

  FANG HUNG SIN The Captured Boxer Chieftain.

  Under a strong guard, and by arrangement with the British and Chinese authorities concerned,

  Fang Hung Sin

  Will positively re-enact the GORY SCENES of CARNAGE in which he took a LEADING and SANGUINARY PART during the LATE RISING.

  ALONE IN PEKIN Or, What a Woman can do.

  PANEL I. PEACE: The Missionary's Tent by Night--All's Well-- The Dread Warning--"I am by your side, Beloved."

  PANEL II. ALARM: The Signal--The Spy--The Mob Outside-- Treachery--"Save Yourself, my Darling"--"And Leave You? Never!"

  PANEL III. REVENGE: The Attack--The Blow Falls--Who Can Save Her Now?--"Back, Renegade Viper!"--The English Guns --"Rule Britannia!"

  FANG HUNG SIN, The Desperado. There is only one FANG, and he must be seen. FANG! FANG!! FANG!!!

  I will not upon this occasion, esteemed one, delay myself with anaccount of this barbarian Festival of Lanterns; or, as their languagewould convey it, Feast of Cocoa-nuts, beyond admitting that withthe possible exception of an important provincial capital during thetriennial examinations I doubt whether our own unapproachable Empirecould show a more impressively-extended gathering, either in the diverseand ornamental efflorescence of head garb, in the affectionate displayopenly lavished by persons of one sex towards those of the other, oreven one more successful in our own pre-eminent art of producing themultitudinous harmony of conflicting sounds.

  At the appointed hour this person submitted himself to be heavilyshackled, and being led out before the assembled crowd, endeavoured bya smiling benignity of manner and by reassuring signs of welcome, toproduce a favourable impression upon their sympathies and to allurethem within. This pacific face was undoubtedly successful, howeveroffensively the ill-conditioned one who stood by was inspired to expresshimself behind his teeth, for the space of the tent was very quicklyoccupied and the actions of simulation were to begin.

  Without doubt it might have been better if this person had first madehimself more fully acquainted with the barbarian manner of acting. Thefact that this imagined play, which even in one of our inferior theatreswould have filled the time pleasantly for two or three months, was tobe compressed into the narrow limits of seven minutes and a half, shouldreasonably have warned him that amid the ensuing rapidity of word andaction, most of the leisurely courtesies and all the subtle range ofconcealed emotion which embellish our own wood pavement must be ignored.But it is well and suggestively written, "The person who deliberatessufficiently before taking every step will spend his life standingupon one leg." In the past this one had not found himself to be grosslyinadequate on any arising emergency, and he now drew aside the hangingdrapery and prepared to carry out a preconcerted part with intrepidself-reliance.

  It has already been expressed, that the reason and incentive urging meto a ready agreement lay in the opportunities by which suitable passagesfrom the high Classics could be discreetly woven into the fabric of theplot, and the occupation thereby permeated with an honourable literaryflavour. In accordance with this resolve I blended together manyimperishable sayings of the wisest philosophers to present the cries andturmoil of the approaching mob, but it was not until I protruded myhead beneath the hanging canopy in the guise of one observing that anopportunity arose of a really well-sustained effort. In this position Irecited Yung Ki's stimulating address to his troops when in sight of anoverwhelming foe, and, in spite of the continually back-thrust footof the undiscriminating one before me, I successfully accomplished theseventy-five lines of the poem without a stumble. Then entering fully,with many deprecatory bows and expressions of self-abasement at takingpart in so seemingly detestable an action, I treacherously, yet withinoffensive tact, struck the one wearing an all-round collar delicatelyupon the back. Not recognising the movement, or being in some other wayobtuse, the person in question instead of sinking to the ground turnedhastily to me in the form of an inquiry, leaving me no other reasonablecourse than to display the knife openly to him, and to assure him thatthe fatal blow had already been inflicted. Undoubtedly his immoderateretorts were inept at such a moment, nor was his ensuing strategy ofturning completely round three times, striking himself about the headand body, and uttering ceremonious curses before he fell devoid oflife--as though the earlier remarks had been part of the ordainedscheme--to any degree convincing, and the cries of disapproval from theonlookers proved that they also regarded this one as the victim of anunworthy rebuke.

