Our hands desperately grip each other, wanting to get closer but also working out our frustrations. Her body is extremely hot, like a furnace, and my heartbeat quickens. Two emotions rush through me, and I can’t tell which one is winning: fear or desire.
She breaks away, gasping for air. “I need … need time to think. I don’t even know how I should process this.”
I struggle to control my breathing. “What does that mean? How much time?”
“I really don’t know.”
We hold onto each other like we both don’t want to let go. “What does that mean for us?”
“I just … I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
My grip tightens. I’m scared if I don’t hold onto her, she’ll disappear. “I guess that means you’re breaking up with me?”
“Maybe this is selfish of me,” she says gently, “but I don’t want to give you an answer. I would be completely crushed right now if I lost you in the midst of everything else happening.”
Her answer terrifies me. How do I earn back her trust? Where do I even begin? I’m confused as to where we actually stand with each other, but I feel like I have no right to ask her anymore questions.
I put some space between us, not knowing if I should touch her or not anymore. “I … thank you for not completely shutting me out. It’s more than I could’ve hoped for.”
She nods, and sadness pulls down every inch of her face. “I need to go. I … I need some air.”
“Are you sure you should? What about the press?”
She turns to leave. “I don’t care about them. Plus, they all should be at the lake. No one should see me heading to my dorm.”
I quiver with anxiety. “Please … just be careful.”
She opens the door and stops. Her eyes glisten with more tears. “Bye, Aiden.”
My heart breaks into a million pieces the same moment she shuts the door behind her.
Chapter 37
Ember
I run up the stairs straight to my room, each step faster than the last. Tears rush down my face, and it feels like a boulder is on my chest, pinning down my heart. How could Aiden do this to me? Especially today!
My sobs echo in the hallway, and I stop in front of my door, struggling to breathe. Thank goodness it seems like no one else is in the dormitory right now; most people are either at home dealing with the aftereffects of the attack or at Erik’s service. I wipe my eyes, trying to clear my sight, while putting the key into the stupid lock. After a few failed attempts, I manage to get it in, quickly enter and slam the door behind me.
The key falls out of my hand, and I wrap my arms around myself. I swear since coming to this damn school all the emotions I’ve tried to bury have all been unearthed! The world around me is collapsing, the gravity of everything that happened finally taking its toll. All my grief, anger, and worry washes over me. I gasp, desperate for air.
Aiden was there when my parents died! He watched them in their final seconds! He was there and saw it all! Saw it all and did nothing! How do I even process this? That little boy Erik helped was him all along!
Erik. Another punch in the gut. Erik’s dead! All those years of being so angry at him were such a waste! I was so stupid! Not only did I push away someone who was like family to me, but I could’ve had his help all that time. We could’ve grieved together and maybe have unraveled what happened to my parents. Now I’ve lost him, just like I lost Mom and Dad.
Mom. My mother’s diary! Where is it? Was it on Erik when he died? Is it destroyed? Or is it sitting somewhere that anyone could just pick it up?
What in the world should I do? Where do I even begin to unravel all this madness?
I rush and stumble forward, collapsing onto bed. Burying my head into my pillow, I sob. I sob for my parents, for Erik … for Aiden.
A surge of anger courses through my veins. “Damn you, Aiden!” I hurl my pillow across my room. It crashes into my lamp on my desk, knocking it to the floor. “Why? Why did I have to fall in love with you of all people?”
I curl into a ball and hold myself. My tears soak the blanket under my face. All my pain, suffering, and fury from the last eight years rip me apart like an earthquake. My heart feels like it’s tearing, my stomach convulses, and my lungs burn for air. Why didn’t I just end things with Aiden? Why did I act like there’s some kind of hope for us? All I did was prolong the inevitable.
My sight drifts to my desk to see a little pirate moose sitting in the corner—a gift from Aiden from our time out together, now a reminder of him, of our first kiss, of when he told me we couldn’t be together. He knew the whole time what he was doing was wrong and tried to keep me at arm’s length. There were so many signs! I don’t know if I should be relieved or angrier!
The sound of footsteps distract me, and the door cracks open. Stella enters with Lime on her shoulder, slightly hidden by her curls. I notice she has some dirt on her burgundy dress, but other than that, not a hair is out of place. It hits me: I was worried about leaving her behind with the press, but it seems like her gargantuan rock golem must’ve done his job well.
Stella takes one look at me, and her face drowns with concern. “Ember! Are you okay? What’s going on?”
I sit upright, trying to slow my breathing. “No … I’m not okay. Not the tiniest bit.”
She shuts the door and rushes to sit next to me on the bed. “What happened? Why aren’t you with Aiden?”
Lime jumps off her shoulder and rubs my arm, as if to comfort me.
I bite my bottom lip so hard I expect to taste blood. “He’s in his room. I couldn’t stay there with him.”
“Why? What happened?”
Can I tell Stella? What did Aiden say was the reason for why he couldn’t tell anyone about his involvement? That Iron Forge and Black Mold would come back for him? I don’t think I have to worry about Stella calling any villains with this information.
