Don't Call Me Kid

by Popescu, Alina

  "Maybe I should just give up. Accept my fate and die alone."

  Drew slapped me across the head faster than I thought possible for someone as graceful as him. "Stop saying stupid shit. Van, I think you don't want to give up on Parker. You're too stubborn to accept he won't ever reciprocate."

  I opened my mouth to contradict him, but he stared me down until I lowered my head.

  "I love you, but you need to hear this. You always try to date when you've had enough of your unrequited longing. You don't give it your all, like you're saving all that potential in your heart for the moment Parker realizes you're it for him. I admire your dedication, but what if he never does? What if he takes your brother back and they live happily ever after?"

  "That's where they're headed, at least according to Taylor."

  Drew took my hand in his. "I'm sorry. I'll spend the holidays at your parents' place again this year if that happens."

  "Thank you." I squeezed his hand and looked around, finally taking in the pub we were in. My eyes stopped on a familiar face, a smiling face with soft lips and sexy eyes that froze mid-phrase. He'd noticed me and paled. He scrambled to push off the guy who was hanging all over him. I smiled and raised my beer bottle to him. We'd been on a couple of dates, it was fine really.

  He whispered something to the man sitting with him and came to our table. "Fancy meeting you here," he said and looked pointedly at Drew who was still holding my hand.

  "Yeah, same. This is my best friend, Drew."

  Drew smiled and waved, quite princely if you asked me.

  "Look, about the guy I'm with."

  I stood and placed my hand on his shoulder. "It's fine, Tim, we've been on two dates."

  He relaxed a little under my touch. "Okay, cool. I'd set this up before I met you. I promise I was serious about looking for a relationship."

  "We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

  He stole a glance at the guy currently glaring at me and then gave me a forced smile. "Sure, sounds like a plan." Tim left, his posture relaxing as he made his way back to his table.

  "He'll cancel your date in the morning," Drew said, a glint of humor in his eyes.

  I shook my head. "No, he'll cancel after his date tonight. Right after he decides to see that guy again."

  Drew deflated and threw bits of his beer label at me. "You're no fun."

  "I did pay attention on my dates. That guy is much more Tim's type than I am."

  "You're sure gutted about it." Drew said, the sarcasm a little too thick in his tone.

  Yeah, maybe there'd been some truth to his earlier scolding. I wasn't even mildly bothered about Tim finding someone else. All I felt was relief. I'd get a break from pretending I was trying.

  "I need to get out of here," I said and drained what was left from my beer.

  "Do you want to be away from the general population or completely on your own?"

  I made a face at Drew. "Since when do I not want to hang out with you?"

  Drew stood and slung his arm around my shoulders. "Since never. No matter how bad your mood, you still want to whine about it to someone."

  I elbowed him and laughed. "Not just anyone. I only whine to you."

  Rubbing his side, Drew sighed dramatically. "What did I do to deserve that?"

  "Probably killed someone in a past life."

  The pub was close to Lincoln Park, which brought all sorts of messy feelings to the surface. I linked our arms and dragged Drew away from it. I didn't want to remember the afternoon I'd shared with Parker. I really needed to get it together. Break free from this stupid infatuation that had loomed over me since the day I'd met him.

  "Are you making resolutions in your head again?" Drew asked, his words kinder than he usually went for.

  I shrugged and clung to his arm. "Maybe. I'm trying at least."

  "This might sound scary, but maybe you should tell Parker. Get some closure."

  "Tell Parker what?"

  I stopped in my tracks, my heart racing, and my eyes insisting on widening past what was physically possible.

  Parker stood in front of us, looking between Drew and me.

  "Parker, we were just talking about you," Drew quipped.

  I felt like elbowing him again. He'd literally caught us talking about him, I doubted Parker needed any confirmation. I couldn't do anything, too wrapped up in my frozen-in-fear moment.

  Drew sighed and turned to face me. "Maybe you should tell Parker how you feel about him getting back with your brother. I doubt he'd be surprised by it."

