Insistent

by Kaylee Ryan

  “Do you need anything?” Tristan asks.

  “Nah. I’ll run out and grab us some food and clothes. I’m staying with her.”

  “How does she feel about that?” Logan asks. I hear the concern in her voice.

  I smile. I can’t help it. “My girlfriend is fine with me staying. How else would she feel?” I throw it out there and it feels damn good, too.

  “Does she know about that title?” Kacen laughs.

  “Yep. So, does her mom. I’m stoked that she’s lucid right now, so we at least had the chance to tell her. Thank you for being here.”

  “Call us if you need anything. Give them both a hug from us,” Logan, ever the caretaker, says.

  “Will do. I need to get back in there. Thanks again.” I give the guys a handshake and hug Logan tightly before heading back to my girl. When I enter the room, Cass has the chair pulled up to the bed and they are talking softly. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Her smile is huge, and I know having her mom right now is the reason why. “I’m going to let the two of you catch up and run and get us some food. Do you need anything else?”

  “Yeah, can you run by my place and get me something to change into? Something more comfortable than this?” I look down at her dress pants, silk shirt, and high heels. She’s sexy as fuck.

  “Yeah.” I take the offered keys from her hands. “I’ll be back soon. Margaret, can I bring you anything?”

  “No, thank you.” She yawns.

  “Be back soon. Call me if you need me.” I head to my place first, change quickly into some sweats and a hoodie, just in case. My next stop is Cass’s place. I grab some of those tight pants her and the girls are always wearing, a T-shirt, some socks, shoes, and a hoodie, too. I swing through the drive-through and grab some burgers and fries, and I’m headed back to the hospital.

  Cassidy is in the waiting room when I get there, tears rushing down her face. I hurry to her, dropping the food and the bag I packed for her onto the chair and wrap my arms around her. She holds on to me as if she never wants to let go. “What’s wrong, Cass?”

  “We were talking and then all of a sudden, she got confused. She didn’t know who I was. She was angry that there was a stranger in her room. I tried to tell her it was me, but that only made it worse. She worked herself up so much they had to sedate her.”

  I hold her in my arms and wish I knew what to say. I wish I had words to comfort her. She doesn’t need to hear that everything is going to be okay, I get that. I just don’t know what I can say to help her through this. I hate it for both of them. This disease is gut-wrenching. When her tears slow, I pull back and wipe her cheeks. “Why don’t you go get changed and we can eat?” I suggest.

  She nods and grabs the bag from the floor, walking toward the small bathroom off the waiting room. When she gets to the door, she turns to face me. I know because I’ve not taken my eyes off her. “I love you, Gavin McIntosh.” I don’t get to tell her that I love her, too, before she disappears behind the door.

  The last twenty-four hours have been a roller coaster of emotions. Last night, Gavin and I stayed at the hospital. Mom slept most of the time and the moments she was awake, she didn’t know who we were. I will forever cherish that small window of time where she was more than just the body of my mother, but the mind, too. I’m glad I got to introduce her to Gavin as my boyfriend and talk to her about how much he makes me feel. I told her about the shoes, the black patent leather ones that sit in the bottom of my closet. She laughed and told me to throw them away. That those shoes were a blip on the radar of the memories and sacrifices we made together. My mother is the greatest woman I’ve ever known. It tears me up inside not knowing if I will ever get a chance like that again. To sit and talk to her and her remember. I can only hope.

  Throughout it all, Gavin has been by my side. Last night we slept in the waiting room. The lights were dim and he insisted on holding me in his arms. He had to be uncomfortable, but he was adamant there’d be no more nights where I wouldn’t be sleeping in his arms. It was where I belonged. I didn’t fight him. Truth be told, I needed him. I needed to feel his strength around me.

  “You need anything from your place?” Gavin asks.

  We just left the assisted-living home where mom lives. She was released from the hospital earlier this afternoon. “Am I not going home?” I ask him.

