BLONDE

by Cassie Knight Rodriguez

  "Fine," Austen huffed, crossing his arms.

  "What did you dream about?" Sam asked quietly, hoping to not cross any boundaries. Austen was the most open with Sam, but even the brunette would run into a multitude of walls in the maze that was Austen's mind. Sam never liked to push Austen but sometimes what Austen made-out to be walls weren't really walls, just transparent barricades that Sam had to weave around. He hated the fact that it was usually very hard to tell which was what, especially since Austen would get upset when Sam didn't try to weave around a barricade or if Sam tried to break down a wall. Sam had to pick and choose his battles, especially since some arguments with Austen just weren't worth having. The natural blue had a tendency to make emotional conversations much more difficult and exhausting than they needed to be, but Sam wasn't going to let that stop him from being with Austen.

  "I was hanging out with you," Austen said quietly. "After we had dinner or something, we went to H-E-B and you bought me a fuckton of orange juice - at least five jugs of it - and then I dropped them."

  "Oh," Sam said.

  "And the bottles fucking broke," Austen huffed.

  "Is that all?" Elias asked. "You’re upset over spilt orange juice?"

  "Yes," Austen responded. Elias rolled his eyes, muttering about how Austen’s love for H-E-B’s orange juice was on a ridiculous level. Sam chuckled, wondering why Austen was so picky over orange juice.

  Sam held Austen in his arms, waiting until Austen was ready to go get breakfast, even though it'd be more of an early lunch than breakfast by that time. Elias had said he was going to study in the library for a test he had in one of his later classes, but both of the boys knew he was lying so he could make an escape and leave the two by themselves.

  "Hey, Aus?" Sam said quietly, breaking the silence.

  "Mm?" he hummed, acknowledging Sam. He stayed with his head laying on Sam's shoulder. He didn't want to move from his arms as for once, he felt at peace.

  "Are you hungry?" Sam asked the natural blue, pulling away from him. Austen looked up at him, his eyes widening.

  "Oh, shit! How long have you been waiting for my ass? Oh god, you're starving, aren't you? Shit, I'm so sorry," Austen blurted quickly, tossing the blankets off of him and getting off the bed. He quickly ran to the dresser Elias and he shared and pulled out a pair of black jeans, shimmying into them, for he slept only in his boxers and occasionally a t-shirt. He ruffled through the drawer some more before pulling out one of his favorite sweaters. It was lime green and covered in various newspaper clippings.

  "Hey, slow down, jellybean," Sam said, standing up. He chuckled at how intense Austen was being.

  "That's my thing," Austen muttered, slinging his rainbow foot token necklace around his neck and sliding his silver band onto his right hand's ring finger. He never took it off but it had slide off in his sleep. He'd never admit it, but the ring was a bit bigger than his fingers.

  "You're gonna hurt yourself. Please chill," Sam said. "And, also, it's not your thing, you've said it, like, once."

  "It's my thing," Austen said adamantly as he shoved his phone into his front pocket and grabbed his wallet. Sam grabbed the wallet from his hands and put it back onto the desk.

  "It's on me, today," he said. Austen shook his head.

  "No way," the natural blue persisted. "I'll pay."

  "No," Sam said. "You paid for the movie, so I'll pay for breakfast, well, brunch, now."

  "You paid for the ice cream though!" Austen argued. Sam rolled his eyes.

  "You paid like, at least thirty bucks that night and I paid like, three," Sam said. "I'm paying for brunch and that's final."

  "Fine," Austen grunted. "Asshole."

  "I don't have to take you out to eat," Sam said. Austen gasped.

  "No, no, you're taking me out," Austen said quickly, throwing the wallet, that he had grabbed once more, out of his hands. "I'll play nice."

  "Uh huh," Sam murmured. He grabbed Austen's hands, lacing his fingers with the boy's. "Let's go."

  Austen nodded, grabbing his set of keys off of the desk as Sam dragged him out of the dorm room. Austen prayed that Elias had his keys as he locked the door behind him.

  "Where do you want to eat?" Sam asked Austen as he hooked his keys onto his belt loop. He shrugged.

  "Idunno, you?"

  "It's my treat, so you pick," Sam said.

