Always With Me

by Barbara Freethy

  There was passion in her gaze now, a very adult awareness that he really wanted to follow up on. But even as that thought crossed his mind, he heard voices in the distance. Turning his gaze away from Gianna, he saw a group of teens walking down the path, and within minutes they'd be upon them. Probably best not to give them some X-rated scene for them to pop on to social media.

  He was disappointed by their arrival, but maybe it was better this way. He didn't want to just fool around with Gianna on the beach; he wanted more—a lot more, probably more than she wanted to give, maybe more than he had a right to want.

  He moved off her and pulled down his shirt, wishing Gianna's hands were still heating up his skin.

  Gianna sat up, running her fingers through her hair, releasing fine grains of sand. They scrambled to their feet as the kids passed by, and then by silent accord began walking back the way they'd come.

  As the silence went on for a while, he wondered if Gianna was having regrets, even though she'd been the one to start things up.

  They were almost back to the truck when she finally said, "Do you think it's strange that we can still be attracted to each other after so many years?"

  "I think it's very cool. So many things don't last; I like it when something does."

  She shot him a quick look. "But that something…well, who knows what it is?"

  "I know this. I want you. And you want me."

  She sucked in a quick breath. "Maybe that's true. But the question is what would we want beyond each other, beyond one night?"

  "We could find out."

  "Or we could not take this any further and not complicate our lives."

  "Is that what you were thinking when you kissed me?"

  "No, I was thinking to hell with it. You're so damned attractive; it's not fair."

  He caught her by the arm and made her stop walking long enough to look at him. "You're beautiful, too, Gianna. Not just on the outside but also on the inside. I saw that a long time ago."

  Her gaze filled with emotion. "I don't know how you did, but it's what made me fall for you."

  He tipped her chin up once more and gave her another kiss, just because he could, and because he knew all too soon he might not have the chance.

  She kissed him back, then pulled away. "This is madness, Zach. We need to get back to reality. Maybe we should skip dinner and just head home."

  "No way. You owe me a steak. I'm collecting."

  "Fine. We'll eat, then we'll go home."

  "I like how you call Whisper Lake home."

  "It always was my home, but it was never yours."

  "It might be now."

  "Well, now my home is in LA."

  "Does it have to be?" he challenged.

  "It should be. I have more opportunity there."

  "But you have friends and family in Whisper Lake."

  "I haven't made any final decisions."

  "Good. I like that answer."

  She gave him a helpless smile. "You should stop liking everything."

  He grinned. "I can't help it when you're around. You make me feel…optimistic."

  "You make me feel that way, too, and that is bad."

  "Why?"

  "Because I'm supposed to be doing penance for all my mistakes in the past, not feeling happy or looking forward to the future."

  "Is that really what you think?" he asked curiously. "That you need to be punished for the failed engagements?"

  "I hurt people with my actions. I feel like I should hurt, too."

  "Do you hear how crazy that sounds?"

  "When I say it out loud, yes," she said, as they began strolling down the path once more. "But it is how I feel. I have a lot of guilt. It weighs me down."

  "You have to let it go, Gianna. You ended a few relationships, maybe after the point where they should have ended. But you did what made sense for the long run."

  "Logically I know that, but I'm still angry with myself for the mistakes I made."

  "I get it. I've had to deal with a lot of my own anger at myself and even at Rebecca. But since she died, since that fire, I have realized one inescapable truth. Life is short, and you shouldn't waste it. We can't change the past. But we have today and hopefully tomorrow. We can make those days anything we want. We can learn from our mistakes and try not to make the same ones again." He paused as they reached the truck. "Being with you feels right, and it's not something I expected at all. I had some negative feelings about you for a long time."

  "I hated you, too," she admitted, giving him a smile to take the edge off her words. "But I hear that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I probably couldn't have hated you if I hadn't…"

  "Loved me?"

  "Yes. And you loved me, too. Even though you tried to deny it to your friends."

  "You're right. I did love you, Gianna."

  He had to bite back the crazy thought that he might love her now. That would terrify her. Hell, it scared him, too. He had Hailey to think about. He had a career to figure out. Falling in love was the last thing he needed to do. He opened the door for her. "Shall we get that steak now?"

  She seemed relieved by the change in topic. "Let's do that."

  Dinner was fun—too much fun, Gianna thought, as they drove home just after nine.

  The food had been wonderful, but the conversation even better. They'd opted for lighter topics during their meal, and she'd had a chance to get a fuller picture of Zach's life. He was passionate about his work, something she hadn't quite realized during all their discussions about the Carvers and little Hailey. He'd shown her a few photos on his phone of some of his jobs, and he'd definitely downplayed the complexity of his designs. She'd been truly impressed by his creativity.

  She'd also learned more about his friends, including Hunter and his fiancée Cassidy, who she had yet to meet, and the big Callaway family, several of whom had invested in the camp. Besides the Callaways, Zach had a good group of friends at work and from his college days. He didn't seem to have many couple friends from his time with Rebecca, but she'd stayed away from that subject.

