by Bet Milner
Bucking precariously close to the edge, both woman shuddered in unison lost in their own inner world. It was over. No kisses or cuddles or pretense. No awkward eye contact. Danni fell against the bed exhausted. Tania whispered. "Sorry. I know you didn't want me to touch you. Did you come at least?"
"It's more than fine! Damn I didn’t know how badly I needed that so thanks. Um, yeah. Did you?"
Tania smiled. “I did and thank you. Glad to know I haven’t completely lost my touch.”
Danni laughed. “Yeah same. I haven’t been with a woman for so many years. Definitely missed it.”
"I'm gonna go now Danni okay. I meant what I said earlier. It was a one-time deal. I'm not looking to get in between anything here. Thank you for this." She placed a small kiss on Danni's cheek as she got up and dressed herself. "I won't bring it up again okay."
Danni laughed although she felt like crying. She'd done some shitty things in her time but this felt awful. It wasn't as though she had betrayed Julia. They weren't anything really. They'd kissed and the woman had said she wasn't gay, then they kissed again and then her husband turned up. Talk about mixed messages. If Julia hadn't forgotten about her today she was sure that she and Tania never would have happened but what was done was done.
Tania glanced over at Danni. "Do you need to talk?"
Danni shook her head. "Seriously? I don't think it would be appropriate."
Tania scowled. "Oh for God's sake! If you want to cry about how much you want Julia, I'll give you that shoulder to cry on! We fucked. It was good, but not that good! Get over it! Do you want me to talk to her and try to find out what's going on?"
Danni laughed. It was so surreal. "You really weren't kidding when you said you could handle it were you?"
Tania sat down on the bed and stroked Danni's back. "Look, I'm very good at separating work and reality. I'm a great actress if I do say so myself and I'm also good at separating love from sex. You have to be in this industry Danni. It's everywhere. I have the feeling you are no stranger to casual flings, and Julia knows that better than anyone. Sometimes, an itch needs to be scratched and it's always much nicer to have it scratched by someone you can actually stand to be in the same room as!"
Danni laughed. She wasn't usually like this. She’d had threesomes, one night stands and been to swinging lounges back in the days before Jimmy. She never used to regret anything or feel ashamed for getting her kicks. It had just caught her off guard and especially considering how completely obsessed she was with Julia. "You are really selling me on this celebrity lifestyle!"
"Oh it has some perks. Love is harder though. Take this from someone who has had their fair share of heartache. You take what you can when you can, because there's always someone younger, richer or shinier waiting to take it for you." There was a note of bitterness in her voice and Danni realized that Tania's cynicism was making more and more sense to her.
"You and Julia have something. I don't know what it is yet or how it will be able to manifest itself but it will happen. Whether she chooses to pursue you privately and maintain her perfect image or whether she comes to realize the full extent of her emotional involvement with you. It may take her a while though and you may spend many a night wondering if she's worth it. I did it publically and it wasn't easy.
I was branded a slut and a villain in the magazines and the woman who I loved was made a scapegoat for ruining my marriage. In the end, it ruined us and I ended up marrying another man but not until being completely broken down. I loved him deeply and he helped to rebuild me. He didn't care about my reputation or the bad press and he risked his career for me. I loved him. I still love him but he fell in love with someone else. That's the truth. I don't even hate him for it. I can't. That's what happens. People fall in and out of love all the time and all we can do is hope that it was all worth it and the good times outweighed the bad."
✽ ✽ ✽
Julia stood nervously outside Starrdom records. She felt awful about the current state of her marriage and having led Danni on. She of course didn't know that was what she was doing and she hopes they could get past it and maintain the friendship she had grown to adore. Her stomach churned because if she was honest, that wasn't what she wanted at all. She was scared shitless of what she really wanted.
Danni rounded the corner and she felt the same churning of her stomach that she felt every time she saw Julia. Today though, an added sense of gnawing was in the mix and when she studied her face, it only worsened. "Hey, glad you could make it." She waved awkwardly not sure if to hug the woman or not.
