BLONDE
Page 5
chloebear: im just rly jealous
chloebear: like Sierra’s got it better than me n shes complaining
chloebear: n ur all busy with Austen and el soooo
Sam wasn't sure how to feel about the texts. He didn't want to upset Chloe because he cared about her, but at the same time, he didn’t want to put up with her self-pity. He gets enough of it from Austen.
Samyboi: his name is Elias
Samyboi: i’m sorry if you feel that way. if you need me i’m always here.
Austen noticed Sam's change in demeanor and looked over at him with concern.
"You okay?" Austen asked him. The brunette nodded, his mind spinning in order to come up with an excuse. He didn't want to tell Austen about Chloe.
"Yeah, I think I just ate too much," Sam said and shrugged. Austen chuckled as Sam stood up. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a few moments. Gotta, uh, take a dump."
"Why's it called taking a dump when you're clearing giving the dump to the potty box?" Austen wondered aloud. The rest of the group looked at him dumbfoundedly.
"What the fuck, dude?" Steve asked, bursting out into hysterical laughter.
Sam shook his head, cracking a small smile, before heading out of the cafe and towards the courtyard, which was mostly empty. Sam sat down at one of the benches and pulled his phone out of his pocket, seeing another text from Chloe. He hadn't even felt his phone buzz.
chloebear: its not like ur married
Samyboi: youre still getting carried away
Samyboi: you have to look at this from another perspective
chloebear: i get it, you don’t want to be there for me
Samyboi: that’s ridiculous chloe.
Sam was beginning to get frustrated at this point, especially since he felt so horrible with how he was feeling about the situation. He felt terrible that he wasn't being honest with Austen and he felt terrible that he liked the fact that Chloe liked him, even though he wouldn't admit it to himself.
chloebear: i mean come on i like u Sam
chloebear: and i know u like me too
Samyboi: chloe...
chloebear: ok am i wrong??
chloebear: youve known him for so long and,,,,
chloebear: he's liked you for probably that long too
chloebear: how long have u even liked him
Samyboi: i don't know, a while i guess
chloebear: has it been as long as you've liked me?
Samyboi: youre making me uncomfortable
chloebear: stop lying to urself
cholebear: u kno u do.
Sam was becoming increasingly uncomfortable the longer the conversation went on and by that point, Sam had stopped responding to Chloe. He sighed, burying his head into the palms of his hands, thinking about the situation. He had hoped to be alone but the thought left his head once he heard footsteps nearby. He looked up to see Chloe.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her, hoping she'd catch on that now wasn't the time.
"Austen's still in the cafe and you're out here and you stopped responding," she said, sitting down next to him.
"Yeah, I know," he breathed. "I was hoping you'd get the memo that I don't want to talk to you right now."
"And why's that? There's no way you like that blueberry more than you like me," she said, sending a glare at him that left him chills.
"I do," Sam repeated, mostly for himself at this point. He wasn't sure why but he felt better to keep reminding himself.
"That doesn't mean you can't take me on as your girlfriend," Chloe retorted. Sam pulled his head from his hands and looked at her with wide eyes.
"No," he said quickly. "No, no, I can't do that to Austen."
"Why not? It's not like it's cheating," she laughed. "I'd be your rightful girlfriend, not replacing him in any way. You’re not dating him."
"Excuse me?" Sam said.
"Well, you’re not. You just exchanged feelings. That’s not dating. So date me," she suggested, shrugging her shoulders. Sam stared at her.
"Chloe…" He begins.
"I like you, you like me! What’s stopping you? Is it him? Is it you?" Chloe shouted angrily. "You can't see that I'm supposed to be your soulmate. You've got words on your wrist and so do I!"
"What do yours say, Cloo?" Sam asked her, hoping she'd calm down. She was beginning to make a scene.
"It says, 'you're one of my favorite few,'" Chloe answered, holding out her wrist. Sam held her hand steady, looking at the words. Sam shook his head.
"No," he said. "You're not my soulmate."
"You don't know that," Chloe said.