  "Not if the benches were filled at half a guinea a head would I takeon another performance like that," exclaimed the one with whom I wasassociated, when it was over. "Besides the dead loss of lasting threequarters of an hour it's tempting providence when the seats are movable.I suppose it isn't your fault, Kong, you poor creature, but you haven'tgot no glare and glitter. There's only one thing for it: you must be theRev. Mr. Walker and I'll take Fang." He then robed himself in my attire,guided me among the intricacies of the all-round collar and outergarments in exchange, hung a slender rope about his back, and aftercompleting the artifice by a skilful device of massing coloured inksupon
our faces, he commanded me to lead him out by a chain and observeintelligently how a captive Boxer chief should disport himself.

  No sooner had we reached the platform than the one whom I controlledleapt high into the air, dragged me to the edge of the erection, showedhis teeth towards the assembly and waved his arms menacingly at them;then turning upon this person, he inflamed his face with passion,rattled his chain furiously, and uttered such vengeance-laden criesthat, unable to subdue the emotion of fear, I abandoned all pretence,and dropping the chain, fled to the furthest recess of the tent,followed by the still threatening Fang.

  There is an expression among us, "Cheng-hu was too considerate: he triedto drive nails with a cucumber." Cheng-hu would certainly have quicklyfound the necessity of a weapon of three-times hardened steel if he hadlived among these barbarians, who are insensible to the higher forms ofpoliteness, in addition to acting in a contrary and illogical manneron all occasions. Instead of being repelled and discouraged by Fang'soutrageous behaviour, they clamoured to be admitted into the tent morevehemently than before, and so successfully established the venture thatthe one to whom I must now allude throughout as Fang signified to me hiscovetous intention of reducing the performance by a further two and ahalf minutes in order to reap an added profit and to garner all his ricebefore the Hoang Ho rose.

  As for myself, revered, it would be immature to hold the gauze screen ofprevarication between your all-discerning mind and my own trepidation.From the moment when I first saw the expression of utterly depravedmalignity and deep-seared hate which he had cunningly engraved upon hisface by means of the coloured inks, I was far from being comfortablysettled within myself. Even the society of the not inelegant being ofthe inner chamber, whom it was now my part to console with alluringwords and movements, could not for some time retain my face from aback-way instinct at every sound; but when the detail was reached thatshe sank into my grasp bereft of all energy, and for the first time Iwas just succeeding in forgetting the unpropitious surroundings, theone Fang, who had entered with unseemly stealth, suddenly hurled hissoul-freezing battle-cry upon my ear and leapt forward with upliftedknife. Perceiving the action from an angle of my eye even as hepropelled himself through the air, I could not restrain an ignoble wailof despair, and not scrupling to forsake the maiden, I would have takenrefuge beneath a couch had he not seized my outer robe and hurled meto the ground. From this point to the close of the entertainmentthe vigorous person in question did not cease from raising cries andchallenges in an unfaltering and many-fathomed stream, while at the sametime he continued to spring from one extremity of the stage to the othersurrounded by every external attribute of an insatiable tiger-like rage.It is circumstantially related that the one near at hand, who has beenreferred to as possessing a voiced machine, became demented, and bearingthe contrivance to a certain tent erected by the charitable, entreatedthem to remove the impediment from its speech so that it might be heardagain and his livelihood restored. When the action of brandishinga profusion of knives before the lesser one's eyes was reached, sonerve-shattering was the impression which Fang created that the back ofthe tent had to be removed in order to let out those who no longer hadpossession of themselves, and to let in those--to a ten-folddegree--who strove for admission on the rumour spreading that somethingexceptionally repellent was progressing within.