  In return, she'd shared more of her life with him, not only her job, but also how often she'd gone to art museums on the weekends, spending hours in admiration of the masters, and seeking her own inspiration. As she spoke about art, she realized how little she had to say about her life with Jeff or before that with Victor. In retrospect, neither of those relationships had offered her as much satisfaction as a few hours at the Getty Museum, which made her decision to say yes to both men even more baffling. But she was tired of kicking herself. She needed to move on, get back to what mattered most, and that was her art.

  Maybe tomorrow she'd drive up to the camp as Zach had suggested and see if her favorite cove could inspire her.

  "Are you falling asleep on me?" Zach asked, breaking into the quiet.

  She gave him a smile. "No, but I could. I feel very relaxed after all that food and wine. Sorry you had to limit yourself to one glass as our designated driver."

  "That wasn't a problem. I'm glad you're not as stressed as you were after we left Theresa's house."

  She'd almost put that whole encounter out of her head, but now it was back. "Thanks for breaking into my happy buzz with the reminder."

  "Forget I said anything."

  "It's fine. It is what it is. I'm still determined to find Jill. I was so scared of going to Theresa's house, but I don't feel the fear anymore. I'm not sure why."

  "Don't question it, just go with it."

  As her phone buzzed, she dug into her purse to grab it. She frowned as she read the short text message.

  "Everything okay?" he asked.

  "No. Keira is at Chloe's house. Chloe is having a freak-out. Another day has gone by without hearing from Kevin. She hasn't talked to him since Saturday, and she's really worried about him." She texted back that she could come over in about twenty minutes.

  Keira replied with a heartfelt thanks and a sad face emoji.

  "Could yo
u drop me at Chloe's?" she asked. "It will be faster. Keira can give me a ride home from there."

  "Of course. Is there reason to be concerned about Chloe's husband?"

  "I don't know. Chloe told me last night that he's always out of touch when he's on a mission, but they don't usually last more than two or three days. She's only weeks away from her due date, so I think she's starting to panic that he won't be back in time. She's had to do the entire pregnancy alone. She didn't find out she was having a baby until after he was deployed."

  "That's rough."

  "I'm sure if something had gone wrong, they'd tell her, right?"

  "Someone would," he said grimly.

  She noted the hardening of his profile. "I'm sorry. This conversation is reminding you of your father."

  "It is. I remember very clearly the day that two men in uniform came to my house. I had just gotten home from basketball practice. My brother was watching TV in the kitchen. We were both having a snack. Mom was thinking about making dinner. It was like every other day, only my mom was a little more stressed out than usual, because, like Chloe, she hadn't heard from my dad in a few days. And then the doorbell rang. I still didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until she screamed that I got out of my chair and ran down the hall. She had collapsed in the chaplain's arms. She was crying like I'd never heard her cry before. I didn't even hear what anyone said. Seeing her like that, like her whole world had ended, told me all I needed to know."

  "How awful," she breathed.

  "My little brother came running down the hall. He grabbed my arm, asking me what was going on. I looked at the faces of the two men and saw the pity in their eyes."

  A knot filled her throat as she pictured two confused, terrified kids holding each other on the worst day of their lives. She'd heard some of the story before when they'd first been together at camp, but she didn't remember him telling her so many of the details. "I'm so sorry, Zach. I can't even imagine what that felt like."

  "You can't imagine, and you don't want to."

  "I hope Chloe doesn't have to go through that."

  "Me, too. I could see she was worried the other day when I saw her at the café. She was trying not to complain, desperately trying to be the stoic army wife, but when I told her that I'd grown up with a dad just like her husband, she let her guard down and told me how she really felt."

  "Really? How does she feel?"

  "Scared, mad that he's not with her, a little resentful that she's had to be pregnant alone, wondering if he loves her as much as he loves his job."

  "Wow, you got a lot out of her. I guess that's not surprising. You understand better than anyone what she's worried about."

  "I do. I lived her worst fear. I wasn't in the exact position that she and my mother were in, but I was part of it. But understanding doesn't help that much. It doesn't change anything for her."

  "It probably helps more than you think. The rest of us have no idea what her fears are, but you do. When we get to the house, you should come in and talk to her."

  "We'll see. This sounds more like a girlfriend thing."

  "It's just a friend thing. And, clearly, you're friends."

  "I'd like to think so." He paused. "It's great that you've stayed in touch with your childhood friends even though you've been gone."

  "I'm lucky to have them. I wasn't the best friend the last couple of years, but everyone stuck with me."

  "You were away. It's harder with distance to keep the relationships going."

  "It wasn't only the distance. They were all asked to be bridesmaids in my first two weddings. When I broke off the first one, they'd already bought their dresses and thrown me a bachelorette party. For the second engagement, they'd bought yet another dress before I called things off."

  "What about the third time?"

  "I wasn't going to have a bridal party; I was just going to ask Chloe to be my maid of honor, but I was waiting until the last minute to do that. I never got that far. My one saving grace; I didn't waste anyone else's money or time with my last engagement. I wouldn't have blamed them if they'd decided to delete me from their friend list, but somehow they didn't."

  "Good friends accept you for who you are. I'm sure you do the same for them."