Julia was equally awkward. She was embarrassed that she'd so weakly given in to Brent and hated the thought of Danni finding out and judging her for it. "Of course! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!" She smiled brightly, guilt brandishing her face or at least she thought so.
Neither said anything else as they took the elevator up to reception. The tension was thick and Danni felt that whatever they had been working up towards had evaporated completely. Her heart sunk. The elevator pinged open and they both stepped out.
Bella immediately beamed over at them. "Danni! Please come straight through! Mr. Starr is waiting."
The women walked into the meeting room and smiled. There was a bucket of ice with a champagne bottle chilling in the center of the table next to some papers and a golden fountain pen.
"Miss Rose, so pleased to be welcoming you to Starrdom Records! Please take a seat."
Danni obliged and Mr. Starr pushed the contract eagerly in front of her. Danni took the pen and glanced over her shoulder at Julia who was stood behind her. She smiled warmly at the woman about to change her life forever. She remembered how it felt to be on the cusp of greatness. That feeling of omnipotence was addictive. Had it been so long since she had felt that power within herself? She squeezed Danni's shoulders as way of encouragement for her to go on and sign it.
Danni looked down at the papers and quickly flicked through the pages. Julia's hands on her were comforting yet heavy at the same time. As if she was suddenly feeling the full weight of their entanglement and her lack of self-control around the woman. Once the contract was signed, Starr walked around and put his mark on the papers, toying with the pen in his hands. "Ms. Jones, Bella, we need two witnesses. Would you be so kind?"
Julia nodded and took the pen from Starr. She leant down on the table, her hair falling around her face and her thigh pressing against Danni's accidentally. They both jolted at the contact and Julia blushed apologetically. Danni knew in that moment Julia had made a choice and she was not part of it. Her heart sank but she tried to concentrate on the significance of this amazing moment and give it the attention it deserved.
Starr popped the champagne and filled four flutes. "To Danni Rose and her impending success. May yours be a long and fruitful career."
'Here. Here.'
A murmur of approval went up and the moment of fate was sealed. Danni was officially signed.
Bella broke the silence. "So Danni, have you thought any more on what we discussed? Do you have any preferences for neighborhoods?"
Julia's ears pricked up. She and Danni hadn't talked much about her plans for after the contract was signed.
Danni cleared her throat and tried to make her voice sound light and positive. "Actually, yes Bella. I think I'd prefer to work out of Boston for now if that's okay. I kinda already have a place to live and, erm... friends."
Julia's heart was beating faster. Of course Danni would want to go back to Boston. Why she had thought differently seemed ridiculous to her now. She couldn't look at her but she smiled, not that it mattered because Danni was staring directly at Bella anyway.
"Oh, right. Of course. We have a partnership with a studio in Boston so you can lay down the main bulk of the album there if you like. We have some great session musicians and producers for you to work with however, one of them only works here so you'd have to come in to New York at least twice a month for meetings. Will that be an issue?"
; "Not at all."
"Great. Well, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to get that set up for as soon as possible so we can begin working on an album concept and once you have three or four songs done, we can think about releasing your first official single, maybe a tour and some TV slots."
Danni was buzzing with all the information. There was so much to take in and she suddenly wondered if she could really do all of this on her own. As independent as she was, she'd had a taste of being hauled up in a hotel room on her own and hadn't enjoyed it at all. She knew going back to Boston was the right decision. At least she'd have Reese.
"Sure. Let me know what works for you guys. I've got so many ideas and songs ready to go, just hit me up."
Danni smiled and Bella handed her an envelope. "Oh, I almost forgot, here's your advance. Should see you through for a while."
Danni took the envelope in shock. She hadn't expected the money today. "Thank you Bella. Thank you so much Mr. Starr. I won't let you down."