  With what attenuated organs of repose this person would have reachedthe end of so strenuous an occupation had he been compelled to twelveenactments each hour throughout the gong-strokes of the day without anyliterary relief, it is not enticing to dwell upon. This evil was avertedby a timely intervention, for upon proceeding to the outer air for thethird time I at once perceived among the foremost throng the engagingfull-face of William Beveledge Greyson. This really painstakingindividual had learned, as he afterwards explained, that the chiefs ofexchange (those who in the first case had opposed me resolutely,) hadreceived a written omen, and now in contrition were expressing theirwillingness to hold out a full restitution. With this assurance hehad set forth in an unremitting search, and guided by street-watchers,removers of superfluous earth, families propelling themselves forwardupon one foot, astrologers, two-wheeled charioteers, and others who moveearly and secretly by night, he had traced my description to this sameHeath. Here he had been attracted by the displayed placard (rememberingmy honourable boast), and approaching nearer, he had plainly recognisedmy voice within. But in spite of this the successful disentanglement wasby no means yet accomplished.

  Not expecting so involved a reversal of things, and being short-eyed bynature, William Greyson did not wait for a fuller assurance than tobe satisfied that the one before him wore my robes and conformed in ageneral outline, before he addressed him.

  "Kong Ho," he said pleasantly, "what the Chief Evil Spirit are you doingup there?" adding persuasively, "Come down, there's a good fellow. Ihave something important to tell you."

  Thus appealed to, the one Fang hesitated in doubt, seeing on the onehand a certain loss of face if he declined the conversation, and on theother hand having no clear perception of what was required from him.Therefore he entered upon a course of evasion and somewhat incapablyreplied, "Chow Chop Wei Hai Wei Lung Tung Togo Kuroki Jim Jam BeriBeri."

  "Don't act the horned sheep," said Beveledge, who was both resolute andone easily set into violent motion by an opposing stream. "Come down,or I'll come up and fetch you." And not being satisfied with Fang'sill-advised attempt to express himself equivocally, those around took upthe apt similitude of a self-opinionated animal, and began to suggest acomparison to other creatures no less degraded.

  "Rats yourselves!" exclaimed the easily-inflamed person at my side,losing the inefficient cords of his prudence beneath the sting. "Who'sa rabbit? For two guinea-pigs I'd mow all the grass between here andthe Spaniards with your own left ears," and not permitting me sufficientpreparation to withhold the chain more firmly, he abruptly cast himselfdown among them, amid a scene of the most untamed confusion.

  "Oh, affectionately-disposed brethren," I exclaimed, moving forward andraising my hand in refined disapproval, "the sublime Confucius, in thetwenty-third chapter of the book called 'The Great Learning,' warns usagainst--" but before I could formulate the allusion BeveledgeGreyson, who at the sound of my conciliatory words had gazed first inastonishment and then in a self-convulsed position, drew himself up tomy side, and taking a firm grasp upon the all-round collar, projected mewithout a pause through the tent, and only halting for a moment to pointsignificantly back to the varied and animated scene behind, where, amida very profuse display of contending passions, the erected stage wasalready being dragged to the ground, and a band of the official watchwas in the act of converging from every side, he led me through moredeserted paths to the scene of a final extrication.

  With a well-gratified sense of having held an unswerving course alongthe convoluted outline of Destiny's decree, to whatever tending.

  KONG HO.

  LETTER XIV

  Concerning a pressing invitation from an ever benevolently- disposed father to a prosaic but dutifully-inclined son. The recording of certain matters of no particular moment. Concerning that ultimate end which is symbolic of the inexorable wheels of a larger Destiny.

  VENERATED SIRE,--It is not for the earthworm to say when and in whatexact position the iron-shod boot shall descend, and this person, beingan even inferior creature for the purpose of the comparison, bows anacquiescent neck to your very explicit command that he shall return toYuen-ping without delay. He cannot put away from his mind a clingingsuspicion that this arising is the result of some imperfection inhis deplorable style of correspondence, whereby you have formed animpression quite opposed to that which it had been the intention toconvey, and that, perchance, you even have a secret doubt whether uponsome specified occasion he may not have conducted the enterprise to anignoble, or at least not markedly successful, end. However, the sayingruns, "The stone-cutter always has the last word," and you equally, byintimating with your usual una
nswerable and clear-sighted gift oflogic that no further allowance of taels will be sent for this one'sdispersal, diplomatically impose upon an ever-yearning son the mostfeverish anxiety once more to behold your large and open-handed face.