  "They haven't put me to the test like I've done to them."

  "They may still do that." He paused as they drove into downtown Whisper Lake. "Do you want to give me directions to Chloe's house?"

  "Yes. It's a few blocks from the café."

  When they arrived, she said, "Why don't you come in for a minute? You don't have to stay if you're uncomfortable, but you might be able to comfort Chloe in a way that Keira and I can't—if you don’t mind."

  "I'll do what I can."

  They walked up to the house together. When Keira opened the door, her relief was followed by curiosity as her gaze moved from Gianna to Zach.

  "Zach was with me when you texted," Gianna quickly explained. "He gave me a ride."

  "Sure. And I would like to hear more about that. But Chloe is crying, and I can't get her to stop. Hannah is at work, so she can't come over. I haven't been able to reach Lizzie or Chelsea. I'm at my wit's end. Chloe is spiraling, rambling on about every fear known to an army wife, and I don't know what to say."

  "That's why Zach is coming in. His mom was an army wife, and his dad was killed in action. He knows what that fear feels like."

  "I'm sorry. I don't think I ever knew that," Keira said. "Please come in."

  When they entered the living room, her heart twisted at the sight of Chloe's tear-stained face. "Oh, Chloe," she said, moving over to the armchair where her friend was sitting. "What can I do?"

  "Nothing," she said with a sob, twisting a soggy tissue in one hand. "I think something terrible has happened to Kevin. He's not coming home. He's not going to meet our baby. He won't be a father or a husband. He's just going to die a soldier, and I'll be alone." A flood of sobs followed her words.

  Gianna looked back at Keira and Zach, not sure what to say.

  Zach moved forward. He sat down on the ottoman facing Chloe. "Hey," he said softly.

  "Did you come with Gianna?" Chloe asked, sniffing after every word.

  "I did. I understand you haven't heard from Kevin."

  "Not since Saturday—four days. It's rarely this long."

  "You know that if something was really wrong, someone would call you."

  Chloe stared back at him. "What if they don't want to tell me?"

  "They'd still tell you."

  "Like they told your mom?"

  He nodded, his profile somber. "Yes. But there were other times when she felt just like you do now, and nothing bad had happened."

  "I'm hoping this is like that."

  "That's all you can do, Chloe. Keep the faith. I can't make you promises. You wouldn't believe them even if I tried. But I can tell you this. You will get through this night. The sun will come up. It will be a new day, and there will be hope again."

  "I'd like it to be a new day. I'd like the sun to be up now. And I'd love to feel hopeful again."

  "You'll get there."

  "You really think I'm worrying for nothing?" Chloe asked.

  "Not for nothing—for yourself and for your baby. But your child doesn’t need you to worry. He or she—"

  "It's a boy," Chloe interrupted. "But we don't have a name yet."

  "Your son doesn't need a name right now; he just needs you. And you're here. You're protecting him. He's safe."

  Chloe put her hand on her abdomen. "I know being upset isn't good for him. I can usually handle the loneliness, but it hit me hard tonight."

  "Tell me about Kevin," Zach said.

  "He's pretty amazing. We fell in love in high school."

  As Chloe started to talk about happier days, Keira tipped her head toward the kitchen, and Gianna followed her down the short hallway.

  "Wow," Keira said as they huddled by the kitchen island. "Zach is amazing."

  "He is really good with her.
"

  "He's like magic. I didn't think she'd ever stop crying."

  "Well, he has been in her shoes."

  "I think you told me his dad had died, but I don't remember hearing that he was a soldier."

  "Zach didn't want anyone to know."

  "But he told you."

  "Well, we talked about everything. He was angry when he got to camp because he was reeling from his father's death. He didn't know what to do with all that emotion. That's why he was so wild."

  "But his anger faded when he fell for you," Keira said.

  "I think talking to me helped," she admitted.

  "Keira tilted her head, giving Gianna a speculative look. "What were you doing with him tonight?"

  "Oh, right. You don't know."

  "Know what?"

  "He went with me to see Theresa Harper."

  Keira's eyebrows shot up. "You told him about Theresa? And you actually went to speak to her?"

  "Yes to both questions. Zach has always known how much I've wanted to find my biological mother, and he came by the store just as I was leaving, so he offered to drive me."

  "What happened? What did Theresa say?"

  "She told me that Jill was never pregnant and I'm not her kid. She was angry and unpleasant, and then she slammed the door in my face."

  Keira's mouth turned down into a disappointed frown. "I'm sorry. I was hoping for a different outcome."

  "The thing is, Keira, I'm almost certain that Theresa was lying. Zach thinks so, too."

  "Really? Why would she lie?"

  "To protect the secret? I don't know, but I need to find Jill. Do you think your mother might be able to recall the last name of Jill's friend, Tammy?"

  "I can ask her again. And I could help you dig a little deeper to find Jill." Keira paused. "I wonder if Adam Cole could help you. He's a cop. He has access to police files."

  "Probably not to help me find my biological mother."

  "He still might be able to give you a few tips on how to search for her on the internet."

  "That's true. I'll ask him tomorrow. Should we get back to Chloe?"