Look Twice

by M. Garzon

  “I’m glad we were able to come here, we needed to spend time alone as a couple. So you can get used to me watching you undress, among other things.” He smiled, then sobered and traced the contours of my cheekbone thoughtfully. “And you certainly deserved a vacation. It bothers me that you’ve worked so hard at the barn. I feel as though you missed out on part of childhood.”

  “Don’t,” I said quietly, pressing his hand against my face. “Moving to the farm is the best thing that ever happened to Seth and me. We loved the barn, and we were happy to be included, even in work. We were happy to belong, to have a family. We were happy.”

  “Even when you were introduced to Dec’s boot-camp style of parenting?”

  I considered for a minute. “We didn’t mind as much as you’d think. Yes, he was strict, but for the first time in our lives someone other than our mother actually paid attention to us. His occasional heavy-handedness couldn’t overshadow that.”

  Four

  Spending the following day with Michele turned out to be surprisingly fun. My wardrobe was a far sight better than it had been before my friends’ intervention the previous spring, but it suddenly seemed sadly inadequate in this land of plunging necklines and stilettos. Even the flip-flops here were bejeweled, so when Michele offered to take me shopping I agreed eagerly. I had brought the last of my savings with me; I didn’t want to spend it all on clothes but I needed at least a few Florida-worthy pieces.

  That afternoon we sat on a patio enjoying the best iced coffee I’d ever tasted.

  “Wow,” I said as soon as I could make myself stop drinking. “I wish Jaden could try this.”

  “Don’t tell me you miss him already.” Michele smiled. “I’m obviously not doing enough to keep you entertained.”

  “No, you’ve been awesome,” I assured her. “I really had fun today. But I always miss Jaden when we’re not together. Pretty pathetic, I guess, since we’re not together that much.” And even when we were, things were often tense, I thought to myself.

  “Why?” she asked. “I would have thought, from watching the two of you, that you’d spend every possible minute with him.”

  I hesitated. I didn’t know Michele very well, and I had no way of knowing how she would react to the truth. I didn’t want to end up feeling uncomfortable in her house for the duration of our stay if she felt the way my family did. And I didn’t want to make her feel awkward, either.

  “It’s okay, it’s none of my business,” she said, seeing my indecision.

  I looked at her. She seemed perfectly untroubled, smiling gently at me.

  “Did Jaden tell you that... we’re cousins?” I asked quietly. I resisted the urge to look away as I said it, fearing the judgment in her dark green eyes.

  She nodded. “Sure. Step-cousins, right?” She was looking at me exactly the same way as before, friendly and interested. I felt myself relax and realized my entire body had been stiff with fear.

  “Yeah. We’re legal cousins — his uncle Dec adopted me. Our family is less than thrilled by the fact that we’re together.”

  Michele took a sip of her drink and frowned prettily. “That must be hard. I don’t see why they object, though. It’s not like you’re going to have two-headed babies or anything.”

  I grinned at her. I was liking this woman better and better.

  “I guess they’re used to thinking of us as cousins, and the family still thinks of me as a kid. I can’t see them being comfortable with us dating anytime soon.” I sagged under the weight of the realization.

  Michele nodded. “Have you thought about moving out? You’re eighteen, won’t you be going to college soon anyway?”

  “That’s not really an option for me. Remember what I was saying yesterday about vacations?”

  “I didn’t fully understand. I’m a city girl, born and raised in New York. Wellington is the smallest place I’ve ever lived.”

  “Oh. Well, the stable is a family business. If Seth and I moved out Dec would have to hire someone to replace us, and it would cost so much that he’d barely make a profit anymore. Definitely not enough to pay for our schooling, and we’ll be taking out loans as it is. Even one of us moving out would be problematic, especially if it’s me because I do most of the training. Plus, our family’s got pretty strong views about loyalty and sticking together. It wouldn’t go over well.”

  “So if you and Jaden run off to live happily ever after, your folks lose the farm?”

  “Pretty much,” I said morosely.

