by AJ Wolf
I pull his lips to mine before he can say it back, squeezing my arms to keep him as close to my face as possible. His palms are pressing up my sides, a hand on my hip helping me move in a way that won’t hurt him. I move my lips to his ear, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I love you.”
I can feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes and try to rein them in, not wanting to spoil our time and not wanting to remember it with tears.
“Vita Mia.” It’s groaned into my neck, his lips brushing along my skin, his breath warm against the damp spots left from his tongue.
His hips are moving quicker against my own, getting lost in the pleasure of us and less concerned about the hole in his chest. I loosen my hold on his neck and he grips both of my hips in his hands, digging his fingers into my hips as he grinds me against him. “Cum per me, Piccola.” Come for me, baby.
I’m not there yet, but I want to please him so I reach between us pressing my fingers against my clit in rhythm with his thrusts. He brings his lips to mine and I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip, sucking his tongue into my mouth. I want to remember how he tastes just like this. Remember how his sweet commands sound on his uneven breath. I will forever be entwined with this man, forever missing half of my heart, and it’s bittersweet. There’s no one else I’d want to have it, but him. And no one else can break it like him either.
My orgasm is a slow burn, working its way from my belly to my limbs. It’s a sluggish warmth along my spine, drawing a long moan from my lips and making my legs weak. Donatello grabs my head, groaning against my lips as he finds his release, his hips rocking slowly under my legs.
I press my face to his neck when he’s done, laying on his unmarred side as I breathe him in, closing my eyes so there’s nothing but him.
“I love you too, Vita Mia.” He swallows, bringing his hand up to run his knuckles over my cheek. “We can make it work, baby. I know we can.”
I know he’s talking about Olivia, and I don’t say anything, just stay nestled with him. He doesn’t press the issue when I don’t speak, just tilts his face to kiss the top of my head. I’m glad he doesn’t try to talk more because I don’t want to. I just want to lay here with him and pretend it’ll be like this forever. Pretend I didn’t just say my goodbyes without him knowing it.
I wait until his breathing slows, until I know he’s asleep to move from him. I grab my towel and rewrap it around myself, fixing his gown and blankets. Grabbing the hotel phone, I dial Jessie’s number.
“Pronto.”
“It’s me, Jessie.” I swallow on the line, looking over at Donatello sleeping in the bed. “Can you bring me some clothes?”
“Sure. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Anything for you, Laney Girl.”
I hang up on the line, sinking into the seat by Donatello’s bed. I don’t want him to wake up until after I leave. Until after I’m already gone.
It feels like an eternity I’m sitting there, waiting for Jessie to show up, but it couldn’t have been more than an hour when he finally walks in the door. His eyes land on Donatello’s sleeping form and I stand from my chair, walking to him.
He holds the clothes out to me and watches me take them, crystal eyes honed on my every move. He looks like he wants to say something but decides against it.
“Thank you.” I step past him and into the bathroom. I drop my towel to pull on the cotton underwear Jessie picked out for me, then step into my leggings. I'm grateful he went the comfortable route and didn’t grab something fancier, knowing I’d need the comfort of my regular clothes. I tug on my tee and hoodie, walking barefoot out of the bathroom.
Jessie sees my feet and frowns. “What happened to your shoes?”
Gathering my hair, I wrap it around itself, tying it up in a bun. “I threw them away.”
He seems to understand what I’m saying without me having to say it and his crystal eyes soften, flicking to look around the room. “Do you want to stay longer?”
I shake my head, walking over to the manila file from earlier. “No, I need to leave.” I grab a pen off of the nurse’s computer station, writing across the front of the file.
I’m not over you. I’ll never be over you. But it’s time for you to be over me.
Jessie watches me but doesn’t read it, watching as I set the file on at the end of Donatello’s bed where he will see it when he wakes up. I want to touch Donatello so badly my hands start shaking with the effort to stay away from him, but I don’t want to risk waking him up. I can’t do what I need to do if he’s awake.