  Standing thus poised, as it may be said, for a returning flight acrossthe elements of separation, it is not inopportune for this person to lethimself dwell gracefully upon those lighter points of recollection whichhave engraved themselves from time to time upon his mind without leadingto any more substantial adventure worthy to record. Many of the thingswhich seemed strange and incomprehensible when he first came amongthis powerful though admittedly barbarian people, are now revealed ata proper angle; others, to which he formerly imagined he had found thedisclosing key, are, on the other hand, plunged into a distorting haze;while between these lie a multitude of details in every possible stageof disentanglement and doubt. As a final and painstaking pronouncement,this person has no hesitation in declaring that this country isnot--as practically all our former travellers have declared--completelydown-side-up as compared with our own manners and customs, but at thesame time it is very materially sideways.

  Thus, instead of white, black robes are the indication of mourning; butas, for the generality, the same colour is also used for occasions ofcommerce, ceremony, religion, and the ordinary affairs of life, thematter remains exactly as it was before. Yet with obtuse inconsistencythe garments usually white--in which a change would be reallynoticeable--remain white throughout the most poignant grief. How muchmore markedly expressed would be the symbolism if during such a periodthey wore white outer robes and black body garments. Nevertheless itcannot be said that they are unmindful of the emblematic influence ofcolour, for, unlike the reasonable conviction that red is red and blueis blue, which has satisfied our great nation from the days of thelegendary Shun, these pale-eyed foreigners have diverged into countlesstrifling imaginings, so that when the one who is now expressing hiscontempt for the development required a robe of a certain hue, he had tobend his mouth, before he could be exactly understood, to the degradingnecessity of asking for "Drowned-rat brown," "Sunstroke magenta,""Billingsgate purple," "London milk azure," "Settling-day green," or thelike. In the other signs of mourning they do not come within measurabledistance of our pure and uncomfortable standard. "If you are reallysincere in your regret for the one who has Passed Beyond, why do you notsit upon the floor for seven days and nights, take up all food with yourfingers, and allow your nails to grow untrimmed for three years?" wasa question which I at first instinctively put to lesser ones in theiraffliction. In every case save one I received answers of evasivepurport, and even the one stated reason, "Because although I am a poorwidder I ain't a pig," I deemed shallow.

  I have already dipped a revealing brush into the subject of names.Were the practice of applying names in a wrong and illogical sequencemaintained throughout it might indeed raise a dignified smile, butit would not appear contemptible; but what can be urged when upon anoccasion one name appears first, upon another occasion last? A dignityis conferred in old age, and it is placed before the family designationborne by an honoured father and a direct line of seventeen reveredancestors. Another title is bestowed, and eats up the former like arevengeful dragon. New distinctions follow, some at one end, others atanother, until a very successful person may be suitably compared tothe ringed oleander snake, which has the power of growing equallyfrom either the head or the tail. To express the matter by a definiteallusion, how much more graceful and orchideous, even in a condensedfashion, would appear the designation of this selected one, if insteadof the usual form of the country it was habitually set forth in thefollowing logical and thoroughly Chinese style:--Chamberlain Joseph,Master, Mr., Thrice Wearer of the Robes and Golden Collar, One of theJust Peacemakers, Esquire, Member of the House of Law-givers, Leaderin the Council of Commerce, Presider over the Tables of ProvincialGovernment, Uprightly Honourable Secretary of the Outlying Parts.