  Great save, as always. Drew might nudge me to go beyond my comfort zone, but he'd never force me into an unplanned confession.

  "Who's getting back together?" Parker asked, stepping closer to me. "Who told you that?"

  "No one." I swallowed hard and forced myself to face Parker. "Not explicitly. Taylor mentioned you were seeing each other regularly."

  Parker ran his hand through his hair and cursed. "Yes, our lawyers thought we should talk like adults. We have some minor stuff to work out and if we meet with lawyers present, it always degenerates into an all-out fight."

  I sighed, chastising myself for believing anything my brother said. "Taylor made it sound like something else."

  Parker tilted his head, his mouth twisted in anger. "And you believed him?"

  I shrugged. "It sounded genuine at the time. Besides, it explained why you were avoiding me. Taylor never liked me hanging around you."

  Parker opened his mouth to say something and my heart sped up. I wanted an explanation, but I feared him admitting he hadn't wanted to see me. "That's not... I just needed some time on my own, I didn't intentionally avoid you."

  Drew chuckled. "Same difference. At least it's sorted now."

  Parker glared at him and Drew answered with a mocking grin. "What? Did I say anything wrong? Intentional or not, you avoided him. Then his brother came with a plausible explanation. You can't really blame Van, can you?"

  Parker deflated and my heart felt as if it had been crushed.

  "I have to get out of here." I didn't wait for a reply from either of them. I turned on my heels and marched away. I got into a cab that just happened to drop someone off at the corner of the street and refused to even look in their direction.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  EVAN, YOU ARE SUCH A coward. I knew I was, but I'd been on so many emotional roller coasters lately, I just couldn't deal with any more at this point. I couldn't take Parker's questions, not without blurting out something I'd regret.

  I got home in no time at all and stood there, staring at my parents' house. I wanted to be at my own place, able to shut the door on the entire world. I didn't want to play nice and chat with my mom about things she did that I honestly couldn't care less about.

  "Evan, there you are."

  I turned to catch Parker shutting the door and hurrying away from his car. I felt like running and hiding under my bed. I wasn't that much of a chicken though. I sighed and faced him, feeling sweat and goosebumps breaking on my back.

  Parker tripped, and I rushed to catch him. We stumbled, but I managed to steady myself against one of the trees dotting our driveway. We dodged a close encounter with mom's carefully landscaped lawn, but I still ended up crushing him between my chest and the bark of the old tree.

  "Shit," Parker said, his face twisted in pain.

  "Sorry." I rushed to step back and stumbled. Parker caught me and pulled, which sent me right back on top of him. He hissed in pain again and I felt even more wretched. I hung my head, which was a worse mistake than everything I'd done that evening. My face ended up right in the crook of his neck. Like a fool, I inhaled, and got lost in his scent, in the closeness we were sharing, and the almost forbidden feel I got from the dark shadow we found ourselves in.

  "Why did you run away like that?" Parker whispered, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear.

  I bit my tongue to keep myself from moaning. I felt the taste of my own blood but kept quiet. Parker gasped, hi
s heart beating so hard, I could feel it through our clothes. That was when I realized I'd focused on the wrong thing. Or rather, on just one thing that could give away my physical reaction to his touch. I'd forgotten how we were touching everywhere. I'd gone hard when his lips had brushed my skin and Parker felt that.

  I pulled away, terrified but wanting to know what he thought. The shock in his eyes broke me. Or was it fear? It didn't matter, I'd struck him dumb.

  I swore and ran my hands through my hair, pulling on the ends. "I guess you have your answer now." I left Parker there and walked inside. I didn't stop to say hello, nor did I answer my father's question about how I was. I went straight to my room, closed the door behind me and collapsed on my bed. I lay there, unwilling to take my shoes off or undress, refusing to even move to a more comfortable position.

  Parker's utter shock haunted me. I stared at that mental picture for God knows how long, until I passed out.

