Volunteering Your Heart

by Lo'Ren A Mayler

  She would have triple checked on the way down, but she was not alone in the elevator since about the twentieth floor. Luckily, the male that shared the space stayed in his own corner. Only offering a nod for greeting. Her mind preoccupied, mentally checking that she had everything until there was a ding letting her know to exit.

  She turned and could already see her escort through the glass doors. Her gaze sweeping over Jak as she approached. Black Jeans, work boots and a short sleeve maroon button up shirt. It must have been slim fit, the way it showed off her form. The curls were tight and the sides appeared to have a fresh fade.

  Butterflies took up space in her stomach, something she had never experienced before. She was never anxious. Worried, sure, but this was pure nerves. She wished there had been time to check her appearance again before exiting the elevator. Her mirror acted as a security blanket. Reassuring herself of her worth.

  As soon as Sam pushed the lock bar, the door was pulled open for her. A single pink short stem rose extended in the opposite hand.

  “You look…” Jak was visibly tongue tied. Especially when she took in the low cut of Sam’s top. Her face said she was trying not to drool. The image eased some of the jitters and brought a smile to her face.

  “Sorry, you’re just so unbelievably breathtaking. I mean I knew, but….wow.”

  Sam took the flower offered and leaned in to kiss Jak on the cheek, in a way that would not leave lipstick all over her.

  Once recovered, Jak offered her elbow. As Sam linked arms, she thought how nice it was to be able to wear heels and not have to worry about her date having a complex about it. Jak was about six foot, a good three inches taller than her.

  They walked out to the sidewalk and away from her building.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You said dancing, right?”

  “Yes,” Sam stating in a questioning manner.

  “There is a place just around the corner from here.”

  They crossed the street, headed towards Kenny’s. Sam had been there before, it was more of an Irish Pub. There was no way they were dance there.

  As soon as they were on the sidewalk, Jak passed by Kenny’s and led her down a dark alleyway. Relax. Maybe it is a short cut. As her eyes adjusted, she could see a congregation of people. They appeared to just be milling about in the alley. Fear bubbled up in her chest. A nightmare played out in her mind. An irrational fear of monsters attempting to get her in their grasp. Breathe.

  As they drew near the crowd, she could see it was actually a short line of people at a door waiting to enter. See, your being foolish. Monsters, there is no such thing.

  Watching as Jak paid the cover and opened the door to a place called Saddle Up. She assumed it was a country themed bar from the horse saddle sign in the window. However, nothing could have prepared her for what she saw when she entered. It was overwhelming, like a country western threw up in the place.

  A black and white mechanical bull sat tucked in the corner. The live band was playing on a small stage. Western themed décor hung from the ceiling, on the walls and across the bar. There were porch swings instead of tables. Poles in the middle of what she assumed was a dance floor, probably left over from a previous business.

  “I know, it’s a little much. The band is usually good and this place will be packed soon. I hope you like Country. If not, we can go somewhere else.”

  Sam grasped the arm tighter, pulling Jak closer to her body.

  “I didn’t know this was even here. I’ve lived here about four years now and had no idea.”

  It was like a little piece of home right in her own backyard. She looked around taking in every detail. Following Jak as she walked towards the bar. The bartop had images of license plates, the stools appeared to be fashioned out of leather saddles and the lighting was encased in mason jars. Jak handed her a drink. It was strong smelling with a sweet undertone. She took a sip and was sure it was apple, whiskey maybe. It went down smooth with a slight kick. Yep. Definitely like home.

  Bars she used to frequent, before moving to Greenville, flashed in her mind’s eye. Thinking of the boots and straw hat she still had hidden in the bottom of her closet. If she wasn’t careful, she would forget where she was. Who she was. Reverting was not an option. You are who you are and no amount of “training” will ever fix you. She heard the voice of her mother, on one of the many occasions when she had been a disappointment.

  “Apple pie moonshine,” Jak said in her ear as she indicated the drink. “The band plays all night. The music will pick up later so we can dance, but I thought we could get to know each other a little before it gets too loud in here.” Sam wasn’t able to respond before being led to a porch swing.