  "Oh, hell, Sam, if you're paying, you're gonna fucking pick where we're going," Austen said defiantly. Sam rolled his eyes.

  "Fine," Sam huffed, realizing this was a losing argument and that there'd be no use in trying to change Austen's mind. "But it's gonna be a surprise then."

  "Fine," Austen mimicked, earning a groan from the brunette.

  Austen followed Sam to his rusty red pickup-truck, which was approaching its tenth birthday. Sam had gotten it as a birthday present when he turned sixteen but it was an older model, which didn't bother him in the slightest. Though, it was now starting to show its age.

  The two boys quickly got into the truck, Sam in the driver's seat and Austen in the passenger's. Sam started the ignition and began to back up.

  "So I take it that we're going somewhere that's far enough to not walk," Austen stated. Sam shrugged.

  "You can think whatever you like," Sam said. Austen rolled his eyes, annoyed with Sam's decision to be mysterious.

  "Maybe I should've picked where to eat," Austen groaned, throwing his head back onto the seat and putting his palms to his face.

  "Too late," Sam laughed as he drove down the busy streets of Houston. "You're welcome to pick the music if that'll make you feel better."

  "Absolutely!" Austen beamed, grinning widely. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and plugs in the aux cord. He scrolls down a bit before tapping on a song.

  "What's this?" Sam asked, being unfamiliar with the strums of guitar and the soft beats in the background. "Wait, is this you?"

  "Yeah, I finally got around to demoing a couple of songs I had written," Austen said excitedly. "You're the first person I've shown."

  "I'm honored," Sam smiled. "What's this one called?"

  "Yellow," Austen answered. "I kind of wrote it about you."

  "Did you?" Sam blushed. "I really like it."

  "Hey, I wanna show you another before we get to wherever we're going," Austen said, tapping on another song before Yellow could finish playing.

  "It's gonna be awhile," Sam admitted. "We're going to this niche diner on the outskirts of Houston, but it's so worth it. We had them all over California."

  "Told you I'd get you to tell me," Austen grinned.

  "You didn't say that," Sam said.

  "I thought it."

  "That doesn't count!"

  "Whatever!" Austen laughed. "This one's called I Was Hiding Under Your Porch Because I Love You."

  "Isn’t that a quote from Up?” Sam asked, making a right turn.

  “Maybe it is," Austen laughed.

  "We're about halfway there," Sam said. "You could probably get away with showing me like two more or something, depends if you actually let me listen to the whole damn song or not."

  "I'm impatient," Austen shrugged and tapped on another song, cutting it off short once more. He didn't want to at first, since he really liked the song, but he wanted to spite Sam.

  "Whatever," Sam sighed. "Oh, I like this one so far."

  "Me too," Austen said. "It's the one I submitted to the media celebration event we had a month ago."

  "So, this is the final product of Blonde!" Sam cheered.

  "No, it's a demo," Austen corrected him. "I'm sad I didn't demo it before. I only submitted the lyrics."

  "Maybe you could submit it next year?" Sam asked. Austen shook his head.

  "No, I'll probably have something better by January," Austen said. "Hey you wanna hear another song that I named after a Disney quote?”

  "What is it with you and stealing Disney quotes?” Sam mocked and Austen stuck his tongue out at him.

  "They’re great,�
� he said. "It’s called Be My Squishy.”

  "I remember you showing me the lyrics for that," Sam stated, taking another turn.

  "Well if you know it already then I'll just show you something else," Austen said, scrolling further down.

  "Never gonna let me listen to an entire song, are you, Nixon?" Sam asked, chuckling. Austen shook his head.

  "Never," he said. "Even after I become a solo pop star. This one's called Stupid."

  "Is this inspired from Disney, too?” Sam asked.

  "Absolutely not," Austen laughed. "If you keep mocking my love for Disney, I'll kick you out of the car."

  "This is my car!" Sam said quickly, glancing at the blue. "You can't just do that."

  "You hit me with a car!" Austen retorted. Sam rolled his eyes.

  "It was a stunt, Aus!" Sam said, recalling the events of Austen demanding that him, Elias, Travis and Blake help him make a music video for a song called New Ideas, New Plans. Austen ended up never uploading it to his YouTube channel, or even editing it, but he had crossed off one of the goals on his bucket list.