  ***

  The next day I made a point in saying as few words as humanly possible. I stuck to monosyllabic replies for most of breakfast, then retreated to my room to work. I couldn't get anything done, so I decided to pester my landlord instead. I wanted to go home, fast. I wanted my independence and my privacy. If that couldn't be arranged, then I'd look into canceling my lease and finding a new place to live. Or get a cheap hotel to spend a few weeks in. My sanity was worth that.

  "What's up, little brother?" Taylor barged in like the selfish prick he was.

  "Not in the mood for your shit." I tapped at my keyboard with enough force to break a flimsier model. The last thing I needed right now was seeing Taylor's smug face.

  "Don't care. Parker called, he was worried about you. As I am trying to schmooze my way back, I can't ignore his requests."

  "Parker has my phone number."

  Taylor snorted and grabbed my shoulder. He pulled, turning me around. "It's not my fault you can't be bothered to turn it on, is it?"

  I swung my chair back into its initial position. "Tell him I'm fine. Busy."

  I ignored the sounds of Taylor going through his pockets and taking something out. If I acted like he wasn't there, then he'd go away.

  "Hey, gorgeous. I'm in Van's room."

  My fingers froze on the keyboard and I held my breath. The sweetness in Taylor's voice was too familiar. He'd used it with Parker whenever he'd messed up. If he groveled long enough, Parker would always take him back.

  "Yeah, fine. Alive and kicking... Says he's busy."

  I should have felt guilty for worrying Parker, but I was too angry for that. He'd said he wasn't going to take Taylor back, but here they were, talking.

  "Sure, I'll tell him. Bye, babe." Taylor pulled on my hair. "Parker said to call him. I'd prefer you didn't."

  "Get out, Taylor. I really am not in the mood."

  He left without another word. He didn't enjoy being around me anymore than I did him. Small mercies.

  I sighed and leaned my head on my desk. Maybe I didn't love Parker as much as I'd imagined. Maybe I was as selfish as my brother. Shouldn't I be happy for the man I loved? Shouldn't I hope he chose whoever made him happy? If that was Taylor, who was I to object?

  That was the crux of the problem. I didn't think Taylor could make him happy. He'd had so many chances and he'd blown it every single time. I couldn't say I was Parker's best option, but I'd certainly be better than Taylor. I sounded conceited, full of myself, even to my own ears. What did I know about what Parker needed in a man?

  I switched my phone to normal mode. I hadn't actually turned it off, I'd just kept it on airplane mode to avoid everyone, online and off. I scrolled through Parker's messages and missed phone calls, feeling worse about my childish reactions of late. I couldn't hide from reality forever.

  "Sorry, I needed some time on my own. I'm okay, don't worry about me."

  I hadn't expected a reply from Parker. Yet when it didn't come, it hurt. I really couldn't take a taste of my own medicine. What a hypocrite I was!

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  DREW GRINNED AND JUMPED TO his feet. "Pizza's here." He darted to the door before I had a chance to react.

  We'd worked on moving me back and cleaning the place up all day. The landlord had brought in a cleaning company, but they had only taken care of the heavy lifting. When I'd come back, my furniture had still been bundled together in the middle of each room. I'd covered it in plastic, but dust had breached the perimeter.

  To make it even more time consuming, Mom had decided to get rid of all my old stuff by making me take it off her hands. She said I could sort through it and decide what to throw out at my own place.

  Drew returned with two massive pizza boxes and a couple of beers. He placed them all on my coffee table and collapsed on the couch.

  "So, are you going to tell me what's going on? You've turned into a total recluse."

  I raised my eyebrows and stared at him. I'd missed our weekly night out and skipped the lunches we normally shared. I'd usually go to his office building during his break and we'd eat together. Taking a week off from that hardly qualified as becoming a hermit.

  "Don't give me that look. If I don't pester you now, you'll ditch me again next week."

  "That's not—"

  Drew pushed a slice of pizza into my mouth. "That's the truth and you know it."

  I took the slice from his hand and bit into it. Okay, maybe he was right. I hadn't been in the mood to see anyone. I'd been troubled and angry to start with and Parker's silence hadn't made it better. His lack of reply bothered to no end. Yeah, still a hypocrite.