Instead I grab one of his rings from the side table, clutching it in my fist as I turn and walk past Jessie. My tears finally winning the battle when I hear him click the door shut behind us. The sound rips a gap in my chest as I leave half of my heart behind.
“Where are we going, Laney Girl?” I look over at her sitting in the passenger seat. She’s staring out the window, her knees folded up in the seat. She doesn’t answer me, doesn’t even look my way and fuck if it doesn’t tear at my heart. “Delaney, I don’t know where you want me to take you.”
Her head slowly rolls my way, the brown of her eyes like burnt chocolate with her tears. “Can I go home with you?”
I nod, she should know she doesn’t even have to ask. “Do you want to stop and get anything? Food?”
She shakes her head, her hair rubbing against the back of the head rest. It’s six A.M but she’s been up almost all night at the hospital, and I know she hasn’t eaten. Neither one of us has gotten much rest since last night. I pull out of the parking lot and she drops her head onto the window, face turned away from me.
She says she doesn’t blame me for what I did, but how couldn’t she? I set all of this in motion. I almost got Donatello killed because I couldn’t stand not having her. What she had to go through, seeing the pain on her face, and knowing that I put it there, almost dropped me to my knees. I knew in that moment that I’d rather spend my entire life without her, than be the one responsible for a death that would stain her soul. I knew I’d made a mistake. A selfish, greedy mistake.
“Why did you do it?” I almost don’t hear her because her face is still looking out the window, but when she turns to look at me, I realize what she asked.
“You.” It’s all I say because I don’t know what else to say.
“No, not why you told Ollie about Olivia.” She sits forward in her seat, rubbing her eyes with her palms. “Why did you help me? Why didn’t you just let Donatello die? Isn’t that what you wanted?”
I can feel her eyes on me, her hands dropped into her lap. “You, Laney Girl.”
I look over and she just blinks at me, using her sweater sleeve to wipe a few tears from her face. I can’t tell what she’s thinking, her emotions locked behind her ribcage. I look away from her, the most beautiful wreck. I don’t know what she had in that file but watching her cry outside Donatello’s room told me it was more than just paperwork. It took her an entire ten minutes just to pull herself together enough to be able to walk to my SUV.
“Jessie?”
I hum, her fingers brushing over my arm bringing my eyes back to hers.
“Let’s pretend. Just for tonight.” The look on her face tells me she needs this more than I could ever know. A desperation I don’t understand bleeding into her words.
“What are we pretending?”
Her voice cracks, the sound winding around my windpipe. “That we’re okay, that you’re my normal college boy and I’m your girl.”
I reach over, grabbing a hand from her lap to bring to my lips. “Anything for you.” She leans over the console, resting her head against my arm as I link our fingers. My sweet girl is breaking and I’m part of the reason for it. I’ll do anything she wants.
She’s quiet as we get out of the car, following behind me as I open the doors for her. I can tell she’s in her head but I don’t know what she’s so lost in. She walks into my place first, standing in the middl
e of the open space, arms wrapped around herself as she looks out the windows. I want to take that pain away from her, erase the last few weeks from her memories. I’ve done nothing but make my sweet girl’s life a nightmare since I came back and I don’t know how to fix it. I walk to her and pull her back against my chest, pushing my face into her hair.
“If everyone I love is a monster, does that make me one too?”
I frown into her neck, lifting my head to press a kiss to the top of her ear. “You’re not a monster, Laney.”
She spins in my arms, her fists gripping the front of my shirt. “But you are?”
I swallow, using my palm to brush the hair from her face. “I didn’t think so. Not until recently.”
She just blinks up at me, the pout on her bottom lip catching a stray tear. “Why is everything such a mess all the time?”
I wipe the tear away, running my thumb over her lip. “It’s the world we live in, Laney Girl. We all want things we can’t have and then throw tantrums when we don’t get our way.”
“What do you want Jessie?”
I want you, Laney Girl. “Whatever you want, I want.”