  “Wow, that’s tough. How do your other relatives feel about it? Your mom’s family, and your biological father?” she asked.

  “The Fosters are my only family,” I explained. “Other than a distant aunt, my twin brother is the only blood relation I have.”

  “A twin! You’re so lucky to have a brother,” she said enviously. “I’m an only child. Do you get along?”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Seth. “He’s the best. Also the best at annoying me sometimes.”

  She laughed. “Yes, I’ve heard they can do that.”

  We finished our drinks and headed toward the car. I could feel the heat from the sidewalk rising against my legs.

  “You have lovely hair,” Michele said, trailing a lock of it through her fingers as we walked. “All those red highlights. Have you considered letting it grow?”

  I grinned since I’d had hair halfway down my back until the previous spring. “Yes, I’m doing that now, in fact.” I’d had a short Manga-style cut in the spring, and now my hair almost covered my neck. “Although I think Jaden liked it short.”

  “Jaden would love you even if you were bald,” she said, smiling in that slightly wistful way again.

  That night I resolved to settle my unease.

  “About Michele,” I began as Jaden and I were getting ready for bed. “She’s not an old girlfriend of yours, is she?”

  Jaden chuckled as he pulled off his shirt. He tossed it on the bed and strolled over to me.

  “Um, no. Michele likes girls,” he confided with a wink. He looped his arms around my waist, smiling at my look of surprise. “She broke off a long-term relationship recently.”

  “Oh!” That would explain the wistful looks, then. “But she’s so... so...” I hesitated.

  “She’s a lipstick lesbian,” Jaden provided helpfully. He grinned at my blank look. “You don’t know what that is, do you?”

  “Well, I can guess,” I grumbled. I already felt like an idiot for not realizing Michele’s inclinations; I didn’t want to also seem prejudiced for assuming all lesbians looked a certain way.

  “Is everything all right between you?” Jaden’s face was suddenly serious.

  “Yes. I like her a lot.” I looked up to meet his eyes. “But I have to admit I feel better about staying here now that I know you’re not her type.”

  “Do you really think I would have disrespected you that way?” Jaden asked. He was frowning slightly.

  I thought about it honestly for a second, and the smile that moved over my face must have been answer enough because Jaden’s hand went to the back of my neck and he kissed me hotly. And this time I didn’t protest when he carried me to the bed.

  * * *

  A few days later Jaden had to attend a press meeting at the polo club, and he invited me along. It turned out to be rather a fancier affair than I’d imagined, and I was grateful for the shopping I’d done with Michele. Everyone was very well-dressed, and everyone seemed to want some time with Jaden.

  At home, there was no question that Jaden got special attention on the polo field, but I’d thought it would be different here in Florida, where all the players were superstars. I knew that the highest-goal polo in the U.S. was played in Wellington, but I hadn’t realized how much more attention in general that would mean: flocks of groupies, gaggles of press, and streams of players and grooms were all eager to see Jaden.

  He kept looking over at me to make sure I was okay, but he was busy, so when I got bore
d of making polite small talk with strangers I wandered to the gathering’s edge and sat on a bench. Intermingled with the scents of dusty grass and the wafts of perfume and cologne was another smell, a more elusive one. I recognized it gradually — it was the smell of money. It made me slightly uneasy, but I reminded myself it was something I’d better get used to if I was going to ride high-level jumpers. My musings were interrupted by a man sitting down next to me.

  “I am Carl,” he said with what sounded like a French accent.

  “Tay-a.” I enunciated my name clearly for him.

  He scanned my face. “Have we met?”

  I resisted rolling my eyes in case it really wasn’t a pick-up line. “I don’t think so.”

  “You look very familiar. Ah, je l’ai!” he exclaimed suddenly. “You are from Spain, non?”

  I shook my head, smiling despite myself. “No, I’ve never been to Spain.”

  “You are sure?” He looked at me closely. “You look very much like a woman I once knew.”