"Yeah, you don't know that either," Sam retorted.
"But you think that Austen is?" Chloe asked. Sam shrugged.
"I don't know if he is," he said. "But I like him."
"But you like me too," she argued.
"I don't know how to feel, alright?!" Sam shouted, allowing his weekly outburst to come out now. "Look, I like you, it's obvious, anybody from a mile away could fucking tell! But I like Austen too! And yeah, no, I can't have the both of you at the same time, that's wrong a-and I- I can't do that to Austen, not after what he- Not after something bad happened. I can't hurt Austen, I can't, I really really can't. And fuck, yeah, I guess, I do like you, but you're not my soulmate, I don't feel that connection with you, and I don't know if I feel it with Austen, and I just I don't know!"
"It's not wrong if he doesn't know," Chloe said.
"I'd know," Sam said.
"But he doesn't have to know."
"He'll find out," Sam said.
"No, he won't," Chloe said, wrapping her arms around Sam's neck and pulling him into a kiss. Sam's eyes widened and didn't kiss back; he didn't push her away, either.
Chloe pulled away from Sam and looked at him with a smile on her face. Sam wasn't sure how to feel. Sam didn't want to push Austen's boundaries and that was the main reason why he’d not said anything more to Austen other than telling him something’s reciprocated, that there is something there. He wasn’t sure what that something was, though, and he didn’t want to chance it and hurt him, especially after what Zack had done to him.
"He won't find out," Chloe said once more, attempting to calm Sam's nerves, but Sam wanted nothing more than to be out of this mess he was in.
YOU NEVER REALLY MISSED ME BACK
JUNE 12TH
It was the first Monday of the summer break for Austen and his friends, and he couldn't be more ecstatic. He'd gotten his associates degree in music production and Sam had as well since they had passed their second year of college. Elias had gotten his a year back, but he was glad his other two friends were just as caught up as he was, in a way.
Austen looked over at Elias from where he sat on his bed and then looked over at the clock. 3:54 A.M.
Austen pondered if he should wake Elias up or not, as he was having bad thoughts. He hated that he was overly jealous and he knew it was irrational to be so envious of Chloe, especially when Sam wasn't hers, but his. Sam had agreed to be Austen's boyfriend and vice versa. Sam didn't like Chloe, and even if Chloe did like Sam, Sam wasn't like Zack. Sam wasn't Zack and Zack wasn't Sam. Zack was gone.
Austen had decided against waking Elias up, especially since he didn't want Elias to get even more suspicious over Austen's pill intake. It had now been about two months since Austen had taken any of his meds, and although he had done a good job in keeping himself in check, he was starting to slip slowly into a manic episode. He didn't realize it, but Elias noticed that Austen's sleeping patterns had worsened from getting barely any sleep to going two to three nights in a row without even so much as a nap, and then Austen would crash for roughly four hours, and then the cycle would repeat. Elias chose not to say anything, for he knew that if he did, Austen would get worked up and shut him out, and Elias knew that would be very bad.
Sam laid awake in his bed as well, stressing out about the messy situation he put himself into with Austen and Chloe. He really liked Ch
loe, he absolutely loved the way her flowing blonde hair framed her face and the way her porcelain skin shown in the Houston sun... But at the same time, he hated the fact that she let her jealousy take over her when it came to Austen. And Austen... Sam felt so strongly about Austen, he was tempted to call it love. But Chloe's words kept flying through his mind. Austen won’t know. Austen might not be his soulmate. Chloe might be his soulmate. How long has he felt this way about Austen? And how long is that compared to how long he's felt something for Chloe? Or how long Austen and Chloe have felt about him? It almost felt like a game of twenty-one questions to him, except he was the only player.
Austen picked his phone up off of the desk and clicked it on, seeing if he had any notifications. He saw he had a few more followers on Twitter, which he was happy about. He liked tweeting nonsensical things and lyrics and the drawings he'd do when he got completely bored. He wasn't sure why people were so interested in what he had to say, but he didn't mind. He enjoyed that people took an interest in him and he felt fueled by the likes he'd get on something dumb, like "the drug dog at the airport is ignoring me, this is bullying, I’m bringing coke next time."