Danni and Julia left the meeting slightly buzzed from the champagne and extremely buzzed when the full reality hit them. Danni peeped inside the envelope once out on the street and her eyes widened at the figures on the check. Julia laughed.
"So how does it feel to be recognized for your talent and paid handsomely for it?" She asked brightly with a wistful smile gracing her lips.
"It's more than I imagined Julia. I can't believe this is happening. I... thank you." She broke down and wept. Whether they were tears of joy or hopelessness over their friendship status she didn't know and she didn't care at that moment. All she knew was that she needed to be held by this woman. Julia teared up herself at Danni's public display and as soon as the blonde's arms were around her shoulders, she loosened up and returned the hug.
"Hey, what did I say about thanking me, hmm? I honestly don't deserve your gratitude Danni. You are an amazing person." She faltered on her words, overcome with guilt about leading the woman on and going back to Brent. "You deserve everything, do you hear me? I want you to have everything your heart desires."
Danni sobbed into Julia's neck shaking her head. "I don't deserve this. I just, I just wanted to..."
Julia shushed Danni and pulled her into a quiet cafe. They shouldn't be crying out here in the middle of the street where anyone could be watching or listening. She found an empty booth at the back of the cafe and ordered two coffees signaling for the waitress to leave them be. Her heart was heavy. They'd only known each other a short time and yet their connection was undeniable.
Danni tried to talk. "I just... I don't understand what happened. One minute you are..."
Julia shook her head. "Danni. I am so deeply sorry. You have to understand that I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to hurt you at all. I just... Brent asked me to give him another chance and I feel I owe him that. I don't want you to feel like I used you or anything like that. I really like you Danni. I really do and I hope to God we can still be in each other's lives. I care for you and I'm so proud of you for what you've achieved and all that you are."
Danni wiped her eyes suddenly feeling extremely stupid and vulnerable for showing the extent of her feelings and allowing herself to be set up for rejection yet again. "It's fine. I'm fine. I was just overwhelmed with emotions from the contract and projecting that onto you. I get it. You have Brent. You aren't gay. It's fine. Tania and I hooked up by the way, so I guess I should thank you for the introduction." It was low and she knew it but Julia had hurt her more than she could ever know. She regretted the confession when she saw the pain flicker briefly in Julia's eyes.
"Oh. Well, I'm happy for you Danni. Glad I could be of some assistance." It sounded wrong as the words left her mouth. They had a tinge of venom lacing the last syllable of each word. The coffee's arrived and were placed in front of the two clearly upset and confused women. Julia pulled one towards her grateful for some kind of distraction. She sipped it with two hands securing the cup so as not to tremble. She had no right to be angry or jealous. She had just told the woman she was going back to her husband and she'd messed her around. Whatever feelings she had thought she had for Danni would have to be dealt with. She made her bed so she deserved to lie in the crumpled mess of dirty sheets.
Danni put a hand on Julia's shoulder realizing she had caused her to shut down completely. She hated herself and she kind of hated Julia for going back to Brent after everything they'd talked about over the last few months. But even so, she couldn't bear to be the one causing pain right now. Julia had been nothing but kind to her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, I know it was shitty Julia and I shouldn't have said that. Look, can we just start over?"
Julia smiled at Danni. "It's fine Danni. We are just friends, after all."
15
"What's this?"
Danni grinned as she watched Reese open up the envelope and pull out the wads of cash. "It's what I owe you. Plus interest and uhm, the next two months’ rent." She blushed hoping that she wasn't being presumptuous about moving back in to the small apartment.
Reese grinned back. "You're a freak, you know that? Are you sure you want to live here? I mean, it's so small and you know I never have any food."
Danni relaxed. "Hell yeah I wanna live here! Being cooped up in that massive hotel suite with no-one to talk to is not appealing. Besides, I want to make the most of being able to see you all the time before I go on TOUR!"
She screamed the last part. Something about being back in Boston with her best friend was making her whole crazy week finally hit her.