  “No, I’m...” I trailed off. I’d been about to say I was Canadian. And that was true, but it wasn’t the whole story. I’d never had the whole story about myself since I didn’t know who my father was. My real father, that is. For all I knew I was that unknown woman’s niece or cousin or even half-sister.

  “Excuse me,” I said faintly.

  Jaden was deep in conversation with a reporter, but when I slipped my hand into his he smiled down at me. It faltered at the look on my face.

  “Are you all right?” he murmured.

  “Mm-hmm.” I tried to smile brightly for him, but I could tell he wasn’t fooled. He squeezed my hand, wrapped up his interview and towed me to a corner.

  “What’s wrong, mi amor?” He held both my hands.

  I didn’t do a very good job of explaining, but halfway through he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

  “It’s stupid, I know,” I muttered. I felt ridiculous for getting suddenly upset over something I’d lived with for eighteen years.

  “No, it’s completely normal,” he disagreed. “Everyone wants to know where they come from; it’s an important part of who we are. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

  * * *

  Jaden had the next day off, and he took me to Miami, where I gawked at everything and took pictures like a total tourist. By the day’s end, I had completely forgotten the incident with Carl. On Jaden’s next afternoon off we went to the beach, and the time after that he brought me to a state park where we saw real live alligators. And somewhere along the way, Florida became real to me — the niggling feeling that it was some kind of magical theme park fell away, and I felt as though the entire world had suddenly unfolded before me. As I filled my lungs with humid, green-smelling air I truly understood, for the first time, that I could actually go to all those places on the map. There was a big wide world out there, and I was seized by a fierce desire to see it.

  But of all my new experiences, my favorite turned out to be very mundane: snuggling up with Jaden at Michele’s house. Although we had spent considerable time living in the same house the year before, most of it had been spent carefully avoiding each other. There had always been some tension in our togetherness, and the deep joy I felt at being able to relax with him was something that still caught me by surprise.

  I was enjoying that feeling one afternoon as we lounged on the bed in our underwear.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked.

  “You’re going to laugh if I tell you.”

  He ran his hand slowly from my shoulder down the length of my bare arm. “Maybe. But tell me anyway.” His smile made it impossible for me to resist him. A fact that should probably worry me, I thought briefly.

  “I miss my little brother,” I mumbled, turning my face into the blanket. “I mean, I’m thrilled to be here, but... Seth and I have never done anything major apart before.” I peeked up cautiously to find a peculiar look on his face.

  “What?” I demanded.

  “I’m envious,” he admitted. “I love my sister but we’re not nearly as close as you and Seth.” He slid an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. “I’ve always meant to ask — why do you call him your ‘little’ brother?”

  I grinned at him. “I’m an hour older. When we were kids I used to tell him that meant he had to listen to me.”

  “I see.” Jaden’s smile shifted, his eyes glinting with mischief and something more. The arm around me tightened, searing my belly against the heat of his skin. “Following that logic, you would have to do as I say, since I’m older, correct?”

  “Uh-huh,” I said, a bit breathlessly.

  “Well then,” he murmured. He dropped his head and began kissing my shoulder, moving slowly up my neck. “Here’s what you must do,” he breathed into my ear.

  I hurried to comply.

  * * *

  Jaden insisted on one more shopping trip, since he’d been invited to a New Year’s Eve party and I didn’t have a suitable dress. He’d already fulfilled his promise of a trip to the tack shop, where I’d picked out a gorgeous new show jacket. Jaden had added a finely wrought silver bracelet with links of alternating horses and bits, and once he’d clasped it onto my wrist I never took it off.

  “Are you sure about this?” I asked at the dress store. I was wearing a shimmery cobalt blue evening dress. I loved it, but I also suspected it cost more than my entire wardrobe at home.

  “I’m sure.” He grinned wickedly. “Trust me, the way you look, it’s worth every penny.”

  The party was at one of the polo patron’s houses. As we pulled up my jaw fell open, and I still hadn’t closed it as the valet drove Jaden’s car away. I’d never seen a private home as big or lavish as this — I felt as though I’d stumbled onto the set of ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’, an old show Gran used to watch. I looked at Jaden uncertainly, biting my lip. He was used to this lifestyle, but I was uncomfortable with it. I was afraid of making a faux pas, of making it glaringly obvious that I didn’t belong.

