Don't Call Me Kid

by Popescu, Alina

  "Enough," Dad said, hitting the corner of the table. "Your mother worked her butt off to prepare this meal. If you have no respect for each other, at least think of her."

  Yup, that was my mom, the busy housewife... She could heat up a mean casserole though! Beyond that, she had someone cooking for her. She was too busy being the heart of every social event her fancy friends threw. There was always one charity or another she had to support, an issue dividing the school board, some artistic endeavor she decided to promote, and so the list went on. Slaving away in the kitchen didn't fit in her busy schedule.

  Neither Taylor nor I had the guts to point that out. If we dared, there'd be tears and sobbing, and my father scolding us. We didn't agree on much, my brother and I, but we were on the same wave length when it came to Mom's teary outbursts. So we sat through a tense dinner glaring at each other as our parents chatted about their friends.

  ***

  "Pizza and a movie tonight?"

  I pressed the phone closer to my ear, as if that would preserve the sound of Parker's voice longer. "Sure. What time do you want me to come by?"

  "I finish work in an hour. I need like thirty minutes to get home and shower, so any time after that?"

  I grinned, already up and ruffling through my closet. "Sounds like a plan. Anything you want me to grab on the way?"

  He hummed and then went silent for a few beats. "I can't remember how much beer I have at home. Can you get us some?"

  "Sure, no problem." I scrambled for something else to say, but I wasn't fast enough. I didn't know why I dreaded his goodbye when I was going to see him later that day. It sent a jolt of mild pain right into my heart. Despite our promise to call each other when we needed it, weeks had passed. I'd wanted to reach out plenty of times, but I'd stopped myself. I couldn't help feeling like a perv, especially after Taylor's repeated jabs. Parker had no idea how much I wanted him. Was I taking advantage of his actual need to talk to a friend?

  I couldn't worry about it now. I was too busy deciding what to wear. I went through a few pairs of dark jeans, then realized this wasn't a date. Why was I trying so hard? I sighed, stuck with the pair I'd just tried, and headed for the shower.

  It felt like forever before I could finally drive to Parker's. I'd left early anyway, so I took a detour to a shop that wasn't on my normal route to his place to compensate. I browsed through all their beers and then ended up choosing what I usually got. And somehow managed to be late. Not that we'd set a fixed time, but I wasn't there in exactly an hour and a half since our phone call. So late.

  "Hey, kid. Thanks for getting the beer." He took the six pack from me to stick it into the fridge.

  Parker looked fresh and relaxed, his wet hair a little mussed. I licked my lips, then told myself to calm the fuck down. Parker always looked great, I should be used to being around him by now. Yet something in my stupid brain had snapped after the divorce. Everything I'd felt since my teenage years, all the lust and pining had grown exponentially and I could barely hold it together. My brother's mocking face materialized in my mind's eye and I immediately sobered up. I wasn't here to sleep with Parker. I was his friend, we were going to watch a movie, share a meal, and I'd listen to him if he wanted to talk. Nothing more.

  CHAPTER NINE

  IF PLANS TRULY ARE GOD'S main source of amusement, then he must have been in a great mood that night. The minute I'd sat next to Parker on his comfy couch, my decision to be a good friend had gone out the window. Parker had snuggled close and lain his head on my shoulder. He'd mumbled something about a long week and bad sleep, but I couldn't tell for sure what he'd said. The moment he touched me, electric shocks raced through my body, setting me on high alert. Fuck, I couldn't get hard with him so close to me. I had no cover or pillow to place on my lap. Parker would see. And that couldn't fucking happen!

  Parker wiggled, his wet, spiky hair brushing the side of my neck. And I was gone. I looked down at my lap in horror, but my bulge wasn't overly visible. Thank fuck for how tight my jeans were.

  "You smell good," Parker whispered.

  My vision blurred, probably from all the blood rushing down. I couldn't handle his husky, relaxed voice whispering in the dark.

  "You changed cologne," he said, inhaling deeply. "Can't decide which I like better."