  “We both need sleep. We’ve already determined that neither of us can sleep without the other. We can go to your place if you prefer. We just have to swing by mine to get some clothes.”

  “I need clothes.”

  “Okay. We’ll swing by your place first.”

  I don’t argue with him. The weekend was long and sleepless thinking about him, wishing he’d been with me. He said the same. With last night us sleeping in a chair in the hospital waiting room, we’re both dead on our feet.

  When we pull up to my condo, we both climb out of the truck and head inside. I start down the hall to my bedroom, grabbing a bag out of the closet and start adding clothes to change into and something for work tomorrow.

  “Go ahead and pack some extra,” Gavin says.

  Stopping what I’m doing, I look up at him. “Why?”

  “So you can have a few things at my place. We’ll be better prepared next time.”

  I open my mouth to argue with him and remember that I don’t have to. Instead, I smile at him, turn back around, and add a few more items in my bag. After that, I head to my bathroom to get my toiletries. When I come back out, he’s still standing there, arms and legs crossed, leaning against the doorjamb.

  “Ready?” I ask, stopping to stand next to him. His answer is to slip his hand around my neck and bring me into a kiss. When he pulls back, I want to beg him to keep going, but I’m exhausted, and so is he.

  On the drive to his place, I let the events of the last week run through my mind. Last week with Gavin was one I will never forget, and one I thought I would never have again. Then yesterday when I got the call, he was the one who I wanted with me, not only that, but he was there. It’s funny how tragedy can make you see the forest through the trees.

  Once we arrive at his place, he carries my bag into his room. I follow along behind him. I’ve been here before, but not in his room. Never in his room. When he disappears behind another door, I assume is the bathroom, I stand here, not really sure what to do with myself. Do I crawl into bed? Go back to the living room? I don’t have to wonder long because he appears, naked as the day he was born with his hand held out for me.

  “Shower, then bed. That hospital shower was shit.”

  I take his offered hand and let him guide me into the huge bathroom. It’s bigger than I thought it would be for a condo. Then again, this is not your average condo. Gavin steps under the spray and I realize that I’m still standing here gawking at him and his bathroom. I quickly discard my clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor next to his and step into the shower. I don’t really know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t to stand across from Gavin, both of us with our own shower heads, washing away the grime of the past twenty-four hours. Our eyes stay locked on one another, and if I weren’t exhausted, it would be one hell of a foreplay session. I can see the heat in his eyes, but the exhaustion as well.

  When we’re finished, Gavin steps out first and wraps a towel around his waist. He then holds one open for me, and I step into it, into him. Once he has it secured around my waist, he gives me another for my hair. Something he learned during our week together. Then again, maybe it was another woman he learned that from.

  “What were you thinking just now?” he asks.

  “Nothing.” I wave away his concern, leaning my head over and wrapping my hair up in the extra towel.

  “Don’t do that, Cass. Talk to me.”

  “Fine,” I huff. “I was just thinking about how thoughtful it was that you got me another towel for my hair and that you must have learned that about me last week. Then I realized it might have been another woman who you’ve spent
so much time with who taught you that we need two towels. I’m tired, and I was being stupid, I know.” I wave my hands in the air. “It’s nothing. Just ignore me.”

  “I’m not going to ignore you. That’s not how this is going to work, Cass. You have something to say, you say it. If you’re thinking something, no matter what it might be, you tell me. We work through it together. That’s how this works. We’re in this together,” he says, stepping closer. “Let’s get you dried off and in bed. Then we can talk.”

  The towel that’s around my body falls open when he pulls at the piece that I had tucked in holding it up. Slowly, he runs the soft cotton over my skin, soaking up the remnants of our shower. “I’ll get you something to sleep in while you do your hair,” he says, tossing the towel in the basket and walking out of the room.

  Dropping the towel from my hair, I’m too tired to do anything but brush it out, and I put in up in a knot on top of my head. It’s sure to be a hot mess with a mass of frizzy curls when I wake up in the morning, but I couldn’t care less. Sleep. What I need is sleep.

