Guardian

by Kerri Morrigan

  His mind raced. He needed to DO something. But he could do nothing. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Think. His own life didn’t matter. That wasn’t the problem. But how could he keep her safe now? How could he possibly explain everything he needed to? Through the pain, he finally registered that she was right there next to him, saying his name, asking him questions.

  “Caleb! Caleb, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” Her voice was filled with alarm. He tried to answer her, tell her he didn’t know, but he couldn’t form the words. Instead, he collapsed against the wall, overcome by the excruciating pain. Grace put a comforting hand on his arm, only to pull it away with a shriek. She stared at her hand in horror. “My hand is burned! How is that possible?! Jesus Christ, Caleb! We need to get help!”

  She was halfway across the room to her phone before he managed to croak out a raspy, “No.”

  “I’ll call Joe. I can go get Gav. What do you need me to do?” She pleaded with him.

  “You can’t just…call…them…” he panted. This wasn’t how this was all supposed to happen. He didn’t want to tell her like this. How could he explain when he could barely think? When he didn’t understand what was happening? His power ebbed with each second; it was nearly gone. Why? Had Daemon or Loray done something to him? Had he pushed himself too far? Gavriel had given him a sizable amount of his own power - had something gone wrong? He tried to force himself to focus, but his thoughts were swirling just out of reach.

  “What? Why? You don’t know their numbers by heart? Where’s your phone? I’ll do it. What’s the password?” She started searching the pockets of his clothing, abandoned in a pile in the corner.

  “Too…late… I think… I’m… dying…Grace.” What other explanation was there? If this wasn’t the angelic equivalent of dying, then what was? If nothing else, his secret would be revealed to her in death. For, in a few moments, he would disappear, right before her eyes. He hoped that Gavriel or Jophial would explain it to her, hoped that she would understand why he hadn’t told her. He didn’t want to imagine her going on with her life, hating him. That thought was the most terrifying of all.

  “What do you mean you’re dying? Don’t say that! You’re going to be fine.” She sounded almost angry with him.

  “I need… to tell… you,” he tried again, mustering the strength to lift a hand and reach for her. She rushed over and knelt beside him.

  “What is it?” she said. Tears were starting to well in her eyes. She was trying to be strong for him, but her fear was palpable.

  He opened his mouth to speak, but she suddenly jerked her head towards the center of the room. She jumped in front of him, hands raised, knees slightly bent. She had angled her body to present as thin a target as possible, as if preparing for an attack.

  “Who the hell are you?” She growled.

  “Grace?” Kalev said, puzzled. What was she looking at? No one was there. Except…no, no, it couldn’t be. This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t sense his powers anymore; they were gone. But he wasn’t dead. In fact, the pain had decreased from unbearable torture to merely crippling. Maybe he really had just overdone it, or one of his enemies had poisoned him with a weapon that drained power. Or maybe he was just going numb before the end; he couldn’t forget that distinct possibility.

  “You don’t see him?” Grace questioned, without turning around.

  If their situation weren’t so dire, he would have smiled at her; he’d trained her well. She stood, naked and fierce, her long dark hair cascading down her back, her alluring curves accentuated by her stance. He couldn't see who was there but the drive to protect her was overwhelming. He tried to stand, but his legs gave out underneath him. He grunted in frustration and forced himself to his feet again, this time more slowly, paying careful attention to his balance.

  “Show yourself,” he demanded, anger building.

  A soft glow began filling the room, growing brighter and brighter. He had to shield his eyes as the light reached a blinding intensity. As it dimmed back to a tolerable level, he recognized the figure at once. He roared in fury, wanting nothing more than to punch the smug smile off Azriel’s face. Instead, he fell flat on his own. His body didn’t feel right. It was heavy, sluggish, achy, weak. He dragged himself to a sitting position against the wall.

  Azriel chuckled. “Well, well, Kalev, this is something I hadn’t expected.”

  “Is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on here? Why is he calling you Kalev?” Grace clipped.

  “My apologies, Miss Lightbourne. How rude of me. I will explain everything to you. I won’t harm you.” Azriel displayed his empty hands in reassurance. “Why don’t you put something on, and we can talk.”