“I want to be your girl.” It’s a whisper, an almost silent breath feathered over my lips. The answer to a silent prayer coming straight from the lips of an angel.
“You are my girl.” I pull her lips to mine and kiss the salt from her tears from them. “You were always meant to be my girl.”
She pulls my face closer to her, gripping the back of my hair like she’s scared I’ll pull away, worried I’m going to disappear like a mirage. How doesn’t she know that I’d never willingly leave her?
I back her up, guiding her down the hall and toward my room. Her back bumps up against the doorframe as I push it open, her lips clinging to mine. There’s a hunger in her touch that isn’t usually there. An intensity that feels like a hurricane in my chest. She’s grabbing on to my clothes, sinking her fingers into my skin like she’s trying to take a piece of me with her.Trying to save a piece of me for later.
Her hands push up my stomach, sliding my shirt with them and I break from her lips to pull it over my head and arms. She’s on me the second it’s out of the way, tongue demanding to taste all of me. Her frantic moves are cutting through the hazy pleasure, building an anxiety in my chest I don’t understand.
I help her out of her tee and feel her bra fall at our feet. Her skin is hot on mine, her hands burning over my skin as she molds them to me. She drops back onto the bed and I bend with her, lips never leaving even as I yank the leggings over her dirty feet. She scoots backward and I let her lips fall from mine, keeping her back with a hand on her chin. She tries to push my hand off, but I don’t let her. I’m trying to search her eyes for what she’s not saying. She forgets I always see her.
“Why does this feel like a goodbye?” It’s asked as I watch the rapid rise and fall of her chest, caught on the glistening of her eyes.
She swallows before she answers, her beautiful face trying to hide her true colors from me. She must see that she can’t. “Let’s pretend it doesn’t.”
I want to ask her what she means. Ask her what she’s planning to do, but I don’t. There’s a reason she’s not telling me and if she deserves anything right now, it’s being able to keep her own secrets. So, I pull a script from her own book and cover the fear in my heart with papier-mâché, pretending it doesn’t feel like she’s about to leave me just like she asks me to do.
I let her pull me back to her. Let her kick off my joggers with her feet. She breaks from my lips to trail them down my neck, landing to press a kiss directly over my heart. Holding myself up with one arm I grab the back of her head, kissing the top while holding her to me. I roll us so she’s spread on top of me, her face inches above mine as she falls forward. Her hair spread around her, wild and full of waves, blocking out the rest of the room.
She sits back, pulling her hair with her, and I watch as she trails her fingers over my ribs, feel the pads bump over the healing skin. She brings her eyes back to mine, keeping them there as she kisses the biggest of the marks, moving to kiss every single one. A soft brush of her lips that sinks down into every one of my pores. She goes to move lower, but I tug her to me, wanting to feel those lips on mine.
She smells like baby soap, only a hint of her usual coconut hidden in the scent and for some reason it tugs at my heart, a reminder of where she’s been the last few hours and why she was there.
Reaching between us, she wraps her warm hand around my dick and I groan against her mouth. I stop her before she goes further, rolling her on to her back so I can watch her face. Leaning over her, I grab her thighs in my hands, wrapping them around my waist as I push into her. My eyes never leave her face, watching the way her lips part, the way her brows pinch together. She’s my sweet, beautiful girl.
I drop to a forearm by her head, face falling to kiss the crook of her neck. I lick the sweat from her skin as her back arches into me. Her moon necklace is shining, catching the light from the window and my eyes are drawn to it, swinging back and forth with our movement. It makes me happy to know she’s still wearing it, that she’s still my moon even after everything.
I know she’s getting close to her orgasm, her sounds echoing in my ear as she wraps her legs tighter around my waist. I grab one of her thighs, hiking it farther up my back, hitting a deeper angle. She explodes seconds later, her back bending off the sheets, pushing her nipples up and in my face.
