Volunteering Your Heart

by Lo'Ren A Mayler

  “You were kind of distracted,” he said looking at Sam.

  He wasn’t wrong. If he had brought Beth around before tonight, she might not have been happy for him. Petty but true. Jak had been lost in her misery. Even though she understood the reasoning, she would still give him hell about it later.

  The waitress seemed to pick up on the addition to the table and promptly returned with their drinks. Sam was still looking over the menu as Jak took a sip from her glass. Thinking fondly about the hijinks that night, not so long ago. It was an evening she would never forget, because it was the first time she set eyes on Sam. How lucky was it that Mike and I both found women that night, even if the relationships had taken time to cultivate.

  Sam and Beth had joined in the conversation. Easily conversing about everything and anything that popped in their head. Laughing and talking for hours. Sharing in more than just the table. It was as if they had all been friends forever. Going out to dinner weekly to catch up on each other’s lives. Two old married couples sharing war stories. Beth was full of whimsy, which complimented Mike’s playfulness. It was a long time coming, but she finally got to see her friend happy.

  Much to her surprise, Sam was genuinely enjoying herself. It was never easy for her to make connections with, well anyone. She was always detached, managing the interaction. Keeping the attention on her bells and whistle. Even learning of Jak’s shenanigans only made her smile brighter. For the first time she thought, maybe her past really didn’t matter to Jak. They could be perfectly imperfect together.

  * * *

  No! I won’t allow it. Won’t let her be perverted again by that dyke. I have to save her. Make her see. But how? Nothing had gone according to plan. His mind laid out these well scripted plays that no one would follow. If they won’t follow the outline set before them, I will have to make them. Just like any good director, he would orchestrate every move. Choreograph every dance. Maneuvering each footstep until they landed on the X, marked on the stage floor. Manipulating everyone into position until the time was right.

  It had been a long night. Watching them laugh at him. Taunting him, daring him to act before he was ready. To reveal his cards before the hand was up.

  Lingering at the bar long after they had left. Waiting for it to come to him. The formulation of a plan. The beginning of the end. The plot that would lead to Jak’s downfall. How hard could it be to find the Ace hidden up his sleeve? As if he had forgotten that it was there.

  Lightning struck and he nearly toppled from the stool. Of course, why hadn’t he thought of it months ago? Saved himself all this time and grief.

  Go ahead Jak, enjoy the time you have left with her. After tonight you will never see her again. Never be able to poison her soul.

  XXI

  Before their date, Sam sat on the pristine couch with her laptop before her. She began with writing down her feelings. Trying to get everything in her mind onto the screen, before she got distracted or pulled away. She intended to write of all the woes from her life. Everything that had torn her apart. Her mother’s opinions and parenting techniques. Her upbringing in a small Texan town. Losing someone she thought she could love, Nikki.

  Of course, memories of her mother bled together, becoming more of a rant. She briefly deviated to how she felt about Jak and their time together. The pure overwhelming joy she experienced every day now. More importantly, how it had felt to be without her.

  Those months were the worst in her life. Reaching a low she hoped to banish from her mind. On the other hand, she didn’t want to forget that loss. The emptiness in her chest. She had been a blank slate without a pen in sight. It was as if she had caught a glimpse of her life’s story before the computer crashed. Leaving her heart lost forever in its void. Sam wouldn’t let herself forget that anguish.

  What if she failed to recall that life was not worth living without Jak’s love? Who would be there to remind her, except herself? Positive that this would be her last chance to live in those beautiful golden eyes. Please don’t ever forget, she pleaded. Next time there would be no going back. No way of running from the agony.