Austen unlocked his phone and spent a couple of his minutes scrolling through his Twitter feed, pausing to chuckle at one of Mark Hoppus's tweets and to retweet another tweet from Rihanna's profile. He scrolled aimlessly until he noticed a tweet from Chloe that was retweeted by Sam.
@chloebear: i love my bb so much hes such a sweetie((((: xoxo
06/11/17, 9:23 P.M.
Austen grew suspicious, knowing that Chloe had a huge crush on Sam, and has since February when she had first become friends with everyone. But Sam wouldn't do that to me, Austen thought. But why else would he retweet it?
Austen tapped on her username, leading him to her profile page. He scrolled down slowly, skimming through her recent tweets.
@chloebear: blueberries are so overrated lmao yall go for lemons we sour bitches up in heeerrreee @Sierraahh
06/11/17, 3:46 P.M.
@chloebear: forreal tho who likes the color blue lmao its such a depressing color /////:
06/11/17, 11:12 A.M.
@chloebear: i convinced my mans to watch the big bang theory with me #yaasssss #cometothebb #wehavesteven
06/09/17, 11:58 P.M.
Austen frowned, recalling that Sam had declined to hang out with him that Saturday night. Sam had said that he had woken up sick and that he wanted to spend the day resting. Austen offered to take care of him, just to spend quality time with him, but Sam had turned that down too.
"Maybe it's just a coincidence?" Austen thought to himself, scrolling further down Chloe's profile. He noticed she talked a lot about hating the color blue and anything under the sun associated with it and how much she loved the color yellow.
@chloebear: if yall dont like yellow then unfollow me lmao @Sierraahh is my yellow babe we power rangers together 4ever #bffs
06/05/17, 5:34 P.M.
@chloebear: natural blue?? like,,, does that mean ur naturally depressed lmfao @Sierraahh
06/03/17, 7:12 P.M.
@chloebear: hey babes come get lunch with me,, ((: @Sierraahh @SamLane @djmoneysnak @glitterdick
06/03/17, 12:04 P.M.
Austen stared at the tweets in disbelief. This all had to be a coincidence. Sam wasn't... He wasn't like that! Sam wouldn't do that. He wouldn’t… Sam had promised Austen that he wouldn't… He wouldn't be like Zack. Sam wasn't Zack and Zack wasn't Sam. Zack was gone. He was gone. Sam wasn't Zack.
"What the hell?" Austen whispered to himself, wondering how Chloe even knew his younger sister, Gracie. Gracie was still in high school, her senior year, how could she even have met Chloe? The two didn't even attend the same high school. Did they meet through Sam? Austen thought.
Austen looked at the clock, seeing it was now past five o'clock in the morning. It would be more reasonable to wake Elias up at this hour and he felt that he had a necessary reason now. It wasn't just unreasonable jealousy that kept him awake, no, he had fuel to the fire.
Austen shuffled out of his bed and walked quietly to the other side of the room. He was about to wake Elias up, but he felt his phone buzz continuously in his hand, signaling that someone was calling him. Austen was confused. Nobody ever called him. Who called people these days?
He looked down at the phone, seeing Sam's face and name covering the screen. He was tempted to decline, but maybe Sam had an explanation, and that this was all just a big misunderstanding and a coincidence. Sam wasn't cheating on Austen. Austen was just being silly.
Austen tapped the "accept" button and held the phone up to his ear, muttering a quiet "hello?"
"Hey, Aus," Sam said in a groggy voice. It sounded like Sam had been up all night with no sleep at all.
"Why're you calling?" Austen asked, his words exiting his mouth quickly. He spoke fast on a normal basis, but this was a different kind of fast-paced talking, and Sam picked up on it quick. Something was wrong.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked, ignoring Austen's question.