  Among the notes which at various times I have inscribed in a bookfor future guidance I find it written on an early page, "They do nothesitate to express their fathers' names openly," but to this assertionthere stands a warning sign which was added after the followingincident. "Is it true, Mr. Kong," asked a lesser one, who is spoken ofas vastly rich but discontented with her previous lot, of this personupon an occasion, "is it really true that your countrymen to notconsider it right to speak of their fathers' names, even in thisenlightened age?" To this I replied that the matter was as she hadeloquently expressed it, and, encouraged by her amiable condescension,I asked after the memory of her paternal grandsire, whose name I hadfrequently heard whispered in connection with her own. To my inelegantconfusion she regarded me for a period as though I had the virtue ofhaving become transparent, and then passed on in a most overwhelmingexcess of disconcertingly-arranged silence.

  "You've done it now, Kong," said one who stood by (or, as we wouldexpress the same thought, "You have succeeded in accomplishing theundesirable"); "don't you know that the old man was in the tripe andtrotter line?"

  "To no degree," I replied truly. "Yet," I continued, matching his idiomwith another equally facile, "wherein was this person's screw loose? Arethey not openly referred to--those of the Line of Tripe and Trotter--bytheir descendants?"

  "Not in most cases," he said, with a concentration that indicateda lurking sting among his words. "Generally speaking, they aren'tmentioned or taken into any account whatever. While they are alive theyare kept in the background and invited to treat themselves to the Towerwhen nice people are expected; when dead they are fastened up in thefamily back cupboard by a score of ten-inch nails and three-trick Yalelocks, so to speak. And in the meantime all the splash is being made ontheir muddy oof. See?"

  I nodded agreeably, though, had the opportunity been more favourable, Iwould have made the feint to learn somewhat more of this secret practiceof burying in the enclosed space beneath the stairs. Thus is it setforth why, after the statement, "They do not hesitate to express theirfathers' names openly," it is further written, "Walk slowly! Engravewell upon your discreet remembrance the unmentionable Line of Tripe andTrotter."

  Another point of comparison which the superficial have failed to recordis to be found in the frequent encouragements to regard The Virtueswhich are to be seen, like our own Confucian extracts, freely inscribedon every wall and suitable place about the city. These for the most partcounsel moderation in taking false oaths, in stepping heedlessly uponthe unknown ground, in following paths which lead to doubtful ends, andother timely warnings. "Beware a smoke-breathing demon," is frequentlycast across one's path upon a barrier, and this person has never failedto accept the omen and to retrace his steps hastily without looking tothe right or the left. Even our own national caution is not forgotten,although to conform to barbarian indolence it is written, "Slowly,slowly; drive slowly." "Keep to the Right" (or, "Abandon that which isevil," as the analogy holds,) is perhaps the most frequently displayedof all, and doubtless many charitable persons obtain an ever-accruingmerit by hanging the sign bearing these words upon every available post.Others are of a stern and threatening nature, designed to make the mosthardened ill-doer pause, as--in their own tongue--"Rubbish may be shothere"; which we should render, "At any moment, and in such a placeas this, a just doom and extinction may overtake the worthless." Thisinscription is never to be seen except in waste expanses, where itpoints its significance with a multiplied force. There is anotherdefinite threat which is lavishly set out, and so thoroughly that it maybe encountered in the least frequented and almost inaccessible spots.This, as it may be translated, reads, "Trespass not the forbidden. Theprofligate may flourish like the gourd for a season, but in theend assuredly they will be detected, and justice meted out with therelentless fury of the written law."