  I'd actually ran out of my go-to scent. I'd had this new one for a while, something I'd chosen with a former fuck buddy. We were still friends, but we'd dropped the fucking when Thomas had fallen in love with his now boyfriend. He had a talent for finding scents for people, and he'd been the first person in my entire life to convince me to buy something new. I hadn't used it before tonight.

  "You okay?"

  I startled at Parker's question, his voice sounding too close. He'd lifted his head, speaking directly into my ear.

  "Sorry." Thinking of where and why I'd gotten the damn cologne had kept me from having a more visceral reaction to Parker's words. Not only did he like how I smelled, he'd paid enough attention to know I'd changed my cologne. It meant everything.

  I turned to him and I felt dizzy. Too close, Parker was too close. I zeroed in on his lips and swallowed. It felt like someone had poured sand down my throat and I struggled to keep my body from shaking with the effort not to jump him.

  "Seriously, kid. Are you okay?"

  His warm breath washed over me, and I closed my eyes. Do not moan! Please do not moan. Thankfully I didn't. I even managed to nod and reassure Parker. "Just tired."

  "You should have said something. You still have to work tomorrow, I could have postponed."

  I shook my head. "Not that kind of tired. I guess mentally drained is closer to how I feel."

  He chuckled and rested his head on my shoulder, getting comfortable again. "Yeah, I'd go insane if I had to move back home."

  I groaned at that. Yup, I'd had another delay. Every other apartment in the building was done, except mine. They'd run into an issue. Which I gathered was code for the contractors having messed something up. "Mom told Taylor about our movie night and he didn't take it too well."

  "Why would he care? I imagined he'd be happy knowing I hang out with you and not going out on dates."

  My heart constricted, and my lungs were suddenly void of air. I clenched my fists, doing my best to get myself under control. He hadn't meant to hurt me. Of course he hadn't. But Parker didn't know how I felt, so he'd hurt me unintentionally all the freaking time.

  "I think he's jealous of everyone who gets to be around you."

  Parker made a noncommittal sound and fell silent. At least I didn't have to explain why my brother was so jealous of me. That was a relief, right?

  ***

  "You don't have to drive back home," Parker said, a pizza and two movies later.

  I'd only had one beer, but I was exhausted all the same. I considered staying over again, then remembered our awkward, post-shower encounter. Maybe I was better off leaving.

  "Please, I'd be too worried. You're clearly about to fall asleep. Let's have another beer and I'll sort you out for the night."

  "Sure, thanks." I scratched the back of my neck and sat back down on the couch. Parker brought us two more beers and sat cross-legged next to me, facing my side.

  "So, how have you been?"

  I arched an eyebrow and looked at him sideways. "Other than being stuck at home? I've been good. Nothing much happening with me."

  Parker let out an uneasy chuckle. "I just want you to know I don't set out to make all our conversations about me."

  I rolled my eyes and sipped some of my beer. "You never make it all about you. I’m surprised you even talk about your issues at all."

  He shrugged and smiled, but it still didn't look right. "I enjoy spending time with you. I always have, I didn't do it just because you were Taylor's little brother."

  "What's with all this worrying?"

  "You seem sort of... I don't know, off tonight."

  I tried to make something up, but my brain came up empty. I had
a confession on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't let it loose. It would ruin my friendship with Parker forever.

  "Kid, what's wrong?"

  I jumped to my feet and groaned. "Don't call me kid, okay? I am not a fucking kid."

  Parker stood slowly, his wide eyes fixed on mine. "Evan, I've always called you that."

  I melted at the sound of my name on his lips. Parker hated Van. He thought it didn't suit me. Whenever he'd used my name, he'd stuck to Evan. He'd often made comments on the futility of shortening a name if you only dropped one letter, but no one paid him any mind. He'd been one of the very few people to call me Evan and I absolutely loved the sound of it.

  "Just don't. Please." I took a step closer, looming over him. "I'm not a kid anymore. I need you to realize that."

  He swallowed and licked his lips, his eyes glued to mine. He nodded shakily and cleared his voice. "I didn't know it bothered you that much."