A sob chokes me. “He … He was there … He was right there with my parents when they were murdered.”
Stella’s eyes bulge. “What?”
My hand comes to my chest, as if to soothe my heart. “He saw everything and didn’t do anything to help them. Even with all his abilities, he did absolutely nothing.”
Stella goes still. “That can’t be right. That … wait … That makes complete sense.” Her eyes manage to grow wider. “That’s what happened to him.”
“What?”
Lime looks from me to Stella with furrowed brows.
Her hand comes to my shoulder. “Well, do you remember when I told you about him going through something traumatic back in middle school?”
I nod. “Yes, but I never imagined it would be this! Why didn’t he help them? How could he have not done anything?”
“Em, there’s no way he could’ve fought off Black Mold and Iron Forge. The other Guardians should’ve been there for your parents. Not Aiden.”
My face feels like it’s cracking with how hard I’m frowning. “I mean, I know that, but what would my parents think? That I’m in love with a man who didn’t help them? They would never forgive me.”
Stella purses her lips. “Do you really think your parents would hold Aiden responsible for anything? Especially when he was just a kid? He wasn’t the Aiden you know now. I don’t think I ever saw him use his abilities until high school.”
A tingling sensation creeps over me, and goosebumps prick my skin. She’s right. My parents would’ve never expected a kid to save them. Aiden shouldn’t have gone to help my parents, but I should appreciate the fact he was the only person who tried to be there for them.
I eye Stella, tears streaking my face. “I mean, you’re right, but I can’t act like he did nothing wrong. He toyed with my heart for months. He knew he would have to tell me eventually, didn’t he? Or was he planning on just hiding this forever?”
Stella’s eyes soften with sympathy. “But … he did tell you. I’m sure he has reasons for not saying something sooner.”
/>
I sigh. “He does.”
I look down at Lime; he’s so cute in his tuxedo.
He pats my hand with a hint of sympathy in his gaze.
“So, I get why this upsets you, but I think you need to take a step back and see the bigger picture.”
My eyebrow shoots up inquisitively. “And what would that be?”
She squeezes my shoulder. “Aiden was just a kid who was at the wrong place at the wrong time.”
I swallow back the knot in my throat, and a wave of nausea hits me. I’ve been incredibly unfair. Stella has a valid point. Aiden was just a kid like me, unable to control what was happening around him.
I drop my head, feeling a bit shameful. “You’re … You’re right. I was just shocked. When Aiden told me he was there, I couldn’t believe it. I felt he should’ve done something, because, if my parents had help, maybe they would still be alive.” I take a deep breath to calm my heart. “But it wasn’t Aiden’s job to save my parents. Kids aren’t meant to solve adult problems, and I think my parents were involved in something that caused their downfall.”
“There you go. Now you’re thinking clearly.” Stella pulls me against her and rests her head on top of mine; she smells of roses. “Just for the record, your feelings are valid. You’re allowed to be upset. Aiden did hide this from you, but I want to make sure you’ve really thought this through before you make any big decisions.”
Lime crawls up my arm and hugs my neck. His little rock body is cool against my skin.
My body relaxes, finding comfort in the support around me. I sigh. “Thank you, Stella. For everything. Not only were you a badass earlier with your abilities, but now you’ve managed to calm me down. Which is no easy feat.”
She laughs. “Em, that’s what friends are for. I’m always here for you.”
A realization pours over me. “Sometimes I forget I’m not so alone anymore.”
“You’re not. I’m here for you. And so is Aiden. He loves you, y’know. It’s all over his face when he looks at you. That’s probably why the poor guy was terrified to tell you anything. He knew you wouldn’t take it too well.”
I chuckle. “What gives you that idea?”
Stella smirks.
I sigh. “But you’re right. It was one of the reasons. I’m still not too happy that he hid it from me, but I guess he was told to never tell anyone he was there. He was always conflicted about it, and that’s why he didn’t want to be friends at first.”
Stella releases me, and her eyes crease with confusion. “That does seem odd he was told that. I wonder why?”
I shrug. “I guess it was for his protection. They didn’t know if Black Mold or Iron Forge would hunt him down for being a witness.”
“But why would they? It’s not like it was a secret they murdered your parents.”
Lime takes a seat on my shoulder and holds his head in thought.
I shake my head, not hiding my bewilderment. “I don’t know. Unless Aiden overheard or saw something he shouldn’t have.”
Stella lays her hand on my arm and gently squeezes. “I think you should go to him and work things out. Then pick his mind about what exactly happened that day.”
A sudden lightness comforts my heart. Even though I still have a lot of questions, there’s hope for Aiden and I to work through this. “I think you’re right.”
Chapter 38
Aiden
I sit on my bed with my head in my hands. My eyes sting with how raw they are, but that doesn’t slow down my crying. That pain is nothing compared to how my heart feels, like it’s trapped in an iron maiden. I gasp for air, but my lungs don’t want to expand.
What will Ember do? Will she tell everyone about how I stood by and let her parents die? What kind of trouble will I get in? I’m not sure of the full extent of the damage I’ve done today. I may not have only lost the woman I love, but also my future.