  She tucked the rose in her pocket to free up her hands. They both sat in silence for a minute, sipping their drinks. She had not thought about it being early for a club. She wasn’t prepared to “share” her feelings or her past. That was why I said dancing.

  “So, where are you from?” Jak asked ending the silence between them.

  “Texas.” Sam answered simply.

  “Really, so is that bull,” Jak replied as she pointed at the bulky prop. She turned to observe the vacant stare and sawed-off horns. “The owner got it from a bar in Houston.”

  “Weird.” She didn’t want to talk about home and tried to change the subject, “What about you?”

  Sam laid one hand on Jak’s thigh, hoping to sway the focus. Oddly enough, Jak was looking into her eyes. She should be happy, she knew that. It was a constant struggle to get people to look up. As this was a date, Sam had expected at least the slightest bit of ogling. At least acknowledge the girls are there. That they exist.

  “Born and raised in Washington. Guess I haven’t found a reason to leave yet. Why did you move here from Texas?”

  “I didn’t. I came here from Pennsylvania.”

  “Alright, why Pennsylvania?” Sam shrugged as if it was an answer. Jak’s stare told her, she thought there was a better reason. There had to be to move over twelve hundred miles.

  Instead of the truth, she gave the generic answer. The one that caused the least amount of scarring.

  “Why not? I was fresh out of school and didn’t want to go home. Seemed as good a place as any.”

  Sam could hear her mother’s voice echo in her mind. Sit up straight, beautiful women don’t slouch. Get out of my head! She couldn’t focus on evading Jak’s inquisition while she was busy ignoring her mother.

  “Fair enough. Why come to Peoria?”

  Jak didn’t look as if she was prying. She seemed genuinely interested. As if what Sam had to say was fascinating. Like she was brave for always running away from her problems. Stop. Shove it all down. Just focus on the now.

  “Greenville was full of,” Sam paused a moment to find a way to describe Nikki. They had never actually dated. It was more of a hope that something would develop with time and a lot of, not so subtly planted, hints.

  “Ex-girlfriend?”

  “Kind of. Someone I thought…” She sighed, trying to wipe away the past. The pain of seeing them together. “Anyway, she’s with someone else now and it was hard to be around. It wasn’t like I had family there, so I left.”

  Sam could see the gears turning, the questions as they formed. Running her fingers higher up the solid thigh. She was a master of distraction but, no matter how she tried, Jak kept her focus. It was frustrating and intriguing.

  “Haven’t found a woman to drive you away from here yet?” Jak reached over and swept a strand of hair off her face. The caress making her look at Jak’s lips.

  There was an intimacy to it she hadn’t expected. A closeness that threatened to thaw her, long since frozen, heart.

  “Are you over it?”

  Sam’s hand stilled, as she stared into her empty drink. Unsure of the answer or how she would feel if she were to see Nikki again. Sitting here with their thighs touching, looking into the near black eyes, the answer became a little clearer. She w
as starting to believe that, maybe, Jak could help with the pain. Help to close a chapter of her life that haunted her dreams and kept her up at night. Wondering what could have been. How she could have avoided this pain and the loneliness that plagued her existence.

  Leaning into her date, stopping short of a kiss, Sam replied. “More or less. I think time helps, but do you ever really move on until you find someone new?”

  “I guess not. You will have to keep me posted. Maybe, someday soon, she will seem like a distant memory.”

  She tried to keep to lighter topics and heavy flirting, it just wasn’t working. Jak was asking too many questions. Questions she would rather not respond to. The answers long since dead and buried.

  “So, have you ridden the bull before?” Sam waited for the snappy come back, like the first night. No, but I’ll will ride you.

  “Of course, I’m practically a pro. You didn’t catch me at the last Rodeo?”

  “Oh, that was you?” The twinkle in Jak’s eyes seemed to brighten. She wondered if women didn’t normally keep up with her witty remarks. Sam had to admit, after a long day teaching, the stimulating conversation was refreshing.

  “Do you want to give it a try?” Jak asked.