  He slipped an arm around my shoulders. “If you aren’t enjoying yourself, we’ll leave,” he assured me.

  He escorted me inside. There were soaring ceilings adorned with vast crystal chandeliers, marble floors, and walls of alternating artwork and glass. The sound of a live band playing jazz was punctuated by the clink of glasses and the tinkle of laughter.

  I turned to Jaden. “Wow. I can see why I needed a new dress.”

  He brushed my cheek with his fingertips, his face serious. “I wanted you to know beyond a doubt that you were the most beautiful woman in the room.”

  I laughed at the absurdity. “Well, I’m far from the most beautiful. But I am the luckiest.”

  I surprised myself by losing my nervousness fairly quickly. Maybe it was because my eyes rarely strayed from Jaden. They moved from his tangle of honey-brown hair, down the straight line of his nose, to the sensual curve of his firm lips, along his strong jaw and back up to his jutting cheekbones. I saved his eyes for last, those clear light brown pools with their floating gold leaves, since I tended to sink into them and lose all sense of time and place. I blinked as he turned to greet yet another acquaintance, a petite blonde. He said hello, introduced me, and then deftly and charmingly ended the conversation so that I couldn’t help feeling a bit sorry for her. It was like that the whole evening.

  Before we were together, I used to be jealous of all the girls orbiting Jaden. Now, Jaden was making every woman in the room jealous of me. He was so attentive, so focused on me that it began to feel like our own private party. The blonde left reluctantly, and Jaden turned to me.

  “Would you like to dance?”

  I realized suddenly that we’d never danced together before. In fact, I’d never even seen Jaden dance.

  “I’m really not much of a dancer,” I confessed, embarrassed. The thought of dancing in this elite company was mildly terrifying, and I also thought that if Jaden sitting down was attracting a lot of attentio
n, then Jaden’s body in motion would surely attract every eye in the room.

  He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Slow dancing is easy. Besides, you were dancing perfectly well at that party last spring. I certainly enjoyed watching you.”

  I thought back to the party where an enraged Jaden had carried me away. “That was different. I was inebriated.”

  “Then I’ll just have to get you drunk on happiness,” he stated, pulling me out of my chair.

  I was right about the effect of Jaden’s body on the dance floor. His sinuous movements were so mesmerizing that I even forgot to be nervous, and we were having fun when I spotted a familiar face go by.

  “Mateo!” I called, delighted. He flashed his crinkle-eyed smile as I threw my arms around him. When I was done hugging him he gave me a two-cheek kiss, then looked over my shoulder, his smile fading.

  Jaden was standing a few feet away with his hands thrust into his pockets. His face was carefully neutral, showing no pleasure at meeting a fellow polo player from home.

  “Mateo,” he said, nodding.

  I sighed. Even though Jaden had had reason to distrust Mateo in the past, it was still sometimes hard for me to understand his jealousy — I’d certainly never given him cause.

  I looked around suddenly. “Where’s-”

  Mateo quickly put a finger to his lips and nodded in the direction of the entrance, where a grey-haired man I recognized was coming in. Jaden’s jaw tightened at our exchange and he stepped closer.

  “Can I tell Jaden?” I asked Mateo in a low voice. “He can be trusted, I promise.”

  Mateo’s dark eyes held Jaden’s tawny ones for a minute before he looked at me and nodded. He stuck his hand out, and Jaden shook it before turning to me with raised brows.

  I pulled Jaden to the edge of the dance floor, away from prying ears.

  “Remember last summer when you thought Summer wanted to get back together with you?” I said. Summer Davenport had been Jaden’s girlfriend before me.

  “Yes.” He was clearly puzzled.

  “It was a ruse. She’s dating Mateo and her dad doesn’t approve. She was trying to throw him off the scent by pretending to be with you.”