  Turning off the light, I walk into the bedroom, and Gavin hands me a T-shirt. “Here.”

  “I brought sleep clothes.” I point to my bag that sits on the chair in the corner of the room.

  “Yeah, but this is better.” He holds out his hand, offering me the shirt again.

  I take it and slide it over my head. It’s too big, reaching past mid-thigh, but it smells like him. It’s an old Soul Serenade T-shirt, one from the early years. Turning off the lights, Gavin guides me with his hand on the small of my back to the bed. He pulls back the covers, and from the dim glow of the moonlight coming through the windows, I can see he’s waiting for me to get in. I slide in, and the softness of the mattress surrounds me.

  Gavin follows in after me, sliding the cover up over us. “Finally,” he murmurs, pulling me into his arms and pressing a kiss to my temple. “Now, let’s talk. First of all, there have been other women in my life. None of them important enough to remember. Second, I couldn’t have given a fuck less what they liked and what they didn’t. They served a purpose. Yes, I’m aware that makes me sound like a dick, but let’s call a spade a spade. Third, you’re the first woman I’ve brought there. This is my place, my home. I never brought randoms here, not ever. This is personal, and they were just sex.” I try to speak, but he talks over me, so I wait. “Finally, it was all you. I wasn’t sure when I would get this time with you again, so I soaked up as much of you as I could get. Remember things that you liked and disliked, trying to form a plan to lure you here. In my bed. For the rest of your life.”

  The rest of my life? I ignore that for now and go back to my original statement that he wouldn’t let me make. “Sex is personal.”

  “Sex is intimate. Making love is personal. Even when I’m fucking you, I’m making love to you. There’s a difference.”

  “Sex is sex, Gavin.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I never craved to have their pussies wrapped around my cock. I never wanted to taste them more than I needed my next meal. I never wanted to get lost in them,” he says softly. “When I’m inside you, I feel like I lose a part of myself to you. And that’s okay,” he adds quickly. “I’m good with losing myself to you. I want that more than anything. That’s personal, Cass. That’s more than sex. That’s love, baby.”

  He’s right. My insecurities are showing. Instead of fighting with him, which is the last thing I want to do, I snuggle into his chest, place a kiss there, and whisper, “I love you.” His breathing is smooth and even, his chest barely moving as I lie against him.

  “This,” he says, holding me a little tighter, “this is how you’re supposed to fall asleep at night.” His lips press to the top of my head. “I love you too, Cass.”

  That’s the last thing I remember before drifting off into what turns out to be a peaceful night’s sleep.

  It’s been a week today since Cass got the phone call that her mom was being rushed to the hospital. With the help of Logan, I was able to convince her to take the rest of the week off. We stayed at my place and went to see her mom every day. Not once in any of those days did she remember her, remember us. Cassidy acted as though she was okay with it, but I know better. I’m sure on some level, she’s used to it, but that does not mean that she’s okay with it. I wish there was something that I could do, something that could make her better.

  I called around, spoke to a few specialists, and there’s not much else they can do. There are some medication trials, but for the most part, this is the disease. Alzheimer’s, in a way, is worse on the family than it is the patient. They don’t know what they can’t remember.

  Today is the first day back at the label for both of us. Cassidy insisted on putting together the presentation on Shattered Heart to send to the other guys. I conceded because she did it sitting on my couch in nothing but one of my T-shirts and a pair of panties. If I had it my way, she’d work from my couch every day.

  Today is the first day we’re back to work as a couple. The guys and their wives all stopped by last week. Even Stacy and baby Riley came over to visit. They embraced our new relationship just as I thought they would—with open arms. Cass was nervous at first, but she soon realized there was nothing to be nervous about. She calmed down, and we enjoyed our week. That was until this morning. She’s changed her outfit at least three times and changed her hair twice.