  In a converse position, the wide difference in the ceremonial forms ofretaliatory invective has practically disarmed this usually eloquentperson, and he long since abandoned every hope of expressing himselfwith any satisfaction i
n encounters of however acrimonious a trend.At first, with an urbane smile and gestures of dignified contempt, heimpugned the authenticity of the Ancestral Tablets of those with whomhe strove, in an unbroken stream of most bitter contumely. Finding themsilent under this reproach, he next lightly traced their origin backthrough generations of afflicted lepers, deformed ape-beings, andNameless Things, to a race of primitive ghouls, and then went on inrelentless fluency to predict an early return in their descendants tothe condition of a similar state. For some time he had a well-gratifiedassurance that those whom he assailed were so overwhelmed as to beincapable of retort, and in this belief he never failed to call uponpassers-by to witness his triumph; but on the fourth occasion a youngman whom I had thus publicly denounced for a sufficient though forgottenreason, after listening courteously to my venomous accusations, bestoweda two-cash piece upon me and passed on, remarking that it was hard,and those around, also, would have added from their stores had itbeen permitted. From this time onward I did not attempt to make myselfdisagreeable either in public or to those whom I esteemed privately. Onthe other hand, the barbarian manner of retort did not find me endowedby nature to parry it successfully. Quite lacking in measured periods,it aims, by an extreme rapidity of thrust and an insincerity ofsequence, to entangle the one who is assailed in a complication ofarising doubts and emotions. "Who are you,--no one but yourself,"exclaimed a hireling of hung-dog expression who claimed to haveexchanged pledging gifts with a certain maiden who stood, as it were,between us, and falling into the snare, I protested warmly against theinsult, and strove to disprove the inference before the paralogism layrevealed. Throughout the whole range of the Odes, the Histories, theAnalects, and the Rites what recognised formula of rejoinder is there tothe taunt, "Oh, go and put your feet in mustard and cress"; or howcan one, however skilled in the highest Classics, parry the subtleinconsistencies of the reproach, "You're a nice bit of orl right, aren'tyou? Not arf, I don't think."

  Among the arts of this country that of painting upon canvas is held inrepute, but to a person associated with the masterpieces of the Ma epochthese native attempts would be gravity-dispelling if they were not tooreminiscent of the torture chamber. It is rarely, indeed, that even themost highly-esteemed picture-makers succeed in depicting every portionof a human body submitted to their brush, and not infrequently halfof the face is left out. Once, when asked by a paint-applier who wasentitled to append two signs of exceptional distinction behind his name,to express an opinion upon a finished work, I diffidently called hisattention to the fact that he had forgotten to introduce a certainexalted one's left ear. "Not at all, Mr. Kong," he replied, with anexpression of ill-merited self-satisfaction, "but it is hidden by theface." "Yet it exists," I contended; "why not, therefore, press it tothe front at all hazard, rather than send so great a statesman downinto the annals of posterity as deformed to that extent?" "It certainlyexists," he admitted, "and one takes that for granted; but in my pictureit cannot be seen." I bowed complaisantly, content to let so damagingan admission point its own despair. A moment later I continued, "In thegreat Circular Hall of the Palace of Envoys there is a picture oftwo camels, foot-tethered, as it fortunately chanced, to iron rings.Formerly there were a drove of eight--the others being free--soexquisitely outlined in all their parts that one night, when the doorhad been left incautiously open, they stepped down from the wall andescaped to the woods. How deplorable would have been the plight of theseunfortunate beings, if upon passing into the state of a living existencethey had found that as a result of the limited vision of their creatorthey only possessed twelve legs and three whole bodies among them."

  Perchance this tactfully-related story, so applicable to his owndeficiencies, may sink into the imagination of the one for whom it wasinoffensively unfolded. Yet doubt remains. Our own picture-judgerstake up a position at the side of work when they with to examine itsqualities, retiring to an ever-diminishing angle in order to bring outthe more delicate effects, until a very expert and conscientious criticwill not infrequently stand really behind the picture he is consideringbefore he delivers a final pronouncement. Not until these native artistsare able to regard their crude attempts from the other side of thecanvas can they hope to become equally proficient. To this fatalshortcoming must be added that of insatiable ambition, which promptsthe young to the portrayal of widely differing subjects. Into thepicture-room of one who might thus be described this person was recentlyconducted, to pass an opinion upon a scene in which were depictedseven men of varying nationalities and appropriately garbed, one of theopposing sex carrying a lighted torch, an elephant reclining beneath afruitful vine, and the President of a Republic. For a period this personresisted the efforts of those who would have questioned him, withdrawingtheir attention to the harmonious lights upon the river mist floatingfar below, but presently, being definitely called upon, he replied asfollows: "Mih Ying, who was perhaps the greatest of his time, spent hiswhole life in painting green and yellow beetles in the act of concealingthemselves beneath dead maple leaves upon the approach of day. At theage of seventy-five he burst into tears, and upon being approached fora cause he exclaimed, 'Alas, if only this person had resisted thetemptation to be diffuse, and had confined himself to green beetlesalone, he might now, instead of contemplating a misspent career, havebeen really great.' How much less," I continued, "can a person ofimmature moustaches hope to depict two such conflicting objects as arecumbent elephant and the President of a Republic standing beneath abanner?"