  Grace eyed him suspiciously, then looked over at Kalev.

  “Go ahead, Grace. He’s not here to harm us. He’s here to gloat,” Kalev answered her unspoken question. She still looked hesitant, but then ran over to her bag and threw on some sweats.

  “That’s a bit unfair, Kalev, don’t you think? I’m here to congratulate you on your stunning victory,” Azriel smirked at him.

  “No thanks to you, asshole. You could’ve gotten us all killed,” Kalev hissed, trying to keep from yelling at the top of his lungs. This betrayal had been nearly as bitter as Daemon’s.

  Grace came back to his side and held out a pair of his lounge pants.

  “Thanks.” He gave her the best smile he could muster.

  “Are you feeling better?” She whispered to him, daring to put a hand on his arm again. She looked relieved when it was clear she wasn’t going to get burnt. He nodded, not taking his eyes off Azriel. He didn’t trust him, and he knew he had not come here for congratulations.

  “You are such a sweet young woman, Miss Lightbourne,” Azriel said, although mockery laced his every word.

  Grace ignored the false compliment. “You were going to explain to me who you were?”

  “I am Azriel, head of the Angelic Council of the Northwestern Hemisphere,” he tilted his head toward her, “It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.”

  Grace stared at him. Caleb could only watch as the inevitable train wreck approached. This was all going so very wrong. She wasn’t supposed to find out this way. He wanted to tell her, his own way. But it was too late; there was nothing he could do. He was too weak to force Azriel to leave, and he was too slow to run. He sat there dumbly, unable to figure out what to do.

  “Did you say, Angelic? Like, you’re an angel?” Grace responded, perplexed.

  “Yes, indeed I am an angel. Kalev failed to mention that our kind exists, didn’t he?”

  “You knew?!” So, he’d lied to her. He’d sworn he hadn’t known, and he’d lied. She forced herself to focus on the conversation at hand. She could get mad about it later.

  “You know very well that I was not allowed to tell her,” Kalev barked at him.

  “Ah yes, well, that may be true, but it certainly didn’t stop you from breaking so many other rules now did it.” Azriel’s twisted smile was back on his face.

  “What rules?” Grace questioned.

  “Why, the angelic code of conduct, Miss Lightbourne. Kalev used to be as strait-laced as they came. And now, I can’t even count how many rules he has violated for you, fornication being just the latest,” Azriel explained.

  “Why would Caleb have to follow the Angelic Code of Conduct?” Grace asked. Kalev wasn’t sure whether she had failed to notice Azriel’s mention of ‘fornication’ or just chose to ignore it. Regardless, of which, in a moment it wouldn’t really matter. There were much bigger secrets that could no longer be contained. The moment of truth had come; he could prevent it no more than he could prevent the sun from rising. But damn it if he was going to let Azriel be the one to say it. He took a deep breath. “Because I am an angel.”

  ✽✽✽

  “Caleb, stop messing around,” Grace said dismissively. How could he joke at a time like this? Didn’t he realize that she was still reeling from the revelation
that angels existed? And that he’d lied about it? She would be sure to have a serious conversation with him later. She didn’t like being blindsided like this, particularly when she was on edge already. While it didn’t seem to her that this angel, Azriel, was an immediate threat to them, it also appeared that he and Caleb were not on friendly terms. In fact, it sounded like their near defeat was Azriel’s fault. Then it clicked. This was “Azra”, his connection who was supposed to help them and abandoned them instead. Now she was mad as hell. How dare he come in here unannounced, pretending to be all amiable and kind when he was the reason they’d both nearly died. She was going to give him a piece of her mind -

  “Grace, I’m not joking. I am the angel, Kalev.” Caleb’s voice broke through her internal monologue. Had he just said he wasn’t joking? She dared a glance at Azriel who shook his head at her, as if she were some child who had been denied a sweet by one parent and was now asking the other. She looked back to Caleb, or Kalev, as he had just informed her. Her heart dropping like a stone.