  I moved my hand in slow motion, giving him time to see its trajectory. I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer, our chests touching slightly. I bent my head and hovered there, our lips so close, it drove me insane. I ran my thumb along his throat and Parker closed his eyes.

  "Please don't call me kid anymore."

  I touched my forehead to his and exhaled. I felt him tremble against me and I lost all confidence. He hadn't moved away, but he hadn't touched me either. He'd said nothing. What the hell was I doing? Why push him like this, when he had no idea what was going on in my head.

  "I've gotta go," I said, releasing him and turning to leave.

  He grabbed my upper arm and pulled me back, his chest pressed against my side. "Don't be ridiculous. It's late and you're exhausted. If you want to prove you're all grown up, stop acting like a kid."

  I latched onto his teasing tone. He'd told me to stay and he wasn't angry or upset. I slumped my shoulders and faced him. "Fine, I'll do as I'm told. That makes me an adult, right?"

  CHAPTER TEN

  AFTER OUR LITTLE INCIDENT AT his place, Parker made a point of in meeting me in public. We still saw each other almost every week, but he'd only go for plans that involved us being surrounded by people. It hurt, but if it kept us from being awkward, I'd deal with it.

  The pins shattered once again, and I raised my hands in a dramatic sign of victory. He'd invited me bowling with the guys from his dad's shop.

  "Nice going, kid."

  I turned to him and saw his smile falter. "Sorry," he mouthed, and I felt like crap.

  He'd danced around me like that for a while now. Every time he called me kid, his cheer faded, and he started apologizing.

  "We're going to get refills," I announced. Everyone cheered at that, even the losing team. I motioned for Parker to follow me and he complied, still looking contrite.

  I pulled him into the hallway and looked around to see if anyone was within earshot. "Hey, relax. I know what I said, but I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable."

  Parker looked at me with so much remorse in his beautiful eyes, I hated myself for ever saying anything. "But it bothers you, doesn't it?"

  I sighed and hung my head. "Sometimes, yes. It's a context thing, I guess. I don't always mind it. I just... I wish to be more to you than Taylor's younger brother."

  Parker smiled and ruffled my hair. "You've always been more than that. You're my family, yeah?"

  I tried, I really tried to keep the hurt from showing. I thought I had, even if I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

  "Shit. I made it worse," Parker whispered.

  "No!" His guilt jump-started my mouth. "You did nothing wrong. Look, we're friends, right? And we're still hanging out, even though Taylor's out of the picture. I am really grateful for that."

  Parker stared at me for a long moment, his face void of any expression. "Right. Okay then. I'll apologize less. But I'll also try to limit my use of 'kid'."

  I grinned and relaxed. "Sounds great to me."

  My cheer didn't last long. We got the drinks and played on, but Parker seemed distracted for the rest of the evening. I caught him stealing glances at me, but he kept his distance. At the end of the evening, he grabbed a ride with one of the guys rather than sharing one with me. That hammered in the final nail in the evening. I'd ruined it. For both of us, not just for myself. I'd somehow ended up worrying Parker. As if he didn't have enough on his plate. I'd had to play up the family genes and act like a spoiled brat.

  I sighed as the lights of his cab disappeared. I'd have to find a way to fix this. Fast.

  ***

  "What are you doing here?"

  Taylor stared down at me, his lips twisted in disgust.

  "I live here for now, remember?"

  He rolled his eyes and managed to preserve his sour grimace. "It's the weekend. Aren't you usually all over Parker when he's not working?"

  My brother knew where to hit for maximum damage. Even when he didn't know he was doing it, he still hit the mark right in its most painful pressure point.

  I hadn't seen Parker since the bowling night. He'd made excuses at first, then he'd dropped off the radar. I'd sent a couple of texts that went unanswered, then gave up. He clearly didn't want anything to do with me, so why pester him?

  "I've been taking it easy."

  Taylor snorted. "Yeah, sure. You'd find your way out of a maximum-security prison to see Parker. He dropped you, didn't he?"

  I glared at him, which only made him happier.