  Upon the temptation to deal critically with the religious instincts ofthe islanders this person draws an obliterating brush. As practicallyevery traveller who has honoured our unattractive land with hiseffusive presence has subsequently left it in a printed record thatour ceremonies are grotesque, our priesthood ignorant and depraved,our monasteries and sacred places spots of plague upon an otherwiseflower-adorned landscape, and our beliefs and sacrifices only worthy toexist for the purpose of being made into jest-origins by more refinedcommunities, the omission on this one's part may appear uncivil andperhaps even intentionally discourteous. To this, as a burner ofjoss-sticks and an irregular person, he can only reply by a deprecatorywaving of both hands and a reassuring smile.

  With the two-sided memories of many other details hanging thickly aroundhis brush, it would not be an achievement to continue to a practicallyinexhaustible amount. As of the set days when certain things areobserved, among which fall the first of the fourth month (but that woulddisclose another involvement), another when flat cakes are partakenof without due caution, another when rounder cakes are even moreincautiously consumed, and that most brightly-illuminated of all when itis permissible to embrace maidens openly, and if discreetly accomplishedwith no overhanging fear of ensuing forms of law, beneath the emblem ofa suspended branch, in memory of the wisdom of certain venerable sageswho were doubtless expert in the practice. As of the inconvenientcustom when two persons are walking together that they should arrangethemselves side by side, to the obvious discomfort of others, thesweeping away of all opportunities for agreeable politeness, andthe utter disregard of the time-honoured example of the sagaciouswater-fowl. As of the inconsistency of refusing, even with contempt, toreceive our most intimate form of regard and use this person's lip-clothafter a feast, yet the mulish eagerness in that same youth to drink froma cup previously used by a lesser one. As of the precision (which stillremains a cloud of doubt,) with which creatures so intractable as thebull are successfully trained to roar aloud at certain gong-strokes ofthe day as an agreed signal. As of the streets in movement, the lightsat evening, and the voices of those unseen. As of these and as of othermatters, so multitudinous that they crowd about this person's mindlike the assembling swallows, circling above the deserted milletfields before they turn their beaks to the sea, and dropping his brush(perchance with an acquiescent sigh), he, also, kow-tows submissivelyto a blind but appointed destiny, and prepares to seek a passage from analien land of sojourning.

  With the impetuous craving of an a
ffectionate son to behold a reveredsire, intensified by the fact that he has reached the innermost liningof his sleeve; with affectionate greetings towards Ning, Hia-Fa, andT'ian Yen, and an assurance that they have never been really absent fromhis thoughts.

  KONG HO.

  Ernest Bramah, of whom in his lifetime Who's Who had so little to say, was born in Manchester. At seventeen he chose farming as a profession, but after three years of losing money gave it up to go into journalism. He started as correspondent on a typical provincial paper, then went to London as secretary to Jerome K. Jerome, and worked himself into the editorial side of Jerome's magazine, To-day, where he got the opportunity of meeting the most important literary figures of the day. But he soon left To-day to join a new publishing firm, as editor of a publication called The Minister; finally, after two years of this, he turned to writing as his full-time occupation. He was intensely interested in coins and published a book on the English regal copper coinage. He is, however, best known as the creator of the charming character Kai Lung who appears in Kai Lung Unrolls His Mat, Kai Lung's Golden Hours, The Wallet of Kai Lung, Kai Lung Beneath the Mulberry Tree, The Mirror of Kong Ho, and The Moon of Much Gladness; he also wrote two one-act plays which are often performed at London variety theatres, and many stories and articles in leading periodicals. He died in 1942.