"Oh my God! As if my roomy is about to become a celebrity! I'm so happy for you Dan!"
The pair caught up on all the glamorous details and then the not so glamorous ones and then the dreaded subject she'd been trying to avoid ever since she left Julia in the cafe that day.
"So what happened with you and Julia?" Reese asked enthusiastically but soon checked her smile when she noticed the blonde's expression.
"Oh, nothing. We might stay friends, we might not. She's uhm, she's back with her husband." She tried to make it appear light but Reese pounced on her and pulled her into a hug.
"The bitch!"
"She's not the bitch, Reese."
"Hey! I don't care if she's some big celebrity, she's a bitch for leading you on and getting your hopes up. Straight women do my head in. Gah! Can't they just leave us alone and stop playing with our hearts."
Danni shook her head. "Reese. She isn't the only one who fucked up."
Reese glared and broke the hug. "What did you do?"
✽ ✽ ✽
Julia smiled into the lens pointing in her face and allowed Brent's hand to rest delicately around her waist. She remembered reading an article somewhere about body language on the red carpet and what it meant if people touched in a certain way. She wondered if anyone would be analyzing their pictures and speculating about the truth behind the photos. It was bullshit and she knew it. She didn't want to be here and Brent knew it. They were just playing it up for the cameras. Maybe that's all he'd ever been doing if she thought about it now. She honestly couldn't tell if they ever really had a relationship based on reality or fiction.
They turned away from the cameras and walked arms linked into the gala. As soon as they were out of sight, she dropped his arm and grabbed a champagne flute from one of the trays. She noticed a couple of people she recognized and then one person she wished she didn't. She turned her back but almost instantly the woman was upon her with her fake ass smirk and superior attitude. "Julia, darling! So nice to see you again. Brent."
Julia rolled her eyes and turned around to put her acting to the test. The cameras weren't allowed inside the foyer but she knew someone would be observing and quite possibly filming this encounter on their cel phone. "Harley dear. A pleasure as always. I hear you have been looking out for my husband on set. Thank you kindly." She felt like adding, 'please take him back,' but resisted.
Harley smirked. It caught her off guard that Julia was so at ease with their arra
ngement. From what Brent had told her, Julia was a jealous control freak that wanted nothing more than to castrate him. "Yes well, it was truly my pleasure. Love the dress by the way. It's the Valentino, right? It was a bit large on me."
Julia gripped the champagne flute tighter causing her fingers to turn white. She was furious at Brent for putting her in such a humiliating position. "Yes Harley, I can see you don't have much in the way of curves to fill out such a number." There was no way she was going to let this woman fluster her. She might think she had the trump card in this standoff but Julia always knew how to turn something to her advantage.
Harley smiled and turned to the man who had accompanied her, pulling him closer towards the group. "This is Baxter, my fiancé. Baxter, this is Brent and Julia."
"A pleasure." The all murmured and Brent shifted on his feet and loosened his collar.
Harley held out her hand to show the engagement ring off proudly. "Isn't it lovely?" She added in a whisper to Julia only. "That's the thing about being a third wife. We get much bigger diamonds."
Julia laughed. "It's lovely. I do hope you are both happy together. You seem... quite well suited." She added as she noticed Baxter checking out one of the waitress’s asses.
They walked off and Julia was relieved. At least now she knew why Harley and Brent had called things off. Baxter was Harley's new co-star on some film that were doing and the irony of the situation seemed appropriate. Brent deserved to be dumped for a change. It served him right.
As the night wore on, Julia realized more and more just how much she wished she was at home curled up on the couch with Danni. The smell of Brent's cologne lingered around her like some ghastly spirit and she wished she could just get up and leave. She couldn't go back to him. She didn't love him and he sucked the energy out of her just by being near her. She was done being a second choice. She wanted to be someone's first choice. Only choice. Julia decided that first thing in the morning, she was filing for divorce.