Unravelled

by Jade Winters

  ‘That’s just it. I’ve had the money and the trappings and it wasn’t enough. What I’ve got with Kim is the real deal. But we seem to have lost our way. I only want to be happy. I thought that I’d found that with Kim. But obviously I was wrong.’

  Lindsay caught the attention of the waitress and ordered a double vodka. Rae declined any alcohol, ordering another coffee. They sat in silence for the entire time it took the waitress to return with the drinks, Lindsay seemingly lost in thought.

  Lindsay’s drink had hardly been set down before she lifted it and took a long sip. It was her second drink in under an hour, which concerned Rae. Lindsay’s hand trembled as she lifted the glass to her lips. Rae had been meaning to talk to her about her drinking lately but she’d been so caught up with work and Bourbon going missing that the timing never seemed right.

  ‘It doesn’t help that I feel really guilty either,’ Lindsay said.

  ‘About what?’

  ‘That me and the kids are draining Kim’s wages. If she only had herself to think about, she would have opened her business by now.’

  ‘What business?’ Rae looked at Lindsay with surprise.

  ‘Oh, a wine tasting shop. She’s been a wine rep for so many years she knows all the wines like the back of her hand.’

  ‘Sounds like a good move.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Lindsay sighed. ‘Now you can understand why I feel like such a burden.’

  ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself,’ Rae said. ‘So what happened to that job interview you had?’

  ‘Ugh, don’t remind me.’ Lindsay’s face fell. ‘It was postponed. The care home has some kind of infection break out and doesn’t want to risk contaminating anyone. They said they’d let me know when it’s been sorted.’

  ‘Well there you go. If you get it, at least you can lighten the load a bit.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Lindsay said doubtfully.

  ‘Look, if you love Kim you’ve got to fight for her. Talk to her. Find out where she thinks things are going wrong.’

  A single tear rolled down Lindsay’s cheek. ‘That’s what I’m scared of. Finding out that it’s something I can’t fix.’

  Chapter Eight

  Silence finally descended on the house, a fact Lindsay was downright thankful for. Both Jake and Katie had played up, at first refusing to bathe and then stubbornly reluctant to go to bed. And all this because of Kim. She knew deep down it wasn’t fair to blame all of their problems on Kim, but when the weight on her shoulders became so unbearable, the obvious scapegoat became the one who was doing little to alleviate it.

  Rae had to some extent been right, it was time that she and Kim sat down to talk. Her only fear was that Kim had advanced past the point of wanting to throw in the towel. A decision that would leave her and her children in a destitute position and she would rather die than go back to Steve with her tail between her legs.

  As much as she disliked their current circumstances and as often as she got angry or imagined simply picking up her things and leaving, in her heart she knew she would be devastated if things between her and Kim came to an end. Or if Kim was honest enough and told her she wanted out. The fact remained, that whatever situation they were in would be far more tolerable if Lindsay knew Kim was totally on-board, that they were in it together.

  She knew from her own experience what it was like to be with someone you no longer had feelings for. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone and vowed that if Kim wanted to end their relationship, she would accept her decision with grace and tact.

  Lindsay’s thoughts haunted her as she moved relentlessly about the kitchen, loading the dishwasher and wiping down the worktops. Once done she poured herself a significant helping of Vodka and flopped onto the sofa, hoping the alcohol would take the edge off her frazzled mood.

  Lindsay glanced round the living room and her gaze landed on a framed photo of Kim, herself and the children. The picture had been taken while they were at London Pride. She remembered it like it was yesterday. In the back of her mind she could hear the constant laughter that had surrounded them that day. They were a family unit. A very happy one at that. Lost in nostalgia, Lindsay withdrew her phone from her pocket and held it between her hands. In her mind she knew exactly what she wanted to say to Kim but for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

  Not even in a text.