  This was who she had been searching for, waiting for. Jak had it all, lock stock and barrel, and Sam needed every wonderful part of her. The smell of her skin, the light in her eyes and the way she brought both Sam’s body and mind to life. In essence, this was the world she never allowed herself to believe was real. In all her years, she never imagined. Love was a fairytale that ended when the witch cast a spell. When you ran off into the night scared and alone. There was no Prince coming to kiss life back into her. No magically induced happiness. No one coming to rescue her from a dragon. Her dreams could not fathom she had been waiting for her Princess Charming all this time. Deciding, in that moment, that nothing and no one would ever put her in the dark again.

  It was almost forty thirty, she was going to be late. Time had lost its meaning as the words flowed out of her. She never stopped to eat or shower. Hadn’t thought to set an alarm, as this was still new to her. Jak was due to be at her apartment in thirty minutes, not near enough time to be ready. Stop staring at the screen. Nothing you write is more important than the time spent here in the present.

  Bustling about, feeling like a cyclone as she tried to make herself presentable. Years of practice made it easy to rush. She was almost ready, just had to run out to the car. While she was busy daydreaming the other day, Sam had forgotten her purse on the passenger seat. Funny the things that slipped through the cracks when your mind was galloping over the next hurdle.

  * * *

  Time after time he watched the door open. Hopes dashed to pieces by every face that wasn’t hers. How long would he have to wait? Samantha was in there, he knew it. He guarded the tower all night. Watched Jak leave early that morning. The question remained. When would she emerge, alone?

  Mapping out every detail had been time consuming. More so because of going for that wretched interview with Advanced Medical Transport. Just to get near his target. It was hardly worth the effort. They were so stupid he could have just waltzed right in and took it. All they had to do was give him the tour he desperately needed, which they were oh so eager to do. Showing him the working environment and equipment. Allowing an opportunity to swipe medications from the rig. All the time taking care of his grandmother assisted with the medical jargon.

  It had taken more than a day to bring his plan to fruition but it was finally coming together. Everything was in place. He waited in the parking garage. Rationalizing that there would be less chance of a spectator in the covered parking deck. Of someone discovering him before he could act. Moving the car, every so often, to avoid gathering the attention of onlookers. Making it seem as if he was searching for the perfect spot when a vehicle approached.

  His mind was hashing it all out, plotting his next move. Working over every detail until it was ingrained in his subconscious. An extension of himself, as real as his arm. As unchanging as the tide. The nasal inhalant would work perfectly. Much better than having to harm Samantha. To strike her, hoping that she would wake again.

  He had to be quick about it. Knowing full well, if Jak should show and he was still there, it would ruin everything. He clapped his hands against his head, trying to devise a backup plan. To clear the cobwebs that clouded his mind.

  This was the place. He knew it. There wasn’t a time, he could remember, when they were together in Samantha’s car. It was just hers. Free of Jak’s putrid scent. This was the spot. The best time to find her without an escort. Forcing his brain to see each calculated angle. Take in every detail of the space, every nook and cranny that provided a view of him and his beloved.

  And there he would wait, concealed in the darkened structure. Searching for the halo that would brighten his day.

  * * *

  Sam was fighting the urge to stare. To primp in the elevator door. It was a habit she was trying to break free of. In her apartment it felt nearly impossible. She knew there were a lot of windows and mi
rrors when she purchased it, but it took trying not to see her reflection to know exactly how many. At night all the walls, windows, were transformed into darkened mirrors. How had she never noticed before?

  She also discovered, without primping, the elevator had become a place of reflection. A time to think about the direction of her life. If it wasn’t for that small ding, she would forget where she was. There were no normal creaking noises, squealing of the breaks or vibrations of any kind. No flutter in her stomach as the elevator dropped. It was a smooth ride every time. Allowing her a moment to forget that anything existed outside the box. She never felt the downwards motion halt. Never saw the shiny steal door slide open, beckoning her to depart. To begin anew.

  Her life felt different. Even the winter cold couldn’t ruin her mood. That didn’t stop that first gust, as she walked out the door, from giving it a try. Just because she wasn’t obsessing over every detail, didn’t mean she wouldn’t look nice. She always dressed to the nines and had no intention of changing that now. The nights were still short. Even though it was no later than five, the night’s sky twinkled overhead. Her steps were a little hurried. While she would not let the cold affect her mood, that didn’t mean she wanted the air to burn her lungs for any length of time.