  “I was trying to tell you, before, we…” His voice trailed off, leaving out the explicit details, but she knew what he meant. Before they’d made love. Before she’d poured all her emotions, her whole being, her very soul’s deepest desires into that heart-achingly beautiful experience. She had forgotten all about him trying to tell her something beforehand. Making love to him had been so life-altering, she’d never given that first reluctance a second thought. But she should have. Oh, how she should have.

  Her heart started racing, near panic flooding her. She was having trouble processing the information, but the sharp sting of betrayal had already embedded itself in her chest. She’d trusted him; he’d sworn he’d told her the truth. A moment ago it had seemed bad enough he’d lied about angels. Now, after she’d shared the most intimate of experiences with him, she finds out he’d not only known about them but that he is one of them?! What did that even mean for him? Her? Them? How could he be an angel? Angels were supposed to have fluffy white wings and fly around. They were supposed to wear white robes and shine with the light of the Lord.

  Caleb certainly didn’t fit the part at all. He looked human, granted he looked like the very definition of a perfect 10, but still human. And now that she’d seen every delectable inch of him, she could say with absolute certainty that he had no wings. She’d never even seen him jump very high no less fly, and he wore dark colored street clothes. He had friends, a career, a life. On the surface, he seemed very human to her.

  Except sometimes he hadn’t, had he. He never needed sleep, had never really wanted to eat, unless she made falafel. He fought with a strength and skill that no human, no matter how well trained should possess. Not only that, she’d never met any of his clients, or seen any proof that he had a job. He could’ve made all of it up. But what about Joe and Gav? He hadn’t made them up. She’d met them and liked them both. And Annalise hadn’t mentioned that she noticed anything strange about him. But, with a sinking feeling that she didn’t like at all, she realized he’d been very careful to never meet anyone she knew. He’d stayed in the car when she’d met up with Annalise outside of Matty’s placement; he’d shuffled Grace out of the nightclub with only a brief hello to Annalise (had she even responded?); he’d been outside at the gym, so Jonathan wouldn’t have seen him.

  Grace wanted to scream — scream until the glass windows shattered just as her heart was doing. Instead, she stiffened her upper lip. She would not give either of them the satisfaction.

  “Were you even planning on telling me today, or were you only going to spit it out because you felt too guilty to have sex with me without disclosing that information? What were you waiting for?” She wasn’t sure who was more surprised by the venom in her voice, Caleb or herself.

  “That’s a fair question, Kalev,” Azriel butted in, looking quite pleased about the entire situation. “But it doesn’t really matter now anyway,” he said tilting a hand up as if he were weighing on object in his palm, “the point is moot. He is no longer an angel, so that much is irrelevant.” Azriel laughed at his own cleverness. Grace was now more confused than ever. So, he was an angel, but he wasn’t? What the hell was going on?

  Grace did the only logical thing she could do to immediately get some answers. She took the ring off her finger. Azriel disappeared right before her eyes; so, either she could see angels with it too, or Azriel was lying and was a demon. She didn’t like him, but she didn’t think the latter was a legitimate theory. It looked like her ring was more powerful than she thought.

  She held her breath almost not wanting to turn around. When she finally did, she was relieved to see Caleb lying there.

  “I can see you,” she stated, proving her point.

  “You can?” He asked her, concerned. His eyes darted toward Azriel. “What do you mean ‘no longer an angel’?”

  “Well, let’s see. You broke about a thousand or so rules in the past few weeks, you have no more qudra, and I can’t even sense you. You even had to ask for me to reveal myself,” Azriel chuckled then continued, “I’m pretty sure you just got yourself demoted to ‘human’ by forces much stronger than me.”

  “That’s not possible,” Caleb whispered, but the horror on his face said that it might very well be true.

  “Well, now at least, you don’t have to worry about getting a spot on the Council or earning your Guardianship back or getting into Heaven or any of that nonsense,” Azriel quipped.

  “What is he talking about?” Grace demanded, staring at the man on the floor. He was a complete stranger to her, this … Kalev. She had only been in love with the facade he’d presented to her. In reality, he’d hidden everything that was important about himself from her. He’d played her for a fool, and she’d danced right along to his tune. What she didn’t understand, however, was how all the incongruent pieces fit together.