  "Oh, for fuck's sake! Stop moping. I swear it's rubbing off on me."

  "What do you have to mope about?"

  Drew’s jaw tightened. "Just because you don't ask doesn't mean that my life is perfect. You can be a total ass sometimes, Van." He bit into a slice, tearing off a bit with a grunt.

  "Sorry, I know I haven't been a good friend lately."

  Drew sighed and dropped the slice onto the pizza box. "Look, I know this is hard for you. I get it. When you're not so caught up in Parker, you're a pretty decent friend. But since they divorced, you've been permanently lost in this shitty situation. If you want my advice, you need to tell Parker already. Either be with him or get closure."

  I closed my eyes and groaned. "It’s not that easy."

  “Grow a damned backbone, man."

  "And do what exactly?"

  Drew made an unintelligible but clearly exasperated sound. "I don't know, call him maybe? Or go see him? It's not that complicated. Hell, you could even send a more detailed text. Or start with a proper apology."

  I'd thought of all of that on my own, then talked myself out of every option I had. Facing Parker terrified me. If he hadn't guessed exactly how I felt, he at least suspected it. And if I explained it all, then he'd have to either reject me or... what exactly? Go out on dates with me? Jump into another serious relationship? What could I realistically ask of him?

  Drew tapped my forehead. "Don't overthink it on your own, dummy. Tell me what's going through your thick skull, if there is any form of elevated thought in there."

  I shoved him. "I am capable of thought, asshole."

  He shrugged and picked his discarded pizza slice. "I've seen no evidence to support that claim."

  ***

  Waking up in my own apartment felt almost magical. I had a certain routine in the morning, one I couldn't really enjoy while living with my parents. That Sunday, I took it to new heights. I woke up at the crack of dawn and took a long, hot shower. The coffee machine I'd set the night before greeted me with my favorite blend. I got through the first cup in a hurry, then enjoyed the second while looking out the window at the tiny park behind my building. It was quiet and sunny outside, and I found myself smiling despite the stress of late.

  I washed my cup and changed into my running gear. I wasn't a hard-core runner, but I liked to do it on the weekend. I preferred going to a gym for some strength training during the week but running earl
y in the morning when the streets and parks were emptier than normal felt cathartic.

  I followed my regular trail, circling the park a few times to get my miles done. It felt easier than normal, as if the joy of finally being back in my apartment powered up my body and pushed it to higher levels of fitness. I didn't question it, I went with the flow and ran all my worries out of my mind.

  My respite, short as it had been, made me feel more confident about the action plan I'd come up with the night before. Or more like the plan Drew had talked me into. Today I'd do my workout, shower, get some more coffee—that always helped with nerves—and call Parker. I couldn't hide and pout forever.

  I walked back to my apartment, sweaty and blissfully relaxed, just as the morning was starting to get hotter. I hurried to get out of the heat and almost walked past Parker who was sitting on a bench in front of my building. Catching a glimpse of him, I stopped awkwardly, half-convinced I'd started hallucinating.

  "Morning," he said, holding out the cups of coffee he'd gotten from a place nearby. "I think these are still warm."

  His tight smile set me on edge. For once, I couldn't tell what he was feeling. Was he upset or worried?

  "Morning. Come on in."

  I fished out my keycard and held the door open for him. The elevator ride and walking in deafening silence down the hallway to my apartment didn't help my insight. I'd seen Parker tense and guarded before, just not around me. Fear of what would follow and guilt over avoiding him for so long muddled my thoughts even more.

  I rubbed the back of my head and turned to face Parker. I couldn't meet his eyes, but my mouth still worked. "Make yourself at home. I'll take a quick shower and be right back."

  Parker nodded then stepped into my kitchen, setting down the coffee cups and pulling a chair. "Take your time, kid. I'll be here when you're done."

  I was so delighted to hear him say he'd wait for me, I didn't even care what he called me. He didn't insist on saying his piece and dashing out, so it couldn't be as bad as I'd imagined. Could it?