Unravelled

by Jade Winters

  Chapter Six

  Lindsay pulled open the fridge door and perused the shelves, not that it really mattered since the contents rarely changed. Dinner time. A time that not so long ago was filled with elation and hope. It marked the start of the evening when Kim would come home and they got to spend some quality time together.

  She used to cook them a three course meal, which they would savour before retiring to the living room with a wine glass each. There they would talk for hours, before going to bed to make love. It had been the perfect end to a day. Lindsay could still remember the way Kim made her feel; the way she would quiver at every touch.

  Lindsay shook her head to disperse the memories. It felt like a lifetime ago, things were so different now. She reached into the fridge and pulled the bottle of wine from it, filling her glass before returning it to its place. Opening the freezer compartment, she extracted the chips, fish fingers and peas. It was all she seemed to cook these days. In some ways she was thankful, because it was cheap and there never seemed to be enough money to buy groceries. And in other ways she despised it, because it embodied everything her life had become: a loveless struggle for survival, marred by arguments and cheap living.

  Lindsay turned on the radio, hoping to drown out the children’s programme in the living room that only served to work on her nerves, then turned to start on the meal.

  She could feel Kim’s approach even before the arm snaked around her waist. Her touch still filled her with flutters of anticipation.

  ‘Hey, is there enough wine for two?’ Kim asked from behind her, adding, ‘Oh, I see the kids are still asking for fish fingers and chips.’

  Possibly because that is all we have, and all I can afford, Lindsay thought but bit her tongue, not wanting to start an argument again with the children nearby. Instead Lindsay placed her hands over Kim’s, closed her eyes and leant back into her. They were still a perfect fit. ‘What are you doing here? I didn’t think you’d be home so early.’

  ‘Are you pleased I am?’ Kim asked gently nuzzling the crook of Lindsay’s neck, her teeth just teasing her ear.

  Lindsay’s body responded in the familiar way. Butterflies started in her stomach, her pulse increased and her breathing became shallow. No, there was nothing wrong with the sex, although she could hardly remember how long it had been since the last time.

  Lindsay turned around in Kim’s arms and pressed her body firmly against Kim’s, rubbing seductively. ‘What do you think?’

  Kim eyed her cautiously. Her voice was barely a whisper. ‘I don’t know. I really don’t.’

  Lindsay held the wine glass to Kim’s lips, tipping it to allow Kim to take a sip. ‘Yes, Kim. I’m glad you’re here. In fact, I’m so glad, maybe we can have an early night tonight.’ With her free hand she ran it from Kim’s waist up to her breast.

  Kim’s chin dipped. ‘Um, I can’t tonight, I—’

  Lindsay stepped back abruptly, ending the moment and the embrace. Her arousal immediately replaced by anger as she demanded, ‘Don’t tell me you’re going out.’

  ‘Come on, Linds,’ Kim said, threading her fingers through the loops in Lindsay’s jeans, tugging on them in an attempt to regain the moment.

  Lindsay simply held her hand up in a halting gesture, shaking her head, then, working Kim’s fingers from the loops she said, ‘If you’re going, just go. I really haven’t got the energy for this.’

  Lindsay moved about angrily as she started on the children’s meals. To her it was obvious enough: Kim would rather be living the single life but was too much of a coward to just come out and say it.

  Kim threw her hands in the air. ‘And this is the problem. You never give me a chance to explain anything. It’s always your way or nothing. I’m so sick of this.’

  ‘You’re sick of this? How the hell do you think I feel?’ Lindsay demanded, not even bothering to check either her tone or volume. ‘You treat this place like a bloody hotel.’

  Lindsay took her glass to the fridge and refilled it, hoping the alcohol would give her some fortitude. What was I thinking? A simple evening in will not solve things.

  The chiming from Kim’s phone broke their stalemate.

  ‘Oh, here we go again,’ Kim said as she glanced at the screen. ‘Look, I’m gonna have to go. We’ll talk later.’

  Lindsay kept her back to Kim, not wanting her to realise exactly how upset these exchanges made her; how stupid and weak she felt for even hoping things could just be the way they used to be—if only for the night. Lindsay heard Kim come up behind her and her entire body stiffened. Why can’t she just go and leave us alone.