  “I should have stayed at my place last night,” she says, turning sideways to look at herself in the mirror. “I don’t know if this is the right one.” She sighs and lets her arms drop to her sides.

  “Babe, do you normally have this much trouble getting ready for work?” I ask cautiously.

  “No,” she huffs. “This is not just another day, Gavin. This is us, going to the office as an us.”

  I remain where I am, sitting on the bed, staring at her through the open bathroom door. “Babe,” I say carefully, not wanting to upset her further. This is new territory for me, but I’ve seen the guys with their wives, and I know Cass. “It’s just us. Me, the guys, the girls, the kids. That’s it. Nothing to be nervous about.”

  “I can’t help it,” she sighs. “It’s what I’ve worried about forever, wanting you, but not being able to have you because of my job. I don’t know how to let that go,” she admits.

  I stand and go to her, wrapping my arms around her waist. “Look,” I say, pointing to the mirror in front of us. “That’s us, babe. We’re the same people as we were before, only better versions. At least, I’m a better version. We’re good together. You kick ass at what you do and keeping the label running. That’s all you have to do. Go to work, kick ass, and come home to me.”

  “Gavin, it’s been a week since I’ve stayed at my place.”

  “Yeah, about that. You should just give up your condo,” I tell her.

  “What?” She turns in my arms and looks up at me.

  “We both agree sleeping alone is not something either of us want to do, so why not?”

  “Why not? Gavin, it’s been a week. One week! I can’t just give up my home.”

  “This will be your home, or we can find a new place together.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “It is that easy. Whatever it costs to get out of your lease, I’ll cover it.”

  “It’s not that. This is new, Gavin. Come on, you can’t be serious.”

  “I’m dead serious. It’s easier to have all our stuff at one place. No more ‘I should have gone home’ or ‘I wish I would have packed that.’ It will all be right here, where it belongs, where you belong. With me.”

  “Can we not talk about this right now?” she asks. I can see I’ve caught her off guard. That’s fine. I know she’s going to need some time to get to where I am, and I’m okay with that. I know where we’re going.

  “Sure, baby.” I kiss her neck and pull away.

  When we finally make it to the office, she seems to have calmed down. Of course, it could be the extra-la
rge coffee and two glazed doughnuts I stopped and picked up for us.

  “You know, I can’t keep eating like this. I can feel these doughnuts going to my hips as we speak.”

  “Your hips are perfect.”

  “You say that now. You won’t be thinking that way when I’m big and fat.”

  “I, for one, can’t wait for that to happen,” I say, leaning over the console and pressing my lips to hers. My hand lands on her belly. “And you will never be fat.”

  “I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing,” she says, giving me an odd look. Then looking down at my hand on her belly.

  “I was talking about eating too much. What were you talking about?”

  “Babies, Cass. When we have babies, you’re going to be beautiful.”

  “You feeling all right?” She chuckles.

  “Perfect. I’m just tired of holding back from what I want. You and a life with you is what I want.” One more kiss and I climb out of the truck. When I reach her side of the truck, she’s still sitting there with her mouth hanging open. “You know you should probably close your mouth. You can catch a fly like that.” I laugh, holding my hand out for her to help her out of the truck.

  She takes my offered hand and climbs out. “My mom used to say that,” she says softly.

  I close the door and walk us to the elevator, giving her time to work through her feelings. I know she misses her mom like crazy. When the doors close, she seems to snap out of it.

  “Babies, Gav?” she questions. Her voice is soft like she’s afraid to ask.

  “You do want kids, don’t you?” I ask her.

  She nods. “This is so new. You’re talking about moving in together and now babies. We need to slow this train down a little.”

  The elevator doors slide open, and she walks out. I follow her to her office, walking in behind her and shutting the door. I know the other guys aren’t here yet. We’re not meeting for another thirty minutes, but just in case. “Is this that new for you, Cass? You and me, in your mind…” I step toward her, placing my hand over her heart. “…in here, are we really new?”