  “I’m tougher than you think, you know. It isn’t my first ride.”

  Her statement produced an amused smile, “Let’s have it then.”

  Sam handed Jak her flower and climbed onto the bull. The coarse hair matted beneath the weighted of the saddle. Okay, you can do this. Just like riding a bike. You never forget. Sam held on with one hand and used the other for balance. Her thighs squeezed into the bull. The operator hit the start button and the machine began to whip about. Her center rubbing with every turn. Her gaze never leaving Jak’s. Wishing it was the handsome woman beneath her, not the bull. The look in her eyes suggested Jak knew exactly what she was thinking. Sam road it to the end.

  When the ride stopped, she hopped off beaming with pride.

  “See. Nothing to it.” Sam leaned into Jak, “Your turn for something to buck between your legs.”

  She felt the shiver and saw Jak’s eyes darken. After paying the operator, she headed to the bull.

  With sure strides and a quick mount, Jak climbed on the beast. Sam couldn’t help her wandering eyes as she witnessed the arched back and legs spread on the saddle. The bull started and unlike Sam’s, the ride was ruff. The operator cranked the bull hard from side to side. He seemed to take pleasure in endeavoring to buck the rider off. She held on as long as she could, whipping from side to side, but after a few seconds Jak was thrown from the bull onto the vinyl air mattress. Sam went to help her up, but Jak bounced off the mat and was standing triumphant before her.

  “You okay?” Sam surprised herself with the concern she felt for the wellbeing of her date. At the same time, laughing at the joy being thrown from a bull had caused.

  “I’m great, that was a lot of fun!” Jak replied smiling, “Exhilarating.”

  The music changed to more current hits and Jak led her to the dance floor. The first couple songs were fast. Trying to get bodies on the dance floor. Jak exhibited her knowledge of line dances, leading Sam to believe this maybe her normal date spot. Both were starting to sweat, not how Sam wanted that to happen.

  After a few songs, they headed for the bar and another drink. One more and Sam knew she would have to switch to water. Real women don’t get drunk. They are polished and poised at all times. Sam drank her moonshine faster than usual, attempting to chase the memories away. Jak’s hands were on the bar, to either side of her. Leaning into Sam, like an embrace. Her warm breath causing the hairs on the back of Sam’s neck to stand on end.

  As she turned towards her black beauty, her chest was still heaving slightly from activity. The labored breathing did not help in sidestepping her desire. Jak reached behind her and downed the moonshine. Sam was pulsing all over. She wasn’t sure if it was the bass from the band or Jak’s propinquity.

  “Come on,” she was led back to the floor for a slow song. The room was packed and they were forced hip to hip, which suited Sam just fine. The arms that wrapped around her were solid, sturdy. Fingers ran along the fresh buzz. Jak’s lips were getting closer. Sam tilted her head up, awaiting the spark. The passion that always ignited with Jak. Instead, there was an offending noise.

  It drew Jak away from her. Disrupted the band, the dance and the magic. Jak took a pager off her belt and started towards the bathroom. Where is she going? What is that awful noise? Rushing through the crowd. When she reached the bathroom, Jak was walking back out.

  “I’m sorry,” she held up the pager, “I have to go.”

  “Right now,” Sam asked confused?

  “Yea, I’m sorry. Structure fire. I’ll call you later.”

  Jak ran out the door and was gone before she could register what any of the information meant.

  VIII

  A vehicle turned right out of the firehouse. Starting across a large field with the headlights off. Not stopping until he neared the AutoZone, located a couple plots up. He parked the car behind some bushes, so as to not be seen from the roadway. It was the perfect plan. The chemicals inside would force Jak to leave and keep the fire going long enough to forbid her from returning to the bar. The late hour preventing pedestrians from being harmed.

  After igniting the store, he followed the field up a few more businesses. Not wanting to exit until he reached Lorena’s. There were no other cars on the road, no one to witness him leaving the scene of a crime. Was it really a crime to rescue a damsel in distress? Wasn’t it part of his job description to extricate someone from a dangerous situation? Headlights were not flipped on until he was a mile up the main road. Turning the wheel towards town, to confirm the puppet obeyed his every command.