  Kim released a frustrated sigh before turning away. Moments later the front door closed—quite forcefully.

  Lindsay swore under her breath. The moment having left her even more confused and conflicted. Is Kim having an affair? It was not entirely inconceivable, considering how their own relationship had started.

  Katie wandered into the kitchen. ‘Is Kimmy home?’

  ‘No, sweetheart.’

  Katie’s face fell and her shoulders drooped. ‘I thought I heard her come in.’

  Lindsay stepped closer and wrapped her arms around the child. ‘She did, but she had to leave again. Why did you want to see her?’

  ‘I wanted to show her the picture I made today, but I guess it will have to wait.’

  ‘You could leave it out for her, I’m certain it will cheer her up when she gets back,’ Lindsay enthused, not knowing when, or if, Kim would be back that evening.

  ‘Mummy, do you think she still likes us?’ Katie asked, hesitantly.

  ‘Why ever do you ask that?’

  ‘She’s not around as much and you fight a lot. Is it because we don’t have a lot of money?’

  ‘Whoever said that?’ Lindsay almost shouted, but caught herself in time to keep her voice in check.

  ‘Kelly said we’re poor now, that you should not have left daddy.’

  ‘You saw Kelly? When?’ Lindsay asked.

  ‘At the library.’

  Kelly was the daughter of her, now, ex-best friend. ‘What else did she say?’

  ‘Bad things about Kimmy.’

  Lindsay’s heart literally ached. She thought they had put that painful episode behind them. ‘Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.’

  Katie smiled brightly. ‘It’s okay. I told her Kimmy was much more fun than my dad.’

  Lindsay held back the tears welling in her eyes. ‘You did?’

  Katie nodded. ‘But is it true. That we’re poor?’

  Lindsay had no idea how to answer her daughter, for it seemed too often lately that she had drawn the short straw. Money was part of the problem, but not all of it.

  Lindsay placed her hands on Katie’s shoulders and replied, ‘There are things a lot more important in this world than money. You’ll come to understand that as you grow older. But in answer to your question, no we’re not poor. Well, not exactly. It just means we can’t have all the things we used to have.’

  ‘Like my pony.’

  ‘Yes, darling, like your pony.’

  ‘And my big birthday parties.’

  Lindsay’s body slackened. ‘And those too.’

  ‘I don’t care. They weren’t fun anyway.’

  ‘You don’t have to say that, Katie. It’s okay to miss having nice things. But I promise you you’ll have them again one day. It just might take a little time. Okay?’

  Katie looked at her for several moments, before nodding and stating, ‘Okay, Mum.’

  Lindsay kissed the tip of Katie’s nose, then watched as she skipped out of the room. It left her to wonder, not that she really cared, just what rumours were being spread about them, and what exactly her kids were withholding.

  That added another level of complexity to an already complex and compromised relationship.

  Chapter Seven

  The aroma of freshly baked bread and roasted coffee filled Al’s Café as Rae sat waiting for Lindsay. The café was a little out of the wa
y but well enough known to ensure a steady flow of clients all day. A shroud of murmured chatter filled the air as Rae’s eyes roamed around, her mouth suppressing an ecstatic smile. The memory of Callum’s phone call and the anticipation of seeing him later that evening caused a sense of elation she had not felt in quite some time.

  Whenever Rae’s schedule allowed it, she would meet up for lunch with Lindsay. Catching up face to face was so much better than by phone, because she could see if Lindsay was telling her the truth about her situation. Especially considering her recent appearance. Rae knew she was going to have to tread carefully if she was going to get Lindsay to open up to her. Unlike herself, Lindsay didn’t fall apart when things weren’t going her way. It wasn’t that nothing affected her, rather she didn’t like to burden Rae with her problems. At least today wouldn’t consist of Rae whingeing about her cat. No, today’s conversation would be about a man. Callum. She could barely believe her luck.

  Rae caught sight of Lindsay as she entered the café and waved to her. Lindsay nodded and made her way towards Rae.

  ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ Lindsay said leaning down to hug her briefly.