"I asked you something first," Austen said, gritting his teeth. He was angry, much angrier than he should've been, but he felt a sudden wave of irritation come over him. He wanted to feel bad about taking it out on Sam but he was so suspicious over Chloe's tweets. And Sam's retweet. Sam wouldn’t... he wouldn't do that, Austen kept saying to himself. Sam's not Zack and Zack's not Sam. Zack is gone. Sam is not Zack.
"I called you because I can't sleep and I miss your voice," Sam said. Austen frowned and glared, even though Sam couldn't see his face.
"Or do you miss Chloe's?" Austen snapped, anger seething through each of his words. He hoped in the back of his mind he wouldn't wake Elias up with his talking, but he wasn't thinking straight. He was angry, he was irritated, he was upset, he wasn't going to hold it in. He was going to let it out because, goddamnit, he deserved to feel. He deserved to feel it and not bottle it. He was going to feel.
"What are you talking about, Aus?" Sam asked in a confused tone, making Austen even angrier.
"Fuck you, you know what I mean!" Austen fumed, practically screaming into his phone at this point. He saw Elias stirring in his sleep out of the corner of his eye and he knew he was about to cause a scene in his own damn bedroom, but he was out of fucks to give. He didn't care right now. He wanted one thing, and that was to feel. And he felt outraged.
"I really don't," Sam said honestly. He didn't have a clue what he did wrong, especially since Chloe promised him that everything would be fine. He... He didn't even kiss her back. He didn't do anything wrong. She kissed him, he didn't kiss her. That wasn't wrong, was it?
"You probably weren't even fucking sick on Saturday, asshole!" Austen screamed. Elias was awake by this point and stared at Austen, wondering what had set him off and wondering what it was that made him so mad. "You lied to me just so you could fucking Netflix and chill with her!"
"I didn't Netflix and chill with anyone," Sam said. Sure, he had been forced to watch the entirety of The Big Bang Theory by Chloe, and The Big Bang Theory was on Netflix, but he didn't do anything with her. Not like that.
"Her tweets say otherwise," Austen hissed. Elias stood up from the bed and walked over to Austen and placed his hands gently on the other boy's shoulders.
"Austen, calm down," Elias said softly, leading Austen to sit down on his bed. "You're getting really angry and I don't want you to keel over from cardiac arrest at twenty-five."
"I am really fucking angry, Elias!" Austen shouted and slammed his phone onto the wooden floorboards beneath them. "I'm fucking angry, I'm irritated, I'm emotional, I'm whatever you want to fucking call me! I was having a good time but Chloe had to fucking ruin everything because she can't keep her hands off of what's not hers! Sam was mine, he was mine, he was mine and she took him! She took him, she took him, she took him!"
"Austen, please, calm down," Elias said again. He glanced down at the phone, noticing that Sam was still on the call. He was hearing everything.
"Austen-" Sam began in a concerned tone but was cut off by the natural blue.
"No, fuck you, Sam, you don't get to talk right now!" Austen screamed, kicking his phone to the other side of the room. Elias looked at Austen worryingly.
"You haven't been taking your pills," Elias stated. Austen looked over at Elias, eyes wide in fear. He shook his head quickly.
"No, no, you're wrong," Austen said quickly. "I've been taking my pills! I'm fine, I'm fine, I really am, I'm just- I'm- Sam's cheating on me! It's normal to be mad about that! You're wrong, you're fucking wrong, I'm taking my pills, Elias!"
"You haven't been taking your pills," Elias said again, a look of hurt flashing across his face before returning to his worried state. "Austen, you promised me you'd take your meds!"
"I- I have been!" Austen insisted, tears forming in the corners of his dual-toned eyes. He was beginning to shake and he felt of anxiety wash over him. "I- I've been taking them, Elias, I s-swear."
"You're not acting like yourself, Austen," Elias frowned. He was furious that Austen had lied to him, especially with something so serious, but it wasn't the time to scold him. Elias needed to get Austen to a hospital to get him stabilized before he became any more of a danger to himself than he already was at the moment; whether Austen realized it or not, he was not in a safe mental state. He was unstable.