  Just do it! A voice in her head screamed. The sooner she ripped the plaster off the sooner she could start to heal. She tapped her phone and typed Kim. It was a start. Then the paranoia set in as it always did when Kim wasn’t home. She imagined Kim in a gay bar, half cut, with some slapper all over her. Kissing her, caressing her skin. Does she know how much she’s hurting me? Lindsay wondered, as images of Kim with another woman continued to torture her. She took a mouthful of drink, blinking back tears, as she tapped a few more words onto her phone.

  I love you. Sometimes I think you don’t realise how much. I want us to be happy. The way we were before. But if you’ve moved on. Want a different life. I understand.

  She paused. What if Kim showed the text to this imaginary lover Lindsay had made up in her head? She would be a laughing-stock. Lindsay deleted what she had written.

  I sound like a spineless idiot.

  Wasn’t that what her so-called friends had said when they found out she was leaving Steve for a woman? She might as well have had leprosy the way they’d treated her. Not one of her friends had understood her decision; and they were the very friends that she had supported throughout the years, through their affairs and addictions. Yet when it was her turn for a little understanding they had turned their backs on her.

  She’d heard the whispers at the school gates: ‘Those poor kids, they’re going to be so confused,’ and ‘I wonder which one is the man?’ Along with the sniggers, blank stares and deliberate attempts to snub her during events and conversations.

  When things reached the point where her children were bullied at school, Lindsay had opted to move them to a different school where nobody knew them. Where they could start afresh.

  Lindsay didn’t care at the time. She had simply considered them small minded. Constantly needing to point out the mistakes of others in order to validate themselves and their decisions. So as far as she was concerned, other peoples’ opinions didn’t matter.

  They cared little for her happiness or that of her children. They would remain with their cheating husbands. They would keep up appearances at whatever costs, and then failed to understand why they were so unhappy. Why all the money and materialistic things did little to appease or console them.

  During all the upheaval and turmoil in her personal life, Lindsay had considered herself the lucky one to have found Kim. Being in a relationship with a woman was so different from that with a man. In her mind it was like being with your best friend but with the added bonus of having great, sensual sex. It was gentler, more intense … and a great deal more satisfying.

  Being on the same emotional wavelength as someone else was also not to be underestimated.

  But even so, she knew that changes were upon them.

  Change was inevitable.

  Thankfully the house was in her name, having used the proceeds of her divorce settlement as a deposit, and if she managed to secure the job at the care home, they would get by, regardless of Kim’s decision. She could even enrol in evening classes and touch up her IT skills.

  It was times like this that she still berated herself for the ignorance she lived in after marrying Steve. After falling pregnant she had quit her job, planning to focus on being a full-time mother. Not for a moment had she considered the possibility of ending up unemployed, broke and living below the breadline.

  Then again, I never imagined that the love of my life would be a woman.

  Chapter Nine

  Rae’s doorbell chimed at seven sharp. Impressed by Callum’s punctuality, she smiled as she opened the door, almost squealing like a teenager at the sight. There on her doorstep stood Callum, in all his imp
ressive splendour. Next it was Bourbon who caught her eye. Kitted out in the cutest knitted green bonnet and a large bow tied around his neck, she couldn’t help but chuckle at his appearance. He looked ridiculous yet cute all at the same time.

  ‘He says he is sorry and he will never leave home again.’ Callum grinned as he handed Rae her cat.

  Bourbon had served as a temporary distraction to Callum’s unmistakable magnetism, which was even more impressive than the drowned rat appearance he had donned the occasion before. The fullness of his dark blonde hair only complimented his arresting stare. It took a mere moment for her to compose herself, but even that had seemed too long, only her racing heart an indication of the disquiet he caused.

  ‘Well, he’s forgiven,’ she said cuddling Bourbon. She rested her cheek against his soft fur. ‘I missed you, you little scoundrel.’