I wait for her to ride out her orgasm before I sit back, grabbing her tits in my hands to press together. I’m watching them bounce, thrusting faster and harder than before. It’ll always be my favorite part of sex with her, watching her sink after her high, letting me fuck her however I want. She reaches for me, pulling me down by the nape of my neck and I come at the press of her lips, pinching my fingers into her flesh as I thrust a few more times.
I roll with her onto my side, keeping her entwined with me. Her breathing is as choppy as mine, her wild hair sticking to her face. I wish I could see this image every second of every day. But unlike my last wish, I don’t think this one will be granted.
Laney sits up on an elbow, pushing her hair over her shoulder while she looks down at me. “I love you, Jessie.” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “I think I’ve always loved you.”
She thinks, but I know. I pull her back down to me, kiss the top of her head. I know she wants to hear it back, but I don’t want to say it again. Not when it feels like she’s about to disappear from me. She snuggles her face into my skin, and I keep my lips to her head. I don’t want to say it, but I can’t deny her of anything either. She looks up, the dimpled smile on her face burning across my heart. “I love you too, Laney Girl.”
Carefully moving the blankets to the side I get out of the bed. I grab my leggings off the floor, looking over as Jessie shifts in his sleep, I pick up his shirt instead of my own. Softly shutting the door behind me, I walk down the hallway and pull the clothes on in his living room. I don’t want to be here when he wakes up. Just like with Donatello, I can’t do what I need to do face to face.
I grab his phone off the counter and request an Uber before quietly setting it back where I found it and heading downstairs. I’m still barefoot and the tile is cold on my feet as I walk out of the elevator, the chill sneaking up my legs to settle in my heart. Opening up Jessie’s SUV, I grab Donatello’s ring from the cup holder, taking off my necklace to lace the small chain through it. The silver band feels heavy, hanging next to the moon as I reclasp it around my neck. My fingers rub the two together as I shut the car door and start walking down the street.
I didn’t want Jessie looking out and seeing me, so I arranged to be picked up a block away. I can’t tell if it’s cold or if the chill is coming from my heart, but I rub my arms in an attempt to get rid of the goosebumps. I accidentally left my hoodie on Jessie’s floor and I can’t go back for it now.
My Uber is waiting for me when I get there and I climb into the back
, rattling off the address as I buckle myself up. I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday at the hospital and I know there’s only one person who can help do what I need to do. I stare out the window the entire drive with my head pressed against the cool glass as I blindly watch the world drive by. I’m seeing it without actually seeing it, my mind staying focused so my heart can’t try to change it.
My driver stops at the gates and I thank him, stepping out onto the dirt as Luca frowns at me from his post. I walk toward him as the car drives off, speaking up before Luca can. “Open the gates, I need to see my brother.”
He must see by the expression on my face that I’m not here to talk about the weather because all he does is nod, eyes lingering on my bare feet but not commenting. I pass through them, each step closer to the house another brick is piled around my heart, blocking it off to keep it from meddling.
Luca must have called ahead because no one is outside when I walk up the steps. The house is silent when I step inside except for the light slapping of my feet along the wood. I walk up the stairs, hand trailing along the banister as I make my way, heading straight for Remy’s office. I don’t know exactly how I feel about him after what he did, but I know I need his help for what I want to do. So like everything else, any feelings I have toward him get smashed between the bricks.
He’s facing the door when I open it, standing in front of his desk like I knew he would be. I step forward and shut the door, facing forward as it slams shut. We just stare at each other, both of us stubbornly waiting for the other to break. My brother is my anchor and I’ve come wielding bolt cutters.
I break the silence first, knowing I won’t win against him just yet. “I need your help.”
He blinks at my words, the steel of his face unwavering. “My help comes at a price, Delaney. Are you willing to pay it?”
I feel another brick slap down, keeping whatever emotion that was trying to leak through in place. “Yes.”
He hums, his fingers coming up to adjust the cufflink on his sleeve. “And you’re just going to blindly agree? Without even hearing the terms?”