  Once arriving at Saddle Up, he spotted Sam immediately. Even with the crowd she stood out. He watched her head towards the mechanical bull. Having worked a couple nights a week for the last several years would aid him in his plans. Not that the extra cash wasn’t nice, but now they were in his house. With no free will, no ability to keep the wheels of fate from turning.

  He would direct this show effortlessly, with no one the wiser. While they waited, a twenty-dollar bill was slipped into the hand of the operator, who gladly accepted the money in return for throwing Jak once she mounted. Samantha will have to watch her fail. Realize this peacock was nothing but a turkey in disguise. See she was not the god she portrayed herself to be.

  Watching as Sam rode the bull effortlessly. She was a natural, beautiful and graceful with each turn. Not a surprise in the least. When it was Jak’s turn, the operator winked at him and buck the bull hard. He was sure Jak would have whiplash for a week, it was brutal…violent. Amazing to behold.

  The victory was short lived. His smile faltered as he was made to suffer, to watch them dance. Tormented as he observed them touching. It was infuriating. Running his hands through disheveled hair. Stopping just short of ripping it out. He couldn’t take it anymore. Should he cut in? Attempt to get in the way somehow? It wasn’t the plan, but he just couldn’t wait and watch, anymore. How has no one called the fire in yet? Maybe he could cause a fight, incite a riot, anything to get them apart. Scanning the crowd for a catalyst, a person intoxicated enough to influence. He could bump a drunk into Jak, hoping that tempers would flare. Allowing him the opportunity to step in and rescue Samantha.

  Finally, he felt his phone vibrate, the same time Jak’s pager lit up. It stabbed to witness the confusion and hurt on Sam’s face, but it was the only way. He didn’t want to see her hurting, to be the cause of her pain. I’m not. This is all Jak’s fault. If she had just left Samantha alone…

  ***

  Sam walked into the cool breeze and headed towards home. Somewhere it would be appropriate to vent. To say goodbye to the rest of the world and just be her. She saw Jak’s truck race up the road. Blue lights flashing, lighting up the night.

  Un-fucking-believable. How dare she leave me with
barely a goodbye? Who the hell does she think she is? Sam felt eyes on her and turned, but all she saw were the patrons at Kenny’s. Stop letting the alley get to you. There is nothing nefarious about it. Just people out trying to make a connection. Something she had failed at miserably, at least when it counted most.

  ***

  Sam stood on the walk and looked right at him. Did she see? Did she know? Could she sense his presence? No. He had stayed behind the customers that stood outside Kenny’s. Sam’s gaze moved down to her hand.

  He watched as she dropped the rose, he assumed, Jak had given her. Watched it fall to the street. Severing the final connection between them. Then she stormed across the street and into her building, mumbling to herself. It worked! He walked up to the spot she had been standing in, as her figure disappeared into an elevator. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and tried to find any residual perfume in the air. Slowly raising his right foot, bringing it down to stomp on the fallen petals. Smashing the rose with a twist. You lose.

  ***

  “Stupid, selfish, inconsiderate. Who the hell is she to ditch me? What a waste of time. Just like everyone else.”

  But she hadn’t been like anyone else. She had been respectful and asked her questions other than her bra size. Jak had not fallen into any of her traps. Other than the intensity swirling about in her eyes, Sam wouldn’t have even known she was interested at all. Was she just playing a game? Was she nothing more than a challenge? Sam poured herself a healthy sized drink and sank on the couch. She had done everything right. Everything she was taught to do. Never in her life had she been stood up or left waiting, wanting. For some reason, Jak thought it was appropriate to leave in the middle of a date. Sam sipped from her drink. We danced, laughed, flirted.

  Thinking back, Jak had not flirted, not really. Searching far and wide for anything that would make this fit in her head, there was nothing in her memory. Nothing in Jak’s behavior to signal she wanted to leave, you know, without her. Sam wouldn’t have needed much convincing to go to bed. Not when she was looking into those deliciously chocolate eyes. The pager! That stupid beeper thing ruined everything.