  ‘Never better.’

  ‘Blimey, that cat really does control your moods doesn’t he?’ Lindsay said, slipping out of her jacket and dropping it on the empty seat next to her. ‘You’re beaming.’

  Rae waited until Lindsay was seated before she spoke. ‘For your information, my good mood has nothing to do with Bourbon.’

  ‘Really?’ Lindsay reached for the menu and her eyes quickly scanned it. ‘In that case you must be either sniffing coke or on anti-depressants.’

  ‘Charming,’ Rae said slightly offended. ‘Are you trying to imply I’m like a wet blanket?’

  ‘Don’t take everything so personally, I was kidding,’ Lindsay said looking at her with an expression of vague bemusement. ‘You know joking, in a ha-ha way.’

  ‘It didn’t sound like you were joking.’

  Before Lindsay could answer a waitress stopped by their table and took their order. Rae ordered her usual chicken salad wrap and coffee and Lindsay a cheese bagel and a large glass of red wine.

  ‘I’m sorry. Come on. Tell me, what’s got you all happy?’ Lindsay asked when they were alone.

  Rae pouted. ‘I don’t know if I want to tell you now.’

  ‘For God’s sake don’t be so bloody childish. You’re acting like Katie—’

  ‘Well if you insult her like that I’m not surprised—’

  ‘Rae, I didn’t insult you. You just look really happy. You’ve got to admit; you haven’t exactly been a live wire lately.’

  ‘Oh, sorry I was worried about my cat.’

  ‘You know I didn’t mean it like that. Look, are you going to tell me or not?’ Lindsay asked.

  ‘Suppose so,’ Rae wriggled in her seat feeling as if she was going to reveal her first high school crush, ‘I … I have a date.’

  Lindsay’s eyes widened. ‘A what?’

  ‘Well it’s not exactly a proper date, date,’ Rae explained. ‘But I’m keeping my fingers crossed.’

  ‘You jammy cow. Come on then, spit it out. Who’s this mystery man you haven’t even told your best friend about?’ She pulled a face. ‘Please don’t tell me it’s that arsehole boss of yours.’

  ‘Nope. Not even close.’

  ‘Who then? You never leave the house unless it’s to go to work or visit your family.’ Lindsay gasped. ‘It’s not that pervy bus driver is it? The one who looks like his face belongs on a most wanted poster?’

  Rae gave a small shake of her head. ‘It’s Callum.’

  Lindsay looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Callum, Callum … not—’

  ‘Here you go ladies.’ The waitress appeared at the table with their food and drinks.

  Both women thanked her and once she was out of earshot Lindsay leant in towards Rae, ‘Callum the cat rescuer?’

  Rae took a bite of her wrap and nodded. As tempting as it had been to phone Lindsay last night and tell her about Callum’s late night call, Rae was glad she hadn’t. The stunned expression on Lindsay’s face was well worth the wait.

  ‘You’re kidding me.’

  ‘Nope.’

  Lindsay reached out for her wine, ignoring the bagel. ‘But how? Did he come round to yours—’

  ‘Bourbon ended up at Callum’s—’

  ‘Eh? He went off and ended up at his again?’

  ‘Yep. He’s bringing him home this evening.’ Her lips pulled into a sheepish grin, while a pleasant shiver trickled slowly down her spine. Simply thinking of Callum elicited the response.

  ‘I’m sorry but your cat is a little shit,’ Lindsay said light heartedly.

  ‘I know. I hadn’t even realised he was missing. If Callum hadn’t called I would have been none the wiser.’ Rae lowered her voice. ‘I tell you that man’s voice should be used as a wakeup call for an alarm. It’s as smooth as honey.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re talking about a man like this.’ Lindsay chuckled. ‘You had me convinced you wanted to grow old with your cat.’

  ‘I do,’ Rae protested, unconvincingly. She picked at the overflowing lettuce in her wrap. ‘But you’d have to be blindfolded to not see how gorgeous Callum is.’

  ‘If you want my opinion, I think it’s time to make Bourbon an indoor cat, otherwise the little bugger’s gonna bring a host of unwanted males to your door.’