  When Kalev hesitated to answer, she repeated her question, even more forcefully. She would have an explanation.

  “I was a Guardian,” he said, solemnly, “but the Council stripped my title years ago. They decided to reinstate it and assigned me to you.”

  “Oh Kalev, that’s such a watered-down version. Please, don’t leave out the part where you used her as bait for your own, selfish reasons, and then screwed up so badly that you got her into this mess in the first place,” Azriel piped up.

  From what Grace could see, Kalev seemed genuinely surprised and angered by what Azriel had to say. Kalev looked like he was about to respond but Azriel cut him off, “Come on now, Kalev, did you really think I didn’t know all about your little scheme? I’ve been keeping an eye on you ever since that incident 20 years ago. You know, the one that got you knocked down to Soul Escort.” He laughed and then facing Grace added, “Did you know he’s been checking in on you your entire life? So sweet, actually. You, your mother before that, her mother, etc. etc. for centuries. Well, then of course an aunt, since Joan didn’t have children of her own. Joan’s death really got to him,” he lowered his voice to add confidentially, “since then we’ve all thought him a bit… off his rocker, if you know what I mean.”

  The implications were staggering. If what Azriel was saying were true… she couldn’t even begin to think about it. But she didn’t trust Azriel. He’d left them high and dry. Surely, he was making this part up, trying to turn them against each other for good. Didn’t he realize he’d done enough damage with the truth?

  “Oh, now Grace, I really thought you’d have made the connection already,” Azriel drawled sarcastically. “I mean, I posted that link in your heritage line ages ago. You know, the one with Helene Arnaut on that silly website? I’d expected you to follow that up the chain asap,” he paused for affect and then continued, “you mean you didnt? That’s a shame, I worked hard to find that document and put it up there for you.”

  Grace’s stomach rolled. How could he have known about the email she’d received? She hadn’t had the time to trace Helene’s ancestry, but, in her gut, she knew that i
f she followed Helene’s lineage, she’d find Joan. But just because her gut knew it, it didn’t mean her heart wanted to believe it. She looked at Kalev with desperation.

  “Kalev, tell me what he is saying isn’t true,” she said, beseeching him to agree with her.

  Instead of the firm ‘no’ she had expected, Kalev answered, “It’s not as bad as it sounds; it’s a lot more complicated than that.”

  Horrified, and mortified, her restraint finally broke. His perfidy ran so deep it cut her to her very soul. Everything was a lie. She was a pawn in the stupid games of angels and demons alike. She didn’t understand it; she didn’t want to. Later she would cry, likely cry streams and rivers of unabashed sorrow, but for now, she embraced numbness. This was all over. What had been the most confusing, exciting, terrifying, whirlwind adventure of her life had turned out to be a charade. Her trust misplaced; her love misguided. She wouldn’t stand here and listen to this any longer. She couldn’t bare it.

  “Goodbye, Kalev,” she said, putting emphasis on his real name. She silently grabbed her suitcase, purse and coat. Kalev was pleading with her, but she didn’t pay the words even the slightest attention. She opened the apartment door and took one last look at him.

  “Grace, please…” his voice broke. She felt nothing. He was only trying to save his own dried up scheme. It wasn’t sadness for her. Just for his lost opportunity.

  “You know, I actually thought I was in love with you,” she said, her icy voice dripping with derision, “but now I realize I don’t even know you.”

  She slammed the door shut and walked away.

  ✽✽✽

  Azriel let loose a belly laugh once the door had shut. “Love you? What a stupid girl. Like you’d ever love a human,” he said with disgust.

  Kalev could only stare at him. How could he have been so blind as to not see what was right in front of him? How long had she felt that way about him? Maybe she’d only just realized it too? No way. Grace was not only human and therefore more attuned to emotions than him, but she was also quite self-aware. She would have figured out her feelings long before tonight. And, as much as he wanted to blame Azriel for goading her into walking out that door, he could only blame himself.