  Looking around the garage, trying to remember where she parked. It was so quiet. No tires screeching, no engines roaring to life. Just the sound of her heels on the cement, echoing off every surface.

  A glance at her watch told her she only had five minutes. Sam picked up her pace, opening the passenger car door. She knew it would only take seconds to reach in. Open the glovebox, grab the abandoned item, lock the door and hurry back. It shouldn’t even take two minutes. Before she knew it, she would be back in the lobby to await her surprise.

  Before she closed the door, she heard a shoe scuff behind her. She is so impatient. Why didn’t she text? Maybe she did. Do I even have my phone on me? She thought as she placed the retrieved item in her purse. Hoping she didn’t have to go back up for another misplaced essential.

  “You couldn’t wait for one minute, could you?”

  Sam felt an arm wrap around her, but it wasn’t Jak’s. Large, hairy and, most obvious, white. Before she could scream, the hand moved in front of her mouth. The other arm wrapped around her neck. Choking the scream that bubbled up before it got out. She reached back but it was no use. Arms flailed, as there was nothing to grab onto. No way of fighting the overpowering force acting upon her. Seeing nothing of the actor. Her eyes only able to make out the florescent lights as they hazed over, dimming until there was nothing left. Her mind blanketed in the void.

  * * *

  Sam’s torso slumped against him. Immediately releasing the chokehold, so as to prevent brain damage. There was no time to delight in the intoxicating perfume that filled his senses. Her body weighed him down, making him wish the car was closer. If he didn’t wear one hundred and fifty pounds of gear every day, he would have had difficulty lifting the dead weight. The comatose state making her small frame feel much heavier than she looked. He rushed to deliver the stolen Fentanyl. Knowing that by the time she came to in the trunk, the drug would have taken effect. Allowing him plenty of time to get home and secure the cargo.

  As he bore her mass, he dreamed of a future where Samantha would jump into his arms. He would carry her over the threshold, to their lovely home. Instead of the reality that he was dragging her lifeless body to the car. She would… Shit. Stop daydreaming and pay attention!

  He was so lost in an alternate universe that he hit his shin on the bottom of the frame. Damn car! Samantha’s head came to rest in the rear of the vehicle.

  Throwing a blanket onto her before someone saw. Trying to circumvent unnecessary attention. He stared into Samantha’s peaceful, unconscious, face. Watching as her chest rose. As her body fought for consciousness.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll save you.”

  XXII

  The tires slid slightly as she turned onto Fulton Street. It rained last night and the frigid air kept a constant sheet of ice on the roadway. Jak was used to the winter Illinois roads and easily righted her vehicle. As always, she scanned for roadside parking. There wasn’t oncoming traffic or anyone in her rearview mirror. The perfect opening to back in, her preference with a truck. Easier to back in than not be able to see traffic when pulling out. She cranked the steering wheel, pulling the car up by the garage entrance. Thus, giving her plenty of space and the appropriate angle to pull into the spot.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she watched a tan station wagon whip out of garage, narrowly missing her front end. What the heck are you thinking? She yelled out the windshield. You could have killed me. What is wrong with people today? What could be so darned important? Thank goodness she was using her mirrors and not completely turned around, facing the spot she was backing into. She wouldn’t have been able to move in time.

  Jak rang the buzzer, rubbing her hands together as she waited. Knowing that Sam would not enjoy the cold on her bare skin. When there was no answer, she buzzed again. The night was quietly approaching. There was a clear sky overhead. Instead of complaining about the cold, she enjoyed a brief break from the winter precipitation. Knowing the forecast predicted snow in her foreseeable future.