  ‘Ha. As if. I’m hardly the catch of the day. Anyway, enough about me. I’ve been droning on for weeks about Bourbon. No doubt you’ve wanted to choke me several times.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. I know how much he means to you. Besides, I’d be a hundred times worse if it was one of my kids.’

  ‘How are things with Kim?’

  ‘Kim?’ Lindsay put her glass to her lips and paused. ‘Everything seems to have gone pear-shaped. I feel like I’m losing her, Rae. It’s like she’s pushing me away. I don’t know whether it’s the whole parenting thing that’s getting to her, or if she simply doesn’t want to be with me anymore.’

  ‘Well I doubt it’s because she doesn’t want to be with you, because you are one hot chick,’ Rae said in all seriousness, hoping it would boost her self-esteem.

  Lindsay took a mouthful of wine and said, ignoring the compliment, ‘If it is a parenting issue, we might as well call it a day now. There’s no way I’m giving up my kids for anyone!’

  ‘I don’t think Kim would expect you to, or she would have said so before you left Steve. But you’ve got to remember it’s a massive adjustment for her. She has a readymade family she has to fit into, everyone has their own routines and paces and instead of just keeping track of her own needs, she now has four people to consider. It will take some time I imagine.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose. But at the beginning she loved everything to do with them.’ Her shoulders dropped a fraction. ‘She said she couldn’t wait to be part of a family. I mean it’s been a year and a half. How much longer does she need to adjust?’

  Rae shrugged. ‘Sounds to me like the honeymoon period ended and things got a little too real.’

  If Rae were being completely honest, she hadn’t thought that Kim and Lindsay would even last this long. Especially since Lindsay enjoyed the finer things in life and had been used to money on tap, a large house and a flashy car. Rae had always thought that Lindsay would first weigh up the odds, and that the advantages of her marriage to Steve, far outweighed the lack of companionship. There were many such marriages, where the parties involved turned a blind eye to extramarital affairs. To say Rae had been shocked by Lindsay’s decision to give it all up was an understatement. But would their love be enough to hold them together through the tough times? Time will tell.

  ‘It doesn’t help that we’re struggling with finances either. Trying to keep four people going on one income is no easy feat.’

  Rae reached across the table and took Lindsay’s hand. ‘Lindsay, I told you I would help you if you need anything. My money’s just s
itting in the bank earning a ridiculous amount of interest.’

  Lindsay shook her head. ‘It’s okay. I spoke to Steve the other day about paying maintenance towards the kids.’

  Rae let out a low whistle. ‘And how did that go down with Kim?’

  Lindsay propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her open palms. ‘I didn’t tell her.’

  ‘What?’ Rae said, shocked. ‘She’s not going to like that.’

  ‘It’s none of her business, really. Besides, he’s their father and there’s no reason why my kids should live in poverty because of a choice I made.’

  ‘Also true,’ Rae conceded.

  ‘Anyway, I’m convinced Kim’s got a savings account that I’m not supposed to know about.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’

  Lindsay released a heavy sigh before answering. ‘’Cause the other day we were overdrawn and she magically conjured up fifteen hundred pounds in five minutes and transferred it into our joint account.’

  ‘So you really think she’s holding out on you financially?’

  ‘I did a search online, about various types of abuse—’

  Rae’s hand clasped over her mouth. ‘She isn’t hitting you is she?’

  ‘Oh God, no. Nothing like that. I’m talking about stuff like emotional abuse.’

  ‘Oh, okay.’

  ‘Anyway, I was reading about financial abuse. It had this whole write up about how your partner can use your access to money, even how you choose to spend it, to manipulate or control you. And that they have no right to do that.’

  Rae frowned. ‘I thought that would be pretty obvious.’

  ‘But honestly, Rae, that’s how it feels sometimes. What little I get from Social Security I spend on the kids, but it’s not nearly enough for me to contribute towards the mortgage and other bills. I don’t want much—’

  ‘Linds, I know society has ingrained this belief in us that money is the root of all evil, but believe me it’s not. It’s our freedom. It gives us access to things we normally wouldn’t be able to have.’