The sound of keys rattling grab my attention. After a moment, the door handle turns, and Billy enters. His skin isn’t the normal whirlwind of colors it usually is, just a blend of different hues of brown and tan slowly shifting together. His hair is disheveled, like he hasn’t brushed it in days.
He sees me and frowns. “Hey, man. What are you doing here? I thought you would be at the service with Ember.”
I stand, fervidly wiping my eyes. “What are you doing here? I thought you would be at the hospital all weekend.”
Billy closes the door and drops his bag. “Man, don’t change the subject. What the hell happened to you?”
It takes everything in me to suppress a sob. My chest tightens, and I clench my eyes closed. “I … I told Ember.”
“You told Ember what?”
I glance at Billy as another tear rolls down my cheek.
“No. Really?” Billy’s eyes almost pop from their sockets. “Today? You told her today?”
“Yeah.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Wow. Kind of poor timing, don’t you think?”
I rub my eyes. “Things were moving faster than I was expecting between us, and I needed to tell her before things went any further.”
“Ooooh.” I hear the grin in his voice.
I eye him. “Don’t start.”
“Well, it does explain why you’re not wearing a shirt. Did you at least get to—”
“Shut up, Billy!” I retrieve a blue shirt from my wooden dresser next to my desk and pull it over my head. “I said before we went any further.”
“I’m sorry, dude. I’m just trying to lighten the mood.”
“Well, that’s not what I need right now.” I slam my drawer closed. “What I need is a time capsule to undo the wrong I did!”
Billy’s forehead creases. “Aiden, you did nothing wrong. You know that.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t feel like that.”
“Aiden, man, tell me what happened.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I told her everything, and she left. End of story.”
Billy crosses his arms. “Aiden, c’mon, man, don’t be like that. Talk to me.”
I shake my head and tears streak my face. “She was so angry. She doesn’t trust me anymore. She … couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”
“I take it she broke things off?”
My heart contracts. “She wouldn’t give me an answer. She said she needed some time.”
“She did?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” Billy smirks, slightly impressed. “I give the girl some credit.”
“What?”
He takes a couple steps toward my bed. “I mean, I was hoping she didn’t break up with you, for your sake. I just expected she would blast you into next week for hiding something from her.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, she did threaten to burn down our room, if that makes you feel better.”
Billy sits down, and my bed creaks loudly. His skin continues to be a blend of both light tans and dark browns, making his red shirt pop. He leans back on his hands and sighs. “I told you not to get involved with her, y’know.”
I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah. Trust me, I wish I could’ve stayed away from her. It would’ve saved us both the heartache.”
He exhales loudly. “Even though I’m pretty sure you’ve worried about her for way longer than you even realize.”
“What?” I shoot Billy a look. “What are you talking about?”
He stares off into space, his eyes glazing over, getting lost in something I can’t see. “I’ll never forget going to your house the day after Emerald Blaze and Digger’s funeral.” His glance shifts my way. “I was worried sick when I saw the state you were in. I’ve seen you upset before because of your parents’ problems, but you … you were an absolute wreck. You were a crying mess, and you refused to get out of bed.”
I focus on the carpet, feeling a familiar heaviness threaten me—a darkness that’s always there. It’s a terrible feeling of not caring what the day will bring. I didn’t want to talk to anybody, and al
l I did was linger too long on destructive thoughts of self-loathing. Back then, that was my life. Everyday.
Billy clears his throat. “Then you kept blabbering on about it being all your fault. I had no idea what you were talking about.”
My eyes pulsate from the number of tears coming from them. I regard Billy with a silent plea to stop talking. I don’t want to relive those days.
“Do you remember how obsessed you became with articles about Emerald Blaze and Digger?”
I give a pitiful attempt at a nod.
His eyes don’t leave mine. “You were looking for information about Ember, weren’t you?”
I remember a younger me crying and surrounded by newspapers while scanning them for that little girl with the bright green eyes. I needed to know if Ember was okay after losing her parents—especially since I felt so responsible for what happened. But unfortunately, I never got my answer. She was a ghost for years after her parents’ murders. It was only until she was a little older when she was spotted occasionally.
My chest gets even heavier with regret, and my body trembles, full of anxiety and exhaustion. “I … I was.”
Billy nods to himself. “Do you remember when you finally told me everything?”
“Of course, I do. You were so mad at me beforehand, how could I forget?”
“Well, you wouldn’t go to the arcade with me!” Billy crosses his arms. “Man, I felt like I had lost my best friend, and I didn’t understand why. That’s why I kicked all those damn newspapers—”
“And yelled at me, ‘To hell with you, I’m leaving!’” I lower my head, remembering the anger on Billy’s face and the crazy sandstorm of skin colors, showing his own turmoil of emotions. “‘A dumpster would be a better friend than you.’”
“My exact words.” Billy shakes his head with a hint of disgust. “Man, I didn’t mean to be such an ass, but I was tired of not understanding what was happening.” Sadness weighs down his face, and his eyes soften. “But, for some reason, that was what it took for you to talk to me.”
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