  "Whatever," Austen said. "Sorry, changing the song again, I wanna show you another."

  "Austen, please, one song all the way through, please," Sam begged. Austen shook his head.

  "Not today!" he laughed, tapping one his phone once more. "This is Bombastic."

  "It does sound great," Sam said, leading to Austen bursting out into laughter.

  "It's called Bombastic, dumbass," Austen said through his giggles. Sam rolled his eyes.

  "It's not that funny, Aus," Sam said.

  "Fine, whatever, you don't get to hear this one all the way through then," Austen said, tapping on yet another song. "Here's my SoundCloud rap shit."

  "Austen… What the fuck is this?" Sam said, stunned by the sounds of... What even was it?

  "It’s my amazing project, Ask Install," Austen grinned. Sam raised his eyebrows in confusion as the song played.

  "Are you even saying words?" Sam asked, laughing. "Dude, this is hilarious, how the hell did you come up with this?"

  "I'm a genius, duh," Austen answered.

  "Did you just- Did you jus-?" Sam stammered, listening to Become Equipment.

  "Yes."

  "How high were you when you made that?" Sam joked.

  "Please, you know I don't drink and shit," Austen said.

  "I worry about you sometimes," Sam said, pulling into the parking lot of an old-school style diner. "We're here by the way."

  "Fuck, that smells good," Austen said, unbuckling his seatbelt and unplugging the aux cord from his phone as the song ended. "Also, there, you got to listen to a full song."

  "That doesn't count!" Sam argued. "It wasn't even a minute long."

  "Actually, it was," Austen said and pointed at his phone. "It's a minute and forty-one seconds."

  "Average song length is like, about three minutes!" Sam reasoned. Austen shrugged.

  "Ask Install doesn't ask for the rules," he said.

  "Whatever, blueberry, let's go eat," Sam said, lacing his fingers into Austen's, leading him into the diner.

  DEVASTATE MY PERSONAL SPACE

  MAY 30TH

  It was rapidly approaching June and the school year was almost over.

  Sam was excited, especially since he was slightly insecure about being a few years older than the rest of his friends, which was due to him deferring college for a few years. Normally, whenever anyone would ask why he deferred, he would tell them it was because he needed to save some money in order to pay the tuition, but in reality, it was because he wanted a break from schooling in order to just have fun (and to wait for Austen and Elias to graduate.) He hated to admit that he went to one-too-many parties and probably drank one-too-many beers. He still liked to drink, but when he had become friends with Austen and Elias, he had promised them that he'd tone it down. Austen was concerned, but not to the level that Elias was. Elias had had a friend who had died from alcohol poisoning in high school and he didn't want the same thing to happen to Sam.

  Elias was slightly sad for it to be the end of his junior year, though, as once the next year - his senior year - was over, he'd be graduating from college and potentially saying bye to his two best friends. He sometimes had regrets of not deferring another year so he could’ve been in the same year as them. Of course, he'd miss Sierra and Chloe too, the others he befriended that year, but they weren't very close to him. He’d miss Adrianna the most, though, but he'd make it work, even if it meant he had to do long-distance. He wouldn't let her go.

  Austen, however, was boiling with excitement. He had been stressed the entire year and was dying for the semester to end. He'd been failing half of his classes due to his inability to complete homework - which he blamed solely on his mental issues (even though Sam and Elias know that he’s just lazy sometimes) as he'd been on and off of his meds - but he'd luckily aced the exams with no issues. He knew the material, he just didn't have a way to prove it through the homework. Sam and Elias continually nagged at him to do it, but he just couldn't be bothered with it. Sam was mad that he was failing when he could've been getting A's and B's. Austen felt bad for letting Sam down because he'd honestly rather let down his parents before Sam, but he just wasn't up for it. He was burnt out from freshman year and high school and he hoped he'd get his shit together before junior year. If he could handle it, that is.