  She looked again towards Callum, her gaze for a moment shifting past him, a movement once again having drawn her attention. The homeless man. She identified him as he limped past the short walkway. He stopped and looked towards her, his eyes boring into hers. He didn’t flash a smile this time, nor did he ask for anything. All he did was leer at them with a very foreboding look.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Callum asked, turning to look in the same direction as Rae’s stare.

  ‘Nothing. Really it’s nothing.’

  ‘Then why do you look so tense?’

  Rae bent down to release Bourbon. As she straightened she said, ‘It’s just a homeless man that hangs around here. To be honest, he scares me sometimes.’

  Callum’s gaze focused on the man, who instantly dropped his eyes to the ground and walked off in the other direction. For a long time after the homeless man had vanished out of sight, Callum still stood staring. He appeared to be studying the man’s path for a while then seemed to suddenly snap out of it and turned back to her with a smile.

  ‘If you remember, the last time I brought Bourbon back you offered me a reward.’

  Hesitantly, Rae nodded.

  ‘Well I changed my mind about not claiming it.’

  ‘Oh, okay. I’ll have to see if—’

  ‘I don’t want money, Rae …’

  Rae looked at him questioningly. ‘So what—’

  ‘Do I want? Something completely different,’ he said teasingly. ‘Come on, ask me what it is.’

  Callum pulled his eyes open as far as he could, possibly to mimic the look of Puss in Boots. The effect on her was very much the same.

  Damn this man’s charisma!

  Realising that he was waiting for a response from her she finally said, ‘Okay, I’ll bite, what would you like?’ Knowing she could always repudiate his request.

  His hands clasped together in front of his abdomen. ‘Have a drink with me tonight?’

  Rae thought it over for a few moments, but could not find any valid reason to turn him down, given he had returned her cat twice already. To her it seemed a reasonable request. Not to mention that the charming tilt of his head did the trick.

  She nodded, conceding quicker than she thought she would. ‘Okay, it only seems fair.’ And why not, she had nothing to lose. At worst she could end up drunk and in bed with him … and would that really be that bad? She looked at him, then thought it the most unlikely thing in the world, given the difference in their ages. Men like him did not fall for women like her. In reality, the only thing she really had to fear then was a hell of a hangover in the morning, and she never drank that much, so she considered herself safe.

  His face lit up at her acceptance. ‘Great!’

  Rae gestured for him to move towards the living room. ‘I’ll just get my coat.’

  But he shook his head. ‘I’ll wait here,’ he said, and then indicated to Bourbon, ‘just in case he decides to take off again.’

  Rae noticed his gaze again shifting to her pathway. She could have sworn she saw something behind his eyes change but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Instead of asking him what was wrong she ignored the nagging feeling she had and blissfully excused herself to go and get ready.

  ***

  Like a gentleman, Callum held the door for her to the No.8 wine bar, one of the few establishments which boasted not only good wine, but also live jazz music. The trendy décor made it popular with young professionals who had money to burn.

  Callum led Rae to one of the corner booths and ordered the most expensive bottle of wine on the drinks menu, despite Rae’s protests.

  ‘None of that,’ he protested. ‘I work hard and I play hard.’

  The waiter returned several moments later with two wine glasses. He went through all the motions of presenting the wine before pouring a small amount in a glass allowing Callum to swirl it about and taste it. Callum agreed and the waiter proceeded to pour them each a glass before placing the bottle of wine on the table and taking his leave.

  ‘Is it okay?’ he asked referring to the wine as she took a sip.

  ‘Mmm delicious.’

  ‘Good.’ Callum lifted his glass and looked pointedly at Rae, ‘Let’s have a toast. To Bourbon’s safe return, and new beginnings.’

  Rae did not know what to make of the second part of the toast, however his manners were impeccable so she took it at face value and lifted her glass in response. With a friendly smile she clinked her glass against his. ‘To Bourbon.’

  Callum was an easy companion. He laughed at the right times, was serious when he needed to be and he flirted with her without being full on. He also had the uncanny ability of making her feel like the most beautiful woman in the room.