  "Well, well, it finally happened. You realize he only spent time with you to keep tabs on me, right? Now that we talk regularly, he no longer needs you."

  That couldn't be right, could it? Parker wasn't the type to use people. And he'd said he'd never take Taylor back, yet now they kept in touch? Maybe I didn't know Parker as well as I thought I did. Maybe I filtered everything through my lovesick lenses.

  "Try not to screw up again, okay?" I stood and retreated to my room. If Taylor made Parker happy, then more power to them. I'd be happy for Parker, of course. That didn't mean I had to stay there and take Taylor's gloating.

  "Don't you worry about what I do. Find someone else to obsess over. Parker is mine, you hear?"

  I closed the door on his annoying voice. What did he know, anyway? It wasn't like I'd wanted to spend the past ten years pining over Parker. I'd tried. God, how I'd tried! I'd dated so much, I probably held some sort of record on first dates. They never worked out.

  A couple of guys seemed promising at first. I'd had proper relationships with them, albeit short. They never lasted past their meeting my family. Because family meant Parker and I apparently couldn't hide my feelings around him. That was why Parker's oblivion baffled everyone. Even virtual strangers could tell I was hopelessly in love with him.

  Now more than ever, I'd convinced myself Parker pretended not to know. Why else avoid me? I'd almost spilled my guts to him at the bowling alley. He probably could no longer act as if he didn't realize how I felt after that failure. So why put up with me if he got nothing out of it? I made it hard on him to be around me and he had a direct line to Taylor. If he continued to see me, I'd only be in the way.

  I crawled on my bed, hugging my knees and hiding my head in my pillow. I was so pathetic. Even now, after ten years of waiting, I still couldn't let go. I'd have to see them at family shindigs. The thought of Taylor all over Parker made me want to throw up, but at least I'd see him.

  I groaned and punched my pillow. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. If Parker refused to see me, I had to stop waiting for him to change his mind. For once, I had to make a real effort to get over him. I picked up my phone and reactivated my online dating app. They'd disabled my account for lack of use.

  Fifteen minutes later, my phone buzzed like it was possessed. Matches and messages and so many photos ranging from tasteful and sexy to lewd and downright disturbing. I couldn't give in to base urges and just fuck the first available man. That wouldn't help. I carefully filtered out all the booty calls and ended up with a couple of more
serious pursuits. I could do this, I told myself.

  As I messaged back and forth with the two guys who claimed not to want a hookup, I even started to believe it. Here I was, being funny and charming. And there they were, setting up dates with me. They both lived in the same city, but conveniently far enough to allow me not to run into family. Or worse, into Parker.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  "HEY, GRUMPY. How are you?"

  I grunted and drowned my sorrows in the beer my best friend, Drew, had bought for me.

  "That great, huh?"

  I stared at him bleary-eyed as he sat across from me. "I feel I'm failing at life."

  He chuckled. "Bad dates again?"

  I shook my head. "No, fantastic. They wanted second dates. I even went on one of them. I'm seeing him again tomorrow."

  Drew's eyebrows shot up. "No kidding."

  My relationship with Drew had started with a date. He'd been one of the rare men who'd lasted until he'd seen me around Parker. We'd parted amicably, as he hadn't been that into me either. We’d loved hanging out together, so we'd decided to search for romantic partners elsewhere and keep seeing each other as friends. Now here he was, the closest friend I had in the whole world.

  "So what did this mysterious new guy do that you kept him around?"

  I cradled my head and groaned. "He's hot. And he wanted to see me again. That's about it."

  "Van, please don't do this to yourself again. Stop wasting time on people who don't really keep your interest."

  "No one keeps my interest," I muttered.

  He huffed. "I did."

  I snatched his beer just as he was trying to drink from it. "Yeah, as a friend. Just like I kept yours only as far as platonic interactions went."

  "Fair enough. Still, you won't get over Parker if you don't spend your time with someone who truly fascinates you."

  He was right, but I couldn't help it. No matter how interesting they seemed on paper, other than my dick getting hard if I found them attractive, I failed to be properly enchanted.