  She hit the call button for a third time, but there was no answer. Where is she? What could be keeping her? Jak stopped her worrying, Sam was probably in the middle of putting on her face. She would need to learn patience. Beauty, she had learned, took time and the results were always worth the wait. She picked up the phone and dialed Sam’s number. Getting colder by the second as the phone rang. Wishing Sam would just hit the button to let her in. The line connected.

  A laugh permeated the phone as it was answered, but it wasn’t Sam’s. A man’s deep menacing laugh. She looked at the screen to be sure she dialed the right number.

  “Who is this?”

  “Who is this! You really don’t know?”

  “Where is Sam?”

  “Samantha is a little…tied up at the moment.” The male answered with another laugh. The voice sounded familiar to her; someone she knew.

  “This isn’t funny, put her on the phone.”

  “No! She is mine now and there is nothing you can do about it. You think you can just take everything from me and never pay the price?”

  “Who is this? What does it have to do with Sam?”

  “I was there when you met her, in the bar. Or don’t you remember?” In the bar? At hoops? “You stole her from me before I even had a chance.”

  “Sam is gay!”

  “That’s bullshit!” The voice erupted. “I could have made her happy. I could have given her everything. But you took her, just like you take everything else from me. That’s why I made sure to put a stop to your dates. Igniting fires to call you away. Rigged the bull to toss you down into the pit where you belong.”

  Jak searched her memory. Trying to piece together the fragments in her mind. None of it made any sense. She was too worried to think straight.

  “How? They were in two different towns.”

  “I knew you were seeing her.”

  “How did you know? Were you following us?”

  “I didn’t have to. You led me straight there every time. I was with you at the school when you got her number. You made the call before your date at Saddle up. I just set a small fire before I left town. It didn’t take much persuasion on my part when I paid off the bull operator. He was all too happy to see you taken down a peg.”

  Flashes of every place she had been, with Sam, entered her mind. Racking her brain for some commonality. Jak thought long and hard, but all the clues in her head led to the same conclusion. The only person that would know about everything. Mike. It couldn’t be. Mike would never… but he was at the bar. Waiting by the door when she returned from her interaction in the parking lot. The only person she had told about their date at Saddle Up. He responded to AutoZone that night. Tried to convince her that she didn�
�t have a chance with Sam. Was that all for his benefit?

  He knew every time they fought. Each time they were together. All her thoughts, fears. He was there through it all. She remembered the look on his face at Double A’s, the surprise of seeing them together. Could it be true?

  “What’s the point of this? Why go through all this trouble? Just to make me look bad?”

  “You’re right, I wasn’t thinking big enough. I can’t bring you down that way. It’s about more than your image. I have to remove you from the equation, eliminate the competition. That is why I’m taking her where you can’t brainwash her anymore.”

  “Brainwash?”

  Take her? Where? This was a dream, a nightmare. A culmination of self-doubt and alcohol. She had too much sugar before bed. It would all end if she could just wake up. Jak pinched her arm, praying to awake in her bed. To look over and see Sam lying beside her again. Ouch! The pinch didn’t work. I thought you couldn’t feel pain in dreams. Why didn’t I wake up?

  “Yes, brainwashed. Coerced. Taken without warning as to the perdition she was entering. Just like you have the rest of the town, the firehouse and every woman you’ve seduced! Like a pied piper leading the way to hell.”

  “I have never brainwashed anyone.” What was wrong with him? Why would Mike say such horrible things?

  “Don’t lie!” Nearly tearing the phone from her ear at the scream. “Why else would they choose a dyke like you?”

  Never had she heard him say anything to make her see this coming. He was insensitive, sure. A little sexist, what man wasn’t? But not the religious, homophobic rantings coming through the receiver. What could have possibly happened to drive him so far from the man she had known all her life?

  “Where is SAM??”

  Jak was losing her patience. All that mattered was getting Sam back. He could call her every name in the book. Not that she cared to listen to his newfound opinions, but she would do anything to get to the woman she loved.