  ‘So tell me more about yourself,’ Rae invited, when he poured them each another glass of wine.

  ‘If I do, I run the risk of you thinking me a spoilt little rich boy.’

  ‘I promise I won’t judge,’ Rae said, smiling warmly.

  ‘I was born in Sussex, hence the accent,’ Callum started.

  ‘Barely noticeable,’ Rae said, ‘although it might become more so if you drink too much.’

  ‘I dare say it might,’ he said with humour in his tone. ‘Now where was I?’

  ‘Sussex.’

  ‘Right, Sussex,’ he said, his voice becoming more serious. ‘I grew up on the Burley Herd Estate, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it?’

  Rae shook her head.

  ‘All of the top polo ponies are trained there. My dad owns it. I was next in line to take over the business when he retired.’

  ‘Was? So you didn’t because you had other plans?’ Rae stated.

  ‘Well, no, not really. Fine horsemanship is a skill very few can truly claim. It would have been a privilege. With polo, you travel in elite circles. I’ve met the Prince of Wales, even played against him and his son in a friendly. His wife also loves horses.’

  Rae couldn’t deny she was impressed with Callum’s social circle. ‘So why did you leave? It sounds like heaven.’

  Callum looked solemn as he traced his finger around the rim of his glass. ‘I suffered an injury to my spine during one of the matches. While I was laid up for six months, I had plenty of time to think about what I wanted out of life. For me, not my dad. So … once I was back on my feet, I quit …’ His voice broke slightly. ‘… which didn’t sit well with my dad.’

  ‘I can imagine.’

  Callum cleared his throat. ‘Anyway, to cut a long story short, I moved to London when I was twenty-two to pursue my own fortune as a stock broker.’

  Rae glanced at the bottle of wine. ‘And from all appearances it seems to have worked for you.’

  ‘Yes, it has.’

  ‘And your mum? Does she still live in Sussex?’

  ‘No, she’s in America. Left when I was ten.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be, her loss not mine.’ He leant across the table, his gaze locked on her. ‘So now you’ve heard a little about me. What about you? Why is it that someone as intelligent and as beautiful as you hasn’t been snapped up already?’

  Rae’s pulse quickened at
the compliment. She had intended to shy away from any personal questions. Her own failed marriage often felt like a millstone around her neck. It was after all a rule, was it not? Never discuss previous relationships on a first date. But was this a date? Could it be considered as one?

  ‘Let’s just say after my failed marriage—’

  ‘You’re divorced?’ he interrupted her, his voice shocked and for the first time that evening,

  Callum’s expression was unreadable. Rae couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or relieved.

  She nodded.

  ‘Wow. I would never have known.’

  Rae gave a nervous laugh. ‘I should hope not. I wouldn’t want “divorcee” visible on my forehead.’

  ‘Oh, no. You’ve mistaken what I meant. Look, I know I’m generalising a bit, but most women when they’ve been through a divorce, they can be a little ...’ He hesitated for a few seconds. ‘… Bitter if you like. As if they’re emotionally scarred. But you.’ He shook his head and whistled. ‘Wow. I can tell you’re the sort of woman, when you give your heart to a man worthy of you, you give it all.’

  ‘To be honest, I don’t know if I could give the whole of me to someone again.’

  ‘I think you would,’ Callum said with a challenge in his eyes.

  ‘So how many hearts have you broken?’ she asked trying to turn the focus of the conversation back to him. She smiled at him over her glass, realising she had caught him unawares with her direct question. With his good looks and promising career, he was an excellent catch. There had to be a lot of women in his past.

  Callum sat quietly for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought. ‘I won’t deny that I’ve had my fair share of women. Not because I’m promiscuous, it’s more a matter of I’m really bad at choosing the right woman. There’s one ex in particular. How I didn’t see she was crazy—’

  Rae gave a puzzled smile. ‘Crazy?’