  "Guys?" Austen said, pulling everyone out of their thoughts. Since it was approaching the end of the year, Sierra thought they should all have a lunch together, just to celebrate the end of another year of schooling. Everyone agreed and they all had met up at the campus cafe, even though they had originally planned to head out to the Starbucks that was across the street. Chloe was upset they hadn't gone there, but Steve had a good point when he stated that if they were celebrating the end of the year, they should do it in the campus cafe.

  "What's up, Aus?" Sierra asked once everyone's attention was on the natural blue.

  "I think I might drop out," he said quietly. He was nervous as everyone around him was excited to get their degrees in their majors. Sierra and Chloe with modelling, Adrianna with special effects makeup, Steve with business, Travis with writing, Elias and Sam and him all with music production... He didn't want to upset anyone with his potential decision, especially Sam. He didn't want to disappoint him and he didn't want Sam to think he was giving up on his dreams of making music. He just didn't see the point of going to college for a degree in something he could already do, especially since college was hurting his mental health just as bad as high school had - maybe even worse, considering the financial aspect.

  "Wait, what?" Sam said, surprised. Usually, Austen would tell Sam first if there was anything big going through his head, but Austen had waited to drop the bomb on everyone at once instead. It was out of Austen's comfort zone and it wasn't normal for him and it left Sam wondering if he had lied when he said he was still taking his pills.

  "That's a big deal, Aus," Steve said, cutting the uncomfortable silence that had set in the air.

  "Yeah, I know," he replied softly, shrugging. "It wasn't an overnight thought; I've been pondering the idea since Becca mentioned it."

  "She also dropped out," Adrianna said. "And none of us have heard from her since."

  "Maybe she's happier," Austen thought out loud. "She always seemed to be distant with us, especially after Nick broke up with her."

  "I'm just glad you're not dropping out for the same reason that Patty did," Elias said, hoping to lighten the mood. Elias didn't like Austen's decision, especially since he had already come this far, but if it's what Austen needed to feel better, then Elias would fully support it. Elias would do anything for his best friend to be at peace with himself for once, even if it was only for a short while. Elias hated seeing Austen so broken and messed up after Zack and he wouldn't stand for it anymore. It was five years ago, but Elias could still see how bad it still affects Austen. Elias was just glad he'd worked at improving and was s
tarting to get the happiness he deserved.

  "Oh, yeah, no, definitely not," Austen said quickly. "I still can't believe he dropped out of college just because of his girlfriend- wait, fiancée- was expelled for doing him on campus."

  "That's nasty," Travis cringed. "Did they get caught?"

  "Obviously, dingus," Steve said, elbowing Travis and rolling his eyes. "Why are you thinking about it though, Aus?"

  "It's fucking with me," Austen laughed uncomfortably. "I've always been the worst at homework and shit and honestly I'm not gonna read a textbook cover to cover just to understand what's happening in class because my damn professor won't teach it."

  "I feel that," Sierra laughed. "Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, but I'm desperate for contacts to even get into the modelling business."

  "Sierra, you've already had a few modelling jobs," Chloe said, rolling her eyes.

  "Yeah, when I was like, eight!" Sierra retorted. "And that was how many years ago? Yeah, eleven!"

  "Still," Chloe said.

  "What's wrong, Chloe?" Sam asked.

  "Nothing, really," Chloe shrugged, turning to look at Sierra. "You’re still lucky for having experience. I’ve got none."

  Austen furrowed his eyebrows at the exchange between the two but he pushed away from the jealous thoughts, deciding that now was not the time to make a scene, especially since he had to keep himself in line. He told Sam and Elias that he was still taking his meds and he needed to make sure he didn't slip because if he did, they'd make him take his meds and he'd lose his feelings again. He'd lose his creativity and he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let himself become numb again. He wouldn't let himself become numb again. Never again.

  Sam felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and since the conversation was over among everyone, he decided it would be fine to check the notification. He took a bite of his sandwich as he slipped the phone out of his pocket and he looked down to see a text message from Chloe.

  chloebear: i didnt wana announce to everyone what was wrong

  Samyboi: thats fine i get that

  Sam slipped the phone back into his pocket, assuming that's all that Chloe had wanted to say. He took another bite of his sandwich, finishing it up. Everyone else was still eating, as Sam was just a fast eater. Sam's phone buzzed again.